259. How to Step into Your Own Truth

Change can be daunting, but what happens when you pivot in the most unexpected ways? Dive deep into Nikole’s journey, revealing the heart, courage, and self-discovery it takes to embrace your true calling. Discover how authenticity can lead to unimaginable paths and how to harness it in your own life. 

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In this episode you will learn about:

How to transform your life by listening to your inner truths.Why fear often holds women back.How to move beyond people-pleasing.Why it is vital to surround yourself with genuine support.How to confidently embrace your authenticity amidst judgment.How to overcome body insecurities and embrace self-love.

Episode References/Links:

Nikole Mitchell’s InstagramNikole Mitchell’s TwitterNikole Mitchell’s TikTokNikole Mitchell’s WebsiteNikole Mitchell’s YouTubeNikole Mitchell’s Facebook

Guest Bio:

She is known as the pastor-turned-stripper. She left a religious community for the adult industry and has never been happier, healthier, or wealthier. She transitioned from food stamps to 7 figures by embracing the truest version of herself, even if it meant being misunderstood. She is an expert in pleasure, power, and profit, as well as self-expression and being an online sex worker.

 

 

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Episode Transcript:

Nikole M. Mitchell 0:00  

And for me, it's like I just want to hear my own truth. I want to speak my truth. I want to know my truth apart from all the truth passed down to me. I want to take up space with my full self and as scary as that was I was so hungry for it after decades of not taking up space, of shrinking, of sacrificing myself. 

Nikole M. Mitchell 0:09  

Welcome to the Be It Till You See It podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring. I'm Lesley Logan, Pilates instructor and fitness business coach. I've trained thousands of people around the world and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt. My friends, action brings clarity and it's the antidote to fear. Each week, my guest will bring bold, executable, intrinsic and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and Be It Till You See It. It's a practice, not a perfect. Let's get started. 

Lesley Logan 0:21  

Alright, babes. So what I'm so excited about is today's interview is actually something I got to do in person with this guest and get your journal out, get your notebooks out, get your get ready to replay this episode two times because, honestly, I had a really hard time ending the interview. I know that Nikole did as well. I'm gonna have to have her back because there's just so much that that she and I could still talk about in an amazing way to support you. You are an amazing person. Do you know that? Have you told yourself that he was shot and what I what I love about being in the presence of Nikole, is that she is this embodiment of loving herself wholly and fully and honestly and she takes up the space that she deserves to take up, we all deserve to take up in this world is that she empowers everyone around her to do that to and to show up fully and honestly and loving. And you will hear in this episode, why having people in your lives that have that are doing what you want to be doing this world around you is such an important thing. It helps you show up the way you want to show up. It helps you to have those people who are who've done the thing and doing the thing that you want to be doing. So I I truly, truly am so grateful to have this woman in my life. I want to call her a friend and and I'm the most proud of this conversation that I could ever be on this app on this podcast. And so Nikole Mitchell is here. She is phenomenal. She is more than words can describe to be completely honest. And her journey on this earth is one where I do know you can find yourself in her story. And yeah, you will, you'll hear who she is. And you might think Leslie how on earth and I'm going to tell you listen to the whole thing. Because you are going to get so many gems out of this and you are going to see that life is not linear. And it is this journey along the way the curiosity that we all deserve to give ourselves in this life that we have. And the self-love the full self-love that we owe it to ourselves that is going to take you everywhere you want to go. She's an incredible woman. So here she is Nikole Mitchell.

Lesley Logan 4:19  

All right, Be It babes. I'm so excited. First of all, our guest today is in my house, which just makes us really fun. So, maybe this is a new way of doing an interview podcast. I would love that. And also, a friend of a friend introduced us if you remember Michael Unbroken's episode, many of you loved that episode. He said, You have to meet my friend Nikole. She's amazing. You too, are gonna love each other. He's not wrong. I'm obsessed with our guest, Nikole Mitchell. Thank you so much for being here. Can you tell everyone who you are and what you rock at?

Nikole M. Mitchell 5:42  

Yes, Lesley, thank you so much for having me. So I'm Nikole Mitchell. I'm known as the pastor turned stripper. I'm really good at helping people monetize what they love doing. 

Lesley Logan 5:52  

Okay, so thank you. Do you not think no big deal? Like? I mean, everyone goes from pastor stripper like that's the common thing, right? You know, it's so funny. It's like when people like you have to have a three-sentence bio and like a one bio. Like, I feel like that's a hard bio to just summarize things up. And so can you take us back a little bit to like, you know, the life that led you to being like a pastor, and then kind of the journey there, because I think there's a lot of question marks that people are gonna have.

Nikole M. Mitchell 6:24  

I know, it's interesting, even that tagline sounds like an overnight thing. And it obviously encompasses an entire journey and back backstory. So I was raised in a very conservative religious environment, and very quickly picked up on the messaging that my role as a girl was to grow up and become a wife, and mom, and to be a good woman. And I drank the Kool Aid, I believe it's my core that was used to be the epitome of my life. Existence. And I did I grew up I married a man had three kids was a stay at home mom. And of course, I love my babies. But I was miserable, that I felt like, I felt duped like this, is it? This is this is it? And so when I reached that point, I started re evaluating my entire life and asking like, what is it that you actually want Nicole? Apart from the dogma, apart from the indoctrination? What is it that you want? And that question changed everything?

Lesley Logan 7:19  

Yeah, I feel like that question. Every single one of us can, like, probably ask ourselves on a daily basis. Yeah. Know, like, such a powerful question. And I also I love that you said like, it sounds like it's an overnight thing. And I think it's so important to highlight that every person who thinks something sounds like it was from I went from this to this, it's, it's never that it's not a light switch. It's very, it's I am a dimmer switch.

Nikole M. Mitchell 7:43  

Shown roller coaster, for sure. And every success story has a backstory, it's so easy when we see people who've made it to think they had it easier than we did, they had more resources, they have more connections, they had more just more than what we currently have. So then we assume they had an easier and better than what you have, and I've been in this long enough. And my story's very rocky to know that that's never true. Like, I mean, there's some of the more privilege and power but when people make massive life changes, it is a roller coaster,

Lesley Logan 8:13  

right? Because there's also like, you're trying to figure out what it is that you want. And then also there's the people around you are like, how does what you want affect my life? And so then you're balancing their emotions and their worries and their fears with your own. Yeah. So how, how did you? Did you go? Okay, what this is what I want now? And then how did that how did you have that conversation with the people around you?

Nikole M. Mitchell 8:36  

Yeah, that is really hard, because I'm a recovering people pleaser, and I don't want to offend anyone, I don't want to disappoint anyone. I'm a very, very caring person. And so to try to step into your own and live your truth with the immense pressure of trying to be who everyone else needs you to be. It's hard enough to where I think it's easy for people to never make that final leap. You try so hard for so long. And then that last jump is so terrifying to fully stand on your own two feet and knowing you're going to disappoint some people is terrifying thing for most people, and especially women who aren't we just love people and we love humans, and we don't want to hurt anyone. And when I did this journey, it was such a slow like, it was not an overnight sensation. And for me, it's like I just want to hear my own truth. I want to speak my truth. I want to know my truth apart from all the truth passed down to me. I want to take up space with my full self and as scary as that was I was so hungry for it after decades of not taking up space of shrinking of sacrificing myself. And so I gave myself to like move in baby steps very privately. I like kind of really couldn't like kind of hunker down because I couldn't withstand any pushback. I was like a little baby chick on wobbly legs, one tiny gust of wind and I'd be on my back flailing. So I like hunker down, remove myself from small circles because I couldn't explain to them what I was doing. This was very intimate transformation. And then once I got more sturdy on my legs, then I started having conversations with people about who I was becoming and what I was doing.

Lesley Logan 10:07  

So I think that that's actually like, really, I want everyone to like relisten to that, because we even had someone on who was like talking about the Enneagram. And like, when you when you, when you find out about yourself she like had like a client who's who's a perfectionist and didn't want to ever make a mistake. And so some people would say, well just speak your truth. And it's like, yes, wouldn't that be amazing if that worked for her is that for if it were to go wrong, if there'll be a little bit of wind, a little bit of push, that can actually not just knock you off your feet, but go, okay, that was actually so terrifyingly awful. I'm never gonna do that again. And then you're in that, like, you're further away from your truth. So I think it's really cool that like you hunker down I love. I love thinking about like, okay, who are like, if there's anyone in my circle who I can share this with? Like, who would that be? And if it's like, you gotta just really be kind, like, it's not always going to be your parents or your partner or something like that. Because 

Nikole M. Mitchell 11:02  

She is the last one. I found for me and my clients, family often is the last.

Lesley Logan 11:06  

Yeah, so so they were your last? 

Nikole M. Mitchell 11:09  

Yeah, you know, what I actually did is I hired a life coach, I'm like, I will literally pay someone to be my best friend. Like someone who really has my back unequivocally, they're not. They're not voting for me and my family, they're not going for me. And my partner is like, I'm solely in Nikole's corner. And I needed that because I don't think I ever really had that anyone who was in my corner was rooting for me, was rooting for me to become who they thought I should be. And so I hired someone specifically to be like, I've got your back all the way through Nikole. And that kind of support was powerful. Because when I was overwhelmed and terrified, I called him crying. When I felt on fire and unstoppable I called him celebrating I didn't, it wasn't my husband, then that I went to was definitely not my family. It wasn't even my best friends, like I knew is undergoing a massive transformation. And I had to have at least one person who had my back all the way through it.

Lesley Logan 11:58  

That is such a I would not thought about that I had like think that that's really cool. It's like instead of even being a best friend that you might have who even probably is like, Nikole, whatever you want, I'm here all the way like you're like no actually just need someone who really is like, like, I'll pay them to be that person. I think that's actually quite, quite amazing. My my husband, I we had this amazing win in our lives in May of 2020. And he called his parents to share with them and they are like we're buying a house because we had this amazing opportunity. And their response was like, we'll make sure it's not the most expensive house and make sure the school district is really great. And like, I was like, driving the car, like with the hand going wrap it up, wrap it up. That was not satisfying. Call our coach. I was like, call her house. And like, here's the thing about coaches like that. We called him up. And he was like, Guys, I have a call in two minutes, what's up? What can I do? And we're like, this is what happen to us. He's like, That's amazing. And he like scream in the car with us. And so it's true. Like when you're having these like new wins these new, even new tests for you, you need someone who's like, can, can keep their fears and worries for what that feels like for their relationship with you aside. So I think that that's really wise.

Nikole M. Mitchell 13:10  

And I think when people make the decision, like to buy a house or for me to undergo this massive life change, the people in the middle of that decision making a transformation have thought the most about it more than any other person in your life. So when people come at us, like, why we consider this and have you considered that it's like, we have thought it all the way through. And so it actually isn't helpful. I feel like it's, it's it's meant to be loving and caring. And that's how I interpret it. But it can be an insult. Like I have thought this through more than any of you combined will ever think this decision through. And that's where having support like I see you, I know you've put so much thought and intention in this and the fact that this showed up in your life, this house and it's aligned and you're so excited. I'm so happy for you guys. But we don't have that people think they they think of something that you've never thought of before, but they haven't because you're the one in this.

Lesley Logan 13:56  

It's so funny isn't truth, like you are like, I'm not gonna be passed tomorrow I'm going to be a stripper or whatever it is that you do all the time. And like, it's like, it's like they they do it's like it's funny, like, I'm gonna wear a dress today. It's not you know what I want to do today I want to go to I want to go to new park. So funny how people do think that these big life changes are are being you are being thought of in the same way that you're like, What do I want for dinner? Yeah, that's really I think that's really important for everybody like to keep in mind like it is. They are being helpful. They think they're being helpful, but you have thought it through and like if you can really remind yourself so I mean, obviously, being a pastor, like as someone who was raised in church, like, I know there's a lot of pressure on like, what that life is supposed to look like and how you're supposed to behave and how you're supposed to your family's supposed to act. And then also everyone in the church has the same rules around that was I mean that had to be really tough to consider like losing like, everybody.

Nikole M. Mitchell 14:54  

Yeah, I It was terrifying. Because around the same time it was a bunch of things were falling into place which was I knew was aligned but it was I knew was going to be a lot from people. So like I came out queer. Like I realized my queerness around the same time that I hired my life coach that I decided I wanted to get off food stamps and be rich, and I wanted to live a fully expressed life. So a lot of factors were coming together and in my church that was homophobic, that did paid me pennies. And that constantly censored me and told me what I was allowed to say and what I wasn't allowed to say. I knew I was going to lose my entire church, which that which back then was all of my friends. So as long as my community I was gonna lose my job I was in was my tiny source of income, all for the risk of what the unknown, I wasn't promised that I was going to make it or make a lot of money. Like I didn't know where I was going. I just knew I was like, the higher rose up in ranks. The longer I stayed in this path, the more suffocated I became. And I remember thinking at one point, Nicole, why are you settling for a job that pays you pennies to be who you can't even who you really aren't? And so there has to be something out there where you can be the fullness of yourself and make a crap ton of money. And that's what he's willing to go after? And willing to step in the unknown for Yeah, did you?

Lesley Logan 16:11  

Did you always think it was like, Did you always know that was going to be being a stripper? Or is it like, you tested out like different things? Like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm hobby hunting everyone, like, you know, like, so was it like, Were you trying out? Like, is it going to be this job? Or this job? Or did you kind of have some sort of clue.

Nikole M. Mitchell 16:27  

I've had so many jobs in my life, like, I feel like I've lived multiple lifetimes. I used to be a news anchor. I was a high school teacher. I was a bartender, I was a pastor. And I when I left it all and like something unknown as like, what do I want, and all these desires that I've had my entire life, I'm a very sexual person. I'm a very central person. I've been that way since I was five. When I got caught touching myself, right? Like I was very in touch with my body at a young age, it all came rushing back. And I used to be so afraid of it. Because I was taught in a church, it would ruin me, it would ruin my family, it would make me destitute, no one would want me yada yada, yada. But it all came back. And I was like, what would it look like if I trusted my desires instead of fear them? So I started to tune into my desires and like, what would it look like for me to post a sexy selfie? This is literally the first decision I made before I got into adult work because like, what would a little bit for me to post a sexy selfie? And I was terrified. This was in 2018 on Facebook, I'm like, What are they gonna think I'm intentionally posing intentionally trying to like, look cute. And I talked to two mentors like this A how much I thought about posting a single photo on Facebook that I thought was sexy. If I could show you now you like that is not sexy, I was like, ever since. And so mild. But for me, who always had to shrink for everyone's comfort. This was like a big stepping stone. Once I did that, I was like, Oh my gosh, you're telling me this can become a way of life where I can post what I want. wear what I want, say what I want, do what I want. That's the life I ultimately want.

Lesley Logan 18:00  

Yeah. So we we coach a lot of fitness instructors and, and it's really funny when they go to post anything for the first time. It's not a sexy hill selfie, it's like them doing a Pilates move or some like that. There's, I feel like anytime anyone is speaking their truth, like a fully going to show up and put themselves out there in a real way. I think the pressure that we put on that first one is like, it's so big no matter who you are, and what it is, but every industry when you but then eventually you keep doing it. And so obviously now that's like, it's like part of like, you know, the daily things that you do in a day is

Nikole M. Mitchell 18:35  

the hardest, it's always gonna be the most awkward. It's never going to be as amazing as you think it is. You can train and edit and perfect as much as possible. But a year later, you're gonna look back and be like, I have so cute. Like I'm a little baby girl baby chick on wobbly legs back then, but hadn't posted that or done that thing, then you wouldn't be as confident, strong, trained, poised collected as you are today. I was even thinking about this today because for five years, I've been a life coach for five years. I've wanted to host a VIP event since the beginning. But I never had the confidence. I finally was like, eff it. I'm doing it, launched it and hosted my first VIP month last earn May was so extraordinary. And then say woke up and like I'm doing another one. And it just announced on social media. Nowhere near the fret didn't take me five years. Like, I was like, I'm so glad I did that first one because now it's out of the way it's so much easier from here on out.

Lesley Logan 19:25  

I love this because I do think it that like every single person no matter what your whatever your dream is, the first one has like all this pressure. It's very precious. It's like, it's like, like, you know, I don't know every it's like when you're 16 and going to prom. It's like the dress has to be perfect the hair everything has to be but then you're like, oh, okay, did that and actually doesn't need to be a big deal. I mean, it's kind of like parents with their first kid the oldest has like perfectionist issues because the parents made sure there's tons of photos of them. Everything is perfect. All the balloons are perfect. And then the second one comes along and they're like, here don't worry the bottle dropped. It's fine. I'll dust it off. 

Nikole M. Mitchell 20:00  

So true as a mom of three, see you would wear out. But it's such a good way. It's like less controlling less perfection, more trusting. I trust my kids so much more than I ever have. They're capable, they're smart, they can figure things out, I don't need to hover or protect, like, as nearly as much as I thought I did. It does really get easier.

Lesley Logan 20:23  

So I'm gonna go back to like, the wobbly legs to the strong legs. What? What helped you go? Okay, I'm strong enough to tell some people because I mean, you were married and had kids at the time? Like, when how strong did you have to get your legs to feel like you could actually show up and to have that conversation? And then what was the preparation for that? Because I feel like that's where a lot of people are stuck is like, I want to change this career that I have. And I now I gotta tell this person over here who I'm in a life path with? How did that kind of go? 

Nikole M. Mitchell 20:53  

You know, it's interesting. I've seen in the five years I've been coaching that when someone feels this deep urge to change something or want to go after something, they will often tell the one person that they say they expect to support them, but doesn't mean the very person is going to shoot them down. And it becomes a self sabotage. Like I tried, I even told my mom, I told my partner, they're like, that's crazy. You'll never like, have you thought about this? What if you get sued? What if that, and so then they stop. And it's like, really give yourself permission to not have to tell anyone. So I incubated for a year where like hunker down hired my life coach went deep. And during that year, I slowly told one person at a time, and I was very selective. I'm like, Who are the people? And if there's only one person who is the one person I know will believe me support me no matter what, even if they think I'm a little crazy. Because your dream is so fragile in the beginning. And if you give it to the wrong person too soon, and they they squash it with their fear, it will smother it. And like you were saying earlier, that might be it. So you have the permission to be very, very picky. So probably that first year, I maybe had four friends in my corner 100%. And then when I was like, I'm ready to have these hard conversations, both in person and even made announcements online, I would rally my small troop. And like when I post this online, please love on it, because I want to set the tone right away that I'm not available for criticism, I'm not available for pushback, and when they see all the love. I think it's gonna scare off anyone who would typically say anything negative, it was very intentional on my immergence because I was too afraid that if it was if that gust of wind was too strong, I would go running back and not do it again.

Lesley Logan 22:33  

That's actually really like amazing. But really, I I wish more people knew that that's how they could go about any of these things that they're doing like they can ask for people like I'm sure it'd be extremely hard to ask for people to be helpful in that way especially as like a recovering people pleaser like I need this help over here. But what a great way to protect yourself and I I think so often especially those of us who were raised in these paths where it's like this is how you're supposed to be this is how you're supposed to grow up it can be very difficult to go against the grain and then go and hey, by the way can you can you do this thing it's also probably against it that is that's very special I wonder what were the steps if you can remember any that could be helpful for people on their recovering people pleaser path because I feel like there are more people now than ever that are they like they'll actually proclaim I am a people pleaser as if it's a not a badge of honor but like but this makes me a good person and it's not that makes you a bad person if you are but it does make it's it's part of control and we're like how do we control how people feel about us? So what was that path that you went through to kind of help yourself out of becoming a people pleaser?

Nikole M. Mitchell 23:51  

Yeah, I reached this point. I think for all of us who are people pleasers are recovering people pleasers we can reach this point where it's like I don't know how much longer I can do this. I don't know how much longer I can keep being who everyone else seems me to me to be and I'm absolutely miserable on the inside. I had massive anxiety and depression during those years I've seen a therapist I didn't know one of the root causes was people pleasing another causes poverty, poverty is very expensive. On your your mental emotional being. Yeah, but like I was always contracting so much. I was always living in fear of what people thought I mean, did I say some that might might offend them? What are they thinking about me right now as we're laying in bed like it was all consuming. And you can only live that way so long. And so then I reached the point where like, I was talking to a mentor and like, I'd had these realizations with her of, you know, you don't deserve to be tolerated. You should be celebrated. That wasn't a standard in my relationships. My relationship was like we'll tolerate you because I'm I'm very passionate I'm emotional. I'm sensitive. I'm very social justice see, and like that's a little much for some people. So as always trying to hold back myself and like okay, we can tolerate you, but the standard should never be toleration and relationship or friendship. It should always be celebration, we celebrate your muchness and we want more, we celebrate your what you think is not enough, because you are an athlete, we want more of you. You're never ever, ever too much. Give us more, give us more. That's my standard in relationships now. And then I realized, the only reason I'm disappointing someone is two things, because I've performed as someone that I'm not really am. So that's on me. But also, it's on them for thinking that I need to stay the same person so they can feel good about themselves. So realize that when I started becoming my own person, it bothered people because like, I was no longer who they needed me to be. And when I realized that, that felt really icky. In my world, if I see you evolving, I am celebrating you, even if it's different from what I would want you to evolve into because the point is evil. The point is not to say the same if you are saying the same that as actually a little alarming to me, because like we're always learning and growing. But when my people saw that I was growing, and they were mad about that. That was a a clue or red flags like these are no longer my people. And if they exist, then certainly my people also exist. Am I willing to be brave enough and believe enough that they are out there too, and hold up for them.

Lesley Logan 26:10  

Oh my gosh, I couldn't love you more. Like that was the most beautiful thing like to I'm like, as you're saying that like oh my god, how many people like in my life are tolerating me versus celebrating me. And you know what, as you like, that is such an easy, it's an easier way to kind of go through a relationship and go oh, no wonder I feel weird in that environment because I'm being tolerated. Like, no wonder that doesn't make me feel excited when I leave.

Nikole M. Mitchell 26:38  

Like, we deserve so much more. He reminds me of them to know who Glennon Doyle is. Oh, yeah. Okay, so I love her. And we're best friends. But she just doesn't know it. Yeah. Lennon and Abby were getting married. She they were trying to come up their invitation list. And it was just like, so long. Like, we just want it smaller. This is too much like, Okay, who do we love? Because all the people on this list they loved? And who do we like? Who do we like and love? And that became their bar. And so I even love that version of the question is like, we can love a whole lot of people. But at the end of the day, who do you like being around? Who gives you life? Who makes you feel like a million bucks? who celebrates you every time you turn around? Like, those are the people I want in my most my innermost circle. 

Lesley Logan 27:22  

Oh, yeah. That's what a great, that's for anyone planning a wedding and also like a party, and also like, trying to figure out, you know, I don't know about you, like, I'm 40 now, and we moved to Las Vegas, and so obviously still have my friends. I had, I've had friends from years. And I love that I think the ones that I've actually kept because I live in like them. And they live all over the world. So I was used to that when I lived in LA not a big deal. But I had a community in LA as well. Like, I went to the same gym every day. So it's all the same people. We moved here we were like indoors for a year. So that is like okay, I'm going out and I'm meeting people. And I feel like even just having though that thought like Who do I love who I like who who who sell who's celebrating me when I show up versus who's like kind of like tolerating me What an interesting way to not waste time trying to build community and find is that how you because I mean like you had a start here to find a whole new community so I feel like yeah, I don't know if I'm picturing like Nicole with like, slightly not wobbly legs like going into a group and went hi.

Nikole M. Mitchell 28:23  

You know what I said, so I'm a person of extreme measures. And so I know like not everyone's wired this way but I hope it gives you permission to do it your way is I literally moved to a new state okay, it was too big of a transition and too scary a transition that I was I knew my people couldn't come along with it and I was so into I was very integrated my my city that I was in like everyone knew me from in one way or another and I'm like, I need a fresh start. I need a clean slate so I packed up for Minnesota. I moved to California and the reason I love that is like no one knew who I used to be they would only know me as I introduced myself and so I went from this very religious environment very good girl small town quiet nothing wrong with that but it was not my truth to I am powerful I'm a badass I'm sexy I'm sweaty I want to make a crap ton of money. I don't know if I can spare 

Lesley Logan 29:14  

You can totally talk people listen. 

Nikole M. Mitchell 29:18  

A ton of money here I am take it or leave it and that was so freeing because that way right from the start I mean it still hurts when people meet you and they're like you're a little too much I'm gonna leave that always stings but it felt easier to do that with people I just met there was a whole community people I once was in relationship with.

Lesley Logan 29:35  

Yeah, I think like I feel like it sounds like such a bold move but it also makes the most sense because it's true you you get to introduce yourself as who you are. And then it's that take it or leave it like of course it's gonna stink because you're like oh my god, I want friends. I'm new here but it's like well, I know that you're not the friend that I want you see I'm too much for you already. Just just who I am is introducing myself. So what a what a special Oh, if it is possible, and if it's not, then like you really, maybe you go, maybe you can take an hour drive to a different city like, you know, even if it can't be a different state, I think like what a special way or because of online, there are these amazing communities where you can introduce yourself and be who you are, is that 

Nikole M. Mitchell 30:15  

That's what I did. So like when I was still in Minnesota, I paid for friendships, or pay for access to friends. So I had a life coach, and then ended up joining a mastermind. So my community, my friendships were all online, because I was, I was poor, and I try to find rich people. I was a baby queer, I'm trying to find queer people, right. And I'm like baby legs trying to find my voice. And I want to find people who are already speaking their truth. And so right, I could easily find that online, because we're all finding each other from different states and countries. And those are my people for about the last I was in Minnesota for about two years, okay, with the online community. And then what I also did, because I was a baby queer, I started hanging on queer spaces, and thankfully, just takes one person, I had one friend, who was also queer, and she's like, I'm going to be your queer tour guide. And she started taking me to like queer clubs and queer bars and queer spaces. And so like, once a week, I would go out and like this is my haven, where Nicole can just be unleashed and uncensored and fully her and I would feel so amazing. It was like an energetic infusion to last me the next week. So yeah, finding a new place like giving yourself permission to get out of your routine, get out of your regular spots, take five minutes to Google clear club, take five minutes to Google, where do rich women hang out? Like what find your people, because it'll be enough to propel you to keep you going in the direction you want to go.

Lesley Logan 31:35  

Yes. And I think like, it's also it's often one person, and we then tend to think we need people and it's here. We've had her on the show, as one show all the time. And I'd bring friends there. And so I got to know the owners and I, I love shopping at small businesses, because I just really love supporting small business owners. And thank goodness for that. Because I got invited to a birthday party. I was like, we're going I'm like, we, I was like Brad, divide and conquer. Let's take on the round, we got to find, we gotta find a brand or I gotta find a friend. And so there's a ton of people who are lovely. But there's one person there who she's like, oh, no facial salon is like, and she knows everybody. And she's gonna know everybody. And I get her because we're both in like service industry. So like, I was like, Okay, I'm gonna make her my friend. And thank goodness, because, you know, most of the friends we have today in this town are because she introduced us. So she was like, our little Las Vegas like friend tour guide. And so you don't need a plethora of people to accept you need one person to who sees you who you are. And like, is that tour guide into that world that you want to go in? So that's, that's very special. And so, yeah, so you move? How so? You had I agree on masterminds? I think people think it's like weird to say pay for friends. Every if you were in a sorority you paid for. If your parents put you into private school, you pay for friends, like summer camps. Yeah. So and that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't have to be this like natural thing. And it's also okay, if you met your person online, like, we have to stop thinking that it's like, you know, there's one way to one special way to do anything. So how did you start to make a living for yourself? Because obviously, money is involved in everything. So like, you left being a pastor that that was paying you pennies, and you were on food stamps, what what did you have to do, like kind of get this way to be more independent and worked to the wealth that you deserved?

Nikole M. Mitchell 33:33  

So I My life changed so much. With my first life coach, I had hired him for six months, there was no evidence externally, all the evidence internally, I felt so confident I felt so clear, I felt so unstoppable. I felt so powerful. And this is a woman who felt very small, very breakable, very emotional, very stoppable. And sort of feels a different way I could feel my entire world shifting and like, and then I had this moment where I did the Small Business workshop, which I didn't have a business at this point, but I felt drawn to go there. And everyone's coming to me for advice. The whole like, how much should I charge for this? And how do you find clients? And how, what was your comment on branding on my coaching only small business owners and it clicked. Oh, my gosh, I'm a life coach. I've been doing this for years, every year for years, people have been flying to my house, spend a week with me, which we call VIP experiences in the life coaching world, which people pay tens of thousands of dollars to go to and hear like for free, come to my house. Stay with me and I'll take care of you and I'll support you. So this light bulb went off. I'm like, Oh my gosh, I've been doing this for years. I just never had the business framework or understanding to name it that so I started my life coaching business, and very quickly grew like and it was, I really believe is the result of the inner work like this shouldn't have been possible being on food stamps. Being a very, all our friends were very poor. We were in very religious circles who are not interested in personal development. But I felt so powerful and so I think magnetic because of it. I grew my business really quickly. And then it was in that journey that I'm like, I've always wanted to be a model, I've always wanted to do some kind of sexy work growing up. And I felt more confident. I was like, Well, what if I, like started like posting sexy photos. And then I learned about only fans like Mike. And I didn't when I did that it wasn't even for the money. And it wasn't even for other people. It was for me, it was one sacred space where Nicole could post whatever she wanted, wear whatever she wants, say whatever she wanted to just to practice. And then if maybe people subscribe, sure, but the point was practice here. So I can go out in the world and do it full-time. And so between those two, they both started to make me more money. And it was life-changing, because we were so poor.

Lesley Logan 35:43  

Okay, thank you for sharing that. I love that you're like, I'm just going to do this for me. I would think totally. I also think that like, a lot of the ideas that people have, they start to filter it out, like, how would people pay for this? Instead of like, how do I want to show up with this idea? And, and so, you know, because it's like, Yes, everyone has bills to pay. And, sure, but like, also, you you show up differently in the production of the work, if you're doing it for yourself versus like, okay, how do I do this? So it's monetized, people will pay for it. So okay, so that I also applies to all business. All business. Yeah. Okay. So, um, thank you for sharing that journey. Because it really is, it sounds like pastor to stripper and like, we've like you, the filling of the gaps was this amazing journey, and also clear discovering who you are. And then that life coaching thing, I love that it sounds like you kept doing the work. Like you're you, you're like, I'm a life coach. But I'm also doing this work for myself. And I'm becoming very clear of like, something else that I want to do, and continuing to grow, which is just like, going back to the conversation we had earlier. But we're always changing. We're always growing. So when did you get on Only Fans? And like, how long has that journey been? Because that's how I that's how I know you have the life coach part. And all the things that you do now with that is, is something you're still doing. But like what, what was how long has that journey been? Because not overnight, either?

Nikole M. Mitchell 37:09  

No. So I started my life coaching business in 2018. I started my Only Fans in 2019. So it was about a year and a half after I sold my business, I started Only Fans. And you're totally right. Like this is really good for any new business owner. You have to curate it for yourself. Right? So even for women, so I I work with clients and people who haven't only fans training, and I teach them like you're building an oasis, or you're building a museum that you love to walk through. So it's so much easier to show up and do what you love when you're not worried about how you're gonna get people paid. So the first year my Only Fans was just for me. So every time I open I'm like, Ah, oh my gosh. Those are so pretty. And like I love them so much. I have gotten so confident this point that I wish I could post those on Instagram. Like that's genuinely my desire. My work on Only Fans is so beautiful that I would post it for free that because I love it so much. But because Only Fans censors. Thank you Instagram, you've made me so much money. It's forced me to have a different platform where I I've been charged for it. But really, I would have done it for free because I love it so much. So the first year was just for me and then I end up going viral in 2020 as the pastor turned stripper as people learned my story, and then it blew up and then you know my only fans is blown up my life coaching business has blown up. But it all started with like a girl and the vision and a dream and just enough strength and faith to try it.

Lesley Logan 38:28  

Yeah, I I I would have for you. What if we met in person for the first time last night but we've talked before? But you genuinely do love your pictures? And I think it's amazing. Like it's amazing. Because I think it's amazing because so many people are like I don't like when when I work with a lot of women who are taking pictures for their Pilates business. And they're like, I don't know how to like the way that looks over my shoulder. It's like this. It's like, actually, like, what if we look at these pictures of like, oh my god, look how cute i Look there. Look how cute I look. They're like like, why? And like, I feel like even that part of you is something I wish I could like, pass on to every woman listening because like you look at your pictures and you're so excited about how you're looking at things. And I think that so many women were taught like, oh, well, actually don't brag about how you look. Don't be too proud about things like

Nikole M. Mitchell 39:22  

We were at dinner last night with Michael Unbroken and he saw my home screen and lock screen photo is a photo of my my ass like my body like of course you would like but it's so cute. Look at it. So totally I wish everyone would have permission feel that way. And I also know it takes 100 photos to find one good one now so this is where only fans has really been healing for me. It's a It's give me permission to take a shit ton of photos of myself or before it was like oh wait, that's an ease. I don't like it. That's enough. I'm fine because I won't be too much like no can you take another one and take another and take another one? So I take 100 photos to get the one or maybe two good ones. So I think we have to be really honest about that every photo I take does not pop. I'm very clear my Oh, hey, all those love that one I'm posting that one everywhere. And then second, I had a lot of body shame growing up in the environment that I did. And I didn't believe men that I dated and even on Only Fans that they would want to see my body and thinking beautiful, I was waiting for them to find all the wrong things with it just like I find all the wrong things that are wrong with it. And so as I started open up myself more and more, and they were raving about all personal body like I had a compliment today of a very insecure thing about her my body and a fan specifically complimented me on that with and I never told him my big insecurity with it. And I was like, I got teary-eyed like you don't even know how much that means to me. Like I actually have insecurities around them is like what I love it like, that has healed me to where I be very like I think part of it so contracted and literally covering my body and photos and even in modeling photos to where now like I do the full spread. It's because my fans help me realize my body is good. And I I want that for every woman. I want every woman to love her body. I want her to find affirmation one way or another whether it's from a dating partner or a coach, or Only Fans, like our healing comes in different ways. But for you to find those parts of your body that you tend to be the most insecure about someone else finds so beautiful.

Lesley Logan 41:16  

Oh 100% And I thanks for sharing about how many photos it takes or can take. Yeah, it's been legit. Yeah, it's so important. You guys, it's like, the photos will come through and I'm like, okay, we're gonna delete all. And it's also what's really funny is like my for some photos that I've kept, it's because my photographer or my husband like, Oh, my god, I love this one. And I'm like, of course, I saw the insecure part of me there. And they're loving it so much that I've gotten so much better about actually like accepting more photos of me that I probably wouldn't. And it does take time. So give yourself that permission. Okay, I do want to ask, like, what, what are some what's like something that women can do to kind of love their body more, because I do feel like you've gone through such a journey. What is something that they could do on a daily basis to kind of like fall in love with their own body because they need you. Like, I know that I know, the dress had to be below the knee. You know how many times I got in trouble for my dress like being above my knee because I was poor. My parents couldn't afford to buy clothes for growing kid every day. And so I got in trouble at school all the time. And like, there was fines or I was just like even more triggering because we were poor and couldn't afford it. So I was in trouble for that. So like, it took me so long to wear short shorts with like my cellulite app. I was like a journey of a lifetime. So yeah, so what what something that maybe we could all take away. So like how to love our bodies more,

Nikole M. Mitchell 42:40  

I have two thoughts. One is find someone who does love their body and all their fullness, because I think we just need to see evidence that it's possible. Because I think sometimes we think it's not possible, we I think we think we will live with self criticism for the rest of our life. And that's normal. But there also can be a different normal. And there can be normal where like you love your body and you love your cellulite and you love your roles and like find evidence from someone somewhere. And then secondly, my recommendation as scary as this might sound is I want you to take hundreds of photos of yourself because a you deserve to be captured be you're going to see yourself in a different light. And then thirdly, you're going to find different angles. So now that I've been doing this for four years now, I'm really good at finding my best angles that make me feel like a million bucks. Like I know how, like if I want to feel amazing, I'm going to pose this way. So just give yourself permission to explore and sometimes what I will do, because it's awkward, like take photo run back and like pose and take it like just leave it on video. And practice moving your body. I would recommend plain sensual music or some that makes you feel amazing. And just practice like touching and like being in the flow. And maybe if you feel really sexy and opposed just hold it for a second. This is how it looks on my own photos. I'm like I'll do videos and then I go through and I screenshot all my favorite poses. And I find some of my favorite poses tend to be very organic. I could never like you know, very stiff if you try to make it but when there's music and you're just feeling and then you pause that might be one of your best photos. 

Lesley Logan 44:06  

I love that. I do. Thank you for that. Yeah, that's so if we could just help more women don't even understand it because I just it's so it does take time. You're right you've take hundreds and thousands of photos like my first photo shoots I'm like, okay, is this right like and so and then like you go it's like okay, it's another photo shoot, it's fine. You know, like I used to get ready for a photo shoot or have a photo shoot in a month so we got to change what we're eating what we're drinking all the things and now it's like oh, there's a photo shoot tomorrow. Okay.

Nikole M. Mitchell 44:40  

That reminds me as a photo shoot with two other models and I back then I would not eat at all in the mornings I want like tight everywhere and I started shooting my shoots first thing in the morning because I want to I don't want to I'm hungry. But this shoot was a little bit late in the day. I'm like okay, I can I can not eat for that long. And then at the photoshoot one of the models orders pizza. And I'm like, This is amazing. And she just like starts eating pizza and drinking soda like, and we're gonna get bloated but I'm like, there was such freedom and her freedom from that moment forward. I'm like, I'm just eating when I wake up and taking photos and like, and like you said, it's been a journey. And when I first started over edit every little blemish every little thing, and now I find, you know, which you'll find if you're in the only fans world or in the adult world majority of humans want to see authentic, yes, because everything is over edited. So I now like twice this week, I posted 20 photos, each zero edits. One of them I just woke up in the morning, I'm like, here's my bedhead. Here's my smeared makeup from last night. I'm like, my stomach is bloated because I'm on vacation and like they're like a real deal. But if you go to my Instagram, it's a little more curated, it's more whatever it's like, edited in professional. But if you go to my Only Fans, you're gonna see the real deal. And I think that's actually even really healing like learning to love yourself when you're glammed up and perfectly edited, and loving yourself first thing in the morning when you're hot mess like all of us.

Lesley Logan 46:01  

Yes, I mean, we all learn how to do because what I can't think of a better better way in the world to like, like, Be It Till You See It as like, just really loving yourself and all in all the stages of the day. And you know, I want to ask, because you are a mom of three, what how do you find balance of like, building all these, these businesses that really make you shine light up, pour into others online to others, and also, like, be a mom of three kids who are growing? I mean, like, you have to be present for them as well. So is there do you have like time blocks in your day? Do you have helped? Like, how? How do you navigate that?

Nikole M. Mitchell 46:39  

So the beautiful thing about success and wealth, which I'm like, so committed to reclaiming for women, because we have a lot of fear and stigma around it, is it gives you so much freedom. So I left coaching and I've Only Fans who would technically say their full time jobs because they make me a lot of money. But I work very few hours, like you eventually get to a point your business like when you first start, it's clunky, it's awkward, it takes all your time and energy to figure things out. But you eventually get systems and processes in place. And then you eventually on automation. Don't even worry about that from the beginning, it'll come it just it will come. So things kind of run pretty well on their own, allowing me to be very, very present for my children. And then secondly, I also have an assistant who works for me full time, or almost full time. And that's another gift of money. When you have money, you can hire support. So she does my cooking my cleaning my errands, which makes me even more present for my children. So while she's doing laundry upstairs, I'm playing with my children in the living room. And I had to learn that that was okay. Because that was alarming to me that someone else is working this this people pleasing sigh like I don't want to disappoint. I don't wanna be too much here. She's working in my house. But the reason I have are working is so that I can be a present mom. And so I think women giving ourselves permission to become as rich as you actually want to be. It's incredibly supportive for the kind of lifestyle you want to have. And then allowing that duality of someone else gets to work while I rest in play.

Lesley Logan 48:01  

Yeah, I thank you and I, I and I also, I've showed this before on the podcast, we've heard it like, we have a housekeeper Her name is Rosie fucking love this woman to love her. And when they were talking, and I was like, hey, Rosie, like, how's everything going? Like, you know? Are we too much for you? Like, is this is everything working out with? Okay, she's like, let's say she's like, my sister said I should go work in the restaurants with her. And I said, No, I will have my house cleaning business because I can work when I want to work. And I can be there to pick my kids up and I can take my kids and I get to take days off when my kids are off. And so the thing is, is that like, I get to pay her to clean my house so that I can be present in our business so that I can do things to make sure that I can fill my cup up. And in paying her she actually gets to be there for her kids and have the life she wants to have. And I think sometimes especially as women we're like, oh my god, like I like It's like weird to have this housekeeper like I have I had some friends who like wouldn't even let their neighbors know they had a housekeeper like they would like hide this like pull into the driveway. I'm like, oh my god, like we have we have a guy picks up the dog poop every Tuesday and then Rosie comes in we have a landscaper and like all those people have families they can take care of. Yeah. And so it's really important to know that like when you make money you can actually empower other people to have the job that they want to have that allows them to take care of the dreams that they have and I think that is we can't state that enough because it's you don't have to do it all

Nikole M. Mitchell 49:25  

You can if you really want to create next-level success and wealth you actually can't do it all I think that's a really important distinction is I do believe you can have it all but you cannot do it all and so let yourself having all requires delegation and I love like and being shame free about it like my neighbors are so confused who my who my assistant is is like Is this your girlfriend? Is this your wife? Is this your sister like they have that every time someone comes and does work in my house? Like Wait, who am I chick? This is my boss Nikole. I work for her like Oh, I thought you were this I thought you were so this is I find it so fun to keep people guessing. But yeah, my sister is like I love that. Your house is so calm. I'm peaceful and she's like, and I you saw her get flowers all the time or take a little break right now, but she's like I do flowers Everyone say, and then I guess like run errands and it's beautiful sunny weather and then she loves my kids and my kids love her. And she always wanted more kids but didn't wasn't able to have more kids. She's like your kids have become my kids. And like, I seen her so happy and like, this is the beauty of wealth. It does it empowers and gives back and creates this ripple effect of freedom.

Lesley Logan 50:23  

Yeah, cool. I literally could keep talking to you forever. I know. Like, I want you to visit every week. So I don't even want to end this but I do want to respect everyone's time. So we're gonna take a brief break and then I'm gonna, we're gonna come back and I'm gonna ask you something about I mean, you've given us so much but bold, executable, intrinsic targeted steps people can take to beat till they see it. So one quick break and then we'll find out that Okay, first, where can people find to follow you? Like, like you can be their inspiration of people who love themselves.

Nikole M. Mitchell 51:02  

I love it. I'm active on almost all the socials Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, I'm just starting Tik Tok anytime people. Like you can find all my links on my website, nikolemitchell.com. Nikole is spelled N-I-K-O-L-E. But come say hi. Yes, me. Yeah, yeah.

Lesley Logan 51:16  

Okay. And it makes sure you guys tell her all of your favorite takeaways, of course, what was your most favorite thing, but alright, so I believe like, sometimes it can be fun to be inspired. And like, it can be like, you can give that dose like, Okay, this is a great conversation he's had. But I also know that our listeners love something tanned, like a takeaway that they can take action on right now. So an action step or two that they can do this week. Absolutely. 

Nikole M. Mitchell 51:42  

I love that. So one is whatever is on your heart right now you know what it is that nudge that thing, you need to do that thing you need to say the thing you need to start doing you need to stop whatever that thing is on your heart do it, I'm gonna say today, there's nothing like the more like that fires in your belly, you have to take action on today. Because the longer you sit with it, the faster you'll talk yourself out of it. So you have to do it today. Do the thing. And then the second thing is get really honest about what you want, own it and speak into existence. So I'll give an example. I money is very motivating to me, I was very poor. So I know what it's like to live without it. I never want to go back to that life. So I'm very driven by money. And I own that. And something I'm really good at I'm really good at connections and referrals. But I really like being paid for referrals because I'm really good at it. And I love money. If you pay me for any business, I send you your way, I will send you so much business. So at first I was afraid to own that. Like I don't even think I'm greedy. I'm like asking for money. But it's like, I know I will make you so much business with my recommendations or referral. So if they sign up to work with you, I want a small kickback. So I remember I talked to this one guy for his business, he was wanting me to refer him out after working with my business. And I said, Hey, here's thing, I would love to recommend you I think you're amazing. But I only do it if cash is involved. So if you're cool with cash bonuses, I will recommend you everywhere because I love what you do. If you're not cold cash bonuses. Totally cool. I just want to do it. And so that's just my thing I'm just driven by, and then he must have like, he's like, Oh my gosh, I'm the exact same way. And I appreciate you saying that, because that's my preference. I just don't ever say that. So by me owning it, he owned it. And now I make money off those business referrals. So again, just getting really clear on what it is that you want. You have to own it. And then you kindly but forthrightly let people know. And that's how you get what you want.

Lesley Logan 53:26  

Ah, yes, yes. And you. So another, I want to give another example, this, we have some we're bringing into our bit, we bring in different webinar guests every month to our coaching group. And we're like, look, you can do lead magnets, they know what it is. So you can do that. And you can sell them in a lead magnet. Like that's how that's gonna be. But We kindly ask that, like, if you have an affiliate link, we'd like to do that. You know, and when you it is absolutely even better relationships, even when they're best friends, because everyone is winning. No one is feeling used, you know, like it because energy. So I always say like energy is money. So, for example, even like, so, when I teach Pilates, my client cannot teach me Pilates. So they're not able to give me the energy I just gave back to them. So the only way they can give me my energy back is if they pay me for it. And the only reason you would feel resentful or exhausted the end of a day of work that you love doing is if you're under charging, because they're they're not paying back the full energy load and you're upset or you're not even tent like maybe I don't think it's them. You're like I'm just exhausted in the date. Well, it's because you didn't get your energy paid back. But if you actually charge your worth, they paid it. You're like, this is fucking amazing. Everybody wins.

Nikole M. Mitchell 54:37  

Everybody wins. And I just want to say that too. I mean, we're going keep going. The same thing is like I've had people say to me, like I'm so free to charge money for doing what I love because I'll hate it. This is like common. Where did that come from? No, I feel like it comes from the patriarchy. Yes. Especially any marginalized group that what they love will ruin them and make them miserable, so we'll never do it again. ever make a shit ton of money because I hold this core belief that whatever brings you the most, most joy will make you the most profit. So I have a, I have a course called monetize your shit. Like you've got to learn how to monetize your shit and especially if it's something you're passionate about, you have to do it because it's a win for everyone. It's actually a huge loss for you. If you're not monetizing it, like you said, you're gonna be drained, you're gonna be bitter, you're gonna peter out, you're gonna quit the thing that brings the most joy, because you just simply haven't given yourself permission or know how to monetize it. But you just have to start clunkily start awkwardly start imperfectly, and you'll just get better, but you should absolutely be compensated for the work that you love. And that you do.

Lesley Logan 55:33  

Yes. Oh my gosh. Everyone rewind, play that again. On half speed if you need to hear it, write it down. You can go to the blog post we have it transcribed you can play it because it's your the patriarch who wins every time we undercharge or don't charge or play small. They win every time and that's what they want. Because then we're all just like, Okay, well like give me like the little bit of like, just give me a little bit and that's good enough. No, like take up space. I love that. Oh my gosh, I I can't wait for Brad to hear this because I can't wait for us to recap it but we'll have to have another conversation with you. I mean, first of many I'm obsessed. I love you so much. Y'all how are you going to use these tips in your life? Please tag Nikole Mitchell, tag us in the pod share this with a friend. We want to hear it and also, you know, take like take any one of her tips and do something today to that day. Today. We're holding you accountable. Before your head hits the pillow. You have to take action today. And as you know from how this show starts like action is the antidote to fear. Have an amazing day everyone until next time, Be It Till You See It. 

Lesley Logan 56:37  

That's all I got for this episode of the Be It Till You See It Podcast. One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review and follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcast. Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Be It Pod on Instagram. I would love to know more about you. Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it. Help us and others Be It Till You See It. Have an awesome day. Be It Till You See It is a production of The Bloom Podcast Network.

 

Brad Crowell 56:50  

It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Lesley Logan and me, Brad Crowell.

Lesley Logan 56:51  

It is produced, edited by the epic team at Disenyo.

 

Brad Crowell 56:54  

Theme music is by Ali at Apex Production Music, and our branding by designer and artist Gianfranco Cioffi.

Lesley Logan 56:54  

Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals and Ximena Velazquez for our transcriptions.

 

Brad Crowell 56:54  

Also to Angelina Herico for adding all the content to our website. And finally to Meridith Crowell for keeping us all on point and on time.

  

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