For the Sake of the Shechina

Today we continue on the topic of Ve’Ahavta LeRe’echa Kamocha, Loving your friend like you love yourself, as it applies to a spouse , quot ing from the Pele Yoetz on this topic . The first thing that he says is that, “ The main love that is supposed to take place between a husband and wife is love for the soul. This means direct ing each other softly, nicely, sweetly, in the proper ways of acting. If a wife sees her husband speaking Lashon Hara, she should, quiet ly and tactfully remind him. We aren’t supposed to police each other, but rather, the love and concern one has for their spouse should help strengthen one another’s religion. Furthermore, he says that when we speak about loving one’s spouse , it doesn’t mean that you have the perfect spouse, or that it’s obviously a perfect relationship. If a person is in a situation where the spouse is not that easy, he says, “ It’s a great nisayon/test but even so, they should act with peace and friendship, for the sake of the Shechina, in order to bring Kavod/honor to the Shechina. He goes on to cite cases in the Gemarah of great rabbis who had wives that were not easy (and the opposite as well). The story is told of the rabbi whose wife would give him the opposite of whatever food he asked for. If he asked for oatmeal, for example, she would give him cold cereal, and if he asked for cold cereal, she would make him oatmeal. The rabbi’s son caught onto this issue, and he decided to intervene. When his father asked for oatmeal, he told his mother that he asked for cold cereal. The mother then made oatmeal, and the boy served it to his father. When the rabbi saw that his wife had prepared exactly what he asked for, he wondered what was going on, and the boy explained his trick. But the rabbi told his son that he should not train himself to lie, and instructed him revert back to the original way, even if it meant that he would not get what he wanted. On another occasion this rabbi was seen at a wedding wrapping up some cookies. When he was asked what he was doing, he explained that he was bringing them home to his wife. That answer was met with surprise, because it was known that his wife was very difficult. The rabbi replied that, “ It is enough that she raises my children and protects me from sin.” There are the bare basics of marriage, and then there are extras. There are many things that people take for granted, or feel that are required, when they really aren’t. But even the most basic advantages of a marriage are enough to require a person to love their spouse. It isn’t always easy, but it should be done Leshem Shamayim, for the sake of Heaven, and it’s a tremendous zechut/ merit when a person works through the challenges of a difficult relationship.