The Child Anxiety FAQ

How can a parent deal with acting out behaviors in their anxious child?

A parent contacted me about an 8-year old whose separation anxiety means their child meltsdown every time she tries to leave the house. We talk about what we need to know and give a brief overview on how what we're doing might unintentionally be encouraging meltdowns (and what to do instead).

Homeschool made my child's social anxiety worse. Now what?

Because there was so little detail offered in this question it gave me the chance to explain what we need to know and why we need to know it to hopefully offer some ideas about next steps for listeners. 

Can someone grow out of having an anxiety disorder?

How can I get my anxious child to use their coping tools?

This week we discuss "coping" and how sometimes parents misunderstand what that means. 

How can I tell if my child's anxiety is general or situational?

The person who asked this question is trying to figure out if the anxiety she's seeing in her child is just due to a specific situation or a sign that her child is more generally anxious. I share some thoughts about how to figure that out. 

How can we tell when it's anxiety and when it's a preference?

Figuring out when to intervene with our anxious child is tricky and it's personal. Here are some questions to consider as you're trying to figure it out.

How do I make my anxious child change?

Parents reach out for help because they need their anxious child to learn to not be anxious or to handle their anxiety more effectively. But we can't make our anxious child or even want to change. What we can do is focus on our own change. In this week's episode, we dig into this uncomfortable truth.

What do you do when a child is still as anxious if not more anxious of something after exposing them to it?

This question from a listener gives us the opportunity to talk about some of the details we need to know to appropriate address our individual child's anxiety, especially around things like school refusal. 

Is it my anxiety? Or my child's?

This week I explain why it almost doesn't matter whose anxiety started the anxious patterns in the family because the intervention is the same -- at least to start. Also if you'd like to sign up for the free webinar "Tell Me It Will Be OK: How to Talk About Your Child's Anxiety (without making things worse)" just head here: ChildAnxietySupport.com/webinar

When should I be concerned about my anxious child?

This week we explore parental concern in regards to child anxiety and what it means if the child is anxious and what if it means if they aren't (or at least if they aren't clinically anxious). Remember to reach out to me if you have further questions!

How do I help my anxious child feel heard and understood?

This week we talk about how we can support our anxious child and help them feel validated without joining them in their anxiety.

Can children have panic attacks?

We talk about what panic attacks are; discuss panic disorder; and get into some of the controversy and complications around the issue.

Should I homeschool my anxious child?

I get a lot of questions about homeschooling for kids with social anxiety or separation anxiety. Get my take on this week's episode of The Child Anxiety FAQ!

How do I help my anxious child?

We talk about what you can do FOR YOU to best help your anxious child with a promise to get into more specifics in future episodes.   

How do I calm down my anxious child?

What are some signs that a child has anxiety?

On this week's episode I share common signs that a child might be struggling with anxiety. I talk about somatic symptoms and behavioral symptoms and how to tell the difference between productive anxiety and anxiety that's become problematic.

Does an anxious parent make an anxious child?

Short answer? No. Long answer? That's what this episode is all about!

How can I treat my child's anxiety naturally?

I usually get a version of this question asking about diet, supplements, or herbal remedies. I explain why I'm not the right person to answer THAT and why I am the right person to talk about other forms of natural child anxiety treatment. 

Are there techniques for teaching emotional regulation to anxious children?

Today we go over ways to tune into our dysregulated child's calm between anxious moments to better head off anxiety meltdowns.

How do I talk to my anxious child about death?

In this podcast I gave a shout out to some of my favorite people, namely, librarians, Mr. Rogers and child life specialists!

How do I help my anxious child learn to cope without making them feel like they need to be fixed?

Based on a question I got on TikTok, I address how to support an anxious child in learning to cope when they have no interest in learning to cope. We pay particular attention to the type of child who is private about their struggles.

What do I do if my anxious child is bullying their siblings?

A big topic that's hard to cover in a quick podcast but in general, it's appropriate to help kids live up to expectations that will serve them as they grow.

Could my toddler have anxiety?

We look briefly at the DC: 0-5: Diagnostic Classification of Mental Health and Developmental Disorders of Infancy and Early Childhood to consider anxiety in toddlers and discuss how this can align with an irritable temperament.

What do I do about my child's anxiety?

After getting inundated with that question on the comments to a TikTok post, I figured it was time to do a down and dirty explanation of avoiding avoidance and going towards the things that make our kids anxious.

What about gentle parenting for older kids with anxiety?

I respond to a longer question a listener had about her 10-year old refusing to sleep alone with some general thoughts about gentle parenting and child anxiety. For more specific support, my Child Anxiety Support program is always here for you and your family!

Can I parent so well that my child won't have anxiety?

This episode offers a special message to the parent who's feeling guilty about the struggles of their anxious child or teen. 

How do I handle child anxiety meltdowns?

We talk about the difference between anxious tantrums and meltdowns and talk about first steps for learning how to deal with them.

How do I get out of the anxious reassurance loop?

Reassuring is the stickiest and the sneakiest of the parenting pitfalls. Let's talk about getting out of the reassurance loop!

What if I don't mind being stuck in the Parenting Pitfalls?

I appreciate this question from a parent who's been listening to the podcast and says she doesn't mind being stuck in the Parenting PItfalls and wanted to know what I had to say about that. My answer might surprise you.

What does successful child anxiety treatment look like?

Since anxiety doesn't really have a cure -- because anxious brains are gonna be anxious -- what can parents expect from successful child anxiety treatment? 

Are there any downsides to practicing gentle parenting with an anxious child?

We take a look at gentle parenting, conscious parenting, respectful parenting, attachment parenting -- whatever term you use -- and consider how it impacts child anxiety and child anxiety treatment. I mention Parenting Pitfalls and remember you can take the quiz at http://ChildAnxietySupport.com/quiz

How does Pathological Demand Avoidance or PDA fit with regular anxiety?

On this week's episode we do a quick dive into the controversies around the PDA diagnosis then jump to how it relates to anxiety treatment. You can check out the PDA webinar I mention on the show by going to ChildAnxietySupport.com/demands and use the code PODCAST to get 50% off the $27 training.

Should I tell my child that they have anxiety?

This question comes up for parents who are concerned that giving their child a diagnosis may limit their functioning in some way. We explore it and discuss the reasons for being explicit with kids about their anxiety.

What do I need to teach my child about anxiety?

Tackling child anxiety has two tasks. The first is to confront the anxiety. The second is learning the cognitive behavioral tools to manage anxiety. We talk about that second task this week on The Child Anxiety FAQ.

How do I find time to manage my child's anxiety?

Think of learning to manage your child's anxiety like learning to cook. We dive into that metaphor to explain just why it might be messier than you think and why that's just fine.

What do I do when my child doesn't want to deal with their anxiety?

This week we talk about how child anxiety is always a family systems issue and how we can shift the system by shifting our own behavior whether or not our child is motivated to change.  

Does my child have social anxiety or are they just shy?

It can be difficult to understand the differences between a shy child, an introverted child, and a socially anxious child especially when those things overlap. In this week's episode we look at ways to determine whether a child's reluctance to be social is their natural way of functioning or if it might be cause for concern. 

How can I tell the difference between an accommodation and a support for my child's anxiety?

Today we explore the difference between accommodations and support using the definition from the study cited below, which is "changes in parents’ behavior in attempts to prevent or reduce child distress."  Johanna Thompson-Hollands, Caroline E. Kerns, Donna B. Pincus, Jonathan S. Comer, Parental accommodation of child anxiety and related symptoms: Range, impact, and correlates, Journal of Anxiety Disorders, Volume 28, Issue 8, 2014, Pages 765-773, ISSN 0887-6185,

Does mindfulness help child anxiety?

This week we discuss what mindfulness is, how it works, how it helps child anxiety, and how to do it. I also invite you to get my free 7-day Get Yourself Grounded email course by taking the Parenting Pitfalls quiz at http://ChildAnxietySupport.com/quiz

How do I address child anxiety that's the result of trauma?

This week I talk about anxiety in the context of a post traumatic stress disorder diagnosis and discuss how it should be addressed. I mention EMDRIA.org in the podcast and wanted to be sure to include a link.  You can also read more about the other treatments I mention here: TF-CBT (this links to a PDF published by The National Child Traumatic Stress Network) What is PCIT? (a definition and explainer about Parent-Child Interaction Therapy from PCIT international) Child-Parent Psychot...

What can I do when I feel like I've failed my anxious child?

This episode is a response to a listener having a tough time and I hope they hear it and find comfort in the answer. And if you, too, are needing support right now, I hope it speaks to you and makes your way a little easier.

What derails child anxiety treatment?

This week’s question is meant to address the concerns of parents who contact me and say they’ve tried to get their child help and it isn’t working or it hasn’t worked and they’re asking me what to do next. So I’m squishing all of these questions together into one to talk about the things that get in the way of child anxiety treatment. 

Does social media cause teen anxiety?

The short answer is yes, social media absolutely can cause teen anxiety so I use this episode to talk about what parents can -- and should -- do about it. I mention the report: The Common Sense Census published by the Center on Media and Human Development at Northwestern University, which you can download as a PDF here: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/sites/default/files/research/report/common-sense-parent-census_whitepaper_new-for-web.pdf

Do you recommend any supplements for child anxiety?

While the answer to this question is out of my professional scope of practice, I was able to find information in a literature review specifically about the member's question in regards to vitamin D, which you can find here: The Influence of Vitamin D Intake and Status on Mental Health in Children: A Systematic Review We talk about that and also use this episode to discuss the importance of taking a multipronged approach to the treatment of child anxiety and why that's important.

How do I explain to my anxious child that they don't need to be scared?

This week I explain why we need to reframe the question "How do I explain to my anxious child that they don't need to be scared" to "How do I help my anxious child cope with their fear when they are scared?"

How do I get my anxious child to sleep alone?

This week we talk about child anxiety and how it can make it hard for some anxious kids to fall asleep (and stay asleep) on their own. I also mention that in March 2023 the theme for the Child Anxiety Support site is Meltdowns and that in April 2023 we'll be walking through the 6-week Strong Kids, Strong Families child anxiety program all together as a cohort. You can join the program at any time but to take the program in real time with me and the rest of the community, just join by the fir...

Why doesn't encouragement help my anxious child?

It may seem counterintuitive but encouragment doesn't always help an anxious child. Learn the two reasons why this is so on this week's episode of The Child Anxiety FAQ.

How do I motivate my anxious child to deal with their anxiety?

This week we discuss why we need to shift our focus from motivating our anxious child and where we need to shift it to make a real difference in our parenting.

How do I co-parent my anxious child with someone who causes more problems with the anxiety?

This is a topic I get asked about a lot and was finally inspired to record it after receiving a long submission from a listener that included this:  “Do we just carry on with how we handle her anxiety in our care despite being different? How does an anxious child cope with split homes? How do we ensure the anxious child doesn't play the parents off against each other (which currently happens). We are lost and her anxiety is getting worse.” I break it down and while my answers may not be ...

If anxiety treatment should include parents, what about treatment for ADHD or autism?

This question came up after I did a reel on instagram and TikTok where I was talking about the research behind child anxiety treatment and someone asked, "Is this true with autism and adhd then too?” Even though it isn’t anxiety specific, there is certainly enough overlap in these diagnoses that I thought it was worth discussing.  I mention two studies in this episode and wanted to include the citations here. Dobham, V. E. (2012) Do anxiety-disordered children need to come into the clini...