22: Why Don't People Listen to their Instincts

There are three main reasons people don't listen to their instincts:

1. They are vulnerable which leads them to being "starved out" in some area, and it's really hard to think clearly when a person is vulnerable.

2. Narcissists and other types of emotional manipulators exploit people's vulnerabilities in order to use or abuse them.

3. Cognitive Dissonance. The mental distress a person feels when they have two conflicting thoughts about the same topic at the same time, as all people need their actions to be in alignment with their thoughts. So if a person is getting their needs met (in particular whatever it is that they were vulnerable about) then they are going to have a hard time walking away--and often times what happens is that the pain of staying will have to become greater than the pain of leaving. ...Keep in mind that most all of this is happening on a subconscious level for the target. Most people don't know what their vulnerabilities are, and they aren't aware of what cognitive dissonance is or how it happens (or feels--which it feels like perpetual confusion). Once people begin to become aware that they are being manipulated and that it's not their fault, then it can be easier for them to cut through that fog of cognitive dissonance and see things more clearly.

We all experience cognitive dissonance in a wide variety of situations when we come across two conflicting thoughts of any kind.

If a person is dating a person with problematic behavior, but enjoys being with that person to some extent and doesn't want to leave, then they will justify what they are experiencing. And of course, it makes it that much harder to see what's going on when their abusive partner is denying there is a problem or blaming them for the abuse or their hurtful actions.

Disclaimer: I am not a therapist, doctor, attorney, or expert in narcissism...or anything at all really. If anything, I am a student of life, love, behavior and behavior change.

Professionally, I worked as an advocate for victims of domestic violence at a domestic violence shelter, and currently I am a psychiatric nurse. Personally, I have been through two relationships with Narcissists, and have been able to not only survive those, but have been able to move forward and thrive.

My goal with these videos is to share all of my lessons learned, as well as to start many important conversations about abuse, and recovery with the hopes that together we can provide the clarity, closure, and healing that we all deserve.

Remember: You are not crazy. You are not alone. And yes, you really can heal from this.

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