Episode 84: The Independent Child Separated from Family & the Impact of Deep-Rooted Unworthiness

Born in Korea, Jackie shared that culturally, emotions are not discussed with the family, it’s still taboo to address mental health related issues. The way issues were dealt with in the home were not dealt with in a healthy way, she was exposed to explosive reactions or not speaking about it at all. At the age of 12, she travelled to Canada alone to study internationally and resided with a homestay family. She describes her story as a life-or-death battle with herself, where for three years of her life she was preoccupied contemplating thoughts of suicide daily. Jackie felt deep shame about herself and who she was. While practicing as a lawyer, no one around her knew that she was struggling, she was able to mask it well, she indicated she couldn’t afford to show that she was not okay. Jackie had her first anxiety attack in law school, not knowing what anxiety was at the time, though she experienced the symptoms every day. Jackie admits that her way of coping with the discomfort she experienced stemmed from avoidance and escapism, until she ended up having the anxiety attack. She explains that she had a loud inner critic and got used to bullying herself as she didn’t always feel comfortable and emotionally safe while she took steps to uncover her identity while growing up all on her own once she moved to Canada. Jackie shares that she would stand out for hours on her balcony of the twenty-fifth floor, after any trigger she experienced – until one day, she realized that this is not the way she wanted to die. Her key message to the listeners is that: opening up to people is what changes your experience; seek help, keep learning and shift to a different framework; look at your current framework – check if it’s outdated and faulty; there is no shame in getting help, we all need the help; keep going, life is a journey; keep working on yourself, learn more and it will bring you new perspective.