Choose You! Pick Your Non-Negotiables and Set Your Intensions For Growth

Choose You! Pick Your Non-Negotiables and Set Your Intensions For Growth with Sarafina Arthur-Williams

What a great message and very timely, Choose You! It's been a difficult year and most everyone has been effective in some manner. Now as the world is opening up, it's a great time to look inward and think about our own mental health. Its important for our growth. Self-care is important to being happy, healthy, and the best you you can be.

About Sarafina

Sarafina Arthur-Williams is the CEO and founder of Intentional Simplicity LLC, a wellness-based mental health private practice. As a wellness and creative consultant, she educates her clients and mental health practitioners about positive psychology, art therapy, and the value of wellness and mindfulness. She is ranked on Feedspot’s top psychology bloggers of 2020 and features as a guest speaker on a variety of mental health platforms. To encourage sustainability, Sarafina documents how she practices wellness in her daily life through her online presence.

www.liveintentionallysimplistic.com

www.feedingfatty.com

Full Transcript Below

Choose You! Pick Your Non-Negotiables and Set Your Intensions For Growth with Sarafina Arthur-Williams

00:00:22
Roy
Hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of Feeding Fatty. This is your host Roy. We are chronicling our journey through, becoming more healthy on, trying to lose some weight, get back in the gym. We're talking about us, as individuals and we also, we have professionals and different disciplines that come on as guests from time to time. Today's no different Terry I'll let you introduce Sarafina.

00:00:48
Terry
Sarafina Arthur-Williams is the CEO and founder of Intentional Simplicity, LLC, a wealth wellness based mental health, private practice as a wellness and creative consultant. She educates her clients and mint and mental health practitioners about positive psychology, art therapy and the value of wellness and mindfulness. She has ranked on feed spots, top Psychology Bloggers of 2020, and features as a guest speaker on a variety of mental health platforms to encourage sustainability Sarafina documents, how she practices wellness in her daily life, through her online presence. Welcome to the show, Sarafina, we're happy to have you thank you so much for having me.

00:01:37
Roy
Yeah. Thanks for being here. There's so much to unpack with this. I'm going to just, first off, let you tell us, kind of how you found yourself in this events led up UT and where you are today.

00:01:52
Sarafina
Sure. I opened intentional simplicity in 2020, truly because of my lack of support around my mental health, my culture, my intersectionality, and my education. I was definitely struggling through my PhD program while also trying to find my niche within my field. There are lots of things that get in the way of me getting the resources to my clients, for example, insurance access, sustainability, things like that. I really was trying to implement something that I could help my clients create a sustainable well-based life. In that I teach people how to learn more about themselves, implement their authenticity and creativity within their practice business life or like their personal lives. From there I also support people in understanding their identity exploration is a huge part of, intentional simplicity. We're really here to help us honor what we've been through and how our journey is going to manifest.

00:03:02
Roy
And you are a master's level practitioner. What does, what does that mean? Exactly. Yeah, so.

00:03:07
Sarafina
I got my master's in psychology as well, as far as fine arts and art therapy and counseling. It was a whole semester of learning. It kind of just like ended up building the right, sustainable, I guess, practice for me to help my clients with. From there I decided I wanted to know more about clinical psychology and that's what made me pursue for the education. Currently I wanted to know how can I use my credentials and my degrees and my education to really create a sustainable practice for other people. I've been shifting my view of mental health and have been looking a lot more into industrial psychology and workplace environments and self care and wellness within the spaces, because I recognize the value of it. I'm really excited to be in this space and to use my gifts, to serve others.

00:04:07
Roy
Wow. Like all those different disciplines, because they're all very important in our self-care. I think we can just get back to the basics for just a minute that, like us trying to improve our eating and eat better exercise and all that. Well, it is part of self-care, but also self care makes all those things easier. I mean, it's circular in respect that, we have to really take care of ourselves because, for a lot of us, it's that emotional. If it's the eating, it's the emotional eating, excuse me. Or maybe even, the emotional drain of stress from the day, instead of going to the gym in the evening, it's like, let's just get the popcorn chocolate and, put on a good movie and say, what's that?

00:05:02
Sarafina
Yeah, it's very comforting. And, it's, it gets us out of the discomfort of what we've been going throughout the day. It takes a lot of energy for us as humans to move through our days. You get a chance to just decompress, I bet we jumped on top of that.

00:05:20
Terry
There's so much energy suck and going on. It's just crazy. Absolutely. Some of it's self-imposed, I mean, it's like, okay, this is this really happening. I mean, what's going on here.

00:05:36
Roy
Yeah. I like the message of the company it's and tell me if I get it exactly right. It's intentional simplicity, is that correct? Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, yeah. I mean that is such a, it's such a strong term because I think also as humans, we try to over-complicate things and life and really, most things that are good and good for should not be that difficult. I don't know if that's something that you found in your studies or as you talk to different people that you work with is that, we tend to over complicated ourselves, but then we also get ourselves in these complex situations that even start heaping more on us.

00:06:23
Sarafina
Absolutely. I find that intentional simplicity was created to help myself, sustain a wellness practice as a wellness space therapist. It's so important for me to Abe to be able to balance and ground myself prior to seeing someone else. How was I going to do this? And with my schedule, I was so jam packed with classes, with work, with family, with just like personal needs. I was really concerned as to why this couldn't be much more simpler. Why did I have to work so hard just to get the things that I needed? And in there, I was like, I'm going to try to intentionally simply be me and do these things as best as I can. Listening to my body, do I need to have a meal right now? Do I need to have water? Do I need to go to sleep? Do I need to take a shower? Do we need to go for a walk? Your body in itself was a huge indicator of your wellness.

00:07:21
Sarafina
The first thing that's most important is understanding how to connect with you. That is where the identity focus stems from, and learning about what your body is asking for versus what your Mo your soul may need, versus what your mind may need versus what the environment's doing to you. There are a lot of things that we must consider when we're creating our self-care, but it has to be with you in mind or at work,

00:07:47
Roy
Which is also another, I think, I don't know if it's another way to say or another step in the process is they, self-realization I mean, we really have to consider, where we are, what we're doing, and self-realization is not the word that I'm looking for. I'm trying to think, but just being able to be true to ourselves, but also to be, honest about what is going on around us and where are these, where's that pressure, that stress where's that uncomfortableness? Where does it come from? Because a lot of the times we actually, self-aware, that was the word I'm looking for. Self-aware, sorry, but we, a lot of times we have the power to change these things. It may be uncomfortable. We talk about that, with me and Terry, there's some things that, we talk about doing that. It's like, E I know it would help, but it's just an uncomfortable step.

00:08:50
Sarafina
Yeah. That discomfort is a huge indicator of, preference, ? and for humans, we don't really get the space to decide what's best for us because we're always around other things, other influences. In that we lose the ability to decide what really is best for us. We're constantly second guessing or using other means to address issues that aren't really here. For example, substance abuse, emotional abuse, all of these different things that we're putting onto ourselves, that don't really serve us anymore. I create the self care into our wellness based approaches to our healing, mainly because how can you be sustainable with you? You are who you're with the entire time you're here on her. In that, how can you use the sane being with you, knowing how to nourish your basic needs is the first step. Knowing that it doesn't have to be hard is okay, too, ing that you don't have to be uncomfortable to grow no matter what, whether it's uncomfortable or comfortable, we are growing.

00:10:06
Sarafina
When we set our intention, it helps us determine in what direction we're going in. That's where the support of a therapist or coach, family, friends, whatever helps you keep, what is the word accountable for your intentions and your goals? So it's truly a whole wellness based approach.

00:10:28
Roy
Yeah. And, we talk about, our, we talk about the self-awareness and, self-realization and all that, but also how much of this is put on us by society, our need for, justification or our need of others to, acceptance or their, whatever that is, because I think about that a lot with, and I recounted this the other day, but there was a story in, on our local news station that they did about a guy that he used to be an options trader. It was, you know, probably very stressful. He probably made a lot of money, but he had a health event. Now he is a muralist painting, stuff on walls and doing all this work. They interviewed him and he was like, so happy. He's like, I can't believe I did that for so long, but what it made me think about was that, sometimes it's that inner self that we want to achieve more.

00:11:36
Roy
We want to do this. We think that we thrive in this environment. Conversely, I think that sometimes it's the thought about what others think about us? what, yeah. What's, society's measure of success for me, the house I live in or the salary or the job title that I have, and I don't know part of this is getting old. It's easy, at my age, because I've been through all this and now I can look back and say, none of that stuff is worth it. It's what is on our inside. What makes us truly happy? That's what we have to pursue.

00:12:16
Sarafina
Absolutely. Yeah. A lot of the transitioning occurs within, like the best work occurs in those transitional moments when you're really faced with who you are, what the world needs of you and what you really want.

00:12:35
Roy
Yeah. Do you find that working with the people that you work with is the struggle, I mean, I know it's up to us to change, but is this a pressure that we put on ourself or is it, do you think it's more that it's this societal view that we need to kind of let go of that?

00:12:54
Sarafina
Absolutely. I think we can't negate the value of culture. Knowing that we are in a space that culture permeates everything that we do to say that it's just our environment or just us or, them, it takes away from all the things that make you who you are. And that is an intersectional person. That's a person that has many parts that creates one whole. By throwing away our environment and saying like, I'm going to focus all on me, you lose the connection of what it's like to have people around. We speak in circles, we grow in circles and we're all connected. By saying, okay, well, I'm going to focus mainly on the environment. They lose what you bring to the table. It's a constant battle of whether or not, and I hate to say the word battle, but what works best for you and what is your environment bringing to the table and what are you like holding on to?

00:13:54
Sarafina
A lot of the things that we explore when we're doing that inner work is what emotions are yours and which ones aren't, what has someone brought into your space that has landed on you? And now you're taking on that energy. For example, you go to work and your boss has an awful morning and they come talk to you and they have an attitude, and they're giving you all this extra work to do. In that you immediately become angry and you're now taking on the boss's energy and then your energy and the next person you see, and then you're moving on and moving on, and this is your workspace. This is where you guys want to profit. This is where you want things to be moving. Now your emotions have become the focus rather than the task at hand. We think about these intentions and these goals and these, things that we want for ourselves, make sure you're really exploring what's coming.

00:14:48
Sarafina
Who is it coming from? If you were the person that's going through, whatever you may be going through, it's much easier to access that information rather than to get the information as someone else that has landed onto you. That's why therapy is awesome because you sit there and you talk to one person about the things that are going inside of you without the clutter of the world in that space, but your therapist or the person who's helping you guys progress, should be aware of the culture that you, in the experiences of the environment, that you've been a part of your family, how they impacted your job, how that impacts your finances, all of these different things. It is a holistic approach when you're doing internal work. We often negate, we negate all the other parts that make us strong.

00:15:42
Roy
That's true, but that's a hard thing. I don't know if it's, it may not be simplistic enough just to Blaine some ideas out there, but, that's something that, I don't know why we've, it's not that there's anything really bad going on in our life, but for some reason over the last few weeks, that conversation has had, we've had more and more about not letting other people's problems be put upon us, but I'm telling you it's hard because, if buddy, somebody in the outside world roughs me up then, unfortunately Terry is the closest one to me. She probably gets some of that runoff, but, are there any, I guess coping mechanisms or, like, I'm your boss and I come at you and like, okay, I had a bad drive in this morning and now I'm in the office and I'm like, Hey, why don't you have this done?

00:16:38
Roy
Or you didn't do it just like, exactly. Like I wanted in blah, just like piling on and on until you feel small. It's like, how do we protect ourselves from that? Or how can we distance to be able, because it's easy to verbally say, oh, what, that's that guy's problem. He had a bad day, this or that, but it's, well, I'll speak for me. It's harder to release that. I can, I guess intuitively or, intellectually. I know that's, what's going on. That's like, man, I didn't do anything. I'm just sitting here minding my own business, but still, I would tend to carry that with me through the rest of the day instead of being able to release it. I guess, I don't know if you've got any words for that.

00:17:29
Sarafina
Yeah, absolutely. You, you just made me get a brain blast. I was speaking with one of my clients and they were talking about how, their work environment makes them very reactive rather than responsive. In those spaces, you have to be responsive rather than reactive because you must let it sink in and then respond to your environment. This person is a medical professional, so they're constantly moving and they have been in the swing of COVID. And that pressure that's there. What you just said to me was released. I just, it sounds like we have these three options that we can do in these moments when we're confronted with another experience, which is we can react, respond, or release, and to do these things is to first recognize what's really showing up. That first step is identifying what sparks or triggers what brings up, what comes up for you when you're having this conversation with someone else, do you feel sense of ease?

00:18:32
Sarafina
Do you feel calm? Do you feel frustrated, angry, sad, apprehensive, worried all of these things. We often don't have the language to these emotions, which makes it difficult for us to address what's really going on, which makes it even more difficult for the person responding to you to respond appropriately. Because if you're really sad and you're expressing anger and you get kicked out of work, that's different than do you need time off? And can we talk about what's going on later? That's a much easier response to like take into yourself and then experience what happens next rather than now, my boss is mad at me. Now this is happening. Now this is happening. Now I have to go and all started about you, just feeling sad. That was what was showing up for you. We must consider the language you're using. Within workspace spaces, our leaders must also be aware of how to respond to our employees and to one another.

00:19:31
Sarafina
If I'm going to continue, if you guys are all right with that, but then we go from there and then we say, so where is it showing up? Is it showing up within your mental wellness? Is it showing up within your spiritual and your professional, your physical, your health overall, where are these things or emotions coming up in your bonus? And when we talk about all the different parts of our wellness, truly think about you, what makes you, who you are in all dimensions, and help you recognize, do I have a hardship within my interpersonal relationships? Is it hard for me to have relationships with other people? Is that where I get my, a lot of, distress or discomfort from, or is it my physical health? That something that I really can't reach because I'm seeing the environment impacting so much more than seeing my progress internally.

00:20:23
Sarafina
There's a lot of things that we can focus on, which helps you narrow down. Instead of thinking, I have to do all of these things, while also managing my emotions. I'll also managing the world around me while also figuring out how to get to the next thing in the day. Take it one step at a time and ask yourself these questions. What is showing up for me? Where is it showing up? how can our, myself in this moment. From here, I'd like to do these things with clients who have like really speedy schedules, which is five minute emergency self-care plans. For example, you have five minutes to say, I'm going to go use the rest, do it in that time, you do your affirmations. You maybe do some deep breathing. You maybe go for a light walk or get a drink of water. These things in itself, slow your brain down and tell you to bring it back to a grounding.

00:21:17
Sarafina
When the, when were getting heightened in these emotional spaces, it's likely that our body is responding to, survival rather than, just living, ? and that's because we're humans, that's what we do. Our mind is ready to keep us safe. However, when we are going through these times, the best thing that we can do for ourselves is to talk to yourself, bring yourself into a place where you can change your mind, because your mind is needing to be changed. You're not in a fear based space. You're not hurting, you're not in need of survival. You're okay, what do you need? And how can you move forward? Other things you can do journaling, you can have peer groups, maybe a work buddy, or a accountability buddy, block your time out. I'm going to disclose as a person who has ADHD, but has to be very, on schedule as an entrepreneur and a boss and a CEO and a therapist.

00:22:18
Sarafina
And all of these things. I pack my day with self care before I schedule anything else. For the morning, I don't start working or seeing anyone until 12 because I need that time to get up. I don't like mornings. I need to make sure I've got a coffee. I could take a shower if I wanted to it go sit outside. By noon, hopefully Sarafina has herself together to start the day. From there, if I have a client after, so I take maybe 30 minutes to journal or talk to a friend who just encouraging me. It really is about what do I need to make it through my day? That's sustainable. These things are all within myself. This is me saying, I'm going to reach out to someone. I like, I'm going to make a meal. I'm going to go for a walk. It's just picking you in the times when you need to be chosen, ? and we often negate that.

00:23:14
Roy
Imagine in your job that more, oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Go ahead. The last.

00:23:19
Sarafina
Part is to celebrate your growth. That is because recognize that you are growing and you're progressing in a positive direction, even though it is uncomfortable, have little celebration kits, that have like maybe notes that a friend has said to you about your progression or, the things that you've done, maybe have like gratitude circles, where you connect with people once a month and talk about all the great things. You've because you've probably done a million things that are awesome within a month that we don't really tap into and they can be very small or very large, no matter what addressing it, acknowledging that you are doing well is a wonderful thing to do for your self care.

00:23:59
Roy
I like that gratitude circle. That's awesome. Yeah. We talk about that a lot, celebrating the small things because, and I have a business podcast and something I talk about over there a lot is, we have 10 things on our to-do list today. We get seven done and we'll spend the rest of our day beating ourselves up about the three week done. It's like, well, we got 70%. If we, I use the baseball analogy. If you could hit 700 in baseball, you'd be a gazillionaire. Why shouldn't we celebrate ourselves that we did 70%? I mean, it's, and I'm not telling you I've mastered that yet. I'm still working, but it's like, we try and not the other thing I have to give a lot of, props for is your job, because I'm telling you if somebody came in and plopped on my accounts right now and started telling me their problems, I'd be like, you don't know that I have love it.

00:24:55
Roy
It must be a huge emotional drain, for you to help people. So, you know, thank you for that. Thank you for why you do know that the individuals you help, probably thank you tremendously as well, but it's such a, cause we're talking about this self care and what other people put on us, but you're a little different, you invite people to come in and put this stuff on you on that. I know it's a little different because it's not directed at you, but still, you develop caring and, other, feelings for people that you help. I'm sure that's like, Ugh, so yeah,

00:25:34
Sarafina
For sure. Within my training, I also understand what it's like for me to be, someone who holds emotions and hold space for other people. That is why I get to decide what my self care is going to be the most important thing for me. You've brought up something really wonderful, which is like, based off of your role in society, your career, your plan, your goals, that's the kind of self care that you need to be implementing. ? So, what is the strengths required for my emotionally intensive job? how much self care do I need rather than someone who doesn't have an emotionally intensive job, but they need to get out and exercise a lot more because they're sitting in front of the rest of the whole time. There's a lot of different things that we can question to help us explore, which one's best for us.

00:26:26
Sarafina
Another good one is like sometimes people think self care is selfish and you're negating the things that are important when in truth to not choose you in times when you have to, disappoint is the service to who you are, because you are the most important part of your wellness. Every time that you don't choose you, when you needed to choose you teach yourself that's okay and that's not okay. That's not what you want. So the language is very important. How you talk about these issues that you're going through. Also how you talk about, the strengths that you have because of who you are. There's a lot of things that we can do together to implement wellness in a way that, myself and my client are thriving out of the space that we've created rather than, hurting or like counter transferring or transferring emotions onto one another.

00:27:28
Sarafina
It's really important that therapist will the practitioner have that mindset prepared. Yeah.

00:27:35
Terry
Yeah. And that's true. I mean, self-care is unselfish and it's the best thing that you can do so many people. Don't realize that until you're like deep into all my, it ended a fog, ?

00:27:52
Roy
Yeah, yeah. It's just like too, I don't feel like, I can be the best partner to Terry if I'm, got health issues. That's one thing that, is really become, not that I have any, but we, it's just become more of a realization that we don't want it to get that way. This, the self care getting healthy, that journey is more important because of those things that you say, I can't be my best for others if I am not at my best. I think it gets back to sometimes our jobs too, that we self-sacrifice because of a job. I think we have to be careful. We need our income and we need that. Also, the reciprocation, because believe me, a company will cut you in a heartbeat when they need to. Yet we put up with all of this stuff where, we don't take care of ourselves.

00:28:50
Roy
We don't exercise, we don't eat, we don't have that time. Then, the stresses that go with that. So, it's difficult, but there's an old song that says, I love the line. It says something about, surrender, but don't give yourself away. And that's so very important. It's a fine line to develop where that is, but we have to always keep ourselves in mind. Mm.

00:29:17
Sarafina
Yes, that's beautiful. I, I hear that. We, I see us as being in like on a tether within our wellness and we're always being pulled away, but then always tries to come back to ourselves, always being pulled away and trying to come back to ourselves. It'd be much easier if you just could be with yourself while also going. You're not always having to track back into you are. But that takes work. That takes a lot of grounding work. Also recognizing where you fit and where you don't recognizing where you are wanted and where you're not wanted, recognize where you're seen and when you're not seen. I say these things because people within my community, I'm African-American queer woman, probably are experiencing the same things and don't feel seen, don't feel heard, but like you said, this is my livelihood. I have to get money to work.

00:30:11
Sarafina
That creates a huge discourse between what comes first, the money or the person. We've been in a society for some time now where, we don't really invest in humanity before we sorta invest in our economy and the services that we can give. And there's such totally fine. We live in a capitalistic world. However, when the person who is creating these jobs and these things for us can no longer function, what happens next, who was there. That is a problem for us because we are humans at the core and us as we are worthy and valuable, but our society does not allow us to recognize that. So then you start to do that. Good work for yourself, asking yourself these questions. Does this environment serve me? Do I feel seen here? What is the culture like? Does it align with my values and morals? Does it hurt me or help me? do I see a future here? What patterns and themes have been consistent thus far? and how can I shift and believe that if you leave one thing, there's going to be another there's endless possibilities.

00:31:24
Sarafina
There really is. We often get pigeonholed into this one idea, like I have this good thing and it's going to be gone. I have nothing else, but what happens if it goes away? Like you gave me a story earlier about someone who ended up being a muralist after leaving a job that was difficult for them. That has been so fulfilling I'm sure. The difference is even more rewarding than making X amount of dollars. It really depends on when you're ready to make these decisions. Will you choose you? Where will the courage come from?

00:31:53
Roy
Yeah, the, in business and in finance, we talk about, we are the sum of the five people that surround us. Let's extrapolate that to self care for a minute. I don't know that you've studied it or there's an nodal evidence on that, but it just made me, it just was curious, thought that if we have to be careful with who we surround ourselves, do they take care of themselves? Are they the kind of people that we want to be with? Because as leaders, supposedly we are, the leader that we are, the kind of leader of the people that we surround ourselves with, I guess is the easiest way to say that we are the, of the, well, I apologize. I fell off for just a minute surfing. I don't know if you can still hear me or not, but, I guess the question that, the, what I had asked and if you answered it, I'm sorry, you may have to tell us one more time, but, it seemed like we got a bad, zoom connection going on here.

00:33:26
Roy
I know I've fallen off a couple of times, but, so are we the, some like in our self care world, are we the sum of those five people that we are closest to? Mm.

00:33:38
Sarafina
Mm. I think that's a really good question. I, I would have to say, it depends on who you are surrounded by. To be in a cohort of people who do not align with your morals and values is very easy to become swayed, but that does not necessarily mean that you are also like them. That's what makes our brain really cool is that it's so malleable. We can start to change and adapt different patterns of thinking based off of who we're with, what we start to do, how was our shift? And so by surrounding yourself with people that make you feel stronger, or that inspire you to help you feel seen or give you a voice when you didn't have one, those are things that become concrete elements, which is very similar to being in relationships that are abusive, that bring you down, that hurt you, which become concrete experiences.

00:34:37
Sarafina
Yeah, maybe we are a part of these things, but does that mean it is who we are? I don't want to say it is. I just think it is. Going back to that culture aspect, how has your culture really impacted you? And is it benefiting you or is it harming you, how does it serve you? That was a great question. I would definitely, I think that would make people consider who was around and who helps you keep you grounded and aligned with who you'd want to be. If you don't have people like that in your life that's, so to me, we explore, we examine how will we can get these people in your life?

00:35:18
Roy
Yeah, yeah. Because I know that there are people that everybody knows that are, negative and their interview suckers. It's like, cause the other thing I was thinking about is that not so much in our age, but, especially if you're younger instead of, Hey, I need to go and I need to be eating right. I need to go to the gym and I need to get in bed early, sleep all of these components of self-care. But, maybe hang out with people that, way we want to go out to the beer joint and hang out and, stay up till late, not get any sleep, anyway, earlier it just kinda hit me that, we, I think in all aspects of our life, we just really have to be careful of, who we give our time to, because whether we do it consciously or not that energy that they have really transfers to us.

00:36:13
Sarafina
Absolutely. Absolutely. That's such a good thing to say, and I can even translate into what is it like to be impacted by a therapist, right. That energy is transferring in that room and it's creating something different. It's just because I'm a human that it works that way, and the person in front of me as well, so we can create that energy exchange. What happens when you don't have the strength to get out of these spaces that are, I would say, vampire sucking or energy suckers. That, it's very sad because now your environment is trumping you rather than you and your environment, working harmoniously to create a good balance of who you want to be in your future, who you are now, things like that. A lot of people are in this situation right now because of COVID, being stuck in a home or in a job where environment, because of the situation we're in.

00:37:09
Sarafina
And that is awful. Knowing how to at least keep yourself grounded as going back to those nourishing things. Are you breathing? Are you drinking water? Are you eating? Are you getting sleep? PQ pick you.

00:37:23
Roy
Yeah. The other thing too, this came up in another discussion, but I think we have to give ourselves permission that it's number one. Okay. To take care of us, but number two, that it's okay to make these kinds of changes because sometimes it's hard, for all the reasons we've talked about, but you have to, eventually you've got to say, it's okay to choose me to renegotiate. Yeah.

00:37:49
Sarafina
Yeah. I like that. I often tell my friends and my clients about what are your non-negotiables right. What things are you willing to negotiate on? And so maybe you have been going to the gym for a week straight now, and a friend that who loves to party and invite you to come out. You're like, what, I'm celebrating my growth, you going and doing something that encourages where you've been in the past, but helps you grow. I say, but that is like, when you're put in a situation that you have to decide something different than you have normally decided, that is where the transitioning and the growth will occur. So yeah, you'll go out. You get back to the next day and you're going back to the gym. You're going, you're still eating the things you wanted to be eating, just because you have done something different.

00:38:36
Sarafina
Doesn't mean it's now the trajectory from now on. Often people who were going through weight changes and health, and emotionally abusive relationships, struggle with this idea of like, if this one time I change, I'm falling off. Or if this one time they have done this, they're now miraculous. They're better. And though that's not true. It's okay to hold both truths in a space I am growing while I also am suffering. I am doing better while I also acknowledging that I've been through a hard time. And that's perfectly fine.

00:39:13
Roy
I like how you just put that. I really am paying attention. I am taking notes because I think that, and that's one thing we've talked about too, is that, for me, that one time and change, and then man, I am off the path, and somewhere else. Really having that self realization that it's okay for this one thing to happen. It doesn't derail us from our future path that we're on. Yeah. Yes,

00:39:47
Sarafina
Yes. In that mind process, believing that whether or not you work out or don't work out, you are worthy as a human being, as being who you are. Right. So we've crossed that off, working out. Does it make you greater or less than of a person, but working out could make you a healthier individual, ? And so it's like changing the language around what are we actually doing these things for? are we really doing it to seem like we are fitting in? And we have a community that aligns with who we are? Is it something that we're doing because we want to grow? Or is it something for someone else, ? And when within partnerships we make the sacrifices, and it's knowing whether or not a sacrifice is hurting you or it's bettering the space that you guys have created together. It's being kind and considerate to each other's experiences of the world as well.

00:40:39
Roy
Right? Right. Well, you have something, Terry. No, you had a smile. Okay. Well, Sarah feena, we appreciate you being with us. I mean, this is so much good stuff. Because we talked about mindset, we have to get in the right mindset. We have to do these things for us before we can get healthy. We, it's, it seems like everybody would know this, but if we really want to change, we have to make a change and we can't continue to do the same thing and hope that everything is going to get better. I think, hopefully the messages that we need to choose us, it's not selfish to do that. We can still choose us, but yet still be, kind and engaged with other people. We will be a better person to other people will be a better person to ourself as well.

00:41:38
Sarafina
Absolutely. I would like to leave you guys with, something that you can set your attention with whenever you were having to engage, in the world or within yourself, may I have a tender heart and a soft mind? May I gain an understanding of my inner and outer connectedness?

00:41:59
Speaker 4
Oh, I love that about the tender heart. That's great.

00:42:03
Roy
Yeah, because I don't think we had, I don't want to get off on this, but it too much, but I don't think we have enough empathy for, instead of, somebody comes at you instead of coming right back at them is like, maybe we just have that empathy that, what it's just something else is going on in their world. We don't know about, we have to, I like that you said earlier, take a step back, take a deep breath. And, how did you say it was, be responsive, not reactive. I mean, I love that. I love that so much because when we get stressed and when we're pushed to the limit, it's that reaction. Unfortunately that stuff lives for a long time. It's not, come out of your mouth, you can't waste, take them back. Really let it sink in and have some empathy for the other person and maybe where they are at what they're going through before we, do respond.

00:43:02
Roy
Yeah.

00:43:03
Sarafina
When you need to release, knowing what activity.

00:43:07
Speaker 0
Yeah.

00:43:09
Sarafina
Recognized where I, it words, that's what I was going to say. Yeah. That's really awesome. I wanted to share that you added the release and it can be the release that's best for you after you have responded. Maybe it is hanging out with someone and maybe it is going to the gym. Maybe it's creating artwork. The release should be rooted in how you love on you, because you're trying to get this energy out. I love to dance. I love to take showers when I'm angry. Those are the two things that I do when I get something out of my body, love to dance it out. If it's in the nighttime or it's in the morning, I'll just take a shower and genuinely release and let the things fall off my body. It's just a good practice to get in the mind you setting that intention.

00:43:58
Sarafina
You're not ever questioning why you're doing what you're doing.

00:44:05
Roy
Yeah. That's good. That's good advice for sure. All right. Well, we're going to wrap up if you wouldn't mind tell everybody of course, how they can reach out and get ahold of who that you help, how you can help them touch.

00:44:20
Sarafina
Sure. My name is Sarafina Arthur-Williams. If you would like to contact our business line, feel free to reach us at 4 1 2. 2 9. 4 8 7 0. You're also able to text this line as well. My email address is [email protected]. My favorite place is our website and you can check it out at intentionallysimplistic.com and then on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn, we're an Intentional Simplicity, LLC.

00:44:52
Roy
Okay, awesome. Well, y'all reach out. See how Sarafina can help y'all and thank you so much for your time. I know we ran longer, but it's a great conversation. So we appreciate that. And her website is awesome. I've been on it all morning. I need this. No, I need that. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you both. It's been all right. Well, that's going to do it for another episode of feeding Patty. Of course not amyloid. You can find us feedingfatty.com. We're also on all the major social media platforms. A video of this interview will go up on YouTube when it goes live. We are also on all the major podcast platforms, iTunes, Stitcher, Google, Spotify. We're not a one that you listened to please reach out. Until next time, take care of yourself and take care of those around you.

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