All Groan Up

I now own a very stylish pair of leather gloves, and they are totally confusing me. I don't follow fashions in clothing, or anything else because I like to march to a different accordion player.
If my Lady Wonder Wench didn't buy me clothes, like these gloves, I would probably still be wearing the same slacks I wore in college, and more than likely, I'd be using a bungee cord to hold them up.
When she isn't watching, I sometimes use a table spoon for a shoe horn. I have however been pretty good about honoring her request that I stop stirring my coffee with my car keys.