Berner Phone artwork

Berner Phone

295 episodes - English - Latest episode: 1 day ago - ★★★★ - 4.6K ratings

The Berner Phone hotline is open! Hannah Berner and her husband, comedian Des Bishop, are listening to callers, dishing out their best advice, and bantering back with hilarious chemistry for their first ever podcast together. Keep an eye out on their Instagram stories for prompts to leave a voice message and be featured on the pod. Whether it’s pet peeves, secrets, life advice, dating dilemmas, or career questions, Hannah and Des are dialed in.

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Episodes

Berner Phone #34: Going Rogue

March 27, 2024 21:56 - 1 hour - 82.8 MB

This week we let the little dialers go rogue and tell or ask us anything. We investigate conspiracy theories, get asked some morbid questions, and get called out by a giggler. $5 off at LumeDeodorant.com with code BERN Get 15% off haircare at lolavie.com/BERN    

Berner Phone #33: Being Toxic

March 22, 2024 13:01 - 1 hour - 83.8 MB

We asked the dialers to share the most toxic thing they've ever done and they definitely delivered. Some were genius, some were petty, and some were borderline illegal but we enjoyed nonetheless! 50% off at factormeals.com/bern50 20% off at AthenaClub.com with code BERN 40% off and free towels at TryMiracle.com/BERN

Berner Phone #32: Conquering Anxiety

March 13, 2024 20:17 - 1 hour - 82.6 MB

This week the dialers are sharing their secrets to beating anxiety. As always they are hilarious, relatable, and wise. rocketmoney.com/BERNERPHONE mintmobile.com/berner  20% off at honeylove.com/BERN  25% off at seed.com/bern with code 25BERN 

Berner Phone #31: Scams in Everyday Life

March 07, 2024 19:48 - 1 hour - 94.5 MB

This episode confirms that pretty much everything in life is a scam. The consensus is admin is taking over our lives, we are all spending more money than we think, and capitalism is always winning. Zocdoc.com/BERNER Quince.com/BERN for free shipping

Berner Phone #30: Your "Dial"emmas

February 29, 2024 23:04 - 1 hour - 91.5 MB

The dialers are getting some major "dial"emmas off their chest this week. We cover everything from awkward family situations to open relationships and debating if you should having kids.  10% off cookware at hexclad.com/BERN $5 off at lumedeodorant.com with code BERN

Berner Phone #29: Worst Parts of Adulting

February 22, 2024 16:33 - 1 hour - 93.4 MB

We don't cook and we don't clean, but we finally feel seen by the little dialers. From taxes to no more summer vacation, being an adult is hard and we haven't quite figured it out. At least we're in this together.  Rocketmoney.com/BERNERPHONE 15% off at vessi.com/BERN 50% off at factormeals.com/bern50

Berner Phone #28: Best Ways to Destress

February 17, 2024 00:09 - 1 hour - 83 MB

If you've been stressed out lately, this is the episode for you. The dialers are spilling the most unique and creative ways they destress. We already feel more relaxed after listening to them! ZocDoc.com/BERNER Free delivery at Squeezed.com with code BERN 20% off at HoneyLove.com/BERN 40% off at HungryRoot.com/berner mintmobile.com/berner  

Berner Phone #27: Wildest Meet Cutes

February 09, 2024 21:41 - 1 hour - 82.6 MB

We asked the little dialers the craziest ways they have met a romantic partner and they did not disappoint. Apparently love is real and can happen when you least expect it.  Free juice cleanse delivery at Squeezed.com with code BERN

Berner Phone #26: Things We Hate

February 02, 2024 19:35 - 58 minutes - 80.3 MB

The little dialers have some hot takes this week. They're coming for dogs, Hannah's love for Italian food, and Taylor Swift.  Free delivery with code BERN at Squeezed.com RocketMoney.com/BERNERPHONE

Berner Phone #25: Worst Hookups Part 2

January 25, 2024 18:26 - 55 minutes - 76.8 MB

The little dialers have had so many first date and hookup mishaps that we had to make another episode! From awkward sutations to mildly gross confessions, the dialers have done it all.  Free delovery at Squeezed.com with code BERN $15 off skincare at apostrophe.com/BERN 50% off at factormeals.com/bern50

Berner Phone #24: Worst Hookups

January 18, 2024 01:16 - 1 hour - 84.4 MB

This week's prompt was a hit and the dialers have had some wild mishaps in the bedroom. $15 off skincare at apostrophe.com/PHONE Free delivery at Squeezed.com with code BERN 20% off and free shipping with code BERNER at Manscaped.com 40% off first delivery at Hungryroot.com/berner

Berner Phone #23: Exciting Updates

January 11, 2024 23:43 - 1 hour - 97.5 MB

This week we are getting updates from some of our favorite dialers. Hannah and Des share some personal updates, we get the full happy ending story, and so much more.  Des has a YouTube special coming January 16th! Subscribe HERE! Squeezed.com free delivery with code BERN 20% off at honeylove.com/BERN  

Berner Phone #22: The Most Powerful Power Moves

January 04, 2024 21:04 - 1 hour - 89.7 MB

This week the dialers are all about sex, money, and power.  Same day local delivery or Free Fast delivery nationwide at Squeezed.com with code BERN. Hungryroot.com/berner to get 40% off your first delivery.

Berner Phone #21: Unique New Year's Resolutions

December 29, 2023 18:38 - 1 hour - 92.9 MB

The dialers are hoping for some big changes in 2024 - new personalities, breaking bad habits, and changing the way they date.  HelloFresh.com/bernfree for free breakfast! Squeezed.com free shipping with code BERN

Berner Phone #20: What's on your bucket list?

December 21, 2023 21:49 - 57 minutes - 79 MB

The little dialers have some wild bucket list items that involve sex, fights, and therapy. 

Berner Phone #19: The Best Life Hacks

December 14, 2023 23:48 - 1 hour - 92.8 MB

This week we are discovering new life hacks. They range from masturbating, public bathrooms, matching your socks, to being cringe and feeling free.  Berner Phone under Podcast when you sign up for Earnin on Google Play or App Store.

Berner Phone #18: Secrets Revealed

December 07, 2023 22:59 - 58 minutes - 80.6 MB

Secrets are being revealed…there are age gap relationships, people cheating, and happy endings being given. Plus, Hannah made a mistake on Cameo.   honeylove.com/BERN EmbracePetInsurance.com/BERN marinelayer.com/BERN15

Berner Phone #17: Airing Your Grievances

November 30, 2023 20:15 - 1 hour - 83.9 MB

The dialers are getting things off their chest this week. They have some serious grievances about airports, pestering shy people, and getting sober.  20% off w/ code BERNER at manscaped.com 10% off w/ code BERN at oseamalibu.com 15% off at uncommongoods.com/bern Code BERN at lume.com  

Berner Phone #16: Biggest Irrational Fears

November 24, 2023 14:12 - 1 hour - 86.4 MB

The little dialers are scared of everything from mayo to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air to the DMV. You’ll have to find out if we validate your fears or laugh at them. 

Berner Phone #15: What Men Want Women to Know

November 15, 2023 21:32 - 53 minutes - 73.5 MB

This week men are revealing the things they want women to know. They aren’t always thinking about sex and don’t want to hear about your exes, but at the same time they are self proclaimed “horny garbage”. 

Berner Phone #14: Annoying Generational Differences

November 09, 2023 18:44 - 1 hour - 107 MB

This week we’re working through some intergenerational conflict. Gen Z  can’t stand how older people text, rake leaves, and use social media. Millennials and Gen X are bothered by ever-changing lingo and TikTok. And everyone is mad that people yell on the phone in public places.

Berner Phone #13: Random Life Advice

November 02, 2023 17:41 - 1 hour - 88.6 MB

For the first time, we are taking life advice questions from the little dialers and we'll see where it takes us. This week we’re discussing how we can learn to say no, long distance relationships, and confusing situationships.

Berner Phone #12: More Dumb Etiquette and Traditions

October 26, 2023 14:49 - 1 hour - 84.6 MB

The phonies are fed up with office small talk, mommy influencers, and wedding traditions. Plus, Hannah's mom makes an appearance on the pod.  embracepetinsurance.com/bern

Berner Phone #11: Dumb Etiquette and Traditions

October 19, 2023 14:34 - 57 minutes - 79.4 MB

We are all eating cold food, holding doors, and asking permission to get married in the name of etiquette and tradition. The little dialers have had enough and so have we.  hellofresh.com/50bern  Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeodorant and get $5 off off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code BERN at lumepodcast.com! #lumepod

Berner Phone #10: Your Unorthodox Kinks

October 12, 2023 00:24 - 58 minutes - 80.6 MB

From armpits to toilets to breeding, no kink is left unturned in this new episode of Berner Phone! 

Berner Phone #9: Your Most Petty Moments

October 04, 2023 20:52 - 1 hour - 83.4 MB

The little dialers have committed some petty acts against exes, coworkers, neighbors, siblings, and spouses. Hannah and Des are here to justify your most petty moments.

Berner Phone #8: Your Best Relationship Advice Ever

September 27, 2023 23:30 - 54 minutes - 75.3 MB

Hannah and Des finally discuss love. They asked the little dialers about the best advice they ever received when it comes to having a successful relationship. Download the dating app for ambitious GoalDiggers, The League at https://click.theleague.com/qmhm/bernerphone. To skip the waitlist, text the code #Hannah to your concierge in the app to find your potential soulmate.

Berner Phone #7: Dialer's Dilemmas

September 20, 2023 19:46 - 59 minutes - 81.4 MB

This week we’re listening to your biggest dilemmas. Someone’s boyfriend is a secret submissive, we share our opinions on losing weight for a wedding, and contemplate dating as a stripper. Hannah has standup shows coming up in Tempe, Bensalem, Sacramento, San Francisco, Seattle, Portland, Baltimore, and more! Tickets here! dave.com/berninginhell  Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeodorant and get $5 off off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code BERN at lumepodcast...

Berner Phone #6: Your Guiltiest Pleasures

September 13, 2023 22:30 - 1 hour - 87.8 MB

This week the little dialers get some of the guiltiest pleasures off their chest. From chef boyardee to situationships and anal itching, we’re here to make you feel a little less guilty.  honeylove.com/BERN Recover properly with @waterboy and get 15% off with promo code BERN at waterboy.com/BERN! #waterboypartner

Berner Phone #5: The Best Life Advice You Ever Got

September 06, 2023 22:39 - 1 hour - 88.6 MB

This week we asked our little dialers to give us the best life advice they've ever gotten! Some knowledge dropped about jealousy, performance pressure, caring too much about what people think, and marriage advice about ball sucking! Live stand up shows coming up in Austin, San Antonio, Dallas, Houston, Tucson, Tempe, Buffalo, and Bensalem! Tickets here caraway.health/bern Sign up for the Dashpass student plan with code BERN

Berner Phone #4: Pet Peeves Part Deux with Des

August 30, 2023 17:53 - 56 minutes - 78 MB

We're back this week with more pet peeves to work through your issues with road rage, self checkout ettiquette, and yawning.  Stand up shows coming up in Mashantucket, Westhampton, Austin, San Antonio, Dallas, Houston, Tucson, Tempe, Buffalo, and more! Tickets here

Berner Phone #3: Pet Peeves Part One with Des

August 24, 2023 18:06 - 1 hour - 93.6 MB

The hotline was blowing up this week because everyone is annoyed about something. We listen to your pet peeves while Hannah and Des’ generational differences are exposed when discussing directions, we advise husbands to stop asking “are you ok?”, and we might have some future stand up comedians on our hands. Upcoming stand up shows in Mashantucket, Westhampton, San Antonio, Dallas, Tuscon, Tempe, Bensalem, San Francisco, Hanover, and more! Get tickets here Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with...

Jared Freid: 37 & Single

August 17, 2023 18:22 - 1 hour - 93.7 MB

Jared Freid’s comedy special 37 and Single is out now on Netflix. Go watch it now for his take on dating apps, late-night eating, and to find out why he’s still single. He explains why dating gets harder as you get older, is mad at Hannah for offering him a doughnut, and shares his craziest late-night food orders.  Come see my stand up shows coming up in Connecticut, Westhampton, Texas, Arizona, Pennsylvania, California, Seattle, Oregon, and more! Tickets here Find your forever pieces @j...

Berner Phone #2: The Most Embarrassing Moments Ever with Des Bishop

August 10, 2023 13:40 - 50 minutes - 69.7 MB

Berner Phone is back with our reactions to your most embarrassing stories. Bosses have been kissed, there was a lazy eye misunderstanding, and somehow JonBenet Ramsey is involved. You guys are wild and we love it.  Submit advice questions here Get tickets to my stand up comedy shows here Get 20% OFF @honeylove with promo code BERN at https://www.honeylove.com! #honeylovepod

Berner Phone #1: Beige Flags with Des Bishop

August 03, 2023 21:05 - 55 minutes - 76.8 MB

Welcome to the first episode of Berner Phone!!! I’m always interviewing people on podcasts and on the street, but in this new segment, I get to hear from you! Stay tuned on my Instagram @hannahberner for prompts and links to submit your voice messages. This week Des joins me to hear about your beige flags in relationships. We learn about boyfriends who can’t stop smelling their hands, have a fish tank obsession, were in a Christian cult, and more!  If you neeed advice asap leave a voicemai...

Tori Dunlap: Financial Feminist & Negotiating Tactics

July 25, 2023 17:39 - 1 hour - 91.1 MB

This week in hell we are collabing with Tori Dunlap's podcast Financial Feminist: Her First $100k. We discuss smart money tips to fight the patriarchy while sharing our personal experiences of navigating finances and negotiations.  I have stand up shows coming up in Connecticut, Westhampton, Austin, San Antonio, Dallas, Houston, Tuscon, Tempe, Buffalo, and more! Get tickets here!

Sabrina Brier: Cringeworthy & Cool Delusion

July 20, 2023 18:46 - 1 hour - 110 MB

Sabrina Brier is a New York comedian who plays “the girl who bullied you in high school who is trying to be an influencer” on her viral TikToks. She explains why she’s wearing a wedding ring, makes a bold claim about pizza, talks about childhood bullies, and why she embraces cringe. Come to my stand up shows: Tarrytown, Mashantucket, Westhampton, Austin, San Antonio, Dallas, Tuscon, Tempe, and more! Get tickets here!

Cat Cohen: Canon Events & Background Character Energy

July 13, 2023 13:16 - 1 hour - 96.8 MB

The gorgeous Cat Cohen is in hell today to discuss her new live show, her demons, and top tier banter. Come to my stand-up shows: Newark, Tarrytown, Mashantucket, Westhampton, Austin, San Antonio, Dallas, Houston! Get tickets here!

Zarna Garg: Arranged Marriages & One In A Billion

July 12, 2023 16:38 - 1 hour - 89.9 MB

The internet's realest mom, comedian Zarna Garg, came to hell! She opens up about being kicked out at 14, her one-of-a-kind career, and why mother-in-laws are the worst.  Come to my stand-up shows: Newark, Tarrytown, Mashantucket, Westhampton, Austin, San Antonio, Dallas, Houston! Get tickets here!

Cat Cohen: Cat Cohen: Canon Events & Background Character Energy

July 08, 2023 01:27 - 1 hour - 96.8 MB

The gorgeous Cat Cohen is in hell today to discuss her new live show, her demons, and top tier banter. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Emily Morse: Boost Your Sex IQ & Be Smart In Bed

June 29, 2023 21:48 - 53 minutes - 49.2 MB

Emily Hope Morse is a sex therapist, author and media personality. She is the host of the long-running podcast Sex with Emily and she tells us how to have smarter sex! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Carmen Lynch: Getting Discovered & Feeling Awkward

June 23, 2023 01:47 - 1 hour - 66 MB

Comedian Carmen Lynch is on the show to talk about her new special coming out! See her record her special live at the Comedy Cellar in NYC on June 26th. Tickets here! I have stand up shows coming up in NYC, Newark, Westhampton, Tarrytown, Connecticut, Texas, Arizona, Chicago, Milwaukee, and more! Get tickets here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ashley Gavin: Open Relationships & Outside Babies

June 11, 2023 19:52 - 1 hour - 72.5 MB

Ashley is back with a new comedy special out that I LOVED! Watch it here! She opens up about her open relationship, how is happened, and how it's going! She also talks about the process of creating her first special and creating comedy as a lesbian in a straightt male dominated field. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Michael Blaustein: Being Cute & Comedic

June 02, 2023 17:12 - 1 hour - 72.9 MB

Michael Blaustein is a comedian and cohost of Stiff Socks who stopped by hell. He was hard to break but I ultimately did it! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Des Bishop: My Husband & My Trauma

May 25, 2023 12:33 - 56 minutes - 51.7 MB

Des is back!!! We take questions from the little devils. We start light and then it gets pretty heavy. We are also fostering Abby! If you are interesting in adopting this little angel, check her out here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Maria Menounos: Healing In Hell & Her Next Chapter

May 18, 2023 16:35 - 43 minutes - 39.5 MB

The icon herself, Maria Menounos, is in hell with me today! We discuss why she finally decided to tell people about surviving pancreatic cancer, understanding warning signs in her body and mind, working in a male dominated industry, and becoming a parent this summer! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Out & About: Drag Queens & Conversion Camps

May 11, 2023 18:55 - 49 minutes - 45 MB

Patrick McAuliffe and Joey Camasta are my besties who stopped by hell to discuss anal, how they came out to their parents, what fixed their anxiety, and much more silliness. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Jake Shane: Octopus Lover & Learning From History

May 03, 2023 04:02 - 45 minutes - 41.3 MB

@Octopusslover8 is blowing up the internet right now, so we HAD to have him in hell! Jake Shane should win an Oscar for his hilarious relatable reenactments of historical events and I got to ask him about his creative process, friendships, rise to fame, and anxieties. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Jeffree Star: Down Low Hookups & Healing

April 26, 2023 22:14 - 55 minutes - 50.8 MB

Jeffree Star has left his ranch in Montana to come all the way to hell. He is on TikTok, has new makeup coming out, and has a ton of opinions on other makeup lines, hookups, and self help. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Benedict Polizzi: Polite Catcalling & Hair Transplanting

April 21, 2023 06:21 - 55 minutes - 50.9 MB

Benny is back on the pod with a new viral video series called "polite catcalling" and he survived being a cast member on FBoy Island. He opens up about his deepest insecurities and his dating life on the road as a stand up comedian. Hannah also complains about her ingrown hairs. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Guests

Ashley Gavin
2 Episodes
Nikki Glaser
2 Episodes
Andrew Collin
1 Episode
Daryn Carp
1 Episode
Doug Smith
1 Episode
Dylan Palladino
1 Episode
Esther Povitsky
1 Episode
Gabby Bernstein
1 Episode
Jackie Schimmel
1 Episode
Jared Freid
1 Episode
Lauren Ash
1 Episode
Olivia Caridi
1 Episode
Robby Hayes
1 Episode
Taylor Strecker
1 Episode