260. Being Intentional with Who You Surround Yourself With

In this episode, Brad and Lesley delve into the fascinating story of Nikole Mitchell, famously known as the "pastor turned stripper". She bravely transitioned from a pastor's life to a flourishing career as a coach and advocate for self-expression. Discover how Nikole's journey to self-acceptance inspires others to liberate themselves from societal norms and expectations.

If you have any questions about this episode or want to get some of the resources we mentioned, head over to LesleyLogan.co/podcast. If you have any comments or questions about the Be It pod shoot us a message at [email protected] .

 

And as always, if you’re enjoying the show please share it with someone who you think would enjoy it as well. It is your continued support that will help us continue to help others. Thank you so much! Never miss another show by subscribing at LesleyLogan.co/subscribe.

In this episode you will learn about:

How embracing the "Be It" mindset may result in losing your circles.The advantage of seeking a coach or community that aligns with your values.Not allowing other people’s fears to influence you. How asking for positive feedback helps set the tone for success.Protecting your dream by not allowing others’ opinions to mold you.

Episode References/Links:

Agency Mini Seven-Day Coaching ProgrameLevateCambodia Pilates RetreatClaire Sparrow

Books Mentioned:

Tough Titties by Laura BelgrayWomen, Food, and Hormones by Sara Gottfried MD, Donna Jay Fulks, et al.The Big Leap by Gay HendricksWe Should All Be Millionaires by Rachel Rodgers and HarperCollins LeadershipEsrahaddon by Michael SullivanMenopocalypse by Amanda ThebePurple Cow, New Edition by Seth GodinBig Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

 

 

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating and leave us a review on iTunes, Podcast Addict, Podchaser or Castbox.

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Resources

Watch the Be It Till You See It podcast on YouTube!Lesley Logan websiteBe It Till You See It PodcastOnline Pilates Classes by Lesley LoganOnline Pilates Classes by Lesley Logan on YouTubeProfitable Pilates

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Episode Transcript:

Lesley Logan 0:00  

Sometimes you do have to tell people this is what I need from you. I think sometimes we expect people to know like, oh, I'm doing this big thing, you should just post something nice. But people, they don't know how the algorithm works or how things work. They don't actually know what you need, you have to tell people, here's what I need.

Lesley Logan 0:07  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started.

 

Lesley Logan 0:21  

Welcome back to the Be It Till You See It Interview Recap where my co-host in life, Brad, and I are going to dig into the bold conversation I had with Nikole Mitchell in our last episode. If you haven't yet listened to the interview, you should, whether you do it right now, or after this, or whatever, but it's amazing. So pause this, go back and look, if you're listening in our OPC app, it's really easy to just like flip between the episodes. If you're in your any other of the tools, they typically will drop the latest one first. So if you miss Tuesdays, and you're like, oh, I always miss Tuesdays, well, then you can actually set your settings to tell it to what to do. So you never miss the interviews. Anyways, Nikole is amazing. And we'll talk about her in a minute. She's one of our new dear friends. I feel like so that's fine. (Brad: Starting to that.) I know, I'm actually really annoyed at the time that we're recording this, you are going to see Nikole and her partner. And I'm going to miss them. And it was like a monthly meet-up we were doing that I'm missing. (Brad: I know.) Or what. Ah. (Brad: Yeah.) Anyways. 

Brad Crowell 1:23  

We'll take pictures. 

Lesley Logan 1:25  

I know you will. Nikole, make sure to capture the moment. But today is National Buy a Book Day, everyone. Also National Beer Day. So you can (Brad: Oh yeah. Grab a beer.) And a book. (Brad: Buy a book.) And I wanted to do a shout-out to some of our guests who have books that I can recall. And if you've been on the show, and you have a book and I forgot I'm so sorry. But Claire Sparrow, her book is actually coming out in a couple of weeks. (Brad: Nice.) So definitely be on the lookout for that. That is a book that every woman should buy their friend. Jake Helfer has an amazing book and also helps you write a book. 

Brad Crowell 2:05  

He got a book that helps you write a book. 

Lesley Logan 2:06  

There's just like, I mean, we've had so many people who've written a book. We've got some guests coming up, we've got books coming out. Actually, last week's guest, Rory Vaden, he's written a couple books and bestsellers. So go buy one of our guests' books. Take a picture and tag them and the Be It Pod so we can reshare it. Then also this week we are actually it's the last few days to sign up for our Agency Mini, our Seven-Day Coaching Program for fitness instructors especially Pilates instructors, who are looking for some clarity on their business, getting their burning questions answered, make sure they're on the right path. So that you can have to sign up before Sunday. And if you're listening this on Monday (Brad: It's coming out of the wire folks.) so you got to sign up because our next one is not until the next year which is not in January. It's going to be maybe later in January but probably in February. So and also it is the last few days to get your application in for eLevate my program, my mentorship program for Pilates instructors so it's a big week around here. And so you should do the thing that is in your like best for you for your business and for your teaching right now.

Brad Crowell 3:12  

Yeah, so profitablepilates.com/mini or lesleylogan.co/elevate.

Lesley Logan 3:20  

Yes. Then after a few weeks of like, just enjoying Las Vegas in the fall weather that starts up. We'll leave and go to Cambodia. We'll be there for a couple of weeks which is our retreat (Brad: Holy cow I cannot wait.) which is basically full.

Lesley Logan 3:34  

You are welcome to you know, do your Eat, Pray Love and sign up last minute if you want but if you're wanting to, to do next year's go to lesleylogan.co/retreat to get on the waitlist because we'll do October again next year only one.

Brad Crowell 3:51  

While we're still selling tickets right now. It's just going to show all of that. But one of the FAQs is like I really can't come this year. I want to get on the waitlist. So check that up.

Lesley Logan 4:00  

Yeah, yeah. And then and then after I get back from that I'm here for some days, few days. And then I go to Chicago with Erika Quest.

Brad Crowell 4:09  

That's gonna be a party. And honestly, I'd love to go to but I'm staying home with the pups. 

Lesley Logan 4:14  

You are. And that reminds me of the dogs that are for those couple days in Nashville. But we'll do that after this. And then in December

Brad Crowell 4:23  

That's how sausage is made folks. 

Lesley Logan 4:25  

This is it. Oh, shoot, we need the dog. December. We're back on the road for our winter tour. So stay tuned for the details on all of that goodness. Before we talk about Nikole. Brad, we have a question. (Brad: We do.) I pulled this one in honor of the day.

Brad Crowell 4:41  

Yeah, I love it. So since today is the National Buy a Book Day. Oh, by the way, go to Whole Body Pelvic Health for Claire Sparrow's book. (Lesley: Oh fabulous.) Yeah, go to wholebodypelvichealth.co.uk.

Lesley Logan 4:53  

And every other guest that we did not call out where to get. We love you. (Brad: Yeah, we love you.) Go to the show notes of your episode. 

Brad Crowell 5:00  

Yeah. Okay, so we had all these questions, favorite books, what favorite books are we reading? And 

Lesley Logan 5:11  

I'm gonna go first. 

Brad Crowell 5:12  

You listed a few of them here. 

Lesley Logan 5:13  

Yeah, I listed a few and you can, you know, come up with your own as well. But I am currently listening to Tough Titties by Laura, Laura Belgray. I actually, she was actually my writing coach, my copywriting coach many moons ago. And it's just a fun story. Women, Food and Hormones by Sarah, Dr. Sarah Gottfried. That is an interesting, dense book. But hey, I'm 40. So we're reading it, The Big Leap I say this, every time someone asked me for a book, I listened to this annually. I literally call and go, Oh, I'm upper limit myself right now. Like his book is like my life Bible, to be completely honest. And then We Should All Be Millionaires. I've read that one off before, but I just think many women as possible should read that about money. It's so, so important. Brad, do you have a book that you're reading currently?

Brad Crowell 6:06  

I do. I have a few. And so the first one that I wanted to talk about is one of my favorite authors of all times, his name is Michael J. Sullivan. He's prolific. He's got like 20 books. And I'm reading his most recent book that came out last year, called Esrahaddon. And that's a character's name that's why it means nothing to anybody. But it's so well written, everything that he's done is so fascinating because he completely ties everything together in an incredible way. That like over 20 books, there's like, all these pieces that are all connected. It's really, really impressive. I just finished reading Menopocalypse: How I Learned to Thrive During Menopause and How You Can, Too. And I did that because I think it's important for me to know about that topic. So there's another book that, let's see, I've just got so many that are on my list here. I'm going through my literally right now just flipping through my Audible account. There's one called well, I think this is a good one, The Purple Cow: Transform Your Business By Being Remarkable. (Lesley: Oh, so good.) 

Lesley Logan 7:29  

So essential even though he talks about some things that are like really old. Everything is still applicable today. So good.

Brad Crowell 7:37  

Yeah. So if you're interested in actually any of those things just ping us and I'll happily happily share a link.

Lesley Logan 7:43  

We need Seth on the show. Who knows Seth? (Brad: Yeah. Who knows Seth? We should totally have Seth on the show.) I want to have Seth on the show. Just by me saying Seth if you know Seth, you know who I'm talking about. I want your help. Anyways, I love when people ask us about what books we're reading and what podcasts because it changes over time based on your like interests and everything and it's so, so important to immerse yourself in topics the things you don't know some things for pleasure some things for inspiration.

Brad Crowell 8:09  

All about it. Okay, now let's talk about Nikole Mitchell. Nikole Mitchell with her refreshingly honest and bold demeanor, emanates genuine authenticity demonstrating an intuitive connection with her body that encourages women to embrace and love themselves. 

Lesley Logan 9:08  

Yeah. She's phenomenal. She's so great. 

Brad Crowell 9:12  

Yeah, I think her one-liner is a bit shocking. She's a pastor turned stripper. (Lesley: Yes.) I think the shock value is a little bit on purpose. It definitely raises eyebrows. And you know what

Lesley Logan 9:25  

Hey, well, as we know from guest Alex Street, you have to have a story that can be told in three seconds. You can expand into 30 seconds, maybe into three minutes and keep going but like you have to go where was I, where am I now? Like, everyone has that. Like, I was in retail now I'm a Pilates instructor or I was homeless now I like I have a five-bedroom house. Like... 

Brad Crowell 9:45  

Well, my point in this is that you know, when she was a pastor, we didn't know her when she was a pastor and but I can imagine the type of pastor that she is based on the type of person that we have met today, so and it has completely up ended my understanding of what a stripper is. Who a stripper is, like, in my mind. Like, it's, I don't think I ever I never conceptualize being friends with someone who's like, yeah, that's what I do. And it's been so funny because she, I guess,

Lesley Logan 10:24  

Well I think what's so cool about her, we're gonna get through in a second but like it's really, because I'm a Pilates instructor and so like, it feels like it's part of but I'm not just a Pilates instructor and when we hang out I am more like it's like I'm just talking about like teasers all the time, I actually do talk about a lot of other things that have nothing to do with it. (Brad: Exactly.) What is so what you forget about that with yourself when you think like your job is kind of just like what it's, it's a normal ish job, right? Because she's a stripper, and we've only known her is that what I love is when we were hanging out it's only talking about stripping. We don't talk about her taking clothes off (Brad: No.) like we can, that is an that is a conversation that can come up and she would not shy away from it. But like, ever, she is the perfect example that we are all more than what we consider our job or our career. And she is a multifaceted person. And if you do follow her on Only Fans, like I get I get tons of like aspirations and informations from all of her posts.

Brad Crowell 11:27  

Yeah, she she's also a life coach, she started coaching people before she started her Only Fans account. You know, and I didn't actually I kind of went down the rabbit hole just to read a little bit more about her when we were doing these interviews and stuff. And I thought that was really amazing. She is just, she has a, her story, which I thought was really fun about the interview is that it wasn't actually about what she does today. It was about her transition from being like, you know, basically oppressed, and in like the society, like the situation that she was in with her church effectively. And the that whole community that she grew up in, and then getting out and then becoming herself. 

Lesley Logan 12:16  

Yeah, and I think like one of the things why I really wanted to have her on obviously she's super successful at what she does. She is a seven-figure earner she went from being on literal food stamps to be a seven-figure earner in a shortish period of time, through dedication, and we talked a lot about it, and we in the episode you want to go back and also we were gonna have her back on to talk about, like, manifestation and goal setting all that stuff. But what is just been what I wanted was like, I wanted people, there's a lot of people within the show who have a dream, and they're afraid of losing people. And I couldn't think of a better person to have on than someone who went from being a pastor to a stripper. Because that is the ultimate like, you're gonna lose your circle, you're gonna lose a lot of circles. And yeah, and to see where she is on the other side of it, I thought would be such a great example for people to be it until they see it in that way. And, and you don't have to be like I want to be a stripper to do that you could maybe you just want to maybe your family is like you should be a doctor and you're like I don't want to or maybe you want to date someone of another sex that like maybe your family is not probably super excited about I really want to to have an episode on the show (Brad: Or different religion or something) right all right, just like things that can scare people in your family that can keep you from being the true person that you are because you're afraid of losing people I really wanted to have a guest on where you can go she did she totally lost people knock online but she also look where she is at she truly is living the life she wants. And she didn't lose every single person in her family we do know that she does talk to you about her family so like it's a transition. So anyways, we're gonna get to things that she loves. Let's just actually accomplish what she talked about. (Brad: Yeah) So one of the things I love she said to, she said people will people won't take that final leap. So when you're on the journey of living your truth and you're taking the thing sometimes you hit an obstacle and right when it gets hard is usually when a lot of people quit but if you could just make that final leap you're actually going to you're actually going to be on the other side of it and she talked about like it's really terrifying. I really loved how honest she was about like she was scared as fuck like (Brad: Yeah) she was so scared and she talked about taking these like really little baby steps and we talk about this all the time you don't have to see the whole staircase you guys like baby steps and she really surrounded herself with people that could could help her you know take those steps without being like oh my god what am I doing, I'm making a mistake like she could be herself and then the safe places and then removed herself from circles where she was afraid that they would actually not burst the bubble but when you are new at something having anyone tell you something that's like your biggest fear is gonna, like make you like, just stop doing it.

Brad Crowell 15:04  

Yeah. And I think that I have this right on the timeline of things, but I'm pretty sure she removed herself from her circles prior to getting on Only Fans. (Lesley: She did.) So she was like, already up and out for multiple years because she, you know, was basically stuck. And she wanted to be unstuck and being unstuck meant she had, she moved, she literally left where she was at, she left a small town. She left a church that she was in, she like all the things, right? And then she started a new life. And then she was doing some life coaching. And then it was only after that even that she she decided to go down the Only Fans path.

Lesley Logan 15:44  

And I go back to her like one line like, like, pastor turned stripper. It can sound so quick. (Brad: Right.) What for whatever reason, our brain just goes up. It's like a light switch.

Brad Crowell 15:55  

Right. 

Lesley Logan 15:55  

Like it turned it on. 

Lesley Logan 15:56  

Yeah. Like she went from the pulpit right to

Lesley Logan 15:59  

Yeah, and it was not like that at all. Like it was very much a slow and gradual journey, where she just explored. And she gave herself those permissions. (Brad: Yeah.) And she, she didn't. And I think this is really important. She didn't go into where we know her now right away, she actually built up her confidence in other places. So that when she got there, and we talked about this on the podcast about when she like first posted the picture, she's like, okay, tell her friends, makes you post nice things right away, because I need to, like create the space. So I just want to, I really loved her story, because I think you can insert any before and any after. And take her advice of just like, take your time and get get people go find people who will immediately be on your side, and really protect those dreams from the people you already know were gonna judge them. You already know it. So why even? Like, why even try to find a perfect way to let them know? Because it's not, there's no perfect way for those people?

Brad Crowell 17:02  

Well, that is perfect segue here. (Lesley: Right, take over.) So, you know, one thing I love that she said, is that you have to give your yourself permission not to tell anybody.

Lesley Logan 17:13  

Yeah, I love when I do a great transition. 

Brad Crowell 17:16  

Yeah. You know, so she shared about how we may inadvertently self-sabotage our ambitions and dreams by sharing them too early with those who we actually imagined will support them. But then their fears, end up shooting them down. Righ? And so more often than not, I would imagine that those people are people that you trust, you love, you know, and they are probably not like out to undermine you or whatever. But they have a definitive concept of what life is supposed to be or your life is supposed to be or your role is supposed to be or whatever. And so they're gonna say, Well, why would you go do that you're not, you know, the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And all this stuff that, you know, effectively is what you're trying to remove yourself from that kind of situation. And so for her, she actually went out and found a coach, that she said, This person, I literally am paying them to be 100% on my side to support me, right. And that's the person that I'm going to share the things with. And I thought that was super interesting because it allowed her to just bounce ideas off of a third party, different perspectives. Someone who isn't involved in the day to day, doesn't know the history, none of that stuff. Yeah. So that she could get like an objective.

Lesley Logan 18:47  

 And, yes, a total objective. That's why therapists are great. It's one of the things I joke about when we like, when we first started doing business coaching for our like, we started going, we started going to get business coaching many years ago. And someone's like, oh, I got a client go. Oh, what is that for? And I said, it's kind of like I'm taking my business to private school. I'm paying for some friends. And yeah, for some people to really help uplift me. And it's not like they don't have because as business coaches, we absolutely have amazing advice for you. But also, you need to have people in your life who are not going to go oh my god, are you scared? Like are you sure that's a good idea? Like my god? My family, but every time I mentioned what country I'm gonna go to oh, are you nervous about that? (Brad: That must be dangerous.) That's really dangerous it's like that is the last thing I need to be thinking about right now. I'm supposed to go there to like help make sure that these people feel uplifted and like you're telling me I'm really scared about that. (Brad: Right) So it's, that's one of the reasons why

Brad Crowell 19:52  

But again, that's not like they're not like intentionally trying to stop you. But they are definitely putting (inaudible).

Lesley Logan 19:59  

It's their own fear. And so this is why, like I love that she, you know, paid someone to be alive, good to be your friend, but also like why many of us need to have either a business coach or a life coach or community that we pay to be part of? Because everyone in there is there to be supportive, and to help everyone succeed? Like that's what they're buying into.

Brad Crowell 20:20  

Yeah, yeah. And what I thought was interesting is that she said, once she moved, she still took time. Like, she said, I didn't know anybody. But I knew that I needed to get out of my community where it was a small town, everyone knew me. They knew all of everything. And she moved. And she said, she ended up taking like a year of what she called the time that she hunkered down. And she spent that time to get to know herself again, explore things, figure out what she actually want to be doing with her life. And, you know, like, find new people who would support her. And she said in that time, it was super important to be selective around the people that she was around. Because one, she wanted to avoid having her dream squashed by negativity. Two, she said it was really she said, give yourself permission to be very, very picky. Right, which is so interesting, especially when, you know, you're on the, when you're out there trying to find friends, community, support, whatever it is, you know, she was very intentional about who it was that she surrounded herself with. And then she said, your dreams are so fragile at the beginning, that if you give it to the wrong person too soon, they could squash it with their fear, they will smother it. And she said, ultimately, this was also really used in her growth into being a model online. Because she said, this was really scary, too. She just knew that this is something that she always wanted to do. But she was afraid to do it. And so when she started her Only Fans account, she didn't share with anyone for a year. It was just her. (Lesley: Taking pictures of) just her. (Lesley: Yeah.) And you know, there's no search bar on the Only Fans, you have to be sending people the link in order to find anything. Yeah. So she didn't share. She just started the account, just to do it for her. Right. And then when she finally started, like sharing this, she was intentional about who she shared it with. And then she said to them, hey, I need your support, because I'm going to start sharing a little more publicly. And I really want to shape the way that people are commenting. And so when I post this thing, would you please leave a supportive comment, because I want to drown out any of the negativity, before it even starts.

Lesley Logan 22:57  

She wants to set the tone. (Brad: Set the tone.) And this is really you guys, this is so important. When you've got things like you, sometimes you do have to tell people this is what I need from you. I think sometimes we expect people to know like, oh, I'm doing this big thing, you should just post something nice. But people, they don't know how the algorithm works on how things work. They, they don't actually know what you need, you have to tell people, here's what I need. And you know, when I first when my when my accounts, were first starting, I was gonna do a giveaway. And I literally texted my best friend. I said, hey, I know you have three Instagram accounts. Here's the link, can you please post these comments? I literally gave them the comments, like post these comments right now with all three accounts, because I wanted people to go, oh, this is how we behave here. And I have actually like, if you look at her comment feeds, most every person has a positive comment. There is the rarest of hundreds of comments. There's the rarest of like, dick comments. And she because she did this so gradually, and she made sure that she was ready for this. She has the quippiest responses back that just lay and she inspired me because I had some dick say something to me about I'm an exercise person. And they said something and I was like, I don't go into your training gym to tell people how to squat. You should not be telling people how to do Pilates. You don't know it. You clearly have never done it. But I hope you try it. That's why you're here. And they, their response. I was like, Oh no, I just meant that like blah blah. I'm like, you don't know what you're talking about when it comes to different modality. Yeah, thank you. So like, I she gave me the cuz I was like, oh my god, what a negative comment. And I was like, oh, I could actually just tell people really the honest truth back and it's still kind. Thanks, Nikole. 

Brad Crowell 24:38  

Yeah, yeah, that's amazing. You know, and then she she actually recommended a book Glennon Doyle's book. And she said that she made it really clear that her new bar was to only include people in her circle, who she loved and liked, loved and liked, and that made her feel good and then celebrated her.

Lesley Logan 25:00  

I love that it has to be both have to love and like, yeah. (Brad: Yeah.) I think that's so cool. And also anyone just now shout out if you know, Seth, maybe know Glennon and hey, hi. 

Brad Crowell 25:11  

We're doing it.

Lesley Logan 25:13  

I'm asking for what I want over here. 

Brad Crowell 25:14  

I love it. 

Brad Crowell 25:22  

All right, so finally, let's talk about those Be It Action items. What bold, executable, intrinsic or targeted action items can we take away from your convo with Nikole Mitchell? She said, whatever's on your heart right now, yeah, that thing that you've been wanting to go do, but you've been afraid to do it, you need to go do it. You need to do it today. You need to start today. (Lesley: Yeah) Right? And even if it is just one small piece of the thing. Start it. And you can do it only for yourself. You don't need to do it for anybody else. You don't need to do it publicly. You can just do it for you. (Lesley: Yeah) Whatever that thing is.

Lesley Logan 26:05  

That's, I really just like wanna highlight. Just we already said it. And we emphasized it. But she really just did things for a year without publicizing because like she did it for her. And I think like, that speaks volumes to why she's had the success that she had because she got so clear on what it was. It goes back to the book Big Magic back on National Buy a Book. Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. You're welcome. She is the author of Eat, Pray, Love. And she did not even quit her job as Professor even when that book was a national bestseller. Right? She didn't she barely quit it after she sold the movie rights. Like she really wanted to make sure that she protected her love and, and gift of writing, to not put pressure on it to be something to make money and tell like she really knew she could do it. Because when we put things out to the public too soon, before we've really gotten clear on our values and why we're doing it and the purpose for it. It's so easy for other people's opinions to mold that. In fact, my my tattoo artists she is she's still going to do tattoos, but she's also like starting to get into upholstery and like making chairs. Cool. He's like been like buying chairs and like doing a new upholstery on them. And like redesigning them is super cool. Like, we're obviously going to end up with some chairs. We'll get rid of some I'll get rid of some to get some new ones.

Brad Crowell 27:37  

Or she's gonna be upholstering some of ours. 

Lesley Logan 27:38  

That or, I was like, oh are you reposting people's and she said, I took on a client. This has been this is a month-long project. This is like she's not one month into this, maybe she's two months into this at this point. Idea. And she took on a client and she's like, I'm already mad at myself for doing it because I can't find the fabric that she wants. And I want to do this other thing. And it made me just realize that like maybe I don't want to actually do special orders unless I really liked the project because I prefer (Brad: takes her creativity, her creative mind.) So what happened is she like made it a business before she'd really gotten really (Brad: That's really interesting.) clear on it. And I think that just goes back to like, go do the thing right now. And then also like, let yourself like, like, go, go get started. And I do love that she said you know, you'll talk yourself out of it if you wait longer.

Brad Crowell 28:27  

Yeah, what about you? 

Lesley Logan 28:29  

Okay. So she, we had to there's a couple things that came out of the Be It Action Items that I really love but she realized the detrimental effects of trying to fit into other person, others' perceptions of her so when we are people pleasing hello, where are my people pleasers at, probably a big portion of this of this group. She realized that like trying to fit in was causing her to be stressed it was actually causing anxiety and depression and, and she was miserable on the inside. And while in therapy, she really discovered the root cause of her people pleasing, which is so important because there's different reasons why you might people please and we got into talking about like, cuz there was a part of her like staying in poverty, right. Like, you know, there's there's a part of that that like it we can feel guilty for like making money and things like that. (Brad: Totally.) And she said, Well, poverty is very expensive. And that was a whole like a whole segment of the episode have to listen to but it's on emotional and mental well being as well. And so she said, there's two reasons. She's disappointing someone. One, she acknowledges that the disappointment others felt was due to her performance of someone she wasn't and so this is a really interesting thing. Because if we are telling people we're someone else, and we're gonna be our true self, then of course we're gonna disappoint them because we lied to them. We (inaudible) and then the other thing was that she wanting to wanting to remain they wanted her to remain the same for their comfort. And when we try to people, please we are trying to remain what people other people want so they will like us, and that's not actually going to make you happy. So the standard, she said the standard should never be toleration in a relationship or friendship, it should always be celebration. And she said, if you if I see you evolving, I'm celebrating you. So be it action item.

Brad Crowell 30:34  

And I think she also said, even if she doesn't necessarily agree, yeah.

Lesley Logan 30:39  

Oh, that's, that's what that's next level. Next. What's next? And that is our I hope we all are. I think all of us listening to this want to be that person. And I think if you do find yourself seeing someone evolve, and you're not celebrating, I just think it's a little flashlight of like, oh, here's some work to do. Don't get mad at yourself. Like there's some work to do. But I just, I think like, just I really found that her Be It Actions are like about self-reflection. (Brad: Yeah.) Just taking a little action, and being kind to yourself and celebrating along the way.

Brad Crowell 31:11  

Yeah, I mean, amazing. What a journey.

Lesley Logan 31:14  

I know, were having her back because it was I could have just kept going. So. So anyways, I really can't wait for the next episode to come out. We're gonna hold it for the holiday New Year situation because I don't believe in New Year New You. But I do believe in the that sometimes there's certain points of the year when we're really more open to the idea of envision big visions and manifestation. So stay tuned for that. In the meantime, go check out Nikole, and let us know what your favorite takeaway is. Or tag her. Tag us. I know that I really do, I really hope that you like send this to your mom who (Brad: Do it.) Like, I think, one, it's really refreshing and enlightening for people to understand that jobs don't define people. And I think people need to see that like different jobs, the holistic part of it, we donate to the Cupcake Girls, which does sex workers' rights. And my we told my dad about it, and he's like, sex workers rights. I'm like, Yeah, dad, they need rights, too. And I we like told them some stories. And he's like, oh, okay, I'm in like, it's so interesting. We're not exposed to it. It can it can keep people from seeing beauty and possibility and things and making judgments that are based on non fact. So make sure you share this with people. Tag Nikole. Tag the Be It pod. Thank you so much for listening to our episodes, your questions and your comments, your takeaways inspire the guests that we bring on I keep thinking about different guests based on different scenarios I know people are going through who are listening to this so that we can support you wherever you are. I heard you on the menopause. I'm going to be really honest. I had someone lined up and it didn't work out. So we are working on someone else. (Brad: Stay tuned.) Until next time. Be It Till You See It.

Brad Crowell 32:59  

Bye for now.

Lesley Logan 32:59  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network.

 

Brad Crowell 32:59  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell.

 

Lesley Logan 32:59  

It is produced, edited by the epic team at Disenyo.

 

Brad Crowell 32:59  

Our theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music, and our branding by designer and artist Gianfranco Cioffi.

 

Lesley Logan 32:59  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals and Ximena Velazquez for our transcriptions.

 

Brad Crowell 32:59  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all the content to our website. And finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

 

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