While the Co-Cap’ns are gone this week, cadets, the kindly crew of William and Malcolm (formerly of MacNN’s One More Thing podcast) root around for the kettle and discuss some of the news of the week — including recent developments in the decade-long Virnet X case, the smashing new (heh) Tesla Cyber-truck, and the US president’s surprising claims about the Texas Mac Pro factory.

There’s also the unsurprising news that Amazon’s Ring doorbell has yet more security issues, the somewhat-surprising news that Bluemail wants to have their cake and sue it too, the completely-wrong news that AT&T will have America all wired up to “5G” in “weeks,” the fundamentally-misguided news where users of chat apps demand Apple do something about people abusing chat apps, the disturbing news that Apple has removed some (though not all) customer reviews, and the completely-predictable news that demand for the AirPods Pro exceeds supply at the moment. All this and assorted drollery, cadets, so break out your dehydrated biscuits and scones — the ship’s official tea break starts this week!