61 - What THEY’RE Thinking

Today I want to flip the script a little. Normally I’m encouraging people who are out there dating and meeting people to focus on yourself, your thoughts, your behaviors, and what you want. All of those things you should definitely do. But sometimes it helps to just consider what your dates or people you want to be your dates are thinking.

Remember, a thought doesn’t make anything real. This actually can work to your advantage. One thing I’ve been thinking about lately is how there are definitely people who would never consider dating someone with a disability. I think it may actually be a good exercise to go into the mind of someone like this to examine that belief and see the fallacy in it.

Let’s even give them a gender neutral name, Pat. Say Pat looks at someone with a disability and thinks I would never want to be with someone like that. If we’re really being honest, there’s a good chance that Pat would not even see the person with a disability.

So Pat has some belief systems that separate them from other people. It could be they think they’re superior. It could be there very consumed in their own little world. It could be the perceived vulnerability of a disability shakes their own vulnerability way too much.

What may come out instead is pity, ableism, judgment, or all three. This is where the fallacy thinking comes in. It’s the belief in staying in the past, in what has been, rather than what could be. That thought of I have never been attracted to people with disabilities, why would I begin now?

Why would I open myself to a new way to love?

I believe we’re are changing how people see us with disabilities, but it’s slow. I believe the more we can pursue the relationships we want and even risk rejection and getting hurt, the more we evolve that thinking that shuts down so much growth and opportunity.

The important thing for you to know is their thinking is not ultimately about you, even though you may feel that way. Their belief system is based on a way of thinking that hasn’t yet caught with the potential of you.

When you encounter this, it may be helpful to pause and say, “Oh that’s interesting that you think that way.” No need to get defensive. They just have not caught up with you yet.  You just keep being you and getting out there and doing your thing. I assure you, the more you do, the more you’ll increase your chances of finding more like minded people.

Resources

Remember your affirmations and beliefs for helping you stay grounded in your value. Check out the updated version of Rising Above Sexual Ableism for this week to help you with that.

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation |
Artwork photo by Elevate