Getting Discomfortable with New Years

Your "purpose" is not a plan for the future, it's what you're doing right here and now.

New Years

In keeping with last week’s theme of holidays past, episode 32 unearths some of my old New Year’s resolutions lists to embarrassing and humbling effect. Apparently I accomplished very few of my recurring resolutions (which were pretty uninspired to begin with), and a few even remain pending to this day. It made me think about my love/hate relationship with New Year’s resolutions in general, the excitement and utility of planning and looking forward optimistically, but also the stress and anxiety that my perfectionism inevitably brings.

Dating back to 2006 through 2009, these resolutions are a fascinating and banal insight into the life and mind of a privileged, shame-addled, pathetically adorable (if I do say so myself) twenty-something wannabe filmmaker manchild just discovering his sexuality. This is the kind of thing that you probably shouldn’t share on the internet, but hey, that’s what getting Discomfortable is all about!

Part of the fun of this episode is that you can literally hear me having a small epiphany right in the middle of recording it! Everyone from Viktor Frankl to modern day psychology researchers attest that a feeling of “purpose” is essential to our sense of wellbeing. It’s something that I’ve been searching for and actively cultivating over the last few years, with varying degrees of success (this whole podcast is one product of that process). But as I was recording this episode I realized that I’ve been viewing “purpose” as a future-oriented plan, like “I will become the first male ‘Fly Girl’ on the inevitable remake of In Living Colour”, as opposed to a present moment feeling, like “I just love dancing anytime, anywhere”. It may seem subtle, but it’s actually a huge shift for my thinking. Maybe my sense of purpose isn’t about what I will achieve at all, it’s just about what I am doing and feeling right now…

Here’s a sample:

Make comprehensive New Year’s Resolution list
Implement effective To Do list strategy 
Floss every day, for at least a month 
Write at least 10 pages of script a week (due Sunday)
Write at least one movie review a week
Get a paying job that you can stand (preferably in film)
Don’t go on Myspace without a specific reason
Make one really polished short film
Cook dinner at least one night each week
Make house livable and inspiring
Get art and paint, etc
Make bed every day, for a month
Make at least one music video in first half of the year
Eat something from the sea!
Stamp out awkwardness
Date a guy
Always choose going out over staying in
Write for at least two hours every weekday, for a month
Get rid of wart
Write out schedule for following day every night, for a month
Finish Cali’s Wedding Video
Create monthly budgets
More Skiing
Drink less, but dance more