First Timers

#47 - First Time You Bought A Minivan

April 20, 2017 11:00 - 40 minutes - 16.3 MB

This week’s Honda Odyssey infomercial covers snow qualms, diarrhea volcanoes and “Lansberry’ing.” Also: An Alicia Keyes approved rendition of “Ass on Fire.”

#46 - First Time You Nursed in Public

April 13, 2017 20:23 - 43 minutes - 17.5 MB

Both ladies whip their ladies out: Angie while watching football, Julie while watching Evie eat ice cream. Plus: Julie receives a visit from an assistant Duchess, Angie admits to murder and future Fear Factor: Baby Edition contestant Max drinks soapy milk without hesitation.

#45 - First Time You Had a Second Child

April 06, 2017 11:00 - 50 minutes - 20.7 MB

Will Julie survive a version and C-section only to be undone by her own poop? Is newborn parenting easier with a toddler in tow? Has Ayla broken not only a family record, but also a world record with her day twelve feat of infant strength? Tune in for all this and more!

#44 - First Time You Overreacted as a Parent

March 30, 2017 11:00 - 46 minutes - 18.8 MB

Angie's husband Sam takes time away from WWE and raising a genius/super athlete to fill in as co-host. Topics include the flea freak out of '15, waiting on baited breath for Max's breath and when The Amazing Race was amazing. If you found Sam amusing be sure check out his popular comedy blog 11points.com!

#43 - First Time You Were Jealous of Another Mom

March 23, 2017 11:00 - 52 minutes - 19.2 MB

TV troubles abound! Julie is off bed rest, but can’t peel Evie away from YouTube toy videos. Meanwhile, Angie would love Max to sit still for just a smidge of Baby Einstein but the only one entertained is grandpa. Both gals are jealous: Angie of an always-put-together mom and Julie of a vet mom whose feathers can’t be ruffled.

#42 - First Time Your Kid Pooped in the Tub

March 16, 2017 15:36 - 51 minutes - 19 MB

Comedian Alicia Carlson visits the closet to discuss dating as a single mom, navigating preschool FOMO and handling tub turds without psychologically damaging your child in the process. For more on Alicia, check out her website http://aliciacarlsoncomedy.com or follow her on Twitter @aliciacomic!

#41 - First Time Your Kid Swears at You

March 09, 2017 12:00 - 50 minutes - 19.4 MB

Guest Eve Sturges talks about momming pre social media and ruining her teenager’s social life. Angie fears the day Sweet Max becomes Mad Max, while Julie, based on her own adolescent curiosity, worries about today’s too-easy access to pornography. For more on LA-based writer/therapist Eve, visit: http://evesturges.la

#40 - First Natural Child Birth

March 02, 2017 12:00 - 54 minutes - 19.8 MB

Unlike Angie, who would have liked an epidural upon conception, or Julie, who played medicinal intervention by ear, guest Erin was hell-bent on a drug-free birth and succeeded not once, but twice. Also: Is labor like running a marathon? Does anyone want to invest in Angie’s ice cream shop? Are low expectations the key to happiness? For more about Erin and her yoga/wellness studio, visit www.happybabyla.com *Please excuse the audio hiccup just before the nine minute mark. We think the clo...

#39 - First Milestone You Worried About

February 23, 2017 14:47 - 45 minutes - 16.5 MB

If the prenatal chiropractor can't flip Julie's baby, Evie is prepared to perform a last ditch crotch beckoning. Max's emotions run high--is he already stressing about the two-footed jump milestone?

#38 - First Time You Lost Your Temper on Your Kid

February 16, 2017 12:00 - 36 minutes - 12.9 MB

Julie thinks bed rest with a toddler should be a form of capital punishment. Angie performs slight of hand so Max will eat his yogurt, not HER yogurt … because it’s HER yogurt, dammit! Max’s food pouch painting and Evie’s gratuitous crying send both moms past their breaking points.

#37 - First Solid Foods

February 09, 2017 12:00 - 38 minutes - 13.9 MB

Max’s $20, ocean-view daycare is a success. Evie water boards Julie. The moms talk first solid foods, covering hot topics like Baby Linguini, DIY puree failures and the benefits of avocado hair.

#36 - First Day Back at Work

February 02, 2017 12:00 - 58 minutes - 21.6 MB

Full-time working mom Jesse visits the closet. Her post-baby self hates her pre-baby self for committing to a big assignment right upon her return. Meanwhile, Angie pumps under a bathroom counter and Julie feels like a changed woman on an unchanged project. In the end, everyone feels guilty.

#35 - First Steps

January 26, 2017 12:00 - 33 minutes - 12.5 MB

Max briefly waddles before walking like a pro; Evie tries to break the earliest biped record. Angie needs audience assistance: what should she call her baby’s balls? Julie, meanwhile, has planted a flag on Planet Vagina.

#34 - First Time You Delivered Your Own Baby

January 19, 2017 12:00 - 40 minutes - 14.3 MB

In another—less disgusting—First Timers first, a man visits the closet. While his lack of yoga pants may be detrimental when navigating playground politics, stay at home dad Matt proves he’s top dog in bathroom birthing.

#33 - First Time You Left Your Child With A Stranger

January 12, 2017 17:52 - 44 minutes - 15.1 MB

Julie’s first babysitter starts off—and continues—on the wrong foot. Angie leaves Max at her gym’s daycare with mixed but ultimately positive results. Special bonus: Scout helps the moms achieve what they believe to be a (disgusting) podcasting first!

#32 - First Genuine Health Scare

January 05, 2017 05:42 - 52 minutes - 18.7 MB

Did you know that in addition to tying tubes they now cut them? Neither did we! Max’s eye growth and Evie’s high fever pale in comparison to guest Sharon’s son’s skull surgery at five months old. Also, Julie almost ruins a birthday party with her pregnant tears. Start 2017 off right by donating to http://craniocarebears.org/

#31 - First Time You Enjoyed Sex Post Baby

December 22, 2016 15:28 - 32 minutes - 11.1 MB

A very special guest visits the closet to serenade us with “Twinkle Twinkle” and share her thoughts on the technological needs of a newborn baby. Later, Angie advocates for scheduled sex, while Julie suggests a little herbal intervention.

#30 - First Time You Realized Your Body Would Never Be the Same

December 15, 2016 12:00 - 30 minutes - 10.6 MB

Angie's first postpartum 5k is threatened by flat stroller tires and an impatient toddler who refuses to follow the race route. Back in the closet, Angie laments her deflated boobs and Julie wishes she'd plaster casted her pre-baby body.

#29 - First Time You Lost A Pre Baby Friendship

December 08, 2016 12:00 - 47 minutes - 18.6 MB

Evie pleads for a permanent bindi and the moms contemplate a hot handyman happy hour during this week’s catch up sesh. Then, Angie describes a pal who was all talk and no walk, while Julie mourns a friend whose life was too busy for baby.

#28 - First Time You Gave Parenting Advice

December 01, 2016 12:00 - 48 minutes - 18.7 MB

Angie’s family visits, including an aunt she hasn’t seen in two years. Evie marks her territory, at home and elsewhere. Julie recounts her days as a colic pro and Angie saves a breastfeeding rookie from sanitizing insanity.

#27 - First Public Tantrum

November 17, 2016 12:00 - 35 minutes - 13.8 MB

Evie wants to play chicken with oncoming traffic and Max wants to play bull in a china shop at Ikea, but their mean mommies prevent their delinquency. Meanwhile, Angie plans Max’s Halloween costumes for the next decade and Julie negotiates with an increasingly deceitful toddler.

#26 - First Time You Parented Like Your Parent

November 10, 2016 12:00 - 45 minutes - 17.4 MB

Angie gets a taste of life with two kids while Julie wishes she’d paid more attention in high school math class. The moms contemplate how they are like—and not like—their own moms.

#25 - First Time You Did Something You Swore You'd Never Do as a Parent

November 03, 2016 11:00 - 33 minutes - 13.4 MB

Julie cringes at her own “lick and wipe” faux pas; Angie makes then quickly breaks a rule. Plus: roadside pumpkin patches and diaper changing challenges, including, but not limited to, unruly poop balls.

#24 - First C-Section

October 27, 2016 11:00 - 1 hour - 21.5 MB

Evie’s and Max’s changing nap schedules make the kids cranky and moms on edge. Despite her best efforts at a non-medicated vaginal birth, guest Sarah sobs her way through C-section number one and grits her teeth through number two. Please forgive any audio glitches in this episode. We’ll be switching programs, and hopefully eliminating all audio issues, next week. Thanks for bearing with us!

#23 - First Time You Experienced Postpartum Depression/Anxiety

October 20, 2016 11:00 - 57 minutes - 20.5 MB

Angie recalls counting the hours between tears and the pretzel that broke the camel’s back, while Julie explains how the monotony of early motherhood made her morose. In happy news, Angie’s stolen stroller miraculously reappears and Julie’s closet ghost proves friendly. Both moms have no clue that something was happening with the audio while recording this episode, so they'd like to apologize for the crackling sound! If you’re struggling with PPD or PPA, visit PostPartum.net for help!

#22 - First Vaccines

October 13, 2016 11:00 - 36 minutes - 13.1 MB

Angie wonders if Max is a superhero when he’s unfazed by shots and snips. Julie’s first vaccination experience quickly leads to her second. Both ladies face and overcome crises this week, but only one emerges with a souvenir.

#21 - First OB-GYN Exam Post Delivery

October 06, 2016 11:00 - 35 minutes - 48.8 MB

Julie has some news that inspires a chat on pregnancy woes, including a “kicking baby” diagnosis. Angie’s six-week appointment leaves a lasting infection; Julie wants to punch the male doctor with zero bedside manner who tells her to resume sexual relations.

#20 - First Birthday

September 29, 2016 11:00 - 40 minutes - 14.7 MB

Both kids reject their smash cakes, though Evie’s rebuff was justifiable. Angie advises to always take the family photo before the party. Meanwhile, Max fat shames Angie and Julie worries about her toddler’s 98% mac n cheese diet.

#19 - First Time Your Husband/Partner Was Better at Parenting

September 22, 2016 11:00 - 41 minutes - 15.3 MB

Julie’s husband excels at swaddling, while Angie’s man is the master of making Max laugh. When Max won’t sleep, Angie enters, and then quickly exits, the Pack ‘N Play. Julie, meanwhile, tries to understand Evie, who has picked up Spanish.

#18 - First Time You Were Too Sick to Care for Your Kid

September 15, 2016 12:00 - 52 minutes - 18.7 MB

Katie Ward—actress, writer and host of The Enthusiasm Enthusiast podcast—joins the moms to discuss Angie’s B.O., child-sized harps, mediocre horses and a literal lump in the throat. Plus, a game of gastrointestinal “Would You Rather?” Check out Katie's podcast at: https://theenthusiasmenthusiast.com September is Thyroid Cancer Awareness Month. Visit the American Cancer Society or ThyCa to learn about risk factors, symptoms, treatment, support and more.

#17 - First Move with Children

September 08, 2016 11:00 - 56 minutes - 20.3 MB

Comedian, writer and mom of two Julia Cohen visits the closet to explain how not to move and why her husband sleeps in a big girl bed. Angie advocates “submarine parenting” while Julie wonders how to deal with her toddler’s vindictive licking. Learn more about Julia at http://julialillis.com

#16 - First Time Your Kid Hurt Another Kid

September 01, 2016 11:30 - 30 minutes - 10.6 MB

Max uses his friend’s hair for leverage. Evie takes out a toddler via swing. Other topics include auto-flush toilets, kids on leash and gas station apples. As a special bonus, Angie dedicates a song to her long lost cousin.

#15 - First Time You Released Your Inner Mamma Bear

August 25, 2016 11:00 - 27 minutes - 9.97 MB

When her baby’s well being is threatened, Angie screams expletives and Julie turns cold-blooded bug killer. Angie contemplates stealing Julie’s identity, but Julie is not concerned because, as she explains, thoughts don’t mean anything

#14 - First Time You Tried to Make a Mom Friend

August 18, 2016 16:44 - 36 minutes - 13.1 MB

The mom friend expectations are high, but the results are low when both Angie and Julie get rejected. Also, did you know that children as young as two know to blame bodily functions on the dog?

#13 - First Time Your Baby Fell Asleep on Their Own

August 11, 2016 11:00 - 35 minutes - 12.3 MB

Max almost OD’s on applesauce while Angie is out of town. Evie loves taiko drumming; Evie’s dog not so much. The moms finally succeed—accidentally and skeptically—in getting their infants to fall asleep without parental intervention.

#12 - First Diaper Blowout

August 04, 2016 11:00 - 38 minutes - 14 MB

Angie faces a major crisis when she has only one baby wipe to clean an epic blow out. Oddly enough, the incident is low on her personal “grossest baby moments” list. Julie opts to toss poop-covered clothing, while her friend wraps her infant in plastic. Most importantly, Angie recites poignant poetry from her teen years.

#11 - First Postpartum Bowel Movement

July 28, 2016 11:00 - 36 minutes - 13.3 MB

Angie finds herself stuck between a rock and a hard poop while Nurse Lupe saves Julie from a bowel-related panic attack. Plus, Evie slacks on at-home potty use and Angie’s fake husband slacks on at-pool childcare.

#10 - First Time You Left Your Baby Overnight

July 21, 2016 11:30 - 38 minutes - 26.3 MB

The moms hope the opening to this episode doesn’t inspire the first First-Timers-related suicide. Angie cries over an Egg McMuffin when leaving Max, who joins a church band. Julie enjoys (bad) food and fun in a festive atmosphere.

#9 - First Wedding

July 14, 2016 17:41 - 1 hour - 45.2 MB

Mom of three and soon-to-be parenting author Annmarie Kelly-Harbaugh joins Angie and Julie to discuss the wedding she never attended, the Bob’s Big Boy job she never received payment for and the Oscar speech she never watched. All three moms agree that sleep trumps hygiene. Learn more about Annmarie and her book at www.dadvmom.com

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