#9: Introduction to the 5-Step Boundary Solution

In this episode, you’ll learn the basics of a boundary-setting process I created called the 5-Step Boundary Solution. The 5-Step Boundary Solution (5-SBS) is a step-by-step formula that walks you through the process of identifying, creating, and maintaining healthy and effective boundaries. Although the 5-SBS process can be useful for boundaries of all kinds, it was created and is intended for use in adult-adult relationships.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #9:

The five steps of the 5-SBS are: Knowing and Owning Your Reality Identifying Your Needs & Creating Your vision Identifying your Power Center Creating and Implementing Your Action Plan Evaluating Your Results To know and own your reality, you need to identify three key things: the data (what you could record with a video camera), what you perceive or think about the data, and your emotions. There are four options in identifying your power center. First, you have the power to change the situation. Second, you can ask for help. Third, you can make a request of another person. Finally, you may be powerless. If you reach step five and find that the process hasn’t worked because the person broke the agreement or didn’t follow through, you have a new situation and can begin again at step one and work through the process again. Get a fillable PDF download of the 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier to walk you through the 5-SBS process here.

Highlights from Episode #9:

Vicki offers some background on how and why she created the 5-Step Boundary Solution process. [01:26] Concrete example to help clarify the upcoming steps. [06:29] The first step of the 5-SBS is Knowing and Owning Your Reality. Vicki digs into this topic using the example she outlined earlier. [08:08] The second step of the 5-SBS is about getting your needs met and creating a vision for what the outcome you want. In Vicki’s example, these needs might be a sense of safety, comfort, or even connection. [18:15] The third (and particularly important) step is Identifying Your Power Center. [24:25] The fourth step is Creating and Implementing Your Action Plan. Vicki outlines how this might work in the example she has been using throughout the episode. [27:08] The fifth and final step is Evaluating Your Results, or what happened as a result of what you did. [31:57] Vicki reads a passage from her book, Moving Beyond Betrayal, to elaborate on the fifth step of the 5-SBS. [37:10]

Links and Resources:

Vicki Tidwell Palmer Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier Pia Mellody List of needs from The Center for Nonviolent Communication Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, 3rd Edition: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships by Marshall Rosenberg