Crystal Catalog: A Final Fantasy Retrospective
63 episodes - English - Latest episode: almost 4 years ago - ★★★★★ - 6 ratingsForrest and Joe play through every final fantasy game so you don't have to
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Episodes
Final Fantasy 06 Part 15: Ruin or Balance
August 17, 2020 12:00 - 54 minutes - 61.1 MBForrest and Joe finally finish this fantasy! They go and have the confrontation with the big baddies and that's that... right? The balance certainly isn't ruined... right? Right??
Final Fantasy 06 Part 14: Is _____ an Esper?
August 12, 2020 12:00 - 48 minutes - 53.5 MBLOOK THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION PLEASE LET US KNOW IF _____ IS AN ESPER OK
Final Fantasy 06 Episode 13: BLUE MAGIC BLUE MAGIC
August 03, 2020 12:00 - 48 minutes - 53.6 MBJoe and Forrest are ready to work together with the empire to resolve all the conflicts and everything should be fine and OH HOLD THE PHONE WE FOUND A BLUE MAGE BLUE MAGIC IS BACK YES
Final Fantasy 06 Part 12: A Very Large Amount of Angry Spirits
July 27, 2020 12:01 - 47 minutes - 51.8 MBJoe and Forrest go to meet Terra's parents and they get significantly more than they bargained for. Also Cyan is bad.
Final Fantasy 06 Part 11: LORE DUMP
July 10, 2020 12:00 - 56 minutes - 61.1 MBDid you know Final Fantasy is like Star Wars? This is the first we've heard of it!! This is also the first we've heard about a lot of Terra's history and the first we wonder how she knew it. Also: Airship! Also also: Mog!
Final Fantasy 06 Part 10: Slagging Setzer
June 28, 2020 12:00 - 52 minutes - 56 MBJoe and Forrest absolutely take it to Setzer in this episode and then take it to the empire to confront a banana about human rights violations. We're back, babey!
Final Fantasy 06 Part 09: Incel With a Car
May 24, 2020 12:00 - 1 hour - 70.2 MBForrest and Joe make their way through the coolest town in the world with the coolest music in the world then have to engage with opera music to contend with an incel octopus and an incel person with a car.
Final Fantasy 06 Part 08: Party Composition!
May 17, 2020 12:00 - 52 minutes - 59.4 MBDo you want to determine the composition of a party! Well, we do and we did! Forrest and Joe also Learn some sad backstories and discuss sports team names a little (as a treat)
Final Fantasy 06 Part 07: Do Not Dive Into Turbulent Water
May 10, 2020 12:00 - 53 minutes - 58.5 MBWe cannot stress enough that you really shouldn't just jump into waterfalls, rushing rivers, undersea currents or any other turbulent water. Please. Please don't be like Sabin.
Final Fantasy 06 Part 06: Yes We Suplex The Train
May 03, 2020 12:00 - 1 hour - 68.9 MBI know you people only want one thing from us and yes, we suplex the stupid train. Are you happy now? ARE YOU?
Final Fantasy 06 Part 05: [Mewling Sound]
April 26, 2020 12:00 - 55 minutes - 61 MBForrest and Joe sit down with the SCENARIO PICKER and also have a discussion of the current spate of video game remakes and OH YEAH THERES A KITTEN
Final Fantasy 06 Part 04: Heath Ledger's Kefka
April 19, 2020 12:00 - 52 minutes - 57.5 MBForrest and Joe wander around a very cool town, do some light and normal river rafting and have extensive batman discussions
Final Fantasy 06 Part 03: Don't Leave Unkilled Kefkas
April 12, 2020 12:00 - 1 hour - 69.2 MBOn today's episode, Forrest and Joe discuss the relative values of treasure hunters, join a resistance cell and speculate about the merit of leaving a vicious enemy leader alive and well on the battlefield.
Final Fantasy 06 Part 02: How Do You Recruit Shadow?
April 05, 2020 11:00 - 45 minutes - 50.4 MBForrest and Joe start in on Final Fantasy VI at last. but first, they have to speculate for a long time about how you recruit or don't recruit Shadow.
Final Fantasy 06 Part 01: Census Forms
March 29, 2020 11:26 - 53 minutes - 59 MBForrest and Joe are back to talk about whether or not Shadow and Gogo filled out their census forms. Come for the weirdly long Ultimania discussion, stay for the discussion of the state of video games in 1994. Oh, and somewhere in there they kick off the season of Final Fantasy VI!
Bonus Episode: NHK Poll Discussion Special
March 15, 2020 12:00 - 1 hour - 73.6 MBTime for a break as Forrest and Joe discuss the results of NHK's All-Final Fantasy Grand Poll. Spoilers: they have some bones to pick.
Final Fantasy 05 Bonus: FFV Anime with special guest Michael Luxemburg
March 08, 2020 12:00 - 50 minutes - 53.3 MBForrest brings friend of the show Lux (@tail_boi) on to do the extra stuff for Final Fantasy V! This time it's a viewing of the 1994 anime OAV series "Final Fantasy: Legend of the Crystals." They're more confused by it than angry at it and didn't expect to see quite so many naked ogresses or chocobos.
Final Fantasy 05 Part 18: Dear Friends
March 01, 2020 12:00 - 1 hour - 104 MBWe are finally, FINALLY done with Final Fantasy V and you get a SUPER SIZED FINAL EPISODE! There's a ton to talk about as we close out this truly huge game and at long last say goodbye to our dear friends Bartz, Lenna, Faris, Krile and Galuf.
Final Fantasy 05 Part 17: Tragedy Tower
February 23, 2020 12:00 - 1 hour - 81.1 MBForrest and Joe stumble right up the saddest tower in the world and also meet some notable dragons. It's almost the end of Final Fantasy V!
Final Fantasy 05 Part 16: Oiseaurare (wa zo rar)
February 16, 2020 12:00 - 58 minutes - 62.6 MBIn this episode: a "rare bird" which is neither rare nor a bird, the final job, two person teams and a long-abandoned graandpa. Come for the cat brain science, stay for the slime monsters.
Final Fantasy 05 part 15: "Globe" "Trotting"
February 09, 2020 12:00 - 1 hour - 83.7 MBIt's time for Forrest and Joe to travel around the world around the world around the world around the world
Final Fantasy 05 Part 14: Wallsnakes
February 02, 2020 12:00 - 1 hour - 86 MBJoe and Forrest discuss Lakes, Rivers, Pyramids, the merits of bravery vs cowardice, a Final Fantasy Nights hall of famer as well as, of course, WALLSNAKES
Final Fantasy 05 Part 13: [Error Sound]
January 26, 2020 12:00 - 1 hour - 85.7 MBForrest and Joe make final fantasy brackets, plumb the depths of castle Exdeath, accept the blood of an old man and then go back home to Bartz's world... or do they? Oh yeah, and Joe big time biffs getting a summon.
Final Fantasy 05 Part 12: An Evil Tree
January 19, 2020 12:00 - 1 hour - 103 MBForrest and Joe get some new spells, learn a little bit about an evil tree (an unimportant one) and also nothing important happens. Slow day at work for the FFV crew.
Final Fantasy 05 Part 11: DO NOT DRINK POISON
January 12, 2020 12:00 - 1 hour - 84 MBDO NOT DRINK POISON DO NOT DRINK POISON DO NOT DRINK POISON DO NOT DRINK POISON
Final Fantasy 05 Part 10: Arnold's Agony
January 05, 2020 12:00 - 1 hour - 78 MBOh no! There's movie discussion! There are also moogles, a very bad drake joke and bedridden werewolves as well as another example of poison pig Lenna. Arnold's Agonized Augen!
Final Fantasy 05 Part 09: Chew or Chug
December 29, 2019 12:00 - 1 hour - 69.9 MBJoe and Forrest hit up the new Let's Date the Podcast segment and then meet everyone's favorite Bridge battler, GILGAMESH!
Final Fantasy 05 Part 08: Ben!?
December 22, 2019 12:00 - 55 minutes - 61.6 MBForrest and Joe are hit by a meteor? Glancingly? They get their last jobs? And say goodbye to an old friend... FOR NOW!
Final Fantasy 05 Part 07: CyberButts
December 15, 2019 12:00 - 1 hour - 93.3 MBForrest and Joe discuss CyberButts, the movie Clifford and Tom Green all before the episode even begins. Once they do get to it, it's all airships and high tech nonsense and then the happy ending to the game (Don't tell them there's still half a game left)
Final Fantasy 05 Part 06: A Good Steering Wheel that Doesn't Fly off While You're Driving
December 08, 2019 12:00 - 52 minutes - 60.6 MBForrest and Joe meet Chimeras, hang out in a library, tool around in and lose a ship, and get some more jobs. Oh, and Joe falls in love with a particular soundboard.
Final Fantasy 05 Part 05: FIRE! FIRE!
December 01, 2019 12:00 - 1 hour - 76.9 MBForrest and Joe finally discover fire! They also discover ships powered by fire, castles destroyed by fire and jobs granted by fire. This is truly the fire-lover's delight.
Final Fantasy 05 Part 04: [Sad Dragon Noise]
November 24, 2019 12:00 - 1 hour - 70.3 MBWe have the full spectrum of dragon talk here: from the fun times of discussing wyverns to the sad times of discussing death. Forrest and Joe also get more jobs and sink an entire peninsula. Good job, dinguses.
Final Fantasy 05 Part 03: Arrow Enters Stage Left
November 17, 2019 12:13 - 59 minutes - 66.9 MBForrest and Joe get into a long and winding discussion of gender and 90's Japan, the team finds a cool dragon and Lenna is a real poison pig
Final Fantasy 05 Part 02: Great Big Sea Door
November 10, 2019 12:00 - 1 hour - 70.7 MBForrest and Joe finally get gainful crystal employment and start their first jobs and then they meet an extremely large door for ships to open up like a front door that has a front door key.
Final Fantasy 05 Part 01: Don't Name Your Guy Butts
November 04, 2019 05:01 - 1 hour - 85.3 MBIt's a new game, a new day and a new start! Don't mess that all up by naming your guy Butts. -this tardy episode brought to you by Halloween and a cold! You all get to hear Forrest's "beautiful" sick voice here.
Final Fantasy 05 Episode 01: Don't Name Your Guy Butts
November 04, 2019 05:01 - 1 hour - 85.3 MBIt's a new game, a new day and a new start! Don't mess that all up by naming your guy Butts. -this tardy episode brought to you by Halloween and a cold! You all get to hear Forrest's "beautiful" sick voice here.
Final Fantasy 04 Bonus: Brendan Hinman
October 27, 2019 11:00 - 45 minutes - 51 MBNow that we're done with FF4, we invite friend of the program Brendan Hinman to come on and talk about his favorite Final Fantasy! If you like this, make sure to check out his podcast, Omegaville!
Final Fantasy 04 Part 09: Crystals vs Jobs
October 20, 2019 11:00 - 1 hour - 113 MBForrest and Joe finish off Final Fantasy IV in this double-sized extravaganza in which they take twice as long to talk about half as much! It's the end for Zeromus but only the beginning for the Crystals vs Jobs scale.
Final Fantasy 04 Part 08: Ground-Now-Space Nephew
October 13, 2019 11:00 - 1 hour - 87.4 MBForrest and Joe discover the secrets of the moon, the secrets of who's from the moon, the secrets of who's related to who's from the moon and finally the secret depths of chauvenism
Final Fantasy 04 Part 07: Dads Never Die
October 06, 2019 11:00 - 1 hour - 73.1 MBForrest and Joe explore the vast, dry, monster-girl infested underworld with a little help from some dads that are apparently impervious to explosions. Also: TRADING CARD GAME PACKS!
Final Fantasy 04 Part 06: Stop Choosing Death
September 29, 2019 11:10 - 1 hour - 84.9 MBWhy do all the old men want to die? How do they keep failing at it? Also VIRUS SOUND
Final Fantasy 04 Part 05: THE HAND OF GOLBEZ
September 22, 2019 11:00 - 1 hour - 77.2 MBHOW DOES HIS HAND BE HIM HOW DOES IT GRAB WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN THE HAND OF GOLBEZ WHY Oh by the way welcome to EPISODES ARE ON SUNDAYS NOW golbez's hand requires it
Final Fantasy 04 Part 04: Revenge of Item Management
September 13, 2019 11:00 - 1 hour - 90.4 MBForrest and Joe return to Baron and seek out the next crystal, but first they have to defeat the demons of limited inventory space and magnetism.
Final Fantasy 04 Part 03: *Italian Chef Kiss* SCARMIGLIONE~!
September 06, 2019 11:00 - 1 hour - 90.9 MBForrest and Joe help some monks fight some assorted skugs, wonder about snake butt, and encounter the truly unmatched elemental fiend SCARMIGLIONE~~~!
Final Fantasy 04 Part 02: Gordon 2: Babil Gilberto
August 30, 2019 11:00 - 1 hour - 90.6 MBForrest and Joe dive into Final Fantasy IV but for real this time. They meet sundry exciting characters like the old man who forgot how to magic, the little girl they traumatized and Edward, the man who is Gilbert and sucks.
Final Fantasy 04 Part 01: Finally, the Fantasy is Here
August 23, 2019 11:00 - 1 hour - 95.8 MBIt's time for a new fantasy! The Fourth of its name! Forrest and Joe move on to the 16-bit era as they luxuriate in the Actual, Real Quality of Final Fantasy IV, the story of Cecil versus bad bosses.
Final Fantasy 03 Part 08: Downgraded from Ghost
August 16, 2019 11:00 - 1 hour - 104 MBForrest and Joe finish off Final Fantasy III, engaging with what it means to die when you're already a ghost, who the real enemy at the end of the game is, and the reality that time will always destroy everything, eventually. Also, dragons!
Final Fantasy 03 Part 07: Eureka, the Forbidden Episode
August 10, 2019 00:58 - 1 hour - 81.2 MBForrest and Joe venture into THE FORBIDDEN LAND OF EUREKA and punch some handsome bosses to death. Now with bonus summon battles and non-intuitive golden path layouts!
Final Fantasy 03 Part 06: That's How Quantum Physics Works
August 02, 2019 19:47 - 1 hour - 68.7 MBIf you've ever wondered what it looks like when bounders touch anti-boulders, wonder no more! In this episode, Forrest and Joe discuss the quantum realm, mountain mazes, the values of New Jobs and whether or not it's cool to turn into a Beetlejuice monster.
Final Fantasy 03 Part 05: The Worst Gift of All Time
July 26, 2019 11:00 - 1 hour - 85.9 MBIf you were going to get a birthday present, what's the worst present you could get? Is it "you are going to die?" If you don't want that present, you're the bad guy of a Final Fantasy game. Forrest and Joe also hang out with a stab dad, Gigameth, and discuss a kindly old lady.