Tell Me About Your Mother
40 episodes - English - Latest episode: 15 days ago - ★★★★★ - 12 ratingsWelcome to “Tell Me About Your Mother,” a podcast for psychotherapists by psychotherapists, where we explore issues related to our profession, filtering them through our professional, and sometimes personal and humorous, lens. Each episode, Evan, Eli, and Melissa offer food for thought by bringing their experience and humanity to help you strengthen your practice of psychotherapy. We would love to connect with you at [email protected].
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Episodes
Episode 35: Why Don't I Cry In Therapy?
April 12, 2024 14:00 - 1 hour - 48.6 MBEvan and Melissa answer an audience question regarding intellectual defenses in session. "How do I get my therapist to become aware that I am using my intellect to deflect from emotional vulnerability in our sessions?" We are hoping to incorporate this type of interaction with followers more often. If you have any questions about therapy, please don't hesitate to reach out! Support the show
Episode 34: Intellectual Avoidance
March 15, 2024 16:00 - 39 minutes - 27 MBEvan and Melissa explore how intellectualizing stories serves as a protective distancing from emotional exploration, expression, and healing. Implicit memory healing Bilateral stimulation CBT often ineffective for treating Bottom up approach to client care versus top down approach Emotional-relational realm being the healing quality of therapy Support the show
Episode 33: Dissociative Attunement
March 01, 2024 16:00 - 53 minutes - 36.7 MBEvan and Melissa explore the ways in which clients use intellectualism as a means to conceptualize emotional memories to maintain safety. Topics also include: Emotional attainment Maintaining an observer role when someone is dysregulated Maladaptive ways of creating self-protection Therapy is not advice-giving Explore emotional memories is delicate and is a process Support the show
Episode 33: Intellectual Avoidance
March 01, 2024 16:00 - 53 minutes - 36.7 MBEvan and Melissa explore the ways in which clients use intellectualism as a means to conceptualize emotional memories to maintain safety. Topics also include: Emotional attainment Maintaining an observer role when someone is dysregulated Maladaptive ways of creating self-protection Therapy is not advice-giving Explore emotional memories is delicate and is a process Support the show
Episode 32: Emotional Attunement
February 02, 2024 19:00 - 51 minutes - 35.2 MBEvan, Melissa, and Eli share their experiences with client attunement and the ways in which such connection can promote a deep sense of understanding and meaning. Emotional attunement with clients informing unconventional approaches Eli sifts through his transcription grad school notes from 1913 Emotional attunement compared to flocks of birds and musicians Intuition informing therapeutic path Support the show
Episode 31: Police Profiling
January 19, 2024 19:00 - 56 minutes - 39 MBEvan, Melissa, and Eli process Evan's recent experience being harassed by the police. Topics also include: Profiling Crime and punishment ideology Life-long record keeping Escalation before de-escalation Cop incompetence Support the show
Episode 30: Pray The Gay Away?
December 20, 2023 20:00 - 47 minutes - 32.9 MBEvan and Eli meet in video form for the first time-- available on Youtube! They use this hour to explore themes of: Conversion Therapy Emotional Residue from clients Counter-transferrence Support the show
Episode 29: Dating Dopamine
December 04, 2023 18:00 - 1 hour - 45.5 MBParentified child impact in romantic relationships Cultural differences fueling assumptions in friendship DOS OS How the dating sphere has changed with technology You watched too many Disney movies Culture of immediacy impeded on natural romantic development The romantic spark is bullshit Dopamine dating Are we marketing authenticity? Compatibility is found through mutual authentic marketing Caretaking others reflects fear of rejection as opposed to caring for others Eva...
Episode 28: Playboy-AI-Sex Dolls
November 03, 2023 22:00 - 32 minutes - 22.5 MBEvan and Eli join for another episode to explore how therapists can unintentionally assume understanding of clients' stories based on personal bias. They then explore the evolution of porn and its possible future implications on sexuality, dating, and identity. Only fans AI becoming a sexual sphere Sex dolls Specifically identifying the core When we feel stuck Men being “too nice” ripple of toxic masculinity Support the show
Episode 27: When to Parentectomy
October 11, 2023 22:00 - 1 hour - 43.2 MBEvan, Meliisa, and Eli explore the a case that Melissa is processing. A great resource from Dr. Nicole LePera helps us get started Parentified child case study How are crises adaptive systemically? Reenactment between parent, peers, and therapist Caretaking to avoid self care Emphasizing choice with client archetypes that exhibit signs of learned helplessness "Mom anchors"-- a client's unintentional confession Support the show
Episode 26: What Are We Doing?
September 27, 2023 17:00 - 16 minutes - 11.7 MBEvan, Melissa, and Eli discuss the intention of the podcast and ways to become more intentional in our discussions. Melissa is our podcast mommy Incorporating the interpersonal supervision model into our conversations Chasing trends creates pop psychology and misinformation The power of Free Association Support the show
Episode 25: Firecracker Puppies
September 19, 2023 16:00 - 1 hour - 49.4 MBEvan and Eli practice behaving without Melissa being present for this episode. What’s worth investigating with a client? Salem witch trials Eli wants to try Ayahuasca Being attracted to clients Therapeutic flow state is healing Ego blockading energy connections with nature and people Spirituality in nature Eli shares his "firecracker puppy" metaphor Support the show
Episode 24: Take Off The Therapist Hat
August 19, 2023 21:00 - 1 hour - 44.6 MBPolitically correct culture influencing dialogue in therapy Questions can evoke shame Moving with clients’ awareness When self-disclosure is therapeutic Where are his balls? Treating infidelity Story revisions Fear memories have more salient reinforcements Having therapeutic relationships that span years Support the show
Episode 23: Pound Town
July 20, 2023 23:00 - 49 minutes - 33.9 MBMelissa rejoins Evan and Eli. They quickly realize that Melissa is the mother of the group and helps "police" the episode content. This realization prompted Evan and Eli to explore the origins of foreskin shots. What are foreskin shots? Clients exposed to clinical media and come to therapy with inaccurate self-diagnoses Incels on dating apps Men, stop taking people to pound town all the time Being sexualized on dating apps Is the first time with a partner a good litmus test? Perfor...
Episode 22: Alcoholic Garden Gnome
June 09, 2023 16:00 - 1 hour - 57.1 MBEvan and Eli are one-on-one for this episode. Within minutes they realize that Melissa represents a shadow mother figure in the podcast dynamic and that her absence allows for more dick jokes. Discussing the phallic qualities of their mic stands provides a bridge to a slightly more serious conversation: “Sounding gay” Southern sayings Family therapy Intervening in a family system Garden gnome drunk Love pats instead of spankings Fast routes to treating core elements of clients S...
Episode 21: Emotional Literacy
May 02, 2023 02:00 - 57 minutes - 39.6 MBsubtle minimization in childhood Using Lysol to kill monsters Somatic experience informs Physicians are not mental health professionals Bypassing intellectual blocking by processing clients’ somatic experiences Dangers of pop psychology using incorrect language that impacts clients’ self perceptions Stop using manic episode incorrectly Making past-present connections Sometimes effective therapy is just showing up Dragon themed dildos Ndrea.org free EMDR resource If intereste...
Episode 20: Your Body is Communicating
February 16, 2023 00:00 - 1 hour - 42.4 MBEvan and Eli support Melissa and process her gut reaction to clients’ stories, exploring her own counter-transference. This episode also includes topics of: Using cuss words when you pray Affairs don’t happen in a vacuum Counter transference informing therapeutic process Negative core belief of defective shame Blowing away bullshit to find authentic self Trauma responses- filing into longterm storage via the Amygdala to hippocampus Victimization soup When women cheat Support t...
Episode 19: Emotional Portaling
December 20, 2022 18:00 - 53 minutes - 36.5 MBReenactment affecting client retention Yawning in trauma-focused therapy Infantilizing do alleviate parents’ anxiety Don’t be a dick Viewing identity as a developmental sprectrum Extreme political views reenacting childhood trauma What’s going on with trucks with flags? Ideology being substituted for identity Emotional portals to visit attachment ruptures AIP Emotional touchstone creating memory network Resource Recommendations: Robin Shapiro Ego State Training Support the ...
Mental Gymnastics
November 01, 2022 00:00 - 1 hour - 53.1 MBEli, Evan, and Melissa take a forensic look at reaction formation, emblem leakage, and cognitive dissonance within Bill Cosby’s career and criminal case and the cost of “winners and losers” within the legal and two-party payer healthcare systems. What do we need to be more honest with ourselves and others? What would it take to be more open to criticism and self-reflection and make peace with perfectionism?
Episode 18: Mental Gymnastics
November 01, 2022 00:00 - 1 hour - 53.1 MBEli, Evan, and Melissa take a forensic look at reaction formation, emblem leakage, and cognitive dissonance within Bill Cosby’s career and criminal case and the cost of “winners and losers” within the legal and two-party payer healthcare systems. What do we need to be more honest with ourselves and others? What would it take to be more open to criticism and self-reflection and make peace with perfectionism?
Episode 18: Mental Gymnastics
November 01, 2022 00:00 - 1 hour - 53.1 MBEli, Evan, and Melissa take a forensic look at reaction formation, emblem leakage, and cognitive dissonance within Bill Cosby’s career and criminal case and the cost of “winners and losers” within the legal and two-party payer healthcare systems. What do we need to be more honest with ourselves and others? What would it take to be more open to criticism and self-reflection and make peace with perfectionism? Support the show
Episode 17: Smother Mothers
September 15, 2022 23:00 - 54 minutes - 37.8 MBIn this episode, Evan shares his experience with a virtual family client. Evan, Eli, and Melissa reflect upon how the family system creates unwanted feelings and responses from all involved and that common lack of emotional trust in families. Please join us as we navigate interpersonal communication by also contemplating: Inviting families to go beyond the "presenting problem" Families passing the anxiety “hot potato” Parents enabling adult children vs. parenting Random tear bombs! You ...
Episode 16: Identified Patient Paradigms
August 10, 2022 16:00 - 1 hour - 56.6 MBWhen therapists meet themselves in session Counter transference implications Can defiance be a form of play? Conceptualizing child behavior as a mode of communication Eli compares school expulsion as a railroad car on prison pipeline What is a "Fawning" trauma response? How do secure attachments grieve romantic losses? Evan's grippy sock vacation Support the show
Episode 15: Accountability or Trauma Activation?
June 29, 2022 18:00 - 1 hour - 76.3 MBIn this episode Evan Miller welcomes guests! Daniel Rhodes has a wide range of professional experience ranging from Counselor, Clinical Director, and now a Utilization Review Specialist. Evan and Daniel have been in long-term recovery together for over a decade and in this episode they explore their experiences and relational perspectives. Cocaine vs. Surfing The magic bullet of fun in recovery Evan's house arrest experience When emphasis on accountability becomes trauma reenactment S...
Episode 14: Intellectual Scaffolding
June 10, 2022 16:00 - 1 hour - 50 MBIntellectual Scaffolding …prepare for processing emotion “in-the-now” or “numb”…is client re-experiencing & processing events or casually reciting their story? What is client trying to do for me; convince me, win my validation? Client story as “photo negative” . . . needs hidden in darkness and highlighting others’ wishes & wants Intellectual & emotional hoarding . . . hoarded worthless (possibly harmful) beliefs, ‘values,’ relationships “Emotional hostage” . . . people pleasing is att...
Episode 13: What Are We Ass-uming?
April 29, 2022 17:00 - 50 minutes - 35 MBEvan, Melissa, and Eli explore how assuming a clients' needs may negatively impact their growth within therapy. Topics also explored regard: Mental health professionals are underpaid How private practice marketing draws clients that a culturally similar Community-based planning compared to counseling agendas Presenting problem, adaptations, and what skill is needed to combat Getting caught in trauma dramas When might reflection of sadness be maladaptive Tracking language in sess...
Episode 12- When Interns Mutiny
April 13, 2022 15:00 - 1 hour - 45.8 MBUsing their usual style of humorous narrative, Melissa, Evan, and Eli extemporaneously delve into their professional experience with parallel process as clinical supervisors. What is parallel process? Briefly, parallel process is rooted in the psychoanalytic concepts of transference and countertransference where supervisees inadvertently recreate the issues, thoughts, and feelings they experience with clients within the supervisor-supervisee relationship (transference). Further, parallel ...
Episode 11- Kinky Christians
March 15, 2022 17:00 - 51 minutes - 35.2 MBIn this episode, Eli shares his experience with speaking to a Christian congregation about sexuality. Evan, Eli, and Melissa reflect upon how psychotherapists can encourage couples to communicate their sexual desires by first accepting their own sexuality. Please join us as we navigate interpersonal communication by also contemplating: How can we help others to understand their sexuality if we can’t communicate about our own? Privilege of heterosexuality; Trauma of non-acceptance; Soci...
Episode 10- Wounded Bambies
February 21, 2022 23:00 - 57 minutes - 39.3 MBEvan, Melissa, and Eli explore the way in which attachment styles impact peoples’ messages, perceived messages, and counselors’ countertransference. This conversation also generated discussions related to: Counselor’s response to a client with anxious/avoidant attachment style Importance of a counselor’s self-awareness When is “avoidant” a healthy, optimal response within a relationship? Wounded Bambies . . . how might family and/or partners sabotage a person’s recovery journey; a sick s...
Episode 9- Attachment Messages
February 02, 2022 17:00 - 48 minutes - 33.4 MBEvan, Melissa, and Eli explore the way in which attachment styles impact peoples’ messages, perceived messages, and counselors’ countertransference. This conversation also generated discussions related to: Career Counseling: benefits of personifying a job (helps identify abuse) Clinical Directors: being the log in a wood splitter Communication: how do people express needs & wishes, how effective are their messages Attachment Styles . . . what am I seeing, is client anxious/avoidant or ad...
Episode 8- Emotional Adulting
December 31, 2021 20:00 - 1 hour - 47.2 MBEvan, Melissa, and Eli explore the ingrained familial contracts, the power of renegotiation, and seeking internal wellness. Evan explores the ways in which his dysfunctional family system has impacted his toxicity tolerance and his newly formed self-gatekeeping. Speaking about the holiday season also generated discussions related to: Self-help language perceived as condescension in arguments Bodybuilding/body dysmorphia Is your roommate/spouse actually upset about the dishes? Who the he...
Episode 6- You’re Just Not That Important
December 07, 2021 21:00 - 1 hour - 50.8 MBTell Me About Your Mother offers an unscripted look at the genius and controversy of Dave Chappelle’s latest comedy special now streaming on Netflix. Our reactions to and perception of Dave Chapelle’s message lead us to contemplate whether we can help others change and grow, particularly people within our personal lives, as well as: How social media influences our thoughts; Going Gault within the counseling profession; Consequences of the decisions made by an elite population; Vicarious...
Episode 7 - Vibrators for All
December 07, 2021 21:00 - 1 hour - 55.5 MBWARNING -- Discussion of sex practices ahead! Tell Me About Your Mother ventures into the world of sex education and sexual health in this unscripted expression of how psychotherapists broach the subject of sexuality with our clients, ourselves, as well as with colleagues. Speaking about sexuality also generated discussions related to: What is anxiety really about? How do we help our clients dissect their experiences with anxiety? Romantic infatuation as evidence of attachment trauma; ...
Episode 4- Queerly Cultural
December 01, 2021 16:00 - 1 hour - 46.9 MBSecurely fasten your headphones, dear listeners, as we drop a few F bombs while contemplating our own cultural indoctrination and the meaning behind clients’ “testing behaviors.” In this episode, Eli, Evan, and Melissa explore many topics related to racial and cultural identity development including: What is “queer”? Assignment: Watch the newest Dave Chapelle comedy special on Netflix Fear of speaking one’s mind Multicultural development while recognizing one’s privilege Relationship ...
Episode 4- Queerly Cultural
December 01, 2021 16:00 - 1 hour - 46.9 MBSecurely fasten your headphones, dear listeners, as we drop a few F bombs while contemplating our own cultural indoctrination and the meaning behind clients’ “testing behaviors.” In this episode, Eli, Evan, and Melissa explore many topics related to racial and cultural identity development including: What is “queer”? Assignment: Watch the newest Dave Chapelle comedy special on Netflix Fear of speaking one’s mind Multicultural development while recognizing one’s privilege Relationship ...
Episode 5- Against Familial Grains
December 01, 2021 16:00 - 1 hour - 42.4 MBWhat do you get when you cross maladaptive family dynamics with a resilient spirit and an intellectually curious mind? Evan and Eli share how their family dynamics have shaped their pursuit of excellence in psychotherapy as well as contributed to their own personal growth. Sit a spell and laugh with us as we contemplate: Familial social contracts Fears which arise in us while listening to clients’ narratives Importance of pursuing one’s passion Difference between purpose and meaning En...
Episode 2- Fear Factor: Equine Ejaculate or Emotional Intimacy?
November 19, 2021 05:00 - 1 hour - 59.2 MBHow do our client’s cultural beliefs and experiences inform our sessions? Are we able to hold space for beliefs which do not reflect our own? In this episode, Eli, Melissa, and Evan explore what we love about psychotherapy. In answering this question, we contemplate the role our clients’ stories and dare we say it, delusions, play in their lives and within the counseling process. Additionally, Evan shares his experiences with emotional vulnerability in group therapy. Topics explored in t...
Episode 2 -Fear Factor: Equine Ejaculate or Emotional Intimacy?
November 19, 2021 05:00 - 1 hour - 59.2 MBHow do our client’s cultural beliefs and experiences inform our sessions? Are we able to hold space for beliefs which do not reflect our own? In this episode, Eli, Melissa, and Evan explore what we love about psychotherapy. In answering this question, we contemplate the role our clients’ stories and dare we say it, delusions, play in their lives and within the counseling process. Additionally, Evan shares his experiences with emotional vulnerability in group therapy. Topics explored in t...
Episode 3 -Dirty Laundry of Substance Use Treatment
November 19, 2021 05:00 - 1 hour - 48.2 MBJoin us as Tell Me About Your Mother explores issues impacting the quality of substance use treatment. Evan, Eli, and Melissa share their insights into how they experienced working as clinicians in substance use treatment and offer solutions for improving the industry. Topics explored in this episode include: Observations of group therapy vs. group facilitation Value of therapeutic relationships Ethical counseling in substance use treatment What is the product substance use treatment s...
Episode 1: Titanic Family Dynamics -- An Introduction
November 08, 2021 19:00 - 48 minutes - 33 MBEvan, Eli, and Melissa welcome you to their inaugural podcast of Tell Me About Your Mother. In this episode, we explore how our quest for excellence in psychotherapy led us to create this podcast. Evan shares how his childhood fascination with the movie Titanic relates to his family dynamics and thus influenced his career in addiction and mental health treatment. Please join us each week as we delve into issues related to practicing excellence in psychotherapy in an authentic, humorous ma...