Bring the Shechina Down

We continue our theme of loving one’s spouse. The pasuk says in Devarim ( chapter 24, pasuk ה ) יִקַּח אִישׁ אִשָּׁה חֲדָשָׁה לֹא יֵצֵא בַּצָּבָא וְלֹא יַעֲבֹר עָלָיו לְכָל דָּבָר נָקִי יִהְיֶה לְבֵיתוֹ שָׁנָה אֶחָת וְשִׂמַּח אֶת אִשְׁתּוֹ אֲשֶׁר לָקָח When a man takes a new wife, he should not go out to war for a year, or be involved for any purpose (e.g taking business trips without his wife’s permission). He should be clean ( i.e. empty) of obligations for an entire year for his wife, and make the wife that he married happy. The Chida brings down from Rabbenu Ephraim (a Rishon) and the Baal Turim that if we take last letter from each of the words נָקִ י יִהְיֶ ה לְבֵית וֹ שָׁנָ ה (He should be clean for his household for a year), we get Hashem’s name: Yud, Heh, Vav and Heh This is significant in two ways; Firstly, the Shechina comes down for a husband and wife, if they are zoche /meritorious. But, the Shechina does not come down unless a person is happy. So, in order to bring the Shechina down, you have to make your spouse happy. That is the focus of the first year of marriage, but it is a mistake to think that this only applies to the first year. The Shechina is always there, but there is a special focus during the first year. We can see this from how the Gedolim treated their wives. Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach was once returning home, and when he stopped to straighten out his tie before he entered his home, he was asked why. He answered that it was because for a husband and wife that merit, the Shechina is there, so he wanted to look presentable when greeting the Shechina (and also to greet his wife with simcha ). I recall that when his wife passed way, Rav Shlomo Zalman did something that made waves throughout Yerushalayim. It was customary in Yerushalayim that a husband ask his wife for mechila/forgiveness at her funeral. But Rav Shlomo Zalman said he could not ask for mechila because in all their years of marriage, they never got into an argument, or had any reason to ask for mechila from one another. How do we get there? By realizing the great benefit of Shalom Bayit, and recognizing that simcha is needed in household, in order to bring the Shechina down. One of the reasons that we make a chatan and kallah happy for a whole week, with music and dancing etc, is to bring the Shechina down. And that has to continue throughout the marriage. That only happens is through Ve’Ahavta LeRe’echa Kamocha.