Misvot #581-582: Shana Rishona – The First Year of Marriage

The Torah commands in Parashat Ki-Teseh (Debarim 24:5) that during “Shana Rishona” – the first year after a couple gets married – the groom may not go out to war. He must be excused from both fighting and other military duties, such as preparing weapons or food for the soldiers. In the next verse, the Torah adds an affirmative command requiring the groom to remain home with his wife during the first year, and make her happy (“Ve’simah Et Ishto”). The first command forbids the groom from leaving for war or other prolonged absences, and the second requires the groom to remain home to bring joy to his new wife. The Sefer Ha’hinuch explains that the Torah issued these commands so that the husband and wife will build a strong, happy relationship before they beget children. G-d wants children to be produced and raised by upstanding people, who are loyal and committed to one another. He therefore commanded that a married couple remain together and focus on one another during the first year of marriage, which has the effect of building a strong emotional bond, thus protecting against any thoughts of illicit relationships. This bond, formed during the first year, helps ensure that the couple’s children will be produced and raised in the framework of a loving marriage characterized by mutual respect and devotion. These laws apply regardless of whether one a marries a girl who had never before been married, or if he marries a widow or divorcee. Since he marries a new wife, he must devote the first year to strengthening their bond. The first command, which forbids the groom from participating in war, applied in times of the Bet Ha’mikdash, when Am Yisrael fought wars. The second command applies in all times and places. According to one opinion, the groom may not leave the bride even if she allows him to, unless he is going for the purpose of a Misva, or for a brief period. Others maintain that the groom may leave for a necessary purpose if the wife agrees, though it would be preferable for her in this case to accompany him so they remain together.