Four Keys That Can Make Any Relationship Work with Jonathan Taylor

Relationship and recovery expert Jonathan Taylor joins the show today to share four essential keys to make relationships work. These four skills are foundational and important in all types of relationships, whatever level they may be at. Jonathan discovered these through his own 13 years of recovery and saw how profoundly they transformed how he and others were showing up in their relationships. Jonathan also discusses his weekly webinar Rocking Relationships, and the work he does at Healing Paths Recovery.

 

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:06] Jonathan works with people and couples trying to come together in relationships, build relationships, or even learn how to date. He has been doing a weekly webinar on Sex and Relationship Healing, called Rocking Relationships in Recovery. Here, he helps people, in an open format, take a look at skills that recovery helps make relationships better.

[4:17] Recovery can mean different things to people, but for Jonathan it means he is healing from sexual addiction, and working on how he sees himself, and people around him.

[6:25] 1. Everything is an experiment. We learn and grow from being an active participant in our relationships, not from observing on the sidelines. When we are willing to try again, learn from our feedback, and realize failure is not permanent, it helps navigate us through the challenges and setbacks.

[11:45] 2. Changes unfold gradually over time. In our relationships, when things aren’t going perfectly well for us, we have to realize it’s all part of the larger story and that learning curves are often long. Instead of expecting people to show up exactly how we need them, we must commit to a process that will be difficult at times but have hope that the next change is just ahead.

[16:54] When a partner has been betrayed and profoundly wounded, it is not uncommon for them to have expectations of the partner that acted out to be perfect and “owe” them with flawless behavior. In reality, it often takes us time to come to terms with who we are and who we have been, to grow into better people.

[18:47] 3. Telling the truth, and tell it faster. The pain is in the secret, and when we can share our truth as close to the moment as it’s happening, it shows that we accept that we are a growing changing organism. When we hear the truth from other perspectives, it helps us regulate our expectations.

[23:03] 4. Make positive reinforcement your rule. Starting with criticism is a natural place to go, but positive reinforcement leads to curiosity and real change over time. Showing appreciation and that what we are doing matters, and even opens the door to share our concerns in a safe environment.

 

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

[email protected]

Healing Paths Recovery

Out of the Doghouse

CRAFT Model of Intervention

We Do by Stan Tatkin

One Layer Deeper

Jon Taylor

 

QUOTES:

“Recovery for me has been unlocking and embracing the person I never was, but always knew I could be.” “Failure is not a permanent state.” “There really isn’t an ideal relationship template for everybody, or a set of rules. We have to find out that works for us and the people we are in relationships with.” “It’s often about repair, and learning from our mistakes and feedback.” “Progress not perfection in our relationships. It’s a growth process.” “Knowing the real truth opens up the possibility for real connection and empathy.”