70 -Deciding Who You Want To Be

“Consult your own heart and decide what kind of person you want to be,” 
-Chris Lowney, Heroic Living 

Often when we’re dating and not getting the results we want, ie, not getting dates or people even looking at our profile, it can get pretty discouraging. That discouragement can certainly intensify the loneliness and frustration you feel about dating. This may cause you to think, What else can I be doing or what am I doing wrong? I remember thinking this a lot when I was single and trying to date.

I was so wrong and I think that my approach of focusing on what they wanted kept me feeling like I was hitting a brick wall. Putting so much energy into figuring out what others wanted left me not being my authentic self. One of the most important lessons I have learned in life is the more authentic you are, the more you draw the right people for you, the people who really get and understand you. Sure, some people won’t like you but they’re not your people and you need to trust that being with them would ultimately make you miserable.

There’s an important question you can ask yourself to help you put the focus back on you when it comes to dating. I mentioned it in Episode 66 when I reviewed Three Essentials to Make Dating Easier.  The answer to this question transformed me from feeling insecure and awkward in dating to relaxing into the truth of who I was.

Who is the person you want to be when you’re out there dating? Think about this for a minute because it’s an important question. For me, I wanted to be someone who unapologetically accepted myself and my disability in the dating scene. You see, I felt like I had already done that in all areas of my life except in dating. I wanted to be able to address issues related to my disability without worrying that it was this big obstacle that potential dates could not work through. I wanted to feel more confident in what I could offer as a partner and focus on that.

I also made another decision that made all the difference. I decided to enjoy dating rather than dreading the whole process of putting myself out there and meeting new people, which is what I did until then. As you can imagine, this changed the energy I brought to dating. By staying inside my own head  and focusing on the person I wanted to be in the dating scene, dating did become easier for me. And within just a couple months, I met my husband.

I encourage you to really think on this: Who is the person you want to be when you’re out there dating? Come up with just 3-5 adjectives or phrases you can focus on such as confident, secure, owning my disability, open, relaxed. Then really allow your words to roll around in your brain and being. Embody them. Become them. Remember we’re always evolving into the person we’re meant to be, so just because you haven’t been

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation |
Artwork photo by Elevate