Things That Go Bump In The Night

I was having a wonderful erotic dream last night, when something went BUMP! I leaped out of bed, throwing my back out of whack, bit my upper lip so I wouldn't yell something the Lord wouldn't want to hear, hit my head on Mr. Floor which made my world spin backwards a couple of turns, and woke up my Lady Wonder Wench who said something that sounded like "Gezorninplatz" which I think might mean "It's 4 AM, what the hell are you doing?" I said, "shhhh" as I grabbed my 12 gauge, and stumbled out into the hall on prowler patrol. Remembering what my armed to the teeth buddy Al told me..."Just the sound of a shotgun clicking a round into the chamber will scare anybody off"...I clicked a round into the chamber as loud as I could, and eased my way out into the living room hoping I wouldn't see anybody. And I guess Al was right, I must have scared anybody off.
My Lady Wonder Wench said, "It's 4 AM what the hell are you doing?" I said "Something went bump just now, didn't you hear it?" She said "No." I un-chambered the shot gun, we took turns in the bathroom and she went back to sleep. I couldn't sleep, so I went out into the kitchen, grabbed a glass of good Puerto Rican rum, and started reading a magazine, and something went "Bump" again. Only this time I was awake enough to realize the bump wasn't coming from the living room, it was coming from between my own ears. It was just one of those middle of the night sounds that I figured must be part of the soundtrack of some dream. You know...something that goes bump in the night.