You Were Made for This
262 episodes - English - Latest episode: about 1 month ago - ★★★★★ - 28 ratingsYou were made for fulfilling relationships. Listen each week to stories of people finding hope and encouragement in their relationships so that you can too. Host and award-winning author John Certalic, together with his guests, share principles of life-giving relationships.
John’s relationship story starts with his birth to a single mother and placement in foster care for the first 16 months of his life. From this comes four different careers, 53 years of marriage to the same wife, and much he has learned about relationships. John draws from all this, along with inspiring stories from his guests, to share how you can find more fulfillment in the relationships you were made for.
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Episodes
072: What I Learned From a Grieving Friend
October 07, 2020 08:00 - 17 minutes - 23.8 MBDeath teaches us how to live when we join someone in going through their grief. What I learned from a grieving friend can benefit all of us. Welcome to today’s episode, no. 72, where today we consider what we can learn from a grieving friend. In last week’s episode, number 71, How to Help a Grieving Friend, I talked about the shocking news Janet and I received from our missionary friend, Martin, concerning the sudden and unexpected death of his wife, and our friend, Suzanne. I talked abo...
071: How to Help a Grieving Friend
September 30, 2020 08:00 - 17 minutes - 14.9 MBTo help a grieving friend starts with being present and joining God in comforting those going through difficult times. Hello everyone and welcome to episode no. 71, where today we discuss how to help a grieving friend. Before we get into that, I have some listener feedback to share with you from episode 69, When our Kids Go Off to School for the First Time. Hey John, I have enjoyed the past two weeks and happy for your new season. This is a bright spot in the middle of the pandemic. I ...
070: Building Relationships Eases Racial Tension
September 23, 2020 08:00 - 28 minutes - 23 MBBuilding relationships eases racial tension. A solution to racism is to be more like Jesus and build relationships with people not like us. That's what today's episode is all about. I sometimes wish we could speed up the calendar this year, turn a few more pages at a time to bring 2020 to a close. With all the turmoil over Covid-19, the presidential election, and heightened racial tension in the US, I would just like to wipe the slate clean and start over again. How about you? Are you with...
069: When Our Kids Go Off to School for the First Time
September 16, 2020 08:00 - 10 minutes - 15 MBA key marker in any parent’s life is when their child goes off to school for the first time. Whether it’s to kindergarten, or when our kids leave home for college, it stirs up emotions within us. For some, it’s relief that their kid is finally out of the house because they are so ready for him or her to be gone. For others, it’s a bit of grief because WE’RE not quite ready when our kids go off to school for the first time. Listen in as we consider the emotional impact of our offspring en...
068: Our Job is a Means to an End, Not an End Unto Itself
September 09, 2020 08:00 - 16 minutes - 13.3 MBOur job is a means to an end, not an end unto itself. It’s an important relationship principle that makes celebrating Labor Day meaningful. Hello everyone and welcome back to You Were Made for This. It’s so good to be back here behind the microphone with the start of Season Four. We begin with episode 68, just 2 days after Labor Day here in 2020 During my years in teaching and the business world, I interacted with lots of people who felt stuck in their jobs, where they found little satis...
067: Self-Monitoring How We Listen
June 03, 2020 08:00 - 33 minutes - 27.4 MBHello everyone and welcome to today’s episode, no. 67, the last one for Season Three. I’ll say more about Season Four later at the end of the show. For today, we’re here to demonstrate how better listening creates deeper relationships. We'll see how monitoring ourselves in how we listen helps transform our relationships into the best they can be. In prior episodes I talked about listening and the role that questions play in deepening our relationships. I gave a number of examples in severa...
066: A Solution Better Than Suicide
May 27, 2020 08:00 - 44 minutes - 36.1 MBHello everyone and welcome to today's episode, no. 66, where as always I’m here to help us consider ways we can find more joy in our relationships. Because after all, we were made for this. In the past few episodes (episode 65 episode 64 episode 63 episode 62 )we’ve been considering the only two questions you need to remember in getting to know someone better. Just two questions to ask that will lead to a meaningful conversation with most anyone. Namely, first of all asking myself ...
065: End With Asking This Important Question
May 20, 2020 08:00 - 19 minutes - 27.8 MBAsking follow-up questions is a key part of one of the greatest gifts we give someone. The gift of listening. Learn how in today's episode. In recent episodes we’ve considered how our lack of curiosity about people keeps our relationships at a surface level. To go deeper in our relationships our curiosity deficiency can be cured with a simple vaccine: Ask - people - questions. We talked in the last few episodes about WHY we don’t ask more questions, and one explanation is that we don’t kno...
064: Start with this Important Question to Ask
May 13, 2020 08:00 - 23 minutes - 32.6 MBHello everyone and welcome to today’s episode where today we pick up from last week's episode, no. 63 If you didn't catch last week's show, the problem we discussed is that we may want to engage with someone, but we don’t know what questions to ask to get things started. It’s easy to say “ask more questions” to cure our CD-20, curiosity deficiency, but many times we can’t think of questions to ask. It’s especially true in relating with the quiet introverts among us. Because we can’t th...
063: Six Reasons Why We’re not More Curious About People
May 06, 2020 08:00 - 15 minutes - 12.7 MBHello everyone and welcome to today’s episode, where as always, I’m here to help you find more joy in your relationships, because that’s what you were made for. In episode 62 last week, “Vaccine Now Available for this Relational Virus,” We talked about CD-20, the curiosity deficiency virus that keeps us from deeper relationship with people. I mentioned there’s a vaccine now available - developed by the CDC, Curiosity Deficiency Council in Bismarck, ND. It’s a simple vaccine. Here it is: As...
063: Six Reason Why We’re not More Curious About People
May 06, 2020 08:00 - 15 minutes - 12.7 MBHello everyone and welcome to today’s episode, where as always, I’m here to help you find more joy in your relationships, because that’s what you were made for. In episode 62 last week, “Vaccine Now Available for this Relational Virus,” We talked about CD-20, the curiosity deficiency virus that keeps us from deeper relationship with people. I mentioned there’s a vaccine now available - developed by the CDC, Curiosity Deficiency Council in Bismarck, ND. It’s a simple vaccine. Here it is: As...
062: Vaccine Now Available for this Relational Virus
April 29, 2020 08:00 - 18 minutes - 26.1 MBHello everyone and welcome to today’s episode, where as always, I’m here to help us all find more joy in our relationships. Before we get into today’s topic I want to share several responses from listeners to recent prior episodes Two responses from Episode 59, “The Last Place You Would Ever Think to Find Joy" Duane, a missionary in Japan Health care worker in an assisted living facility A response from episode 60 from last week, “One Perspective on Stay-at-Home You Probably Haven’t ...
061: How Changed Thinking Leads to Changed Relationships
April 22, 2020 08:00 - 14 minutes - 20 MBHello everyone and welcome to today's episode where today we talk about how changing the way we think changes the way we relate to others. But before we get into this, I have two responses from listeners about prior episodes I want to share with you. [Darlene’s text about people looking at their cell phones] Randy from Pittsburgh who texted “I can't wait to get into my car to listen to this week's You Were Made for This episode! It is breakfast for my soul as I drive to work each Wednes...
060: One Perspective on Stay-At-Home You Probably Haven’t Heard Before
April 15, 2020 08:00 - 17 minutes - 24.6 MBHello everyone and welcome to today’s episode where today, as always, I’m here to help us consider how we can experience more joy in our relationships. Are you tired of all the coronavirus news? Almost all of which is depressing and negative. Some of which is conflicting information. One week it’s the average person on the street should not be wearing masks when they’re out and about, and then two weeks later it’s all of us SHOULD be wearing masks. It’s like columnist Peggy Noonan’s comm...
059: The Last Place You Would Ever Think to Find Joy
April 08, 2020 08:00 - 15 minutes - 22 MBHello everyone and welcome to today’s episode where today, as always, we're here together to consider how we can experience more joy in our relationships. I had another episode all ready to go for today, but I’ll save it for next week because something came up the other night that I want to share with you because of it’s timeliness, and because it illustrates an important relationship principle. It’s about finding joy in a relationship in the most unlikely of places. So stick around and ...
058: How a Crisis Can Bring Out the Best in Us
April 01, 2020 08:00 - 11 minutes - 9.38 MBWelcome to today’s episode where today we look at several examples of how people are reaching out and caring for each other during our present day global health crisis. Hopefully these stories will inspire you to do the same. I mentioned in last week’s episode, no.57, that a crisis like we are experiencing now in the spring of 2020 creates opportunities for us to find goodness in our relationships with people. I have also found some relational goodness in humor in these difficult times. ...
057: Relational Goodness in Times of Crisis
March 25, 2020 08:00 - 19 minutes - 16.1 MBHello everyone and welcome to today’s episode where today we reflect on the impact the coronavirus is having on our relationships. There’s no shortage of information about the virus itself. How it’s affecting our physical health, advice how to take care of our self, the impact on the economy, and the disruption in our normal daily life. I don’t want to talk about any of that. Instead, I want to talk about what I mentioned in my Every Wednesday email from last week where I asked listeners t...
056: Changing How We Think
March 18, 2020 08:00 - 16 minutes - 22.6 MBHello everyone and welcome to episode 56, where today we consider one relationship that affects all others. Our relationship with our self, and how we think. In the last few episodes, 54, The Greatest Obstacle to Relationships and 55, How to Overcome our Greatest Relationship Obstacle, we talked about the relational disease of self-centeredness, and how we can be cured of it by letting God transform us into a new person by changing the way we think. The cure comes from the apostle Paul w...
055: How to Overcome our Greatest Relationship Obstacle
March 11, 2020 08:00 - 7 minutes - 11.4 MBHello everyone and welcome to episode 55 where today we talk about the solution to the most dreaded relational virus that has plagued human beings since we first walked this earth. Self-centeredness. Listen in. Show outline Episode 54 last week was about a newspaper article where the writer talked about “‘ME-ism’ as a serious problem spreading across the land.” Namely people too absorbed in their own life to inquire into the life of another. The bible, in Romans 12: 2 calls this prob...
054: The Greatest Obstacle to Relationships
March 04, 2020 09:00 - 18 minutes - 26.2 MBHello and happy March 4th to everyone who is listening in real-time today, March 4th, 2020. If you haven’t yet decided where you want to march forth today on March 4th, I have a suggestion for you at the end of the show. But before we get into today’s topic, the greatest obstacle to our relationships, a listener from South Carolina asked if I would explain what he called “my strong reaction to the relationship quote” from last week’s show, episode 53. You may recall the quote came from Pri...
053: An Inconvenient Relationship Reality
February 26, 2020 09:00 - 15 minutes - 22 MBHello everyone and welcome to episode 53 where today I talk about an “inconvenient truth” concerning relationships. I like this term first coined by Al Gore about his view of climate change. Regardless of your view of Al Gore’s comments, there are also inconvenient truths about relationships. Today’s episode is about one of them. If you have ever spent any significant time around children, do you remember the times your heart ached for them when they discovered that life can be harsh? Wher...
052: Six Examples of Listeners Using this Podcast Content
February 19, 2020 09:00 - 18 minutes - 25.6 MBHello everyone and welcome to episode 52 where today we hear how listeners are applying the content from this podcast in their daily lives. At the end of most podcast episodes I often mention that it would be helpful to hear reactions from listeners to the content of that day’s episode. I am especially interested in how listeners are using what we talk about to transform their relationships into the best they can be. Because when we hear how someone else is putting into practice the idea...
051: More Than the Music
February 12, 2020 09:00 - 11 minutes - 15.9 MBWelcome to episode 51 where today we consider a hidden benefit of good relationships. A benefit I bet few of us have ever considered. Not too long ago I was on the search team for our church looking for a new worship director. Part of the process, as you can imagine, is interviewing candidates, and the way we did it was to schedule initial interviews over Skype with them. One night our team was in the middle of interviewing a candidate when our pastor, as a member of the search team, ask...
050: Three Reasons Why Relationships Are Worth It
February 05, 2020 09:00 - 14 minutes - 20.6 MBHello everyone and welcome to episode 50 where today we consider three reasons for why relationships are worth the work they take to grow and maintain. Before we get into this, I know some of our listeners aren’t aware of my private email list I use to send a brief email every Wednesday. It’s my Every Wednesday email that offers an insight, thought, or tip to find more joy in your relationships. To get access to my Every Wednesday email, just go to johncertalic.com/podcast, and fill in t...
049: Sacrifice in Relationship
January 29, 2020 09:00 - 17 minutes - 24 MBHello everyone and welcome to episode 49 where today we consider the importance of sacrifice in our relationships. In episode 48 last week, I made the case that chapter 12 in the Book of Romans is to my way of thinking, the most relational chapter in the whole Bible. There is much we can learn about relationships in the 21 verses of this passage. It all starts with the first verse in Romans 12, where the apostle Paul says, Therefore, I urge you brothers and sisters, in view of God’s merc...
049: Sacrifice in Relationships
January 29, 2020 09:00 - 17 minutes - 24 MBHello everyone and welcome to episode 49 where today we consider the importance of sacrifice in our relationships. In episode 48 last week, I made the case that chapter 12 in the Book of Romans is to my way of thinking, the most relational chapter in the whole Bible. There is much we can learn about relationships in the 21 verses of this passage. It all starts with the first verse in Romans 12, where the apostle Paul says, Therefore, I urge you brothers and sisters, in view of God’s merc...
048: Worship Without Words
January 22, 2020 09:00 - 10 minutes - 15 MBHello everyone and welcome to episode 48 where today we start Season 3. It’s so good to be back! I’m generally a person who’s comfortable within my own skin. I’ve never been very good athletically. I’m OK with that. I’m not very good at fixing things. I like to say it’s because I don’t have the right tools. I never buy tools, and don’t accept them as gifts, because if I did, I couldn’t use that as an excuse for not being able to repair anything. Rather than tools, I have this principle I...
047: What Mary Treasured on Christmas Day
December 18, 2019 09:00 - 18 minutes - 25.5 MBShow notes Hello everyone and welcome to episode 47 where today we revisit the Christmas story from the perspective of Mary, and how the birth of Jesus affected her relationships, because his birth affects our relationships as well. I don’t know about you, but for me there are lots of things that tire me about Christmas. Reindeer, wrapping paper, lighted Santa Claus figures on neighbors’ lawns, strands of Christmas tree lights with burned-out-bulbs that are time consuming to fix. How a...
047: What Mary Treasured on Christmas Day
December 18, 2019 09:00 - 18 minutes - 25.5 MBShow notes Hello everyone and welcome to episode 47 where today we revisit the Christmas story from the perspective of Mary, and how the birth of Jesus affected her relationships, because his birth affects our relationships as well. I don’t know about you, but for me there are lots of things that tire me about Christmas. Reindeer, wrapping paper, lighted Santa Claus figures on neighbors’ lawns, strands of Christmas tree lights with burned-out-bulbs that are time consuming to fix. How a...
046: Where Joy to the World is Found
December 11, 2019 09:00 - 13 minutes - 18.9 MBShow Notes We know all too well that the our relationship with the real meaning of Christmas is so easily lost in the cultural trappings of December 25. It's become more a holiday than a holy day. The real meaning of Christmas is found in our relationship with Jesus in the simple, in the ordinary, which is what today's episode number 46 is all about. To that end, I have a few resources to help with this, which I'll share with you at the end of this episode, so please stick around for tha...
045: Seven Relationship Lessons from the Greatest Christmas Movie Ever Made
December 04, 2019 09:00 - 32 minutes - 26.6 MBShow Notes Hello everyone and welcome to episode 45, where today we look at 7 relationship lessons found in the greatest Christmas movie ever made. I never, ever, in a hundred million years, ever want to be known for exaggeration and hyperbole. So it’s going to be a challenge for me to reign myself in when talking about the wonders found in It’s a Wonderful Life!, that 1947 Christmas movie classic staring Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed. The thing I like about the movie is that while it’s b...
001: Six Reasons to Listen to the "You Were Made for This" Podcast
December 02, 2019 19:03 - 20 minutes - 34.3 MBNOTE: The show notes you see below were for the very first episode, which appeared on November 28, 2018. It's all still true. But a more recent updated version for reasons to listen to this podcast can be found by listening to Episode 139: Why Should I Listen to This Podcast? Thank you for joining us in today’s inaugural episode of You Were Made for This - Transforming Your Relationships into the Best They Can Be. I want to share six reasons to listen to this podcast. Six benefits you c...
044: Thankful for the People who Invested in Us
November 27, 2019 09:00 - 15 minutes - 22.3 MBHello everyone and welcome to episode 44, the last in our "November to be thankful" series. I’ll have links to the other 3 episodes in the show notes below. Carol pointed out to me that some listeners may not know what the “show notes” are and where to find them. “Show notes” for each episode are notes to myself, reminding me what to include in the episode. It’s not a transcript, and not exactly an outline. They are simply the main points I want to cover. Some people prefer to read these b...
043: Thankful for People Different from Me
November 20, 2019 09:00 - 20 minutes - 28.7 MBShow notes My greatest fear about aging is finding myself living an increasingly narrow life. I see it in my 96 year-old mother-in-law. The memory care and assisted living facility Elda lives in is full of people whose lives have narrowed considerably, and are a shadow of what they used to be. And it’s not just with the elderly with their ever-increasing physical limitations. I see some people my age and much younger living lives that are slowly closing in on them relationally, and emoti...
042: Thankful for the Irritations of Life
November 13, 2019 09:30 - 16 minutes - 13.9 MBHello everyone and welcome to episode 42, where Friday the 13th falls on a Wednesday this month. This 13th of November in the year of our Lord, 2019. I hope you’re not superstitious; instead, this is a month to be most thankful. Later this month, at Thanksgiving dinner, like a lot of families, we go around the table and everyone shares what they have been thankful for this year. The expressions of gratitude are usually the same: for family, good health, prayers that have been answered, and...
041: Thankful for the Cheerleaders in My Life
November 06, 2019 09:00 - 21 minutes - 29.7 MBShow notes Hello everyone and welcome to episode 41. Last week, we waved good bye and said see you next year, to October, the month that makes me smile. This week, we welcome in November, the month that makes me thankful. It’s the month we remind ourselves of blessings in our life we often have the tendency to forget. November is like our favorite-out-of-state relative who arrives once a year on our doorstep, smiling ear-to-ear, with arms wide open with hugs for everyone. Her very presen...
040: A Square Peg in a Round Hole
October 30, 2019 08:00 - 13 minutes - 19.5 MBShow notes Do you ever feel out of place in a group, where you just don’t quite fit in? I know I do from time to time. In today’s episode we’ll talk about how to deal with this kind of relationship with a group or organization, where we feel like a square peg in a round hole. Of all the weeks in the year to tackle this topic, the last week of October is, in my mind, the best time of the year to do so. Because it highlights a famous historic figure who is the poster child for being a squa...
039: Listener Responses to Relationship Issues
October 23, 2019 08:00 - 18 minutes - 15 MBShow Notes In last week’s episode 38, I shared listener responses to the question I raised in an earlier email to our listeners about the verse from Hebrews 10:24, “Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.” My question was HOW do you do this, which elicited some great responses. Another one came in just the other day from a missionary I’ll share in just a minute. But more than that, over the past few months listeners have responded to other relationshi...
038: Motivating Others to Love and Good Works
October 16, 2019 08:00 - 13 minutes - 11.5 MBHello everyone and welcome to episode 38, where today I’ll be sharing responses from several listeners to a question I posed in my September 19, 2019 weekly email. The question was about the Bible verse from Hebrews 10:24, where the writer of the Book Hebrews says, Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. My question was HOW do you do this? HOW does anyone motivate another person to acts of love and good works? I was thinking if we could hear some re...
037: The Two-Step Process to Solve Relationship Conflicts
October 09, 2019 08:00 - 18 minutes - 15.1 MBHave you ever been in conflict with someone that just gnawed at you day and night? Where you did everything you could think of to try to solve the conflict? Where you may have talked to the other person to resolve the matter, but it goes no where. Where it’s so perplexing and you just can’t figure out how things got to where they are now? Stay tuned and I’ll explain an easy-to-understand 2-step process you can use to bring clarity to most conflicts. I’ll start by giving you a recent real...
037_The Two-Step Process to Solve Relationship Conflicts
October 09, 2019 08:00 - 18 minutes - 15.1 MBHave you ever been in conflict with someone that just gnawed at you day and night? Where you did everything you could think of to try to solve the conflict? Where you may have talked to the other person to resolve the matter, but it goes no where. Where it’s so perplexing and you just can’t figure out how things got to where they are now? Stay tuned and I’ll explain an easy-to-understand 2-step process you can use to bring clarity to most conflicts. I’ll start by giving you a recent real...
036: Investing in Relationships
October 02, 2019 08:00 - 33 minutes - 27.1 MBHello everyone and welcome to episode 036, Investing in Relationships. Before we get into this topic with two guests I interview on today’s show, there are a two quick items I want to mention. First off, for those who would rather read the content of each episode, you can do so by reading the show notes that accompany each program. Just scroll down below whatever podcast player you use, and you’ll find a general description of the episode. It’s not a transcript, nor is it a traditional out...
036_Investing in Relationships
October 02, 2019 08:00 - 33 minutes - 27.1 MBHello everyone and welcome to episode 036, Investing in Relationships. Before we get into this topic with two guests I interview on today’s show, there are a two quick items I want to mention. First off, for those who would rather read the content of each episode, you can do so by reading the show notes that accompany each program. Just scroll down below whatever podcast player you use, and you’ll find a general description of the episode. It’s not a transcript, nor is it a traditional out...
035: Relationships and a Lawn Mower
September 25, 2019 08:00 - 16 minutes - 23.6 MBIf you’ve been a regular listener around here you may recall a few episodes back in episode 32, I talked about how we were made for relationships. And one characteristic of a fulfilling and life-giving relationships is that it has an element of transcendence to it. I’ll have a link to that episode in the show notes for any new listeners who want to check it out. Transcendence, as I mentioned in episode 32, is about rising above our limits or normal ways of doing things. It’s about going be...
035_Relationships and a Lawn Mower
September 25, 2019 08:00 - 16 minutes - 23.6 MBIf you’ve been a regular listener around here you may recall a few episodes back in episode 32, I talked about how we were made for relationships. And one characteristic of a fulfilling and life-giving relationships is that it has an element of transcendence to it. I’ll have a link to that episode in the show notes for any new listeners who want to check it out. Transcendence, as I mentioned in episode 32, is about rising above our limits or normal ways of doing things. It’s about going be...
034_Rescuing and Raising a Relative's Child
September 18, 2019 08:00 - 42 minutes - 34.8 MBA few weeks ago a friend and listener to the podcast asked me in the lobby of our church, WHERE do you get your ideas for your podcast? Others have asked the same thing. For me, they come from being observant and curious about what God exposes me to. I look at ideas for the podcast, blog, and emails as manna from heaven. God presents me with a circumstance, and I just try to be observant and curious about whatever stares me in the face or is dumped in my lap. There are things God presents ...
034: Rescuing and Raising a Relative's Child
September 18, 2019 08:00 - 42 minutes - 34.8 MBA few weeks ago a friend and listener to the podcast asked me in the lobby of our church, WHERE do you get your ideas for your podcast? Others have asked the same thing. For me, they come from being observant and curious about what God exposes me to. I look at ideas for the podcast, blog, and emails as manna from heaven. God presents me with a circumstance, and I just try to be observant and curious about whatever stares me in the face or is dumped in my lap. There are things God presents ...
033: The Power of One Simple Question
September 11, 2019 08:00 - 17 minutes - 23.9 MBI can’t seem to get last week’s episode #32 out of my mind. The one where I mention that if we know what we’re made for, it will answer the question, what am I here for? What is my purpose in life? I made the case that we were made for relationships, using the acronym T.H.I.S., to describe how in more detail. Relationships that: T-Transcend our natural inclination to focus on self, that H-honor others as we strive to bring out the best in people, where we I-initiate by reaching out beyon...
033_The Power of One Simple Question
September 11, 2019 08:00 - 17 minutes - 23.9 MBI can’t seem to get last week’s episode #32 out of my mind. The one where I mention that if we know what we’re made for, it will answer the question, what am I here for? What is my purpose in life? I made the case that we were made for relationships, using the acronym T.H.I.S., to describe how in more detail. Relationships that: T-Transcend our natural inclination to focus on self, that H-honor others as we strive to bring out the best in people, where we I-initiate by reaching out beyon...
032: What Am I Here For? What is My Purpose in Life?
September 04, 2019 08:00 - 20 minutes - 29 MBHello everyone and welcome to Season Two, and episode 32, What am I here for? What is my purpose in life? It’s great to be back with you after a summer off from podcasting. I enjoyed the weekly blogs, certainly, but I enjoy the podcasts even more. To get season two rolling, I want us to consider an important question people will sometimes ask, namely, What am I here for? What is my purpose in life? Thoughtful, reflective people having been asking this question since mankind first showed up...