S02 E24 | Snoring James Milner, Victorian Terrace Pissball & Freaky Free Kicks

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[Musical notes emoji] Footballland, FOOTBALLLAND. FOOOT BBAALLLL LAND [/Musical notes emoji] 

It's a serious business, creating the world's first football themed theme park in Qatar for the World Cup in Qatar in Qatar, but you know what? We had a right bloomin laugh making this episode. 

This week in Footballland we have the pleasure of unveiling THREE new attractions. 

They are:

SNORING JAMES MILNER - FOR FOUR OR FIVE NIGHTS ONLY

Fresh from winning a Carabao Cup, James Milner will be jetting off to Footballland to work in a sleep clinic, diagnosing patients' sleep apnoea. The lab will be constructed inside a giant animatronic fibreglass James Milner, which will itself be sleeping on a giant bed, eating any guests who wake it up. At night, James (the human, not the fibreglass) will sleep in the bed of one lucky Footballland guest. Note to self, remember to unteach him how to read...

VICTORIAN TERRACE PISSBALL

A giant pyramid stolen from Mexico, upon which will stand a statue of a drunk Victorian football fan urinating lucozade down all four sides. Footballland guests must race up the pyramid in sponge-soled shoes. Don't get your feet wet!

FREAKY FREE KICKS

Footballland's answer to the Chair-o-planes - guests sit in giant footballers' legs and try to kick a ball while being swung around in a circle. You'll be delighted to her that our ride engineer Mark has begun work on a prototype version by sticking a ball bearing in a condom and swinging it around his living room. 

If absolutely none of the above makes sense, then listen to the episode and all will become crystal clear. Don't forget to send us your ride ideas and we'll see you at the grand opening!

Anthony, Mark and Ryan

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