ep042 - Getting Through What You Can’t Get Over

There are some things in life we will never get over, but it is possible to get through. If you’re a dream tender, you may be surprised to discover your purpose, or what I describe as your high calling, may even grow from a place of massive pain. That’s what a few of my own past adversities have led to. At the very least, adversity will help your dreams grow. I’ll tell you how.  

A couple of weeks ago, I told you the true story about finding out my dad is not my biological father. That is definitely one thing I will never get over, and it’s only one example from my life. But what I didn’t have time to tell you then, was how that revelation has changed my life in a meaningful way, and allowed me to help a lot of other people.  

As an international speaker who specializes in motivational and inspirational messages for conferences and women’s events, along with trainings for businesses and organizations, I’m often asked to talk about challenges human beings face. Using personal story in my presentations does two things: it makes me more engaging, but it also makes me relevant.  

The audience knows I have credibility when I talk about getting through things you will never get over, because they learn I’ve lived through some heavy-duty stuff. But even when you’re the expert or the speaker, you sometimes get surprised.  

One of the shocks I’ve gotten from using my conception story to inspire and motivate audiences, is to discover just how many people are affected by identity issues. The statistics I found while writing my book, Getting Through What You Can’t Get Over, were staggering. 

 

Biological Father Statistics:  

According to the US Census Bureau, one-third of American children grow up without their biological fathers. 

In the UK, one million men, 10.3 percent of all British fathers, do not live with their children.  

In the past fifty years, nations around the world have seen a staggering increase in identity voids from missing parents—known or unknown.  

I personally belong to private online groups for people with missing birth parents. The numbers are in the tens of thousands, and one DNA search group has nearly half a million members. The adopted, sperm-donor babies, and those like me, who were surprised in adulthood to find out the true story of their lives was different than what they’d been told, have to deal with a void. 

And as much as a missing birth parent is difficult, people equally don’t get over death, divorce, or abandonment either. Maybe you can identify with a loss you’re struggling to come to terms with. Many people get up and go to work every day, wrestling to leave their personal problems at the door, when those issues are rooted in their very souls.  

It’s no wonder we see grown women and men struggling with depression, anxiety, self-destructive behaviors, relationship sabotage, and more. But before you tune out thinking this episode is going to be a complete downer, hold on. We’re going to talk about how getting through what you can’t get over can help you tend your dreams. Your painful experiences can actually provide fertilizer to help your dreams grow. Let me tell you how.  

 

5 Ways Adversity Can Help You Grow Your Dreams: 

Tough experiences do make you stronger. None of us wants to hear that, especially when we’re in the throes of pain, but it is true. And to tend any dream for the long term, you will need a good dose of inner strength.  Difficulty makes you wiser, enabling you to avoid costly mistakes or future problems yourself, and possibly offering you the chance to help someone else avoid them, too. Authentic dream tending should always have an altruistic motive of assisting your fellow woman or man.  When you’ve made it through a situation that causes other people to shake their heads in wonder, you become relatable to them. Perfect looking people appear like plastic to someone whose own life is in chaos. Our messy lives qualify us as message-bearers of hope and encouragement. This is the stuff dreams are made of.  Authentic life experiences give you credibility—even more than any degree. People believe someone who’s lived real life and came out with something to share. Your story will likely open doors and may shed light on what you are meant to do with your life—it will certainly give you something of substance to share with other people. Going through any adversity will prove to you, that you have the fortitude necessary to tend your dreams. If you made it through one hard season, you will be better equipped for anything that challenges your dream. 

 

Dream tender, I don’t know what makes it difficult for you to tend your dreams. I can’t see into your life to understand what has happened in your past that throws shadows of fear and doubt over your deepest desires. But I do know this, we hear it from successful people all of the time, “If I can, anyone can.”  

Mostly, we disregard that statement and blow it off. But today, I challenge you to take a breath and dare to believe. Let yourself trust that this is actually true. If you want to make your dream reality, you’ve got to set your resolve that no matter what happened yesterday, or even what’s happening today, you will not quit or give up. You will not let negativity seep into your mind and steal your chance for success before you even try.  

Stop telling yourself you “can’t” and from this moment on, say, “I can!”  

Even if you’ve been through something you will never get over, you are no longer allowed to use that as an excuse, because I’ve just proven that adversity can actually provide fertilizer to help your dreams grow. If I hadn’t went through some excruciating seasons in life, my book, Getting Through What You Can’t Get Over would not exist, because I would have nothing valuable to offer on the subject. But because of my experiences, I absolutely do. 

 

Filling Needs: 

Turn your adversities or past pain upside down—there’s likely something you could do to make things better for someone else or even prevent them from going through something similar.   Each day, focus on helping at least one person who is going through something you’ve experienced before. Allow yourself to sit still in a quiet place and reflect on the moments that have hurt you the most. How did they change you? What did you learn?

How have you let pain paralyze you up to this point?

 

This episode’s Dream Tending Tips:

Ask yourself regularly, how could you help others from what you’ve endured and learned?   Use music to help you heal—it speaks the language of the soul and can assist in processing emotions. Choose to forgive if necessary. Unforgiveness can block any dream.   What do you wish was better in the world? Consider how you might play a role in making changes.  Make a list of all of the hard things you’ve been through, what have you learned that might help someone else? Look for patterns to see if there are any dream tending nuggets you’ve missed before.  Volunteer somewhere. Not only does assisting someone else help heal our broken hearts, but often we discover purposes and dreams wrapped in those connections.  Refuse to accept doomsday or “it’s always going to feel this way” thoughts. Determine to make something positive of the negative experiences that have blindsided you. 

I also have some special eBook pricing for you. Type in the code TYDeb50 to get your copy of 4x4 Habit Overhaul, or One Minute Intervals™: Sixty Seconds to a Healthier, Foodier You, or Depression Busters, at over half off the normal price. Purchase a book bundle using the same code, and save even more.  

But ACT NOW, before this special eBook discount offer is gone.  

You can also get autographed copies of any of my books from my website.  

Until next time, remember, your dreams are waiting for you to grab and tend:  

Take courage. 

Excel daily. 

Never stop believing. 

Dare to dream bigger. 

Host Anita Agers Brooks can be found on various social media platforms, and you can discover additional dream tending tips at tendyourdreams.com.