Growing up with a narcissistic mother

Do you have a narcissistic parent? Or has your child experienced narcissism in the family? Listen to this episode of Teenage Kicks to learn how to identify narcissistic parenting, and how to help your child heal from it.

Marie Ellis Cook says that growing up with a narcissistic parent left her unable to accept love as an adult, and confused about her value.

What it's like being a daughter with a narcissistic mother

Marie says that when you're a child it can be difficult to see how a narcissistic mother destroys you. She assumed her mother's rage and lack of comfort was normal until she visited friends and realised how other parents behave towards their children. She thought love was a myth.

Things narcissistic mothers say

Here are some of the things a narcissistic parent might say:

That never happenedYou're overreactingYou're gaining weight, you might want to watch what you eatYou owe me for everything I do for youStop crying or I'll give you something to cry aboutYou don't care about meI can't understand where I went wrong with youYou're uselessDon't talk rubbish

Marie's mother went one step further by blaming her daughter for her own feelings. This is called parentification, where a parent offloads adult problems and feelings on their child, expecting them to take responsibility for their parent's emotions. Marie's mother regularly complained to her daughter about her own problems, and expected her to give comfort.

Confronting a narcissistic mother

Marie describes the process of standing up to her narcissistic mother as counter-productive. She was met with denial and defensiveness, and says that it's usually a hopeless endeavour.

Healing from narcissistic parenting

When Marie left to go to university she struggled to know where she fit in. She was used to conforming, to getting things wrong, to knowing that she was unacceptable. She eventually realised that she suffered from codependency, and sought help in the form of therapy.

Who is Marie Ellis Cook?

Marie was born and raised in Singapore and currently lives in the United States. She is the daughter of a narcissistic mother. After discovering her mother's narcissism, she learnt to break free from narcissistic control and overcame the bonds of family enmeshment. She left the corporate world to help people from toxic families get unstuck & find their authentic selves. She is now a narcissist recovery and marriage counsellor helping others to deal with a narcissistic parent. 

More teenage parenting tips from Helen Wills:

Helen wills is a teen mental health podcaster and blogger at Actually Mummy a resource for midlife parents of teens.

Thank you for listening! Subscribe to the Teenage Kicks podcast to hear new episodes. If you have a suggestion for the podcast please email [email protected].

There are already stories from fabulous guests about difficult things that happened to them as teenagers - including losing a parent, becoming a young carer, and being hospitalised with mental health problems - and how they overcame things to move on with their lives.

You can find more from Helen Wills on parenting teenagers on Instagram and Twitter @iamhelenwills.

For information on your data privacy please visit Podcast.co.

Please note that Helen Wills is not a medical expert, and nothing in the podcast should be taken as medical advice. If you're worried about a teenager, please seek support from a medical professional.

Podcast produced by James Ede at Be Heard production.