Survivors - Stories of Hope Live On.
155 episodes - English - Latest episode: 3 days ago -Weekly conversations with authors of trauma survival and true crimes not in the headlines - There are thousands of people who have survived traumatic experiences and have written about them. It’s time to put a spotlight on all those incredible people. Stay tuned for some of the most amazing people you’ve never heard of, and maybe a few you have!
*The thoughts and opinions of guests are not the thoughts and opinions of the host.
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Episodes
Interview with Author Kerri Gauna
September 10, 2022 00:00 - 45 minutes - 42.5 MBTRIGGER WARNING: In this episode I'm talking with a trauma survivor about their history and how they found writing to be healing. Trisomy 13 and Trisomy 18 are considered a death sentence to the medical community. Find out what it is and how this family fought back. Kerri hasn’t written her book yet but it will be about her miracle son who is proving doctors wrong at every turn. During pregnancy, it was discovered that Kerri’s son had numerous congenital defects and was pushed to terminate ...
Interview with SUPER-MOM and Author, Kerri Gauna
September 10, 2022 00:00 - 44 minutes - 41 MBTRIGGER WARNING: In this episode I'm talking with a trauma survivor about their history and how they found writing to be healing. Trisomy 13 and Trisomy 18 are considered a death sentence to the medical community. Find out what it is and how this family fought back. Kerri hasn’t written her book yet but it will be about her miracle son who is proving doctors wrong at every turn. During pregnancy, it was discovered that Kerri’s son had numerous congenital defects and was pushed to terminate ...
Interview with Author and Veteran Magaidh Dunbroch
September 03, 2022 00:00 - 35 minutes - 32.9 MBTRIGGER WARNING: In this episode I'm talking with a trauma survivor about their history and how they found writing to be healing. Magaidh is a combat veteran, one of the first females in the army to be in a combat situation in Operation enduring freedom. Magaidh’s convoy was hit with an ied and she suffered a brain injury, broken back, hip and ankle. Magaidh was paralyzed for 8 months and through extensive rehab she learned to walk again. Magaidh is now a disabled veteran and has recently ...
Custom Justice - Chapter 43, Night Out
August 20, 2022 00:00 - 20 minutes - 18.8 MBRichard was so happy with everything I'd done for him while he was away that he wanted to treat me to a night out in Glasgow with his sister and her husband. That meant no revolving door, and perhaps a witness to how he treated me, if he found that he just couldn't restrain himself. *TRIGGER WARNING* I Do discuss difficult situations, such as forced sexual encounters, rape, molestation, abuse, suicide attempts and more. SEASON THREE STARTS SEPTEMBER 2ND! Season three I’m switching over t...
Custom Justice - Chapter 42, The Burst of a Plan
August 13, 2022 00:00 - 24 minutes - 22.2 MBI developed another cyst, and while it wasn't enough to stop Richard from demanding my performance with his guests, it was enough to scare one in particular away finally. As much as it caused me intense pain, it also caused immense relief each time it burst. But that wasn't the only thing that burst into action. I finally developed a plan and started to put the wheels in motion. *TRIGGER WARNING* I Do discuss difficult situations, such as forced sexual encounters, rape, molestation, abuse,...
Custom Justice - Chapter 41, Cornbread Suicide
August 06, 2022 00:00 - 20 minutes - 18.6 MBFrom baking for his family to a trip to Ireland, I had determined I was no longer fit to live. It was such a terrible extreme within my emotions that I didn't know how to process what I was feeling. I knew I wanted to die, and I knew I didn't want to be identifiable once my body was found. Nobody would care, and if I just disappeared maybe Richard would live in fear of my coming back to haunt him. But how would I go about ending my own life in such a way? *TRIGGER WARNING* Things are start...
Custom Justice - Chapter 40, Caroline the Crooked One
July 30, 2022 00:00 - 22 minutes - 21.2 MBSo much of the abuse that happened in Scotland has been shoved into the recesses of my memory as though nothing more than a bad dream, but this night - this one particular night - I was shown a little kindness and so the entire night exists in my memory as a living nightmare. It gives me the worst of the flashbacks, all because I was shown some kindness in the middle of the worst abuse. It was nothing of the sort. But the kindness came from the most unlikely of sources. *TRIGGER WARNING* T...
Custom Justice - Chapter 39, A Punch to the Kidneys
July 23, 2022 00:00 - 18 minutes - 17 MBI'd been in Scotland less than a month and already was trying to find ways to get back to the USA. I didn't have my passport or my driver's license, but I could con Richard into giving them to me for a couple days at least. I didn't have much money, but what I did have I would spend on an emergency flight home. I didn't have my health, but I was willing to do what it took to make the flight - until things took a turn for the worse and I ended up needing medical assistance. What would happen?...
Custom Justice - Chapter 38, When The Nightmare Began
July 16, 2022 00:00 - 18 minutes - 17.4 MBI was only there a short time before he'd taken away my passport, driver's license, and debit card for 'safe keeping' and I didn't even recognize it as a form of control. Then things got ugly. He started watching his live porn again. He started frequenting the swingers websites again. Eventually his addiction was getting the better of him and he would no longer be satisfied with just watching it on a computer. He wanted to watch it live, and he wanted me to participate while he took photos a...
Custom Justice - Chapter 37, Welcome to Scotland
July 09, 2022 00:00 - 17 minutes - 16.2 MBI never imagined that I'd be landing in the midst of a snowstorm where I'd need a parka and only arrive with a leather motorcycle jacket, but there I was. In the coming days my emotions would run the gamut from overjoyed at Emmy's happiness at having me there to Richard's disappointment at my not knowing about the cultural differences ahead of time. How was I to know what Caster Sugar was, though? Don't forget to check out my latest books! In April I published "Lost April" about my friendsh...
Custom Justice - Chapter 36, Preparing for Flight
July 02, 2022 00:00 - 15 minutes - 14.4 MBI couldn't WAIT to get to Scotland, to the waiting arms of the man I loved. Strategically, just like my great escape plans back in chapter 20 (titled "A Reunion of Sorts" if you remember), I planned my vanishing with such precision I'd have made an international spy network proud. By the time I left it was as if I never even existed at all. I didn't know for quite some time, but I guess my boss went by my apartment the first day I was missing in order to check on me since he couldn't reach m...
Custom Justice - Chapter 35, Catastrophe
June 25, 2022 00:00 - 20 minutes - 18.6 MB*TRIGGER WARNING* This podcast is about human trafficking. While receiving the silent treatment from Richard, I was devastated. I believed I'd never hear from him again. But then the unthinkable happened, and a man I didn't know tried his best to force me into oncoming traffic on my way home from work one night. Realizing I could have been killed, Richard finally began to speak to me again. What he said was beyond reason. I look back now and realize how twisted and depraved he really was, ...
Custom Justice - Chapter 34, The First of the Photos
June 18, 2022 00:00 - 16 minutes - 15 MB*TRIGGER WARNING* Things are starting to get really ugly in the world of Custom Justice. This chapter covers the first time Richard took photos of the incidences I was being forced into. A little hotel in Long Beach, California was home to a nightmare for me. Five martinis in and I was vomiting in the bushes, but that didn't stop Richard from marching me up to a hotel room where a pilot invited us in. When the man handed money to Richard, my entire life changed once again. *TRIGGER WARNI...
Custom Justice - Chapter 32, Speak Ill of the Dead
June 04, 2022 00:00 - 22 minutes - 20.9 MBDealing with Clark's death reminded me of how I had to deal with my own death. In the year 2000 after my son was born I was rushed into an emergency surgery where I died three times in the process. As frightening as that is, I wasn't frightened at all. I was perfectly fine, because my grandfather was there showing me all the good stuff that had happened in my life. It was truly amazing. The photo for this week is of a painting I created in an attempt to explain that dream visually. **TRIGG...
Custom Justice - Chapter 31, The Death of Clark
May 28, 2022 00:00 - 17 minutes - 16.4 MBI had no freaking clue what I was feeling when I heard about the death of my ex-husband. I didn't know how to process my confusing emotions that ran the gamut from guilty to glorified, from angry to absolved. Figuring out my next steps and if I could ever find open communication with my son would be something I'd need help with, primarily from my brand new therapist. She was amazing, and she was able to read into things more than I could have imagined. Following her advice would be a massive...
Custom Justice - Chapter 30, Realizations of Trafficking
May 21, 2022 00:00 - 15 minutes - 14.5 MBI still couldn't wrap my brain around what human trafficking actually was. I started reading statistics, but at first they were still just statistics. They weren't faces. They weren't people. Then, through the amazing groups I was working with in Colorado, I was able to meet several other survivors of trafficking and they were no longer just numbers. They were faces and names and survivors. They were people who would become my friends. They were incredible souls who, like me, lived through H...
Custom Justice - Chapter 29, the Last of Edinburgh
May 14, 2022 00:00 - 13 minutes - 12.5 MBWilliam Wallace was a real man, but the movie Braveheart certainly was not based on real events. I wouldn't have known that if I hadn't visited the Wallace Monument in Scotland while on that vacation. It was a stunning structure. Afterward I received a brief informal education on the differences of language between Scotland and American English. Some of the everyday polite words we use here in the USA are some of the most vile, disgusting words you could possibly use in Scotland, especially ...
Custom Justice - Chapter 28, Prisoners of War
May 07, 2022 00:00 - 14 minutes - 13.7 MBWaking up with a hangover was a new experience and Richard taught me all about the local cures for such a malady that day. I was also quite successful in tricking myself into thinking the stranger in the hotel room was something that hadn't happened the night before. Eager as ever, I went on about my way, and we went to explore the castle. I saw things that would blow my mind and leave me speechless, and would later serve as a reminder of what my own life would become. The photo was from tha...
Custom Justice - Chapter 27, Edinburgh Hangover
April 30, 2022 00:00 - 15 minutes - 14.2 MBWandering around Edinburgh was incredible. Richard drank entirely too much for me to keep up, and even trying left me feeling as though I were lost in a fog. We wandered from one street to another, one pub to another, and one ancient building to another. We found some of the most incredible places that sent chills up and down our spines. Then, at the end of the evening, I knew it wasn't just alcohol I was feeling, and we weren't alone in that hotel room. How was I going to get out of that me...
Custom Justice - Chapter 26, The Best Made Plans
April 23, 2022 00:00 - 19 minutes - 18.1 MBI couldn't believe I was finally in Scotland after so many years of wanting to go and thinking it would never happen. And though I knew everyone around me was speaking English, it certainly didn't sound like it. Something needed to be done with my ears so that I'd understand that accent! --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Custom Justice - Chapter 25, The Beginning of the End
April 16, 2022 00:00 - 23 minutes - 21.6 MBWhen Richard and I reconnected, he knew all the right things to say. There was no possibly way that I could have seen through him extravagant love letters, straight to what his true intentions were. I was willing to do whatever it took to see things through this time. Somehow I felt that if everything else had failed, there had to be a reason, and that reason had to be that man. Surely I was supposed to be with him. I had no warning that he was a predator of the worst kind, and the next two ...
Custom Justice - Chapter 24, My First Home
April 09, 2022 00:00 - 24 minutes - 22.6 MBI clawed my way out of ruin, one step at a time. It never would have been possible without working long hours, pouring my all into my job, sacrificing any social life, and somehow making some amazing friends along the way. I was truly motivated in a way I don't think I've been forced to be since. It left me exhausted and spent, but incredibly grateful and humbled. By the time I managed to land where I wanted and needed to be, I was only too grateful to sleep on a floor with my cat and a larg...
Custom Justice - Chapter 23, Welcome to the Jungle
April 02, 2022 00:00 - 18 minutes - 16.7 MBMy new place was a disastrous paradise, much like my life had been. Eventually having been stripped of everything left me only wanting to improve everything so much more. I became extremely ambitious yet again, searching to find my goals and achieve the impossible. Part of me doubted that I could do it, but most of me didn't even have time to be concerned with that sort of insignificant detail. My cat deserved a better life. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to...
Custom Justice - Chapter 22, Backtracking
March 26, 2022 00:00 - 18 minutes - 17 MBGoing back to my parents was both demoralizing and humiliating at 29 years old, but it was made all the worse by my father telling me that he knew I'd be 'crawling back' to them someday. I wasn't there a matter of hours and I was already itching to leave. When I found out about how my cat had been treated one day while I was at work, I got to work immediately, hatching a plan. But I needed help to make it happen. Would I be able to recruit the help I needed? --- This episode is sponsored...
Custom Justice - Chapter 21, Again and Again
March 12, 2022 01:00 - 22 minutes - 20.5 MBIt seemed as though I might be destined for a 'do over' sort of life. Just about the time I started to find myself on my feet, the rug would be yanked out from beneath me. I still trusted too blindly, and when something seemed too good to be true, it usually turned out to be exactly that. When I lost my 6 figure income job I was never qualified to do and ended up in retail, I thought that was the worst thing that could happen to me. Then, after adopting a kitten, the man I was engaged to mar...
Custom Justice - Chapter 20, A Reunion of Sorts
March 05, 2022 01:00 - 42 minutes - 39.6 MBNaomi wanted me to talk more about how I reunited with Richard, but instead I became sidetracked with wanting to talk about how I escaped a different abusive relationship. Talking about my second escape from Bill became more easy to talk about than Richard because of the type of abuse used. Naomi tried to reign me back in but I still just wasn't ready to talk about the horrors more recent. Diary entries from 2006 surfaced to complete this chapter, reiterating word for word what I was thinkin...
Custom Justice - Chapter 19, I Do My Own Stunts
February 26, 2022 01:00 - 23 minutes - 21.6 MBI loved Chris with all my heart, but things went sideways much faster than I could have predicted. Something I don't discuss in this episode is that his mother also accused me of having an affair and the two of them conspired to leave her husband and me behind, the two of them disappearing together. I didn't wait for that to happen. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Custom Justice - Chapter 18, Make it count
February 19, 2022 01:00 - 14 minutes - 13.2 MBI found the world of online dating to be much more interesting than the neglectful relationship I left Arkansas for. In a single day I met both Richard and my next ex-husband (who left a negative review on "Custom Justice" on Amazon. I guess he didn't like the truth being told. That comes out in a future episode.) This one is pretty short and sweet, but that's perfect for me as I'm recovering from my thyroid biopsy. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a po...
Custom Justice - chapter 17, Back to Arkansas
February 12, 2022 01:00 - 25 minutes - 23.5 MBWhen I was dumped on the side of the road yet again by people I thought I could trust, there was no alternative but to return to Arkansas. Not knowing what choices are available inevitably leaves someone with no choice at all. Both good and bad things came from that experience. My son was born, and I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world. But I also met death as a result. Then I became fatally ill for a long time, living my life from a wheel chair. I wouldn't have survived without the ...
Custom Justice - Chapter 16, The Great Unraveling
December 04, 2021 01:00 - 18 minutes - 17.3 MBFlorida turned out to be a nightmare. While this chapter is only a brief overview of my time there, the book "Detailed Pieces of a Shattered Dream" does go into a lot more detail of that time. I was tricked, lied to, abandoned by family, homeless, flea infested, jobless, threatened, sold, raped and beaten during that time. I do glaze over the truly brutal stuff so it's not quite as horrendous as it could be, but the other book does talk about more of those details. I've been told multiple ti...
Custom Justice - Chapter 15, Arkansas Life
October 16, 2021 00:00 - 17 minutes - 15.8 MBMoving from a big city to a tiny town of 163 people is a culture shock. Finding out I couldn't stand my husband was even harder. Thankfully I had a horse farm to get lost on, and a drivers license to anywhere. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Custom Justice - Chapter 14, On the Run
October 09, 2021 00:00 - 13 minutes - 12.9 MBI'd already moved so much around the state of Arizona that I knew it was time for some fresh scenery. Convincing a man twice my age having a midlife crisis to marry me was far easier than I could have imagined. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Custom Justice - Chapter 13, Bad Connections
October 02, 2021 00:00 - 16 minutes - 15.4 MBWhen someone steps up to 'save' you from harm, they can't always be trusted. The ability to save you may just have been a well orchestrated catastrophe they designed specifically to make you beholden to them. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Custom Justice - Chapter 12, New Beginnings
September 25, 2021 00:00 - 18 minutes - 17.3 MBMy family had no faith in me when I moved away from home, but in spite of abuse and extreme physical pain, I refused to return to them just to prove them wrong. I experienced my first death threat and stalker, my first miscarriage, my first witness to drug abuse, and so much more. I also learned how to become an expert exit strategist at only 18 years old. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Custom Justice - Chapter 11, Leaving Home
September 18, 2021 00:00 - 22 minutes - 20.5 MBI left home for the first time as a runaway at 15, but by the time I was 17 I had my first ever fully developed exit strategy. I was convinced I was in love with a man four years older than me who lived in another state, and thanks to some training on my part, I was able to convince him that he was in love with me too. He was my way out. I had nothing to lose. Together we were doomed. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Custom Justice - Chapter 10, Firing on All Cylinders
September 11, 2021 00:00 - 14 minutes - 13.4 MBLosing my job in 2019 was completely devastating to me at the time. They claimed that I 'seemed unhappy' but since publishing the book I have discovered that the truth was that they had discovered that I'd been made famous on a pornography site and they didn't want that associated with the company. Too many of the employees were likely to find me in their hidden, twisted, sickening debauchery. Revenge was served, and not even by my hand. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The ...
Custom Justice - Chapter 9, The Last of the Innocense
September 04, 2021 00:00 - 17 minutes - 15.7 MBTrigger Warning - this episode does deal with self-blame after rape, as well as pedophilia and molestation. It took me a very long time to realize that what I'd been through had actually been called rape because, no matter how often I'd heard them say it on crime shows on television, those rules didn't apply to me. I wasn't on television. I was in my own home with someone I'd known for years. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor....
Custom Justice - Chapter 8, Hasty Decisions
August 28, 2021 00:00 - 17 minutes - 16.3 MBEarly on I was trained to have a particular mindset. By the time I was a teen, I was making some terrible decisions. Still, that doesn't justify the abuse I suffered and the hands of family, friends and strangers alike. No amount of poor decisions will ever justify molestation, rape, or abuse of any kind. It took a long time for me to learn that, but it's a lesson I'm only too eager to pass along now. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https:/...
Custom Justice - Chapter 7, It’s All Relative
August 21, 2021 00:00 - 17 minutes - 15.9 MBSometimes the most damage is done by those we already know and trust. Sometimes that damage doesn’t resurface for a great many years. Fame isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Custom Justice - Chapter 6, Try Not to Feel
August 14, 2021 00:00 - 16 minutes - 15.4 MBI learned at an early age how to suppress my emotions, specifically the -ones. It was incredibly damaging but I didn’t realize that at the time. To thisday I have difficulties with expressing anything other than what is societally deemed to be a positive emotion. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Custom Justice - Chapter 5, Being Hunted
July 24, 2021 00:00 - 20 minutes - 18.7 MBThe first time I found out that I was being hunted by my abuser I was a crushing blow. But through the encouragement of a friend, I figured out how to fight back. Sadly, it didn’t get me anywhere. This weeks podcast cover photo is one I took in Calendar Park in Scotland, Easter Day 2011. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Custom Justice - Chapter 4, Motherly Love
July 17, 2021 00:00 - 13 minutes - 12.2 MBNot all my memories of my mother were bad. I actually had some that were fine, amusing, and downright mischievous. This weeks podcast cover photo is a photo of me as a little bitty redhead around the age of four. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Custom Justice - Chapter 3, Busted
July 10, 2021 00:00 - 14 minutes - 13.1 MBSometimes child abuse doesn’t mean being hit or punched or kicked or even screamed out. Sometimes it’s nothing more than neglect as punishment. This weeks podcast cover photo is me at 15 with my dog Cookie. Conveniently cropped out, my father. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Custom Justice - Chapter 2, The Dog House
July 03, 2021 00:00 - 18 minutes - 16.7 MBI grew up with dogs in my house. They were the greatest companions, often risking themselves in order to keep us safe. But even then, they were treated as though they were only animals. Now I have cats, and I finally understand the value these animals bring into our lives. This weeks podcast cover photo is one of me at 13 holding my dog Cookie. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Custom Justice - Chapter 1, Juniper
June 26, 2021 00:00 - 17 minutes - 16.2 MBMy earliest memories surfaced in my 20s in such a violent way that couldn’t understand them for a long time. Now that I do, they’ve driven a wedge between myself and my family that will likely never be altered or removed. This weeks podcast cover photo is a photo of me at around 4 years old. Subscribe to the podcast for less than a DOLLAR a month to hear the entire book in archived episodes! https://anchor.fm/amandablackwood/subscribe --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spoti...
Custom Justice - Intro
June 19, 2021 21:32 - 18 minutes - 16.8 MBI recently wrote my entire autobiography. Now, I’m ready to share it. Welcome to my 10 year anniversary of freedom. CUSTOM JUSTICE - a note from the author. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/amandablackwood/message
The Time Machine of my Mind
September 09, 2020 23:55 - 16 minutes - 14.9 MBSometimes it’s the little things in life that can cause the greatest amount of distress. Sometimes it’s all in our head. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
And Then She Was Strong
August 05, 2020 02:00 - 19 minutes - 18.4 MBI had somebody ask me a question earlier today, if I were nominated to do a Ted talk, what would I talk about? You got me thinking, which can be a rather dangerous past time I know, but it can also be very rewarding. Sometimes it reminds me of who I really am. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
What ever happened to the Survivor?
July 29, 2020 23:09 - 23 minutes - 21.8 MBI fell quiet for a few weeks but I’m back with more passion than ever. I also have a very good and very passionate story as to why I disappeared for a few weeks. Check it out, it’s time I get down and dirty. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
His Name is David Humphrey
June 29, 2020 23:42 - 23 minutes - 21.4 MBSometimes we get the opportunity to go backwards in time and catch up with people who remind us of things in our childhood long forgotten. Sometimes it’s those who are long lost who gave us the opportunity to begin with. Tonight’s podcast interview is with a childhood friend of mine, David Humphrey. David and I reminisce on the days we had in detention, we talk about what he’s done with his comedy and extreme level of intelligence, and even discuss the book he wrote. More than anything, we la...