Fanimorphs: The Dork-Bajir Chronicles
143 episodes - English - Latest episode: over 4 years ago - ★★★★★ - 15 ratingsWe’re a group of three friends talking about the YA series, Animorphs. One is a veteran of the series, one read it as a kid but can't really remember, and the last one has never read a word of the series!
If you want to know more about how the series holds up or just some gross animal facts, you’ve come to the right place. New episodes every Monday!
Proud member of the Collective Legacy Podcast Network: collectivelegacy.org/fanimorphs
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Episodes
Megamorphs #2: In The Time of Dinosaurs
April 09, 2018 06:00 - 51 minutes - 41.8 MBWe dive into another “everyone’s a narrator” book as the gang travels back in time via, you guessed it, a Sario Rip. It’s dinos for days on this very special episode about Megamorphs #2: In the Time of Dinosaurs! We talk about everything from why A Bug’s Life is better than Ants to the stupidity that is the asymmetrical crab people: the Macaroons.
Live from the Gardens: The Decision
April 02, 2018 06:00 - 48 minutes - 38.9 MBThis week on Live from the Gardens we’re talkin’ Northern Harrier and Mosquitoes, the two morphs from Animorphs #18: The Decision! Why are harriers “one of the good ones” when it comes to farmers? What DO mosquitoes do with blood after they suck it out of you? What are the Northern Harriers nicknames? Tune in to find out! Hypothetical Question of the Week: If both animals were the stars of a sitcom, what would that sitcom be about?
Animorphs #18: The Decision
March 26, 2018 06:00 - 46 minutes - 37.5 MBThe Fanimorphs seep into the mind of a purple alien slash scorpion centaur this week as they talk about Animorphs #18: The Decision! Tessa is off sick so the boys are left to their own devices. Despite the lack of an expert, they manage pretty well as they discuss Tom and Jerry, sci-fi martial arts, Chapman’s road rage, and other cool “no girls allowed” convo topics.
Live from the Gardens: The Underground
March 19, 2018 06:00 - 46 minutes - 37.2 MBWe talk bald eagles and moles on this episode of LIve from the Gardens about the morphs from Animorphs #17: The Underground. How do bald eagles kill geese? How do moles prepare their worms before eating them? What weird things do these animals do when they have more food than they can even eat? All this and more on this episode of Live from the Gardens! Hypothetical Question of the Week: In a room that was 40 sq feet and 10 feet high with no other characteristics, who would win: fifteen ...
Animorphs #17: The Underground
March 12, 2018 06:00 - 45 minutes - 36.5 MBThis week, the good ol’ Fanimorphs talk oatmeal and Yeerk pools as they read through Animorphs #17: The Underground! What’s the deal with Yeerks and breakfast cereal? What’s the deal with Visser Three’s thought-speak? What’s the deal with stigmas surrounding mental health??? Answers to all this and more on this episode of The Dork-Bajir Chronicles!
Live from the Gardens: The Warning
March 05, 2018 07:00 - 41 minutes - 33.5 MBThis week on Live from the Gardens, we’re talking houseflies and rhinos, the two main morphs from Animorphs #16: The Warning. What’s the difference between a white rhino and a black rhino? Why are houseflies all different sizes? Why do the Fanimorphs continue to interrupt each other, no matter how many times they make a podcast? Find out the answer to two of these questions by tuning in! Hypothetical Question of the Week: Would you rather be a fly with the skin of a rhino or a rhino with...
Animorphs #16: The Warning
February 26, 2018 07:00 - 46 minutes - 37.2 MBThis week the Fanimorphs talk rhinos, rich folks, and mid-nineties internet connections in their discussion of Animorphs #16: The Warning. Do you think Jeff Bezos is richer than Joe Bob Fenestre? Did you know fitey777 has a real website in the real world? Do you think Mikael should have edited out that one part where Tessa blows her nose? Find out this week on The Dork-Bajir Chronicles!
Live from the Gardens: The Escape
February 19, 2018 07:00 - 42 minutes - 34.2 MBThis week on Live from the Gardens we talk parrots and hammerhead sharks, the two morphs from Animorphs #15: The Escape! We talk electroreception, parrot marriage, and lots more on this very special episode. What makes it special? Well, there’s been a change to the rules that’ll be sure to keep you on your toes. What change is that, you ask? I’ll never tell! Hypothetical Question of the Week: which animal would you rather be if turning into that animal meant you had to marry the other ho...
Animorphs #15: The Escape
February 12, 2018 07:00 - 42 minutes - 34.3 MBThe Fanimorphs are at it again, this time with another book by our good good comedy boy: Marco! This week, our wonderful hosts discuss Animorphs #15: The Escape, the one where they have to fight off cyborg sharks! Get ready for a full breakdown of what the hell Ax’s tail is made of, Tessa’s newfound vampirism, and, finally, another Visser Three Morph Minute! For those wondering: yes, Tessa is now fully a vampire and can’t walk through the threshold of a home without being invited.
Live from the Gardens: The Unknown
February 05, 2018 23:52 - 47 minutes - 38.5 MBWe’re back with more animal trivia and friendly rivalries in this week’s Live from the Gardens as we discuss the osprey and the horse, the two main morphs from Animorphs #14, the book we read last week (the one with the Andalite toilet). If you’re into backwards talons, closing your nostrils on command, and the intricate and ancient details of a horse culture that predates that of humankind, you’re in the right place! We are ready, willing, and neiiiiighble to tickle your funnybone this we...
Animorphs #14: The Unknown
January 29, 2018 07:00 - 44 minutes - 35.6 MBThis week the Fanimorphs dig their teeth into Animorphs #14: The Unknown, the one where they infiltrate a secret military base and find an Andalite toilet! If you’re in the mood for poop jokes and us talking over each other, you’re in for a treat! We talk morphing betting rings, how Tessa gets offended for horses, and whether or not horses can give themselves abortions. Strap in!
The Hork-Bajir Chronicles
January 22, 2018 07:00 - 1 hour - 56.7 MBJump into an alien invasion this week on Fanimorphs: The Dork-Bajir Chronicles when we talk about The Hork-Bajir Chronicles! We talk everything from Visser Three’s relatability to Dak Hamee’s eight-pack abs to Hork-Bajir teeth. Join us for our first pre-Animorphs adventure! We’re also joined this week by our friend Andrew, curator and memelord of Vissermeme fame! You can find more of his stuff on Tumblr at vissermeme.tumblr.com, on Twitter as @visserfuckin3, and on Instagram as @yeerkfilth.
Live from the Gardens: The Change
January 15, 2018 07:00 - 32 minutes - 30.1 MBWe’re once again joined by a gaggle of moths for our Live from the Gardens about Animorphs #13: The Change! He brings the smart as we go over some trivia about raccoons and settle in for a pleasant listening experience as the moths read us a story about the rainforest and what it might be like for Hork-Bajir on their planet. Get ready for some deep dives into raccoon facts like why do raccoons wash their food? How can they climb down trees headfirst? Why are they so damn cute? All this and...
Animorphs #13: The Change
January 08, 2018 07:00 - 45 minutes - 37.8 MBWe’re joined this week by a genuine character: moths! That’s right, a bunch of moths chime in this week for our discussion of Animorphs #13: The Change, the Tobias book where he gets his morphing powers back! We talk about just about everything this episode, from deep-seated gender role metaphors to Hork-Bajir genitalia to all sort of other delicious tidbits. Mikael tries to ship Rachel and Marco again and everyone hates him for it, as usual. You can find the aforementioned moths on Twit...
Live from the Gardens: The Reaction
January 01, 2018 07:00 - 44 minutes - 75.5 MBWe talk crocs and llamas in this week’s Live from the Gardens about Animorphs #12: The Reaction! Get ready for trivia on topics like crocodile wrestling, the softness of llama fur, and what the deal is with llamas spitting all the time. Hypothetical Question of the Week: Which of these two animals would you rather have as your dad?
Animorphs #12: The Reaction
December 18, 2017 05:00 - 46 minutes - 78.2 MBThis week we’re talking DNA burps in Animorphs #12: The Reaction, the one where Rachel acquires a croc and saves a kid at the zoo, Harambe-style, then is so allergic to it that she has to barf it out through her back. More importantly, we find out that Jeremy Jason McCole is joining The Sharing! Even more important than that: MARCO MORPHS A LLAMA AND IS AMAZING. Listen in as we marvel at Marco’s amazingness and discuss possible puberty theories. As usual, Brayden and Tessa pile on Mikael w...
Live from the Gardens: The First Journey
December 11, 2017 00:00 - 43 minutes - 41.2 MBThis week on Live from the Gardens we change things up a bit and play a game of Choose Your Own Trivia! Brayden and Tessa compete in a rapid fire showdown to see who knows the most about the huge variety of animals that show up in Alternamorphs #1: The First Journey, the book we talked about last week. Rivalries flare as we talk bone-chomping, businesses of ferrets, and so much more! Hypothetical Question of the Week: if the Fanimorphs were part of the Animorphs gang, what would their roles be?
Alternamorphs #1: The First Journey
December 04, 2017 18:51 - 38 minutes - 37 MBThis week we, your esteemed sources of Animorphs discourse, talk about Alternamorphs #1: The First Journey, the first of the Choose Your Own Adventure Animorph books! Our Host and our Newbie both only got one chance to make it through the adventure and, big surprise, they died almost immediately, although Brayden did do some good giraffe kicks before he lost. This book is terrible and Mikael makes it clear that he hates it.
Live from the Gardens: The Forgotten
November 27, 2017 00:00 - 38 minutes - 39.8 MBThe Fanimorphs talk spider monkeys and jaguars in this episode of LIve from the Gardens about Animorphs #11: The Forgotten! Monkey genitalia, jaguar spots, and so much more await you on this wild and eye-opening trivia quiz show about the morphs from last week’s book. Also, some surprising facts about monkey thumbs and what makes a black panther black.
Animorphs #11: The Forgotten
November 19, 2017 00:00 - 43 minutes - 44.7 MBWe talk jungles and time-warp conundrums in this episode of the Dork-Bajir Chronicles about Animorphs #11: The Forgotten! Ever wondered if Ax would make an attractive monkey? What about if he was paying attention in class when they were talking about plot-critical time-rip mechanics? Ever wondered whether or not there was an Animorphs book in the series that LITERALLY MADE NO DIFFERENCE TO THE PLOT? You’ve come to the right place!
Live from the Gardens: The Android
November 13, 2017 00:00 - 41 minutes - 41.4 MBIn this confrontational episode of Live from the Gardens, we talk wolf spiders and bats, the two main morphs from Animorphs #10: The Android. Why do spider eyes shine in the dark? What do bats leave behind after they mate? Who would win in a fight between a spider and a bat (this one gets heated)? The answer to these and many more questions can be found on this week’s episode of Live from the Gardens!
Animorphs #10: The Android
November 05, 2017 00:00 - 46 minutes - 43.7 MBThe Fanimorphs are back at it with this week’s discussion of Animorphs #10: The Android, the one where they find out about the Chee for the first time and almost die...again. Get ready for an intellectual take on Marco’s dad, Brayden and Tessa’s origin story, and what it would like when Erek kills a whole bunch of Yeerk warriors in under thirty seconds. Brayden and Mikael annoy Tessa, as per usual. Also, Marco got a haircut.
Bloopers Part 1
October 29, 2017 00:00 - 36 minutes - 35.2 MBEver wondered which parts of Fanimorphs: The Dork-Bajir Chronicles could be so bad that even WE thought it should be cut from the episode? Well, you’re about to find out! This week we talk pizza pockets, wiping a dog’s bum, and logical fallacies intrinsic to Applegate’s basic science-fiction premises. Also, which Animorphs correspond to which Friend from the hit 90s television series, Friends.
Animorphs #9: The Secret
October 22, 2017 00:00 - 33 minutes - 32.8 MBWe’re finally back for a deep, deep dive into another Cassie book: Animorphs #9: The Secret. We talk termite queens, Spiderman versus Batman, and some high-tension Cassie/Jake interactions. Brayden tries to argue that K.A. Applegate was referencing “I Have No Mouth But I Must Scream”...AGAIN. NOTE: Mikael’s audio was lost for this episode so we hired an out-of-work English actor to read his lines for him.
Live from the Gardens: The Alien
October 09, 2017 00:00 - 44 minutes - 43.8 MBIn this very special episode of Live from the Gardens, the Fanimorphs talk about rattlesnakes and human beings, the two main morphs from Animorphs #8: The Alien. Did you know not every rattlesnake bite is venomous? Did you know human beings have less bones as adults than they do as babies? Can you name the various ways humans display mating prowess and availability? Find out the answer to these questions and more on this week’s episode of Live from the Gardens!
Animorphs #8: The Alien
October 02, 2017 00:00 - 43 minutes - 41.2 MBFinally, an Ax book! We dive into Animorphs #8: The Alien and find out just what is so fantastic about the cinnamon bun-zah. Get ready for a hot take on Ax’s honor rituals, his relationships with the “real” Animorphs, and his strange desire to eat anything and everything. Also, the answer to the burning question: how do Andalites eat? Warning: the answer is very stupid.
Live from the Gardens: The Andalite's Gift
September 25, 2017 00:00 - 48 minutes - 46.5 MBWe are joined once again by Adam Heap in our never-ending quest to quiz everyone about every animal fact under the sun! Since Megamorphs is so prolific with its morphs, we decided to talk about them all in our brand new mega-quiz, mega-showdown format! Lucky us, Adam works in an actual zoo and went to school for animal-learning, so we’re sure to be shown up. You can find more of Adam on Twitter (@AHeapOfGames), Youtube (AHeapOfGames), and, of course, on the Animorphs Discord chat. If you’d li...
Megamorphs #1: The Andalite's Gift
September 18, 2017 00:00 - 1 hour - 63.3 MBWe finally tackle one of the Animorphs side stories in this episode of The Dork-Bajir Chronicles as we discuss Megamorphs #1: The Andalite’s Gift. To help us get through this megabook, we enlisted the help of a megaguest, one Adam Heap, long-time Animorphs fan and real-life zoologist. Adam joins us as we talk about crazy ladies who live in the woods, whether or not puberty was delayed for Tobias, and how to mispronounce the word “bagel.” You can find more of Adam on Twitter (@AHeapOfGames), Y...
Live from the Gardens: The Stranger
September 11, 2017 00:00 - 32 minutes - 33.6 MBThis week on Live from the Gardens, we talk about the African Elephant and the Grizzly Bear, two of the main morphs from Animorphs #7: The Stranger, the book we talked about last week on The Dork-Bajir Chronicles. Brayden and Tessa do badly on the quiz, as usual, but they learn a lot in the process, both about animals and themselves. For example: what kind of orgies do elephants have? What does a Grizzly Bear’s penis look like? What kind of strange sexual animal movies did Brayden watch as a ...
Animorphs #7: The Stranger
September 04, 2017 00:00 - 35 minutes - 35.9 MBContinuing to avoid the Yeerks, the Dork-Bajir Chronicles are back as the Fanimorphs pick through Animorphs #7: The Stranger. We airhorn through divorce proceedings, question what god even is, and contemplate what the Animorphs might be forced to do after they’re captured by the Yeerks. While SOME may think Tobias would be eaten, the intelligent member of the Fanimorphs (i.e. the one who writes the descriptions) is correct in assuming he would NOT. Enjoy!
Live from the Gardens: The Capture
August 28, 2017 00:00 - 34 minutes - 35.8 MBThis week’s Live from the Gardens is chock full of important information about the American Cockroach and the Siberian Tiger, the two main morphs from Animorphs #6: The Capture. We cover all the important stuff like how depressing it is that the human race has almost completely killed out tigers but how ligers are a pretty cool thing so maybe it’s not all bad? We also cover the ASMR of roaches for Brayden’s sake and, for the sake of all our listeners, we discuss how to survive if we were ever...
Animorphs #6: The Capture
August 20, 2017 00:00 - 40 minutes - 41.2 MBWe’re back for some more lively conversation about the extremely relevant details of Animorphs #6: The Capture such as Ghostface Killah vs Martin Shkreli and How to Jill With Your Own Breasts. Have you ever wondered how Yeerks could be used to deliver top notch porn? Or maybe you’ve questioned about whether Ax is depressed or not? More importantly, just exactly HOW rock’n’roll are the foreign invaders? All this and more on this week’s Dork-Bajir Chronicles!
Live from the Gardens: The Predator
August 11, 2017 00:00 - 28 minutes - 43.7 MBWe converse about the American Lobster and the Black Garden Ant in this, the most disgusting and suicide-prone episode of Live from the Gardens about Animorphs #5: The Predator. Want to know how to convince ants to kill each other? Or maybe you’re wondering about the various uses of lobster claws? Even worse, maybe you’re here to learn more about how the patriarchy is leaking into children’s books about ants? Whatever you’re here for, the Fanimorphs have got you covered.
Animorphs #5: The Predator
August 06, 2017 00:00 - 37 minutes - 54.4 MBMarco finally stars in his own book in Animorphs #5: The Predator, just in time for Fanimorphs: The Dork-Bajir Chronicles to dissect it, piece by piece. We ponder over Marco’s apparent Brooklyn accent, what 90s material Marco’s dad touches himself to, and the horror of being ripped apart. We’re your one-stop shop for accidental racism and constantly interrupting each other!
Live from the Gardens: The Message
July 31, 2017 00:00 - 25 minutes - 37.8 MBThis week in Live from the Gardens we talk about the Seagull and the Common Dolphin, the two main morphs from Animorphs #4: The Message. Strap in for a lively discussion about how dolphin throats work, the best way to listen to man-made whale songs, and a breakdown of why seagull sex is stupid-looking. Also, Live from the Gardens now has quizzes and stuff!
Animorphs #4: The Message
July 24, 2017 00:00 - 33 minutes - 48 MBAnimorphs #4: The Message has a lot of poignant, character-building moments, most of which we tear down and humiliate in this episode of Fanimorphs: The Dork-Bajir Chronicles. We mock the Animorph cover models, the absurdity of the term “great ones,” and the issue of consent when absorbing 13-year-old human DNA. Tune in this week for a deep dive into the perfect storm that is the fourth wave of the Animorphs series.
Live from the Gardens: The Encounter
July 16, 2017 00:00 - 16 minutes - 23.9 MBThis Live from the Gardens is centered around two morphs found in Animorphs #3: The Encounter: the Red-Tailed Hawk and the Gray Wolf. We focus in on how Yeerks spot the subtleties of animal sex by watching Youtube videos, whether or not birds can smell, and Brayden achieves climax live on the cast. Also, buckle up for cloacal moaning, lifting your leg to pee, and how to see superteal!
Animorphs #3: The Encounter
July 10, 2017 00:00 - 29 minutes - 42.7 MBThe Fanimorphs sink their teeth into Animorphs #3: The Encounter and bite off a piece of perma-morphed Tobias’ mental health journey. Get ready to cry some emotional tears as we recap our most tragic hero’s meanderings through coming to terms with his new hawk self and still contributing to Animorph missions. We go over such topics as Marco’s depression strength, Tobias’ general angstyness, and what it’s like to be the doves in a John Woo film.
Live from the Gardens: The Visitor
July 03, 2017 00:00 - 15 minutes - 23.1 MBThis week’s Live from the Gardens features the Fanimorphs gang discussing the Northern Short-Tailed Shrew and the Domestic Cat, as featured in Animorphs #2: The Visitor. Listen in as we argue over the size of lizards and mice and wince at the details of feline reproduction. If you enjoy spiny genitalia and learning some really surprising things about shrews, stay tuned for more near-expert level animal talk.
Animorphs #2: The Visitor
June 25, 2017 00:00 - 31 minutes - 44.6 MBWe’re back for more! The gang discusses Animorphs #2: The Visitor in this week’s episode of The Dork-Bajir Chronicles, including such relevant details as how to terrorize a vice principal, what kind of beast it takes to scare a Yeerk, and the body horror of a Controller losing control. Why do Controllers watch blank screens if they’re trying to blend in? What is the nature of morphing in relation to addiction? How did NO ONE see these kids morphing sick animals in the middle of the suburbs? F...
Live from the Gardens: The Invasion
June 18, 2017 00:00 - 16 minutes - 24.8 MBThis week is our inaugural Live from the Gardens! Listen in as the Fanimorphs talk about how budding Animorphs might better blend in while in morph by going over some key details of the animals acquired in Animorphs #1: The Invasion. Get ready to delve into the world of the Domestic Dog and the Green Anole Lizard: color blindness, lizard smarts, and general reproductive talk are what await you in this episode. Fair warning: there is and will probably continue to be a fair bit of discussion ce...
Animorphs #1: The Invasion
June 11, 2017 00:00 - 59 minutes - 83.4 MBIn this extra long, extra good first episode, we begin our journey into the sci-fi masterpiece known as Animorphs by K.A. Applegate. Brayden laboriously covers the plot of Animorphs #1: The Invasion while Mikael and Tessa poke and prod him for pronunciations of alien species and other first impressions he might have.
The Introduction
June 03, 2017 00:00 - 4 minutes - 12.1 MBWelcome to Fanimorphs: The Dork-Bajir Chronicles! This episode is meant to introduce the concept of our show and give you a little more information on who we are as Fanimorphs. The Host will go over the basic premises of our two shows, The Dork-Bajir Chronicles and Live from the Gardens, both of which will be published on this feed, alternating week to week. Stick around for the end of the episode if you want to hear the initial premise of the Animorphs series and a few key mechanics of the ...