EP 4 Growing up as Teenager Part 2

TRANSCRIPT FOR EP 4:
Welcome to Woman Leadership show. I'm Janet and in this episode, I will be sharing with you how I feel about growing up as a teenager when in Junior College days. 

Making a choice to go Junior College or Polytechnic? That would be the question most O level students would have to decide as it would determine one’s future career path. 

For me, I was elated to be able to go to Junior College as I could go to the same college as my best friend. It was nice to have best friend studying in the same school though we were not in the same class but we could continue studied together and hang out together after school and during breaks. 

However, things changed between us. There was third party (another girl friend) of hers started to join us in studies and breaks. She even joined us for outings which I was not comfortable, it felt like someone has intruded our space and what we used to enjoy just 2 of us. How could she was on my mind during that time! As much as I tried to accept her to our group and hang out together but I just could not accept the fact she was affecting my relationship with my best friend. 
I started to get paranoid suspecting that she I was not invited to join them when they went to study together or during break times. I did not have my own group of friends as I only focus on my best friend and wanted to spend as much time possible with her outside lessons. I would visit her when she was ill and brought notes to her at her house. I treasured our friendship a lot as we been through a lot in secondary days and I was very loyal to our friendship finding all ways to keep it intact and unbreakable. 

Because of my thinking and being over obsessive on our friendship, I started to go into depression without knowing how serious it was. When I was suffering from depression, I did not want to talk to anyone and just wanted to keep to myself. My economics teacher who was also discipline mistress showed her concern and spent time counselling me. Every student would be afraid of her during lesson as she was very strict and would have every student to be stay super alert during her lesson. I saw another side of her during my depression days and I appreciated that despite her bust schedule, she took the effort and time to check on me so I could catch up on my subject. 

Fortunately, I got out of depression without any medication and was not prolonged. I could not focus on my studies and my results went from straight As in my early semester tests to almost failed in all subjects at the end of the year 1. However, my year 1 grades were not very good. I did not want to stay back one more year as I felt it would be a waste of time and I tried to catch up in year 2. I did not do as well as I wanted so to enter into local university. I did a part time diploma from private institution and continued to part time degree course after started full time working at age of 20. 

My first key takeaway from this sharing is that I am responsible for my choice. Though I did not do well in my JC, I decided to continue pursue part time diploma ,degree and post diploma eventually. I did not stopped at A levels. I took longer time to complete my degree while working but importantly, I followed through what I started. 

Second takeaway is I was emotional when I first decided to go to the same JC as my best friend. I learned to be less emotional and focus on what I want and not because of what others want. Now I will reflect deeper into what I want from every situation or decision. Yes there will be times when I have to consider my family but I am more at peace with my decision instead of making decision solely for others.

My last takeaway is that depression and suicidal thoughts will come when I am vulnerable and at my lowest point. I do not dismiss it thinking that it will go away. Seek help and do not be afraid to ask for support. 

I hope that through my sharing, it draws inspiration and personal reflection for you. 
I look forward to seeing you in my next episode where I will be continue my sharing with you my experience working part time jobs as teenager.