Sleazy Bachelor

How can I explain this to you. As hard as it must be for you to believe, some people haven't bought my book Staying Happy Healthy And Hot. That's why I am sitting here in my big, manly, comfortable, black leather poppa chair in my living room, trying to figure out how to make a fortune in some other way...perhaps by inventing something people need. Here are some of the ideas I've come up with so far. Maybe you'll drop me a note at [email protected] and tell me if you like any of them.
How about neon thumbs for night time hitch hiking. Or hot dogs that are ninety feet long to take care of a whole row of fans at once at a base ball game. Here's one...a perfumed bookmark so if it slips down into the book, you can just sniff down along the edge till you find your place. Or song books printed on plastic for people who like to sing in the shower. Maybe a follow up to my book would be a better idea. I could call it Staying Happier Healthier And Hotter. I like hot. Hotter would be better. Maybe it's because my name is Summer. And maybe it's because I think trying to be cool is stupid.