Relationship-smart women
67 episodes - English - Latest episode: 7 months ago - ★★★★★ - 6 ratingsRelationship-smart women want to learn how to transform their intimate relationships. We feel frustrated, disconnected and lack-lustre, but we are done with blaming our partners. We are ready to do our bit to make things better so that we feel more connected, more alive and more truly ourselves.
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Episodes
64. Why we don't always love your solutions
October 03, 2023 22:08 - 16 minutes - 13.8 MBSolutions are good right? I am just trying to help. Yes, but we actually find it really frustrating when we are sharing an issue and our partner jumps straight to solutions. Why is that? What is going on here? And what do we want and need instead? Listen to this episode as we explore what is going on with not always loving solutions. About Nicole Nicole Mathieson is a couple therapist and relationship focussed counsellor helping people come back to themselves. Nicole teaches practical exp...
63. How to be who we truly are in relationship?
June 09, 2023 03:00 - 55 minutes - 47.6 MBIn this episode, I talk to my beautiful, soulful friend Kris Franken. So many people ask me how they can find themselves, be true to themselves and still be in relationship. It can be tricky to navigate. We fear that if we change and become more true to ourselves that we will lose our partner. We fear that authenticity and integrity means loss of connection. Well, today I called in Kris to talk to us about this because Kris, in my opinion is the epitomy of being true to herself, of being wi...
62. Does your partner have sex tantrums?
March 27, 2023 05:29 - 23 minutes - 27.1 MBDoes your partner have sex tantrums? How does it make you feel? How do they feel? What is going on and how do you get out of the downward spiral of need, guilt, obligation, and then less desire? Listen in as we unpack this very common dynamic, try not to generalise too much, and as I give you a few pointers to get back to sex without the guilt, anxiety and pressure. For more exploration on sex tantrums check out Emily Nagoski's book Come As You Are. Check out my other podcast The Beau...
61. Why is intimacy so darn hard?
September 21, 2022 07:18 - 22 minutes - 24.5 MBIntimacy (and I am not talking about sex), in my opinion is one of the hardest things in the whole world, but also, something that gives us the deepest most heart fulfilling satisfaction. Gah, what a dilemma! It would be so much easier if we could just get all operational and robotic and not have to have those hard conversations, get vulnerable and honest with ourselves and then share it with another....we could just get on with it. But alas, as humans, we are drawn back in to the fray. T...
Trailer - The Beauty Load podcast
September 12, 2022 03:02 - 2 minutes - 2.64 MBHello ,it's me Nicole Mathieson and I would like to introduce you to my brand new podcast; The Beauty Load, How to feel good enough in your body. This podcast is inspired by my book also called the Beauty Load in which I explore this exhausting pressure, anxiety and insecurity that many if not all women feel in regards to the way they look. In this podcast, I aim to explore how the Beauty Load is felt by different people, in different countries, different cultures and sub-cultures and with...
60: Slow living for better relationships with Rachelle Glendon
June 27, 2022 08:25 - 42 minutes - 48.9 MBIn this episode we talk to Slow Living coach Rachelle Glendon about the benefits of concsiously slowing down on all of our relationships. In this chat we talk about; * implementing some matriachal ways, which sound so good * tips for slowing down * how slow living challenges your own unhealthy beliefs and invites healing * how slow living moves you from resentment and passive aggressive communication to nurture. You can catch Rachelle at howtoliveslow.com and @howtoliveslow on the gram. Hos...
059: Why body image is a relationship issue
May 16, 2022 00:11 - 20 minutes - 24 MBWhy is a relationship coach / therapist writing a book about body image I hear you ask? That's because the Beauty Load, body image, how we feel about ourselves and our confidence with fitting in in the world, are all relationship issues. I don't know about you but my body was front and centre as I stepped into relationship and sexual intimacy as a young adult. Listen in as I share how my book The Beauty Load is a relationship book in so many ways. Grab your copy of the book at nicolemathieson...
058: Your man doesn't "get" your Beauty Load stress
May 11, 2022 01:55 - 15 minutes - 17.7 MBSometimes we feel wrong for feeling the Beauty Load, especially when our males partner's or friends just don't get it. But the stress and concern of the Beauty Load is real and in this episode I share an example that demonstrates how differently the Load is experienced, generally speaking, by women and men. Buy the book The Beauty Load www.nicolemathieson.com/thebeautyload follow me on instagram @nicole.mathieson Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
057: The Beauty Load intro author reading
April 21, 2022 02:30 - 17 minutes - 20.5 MBIn this special Beauty Load episode of the podcast, I am reading the first chapter (the introduction) of my new book The Beauty Load, how to feel enough in a world obsessed with beauty. The message of my book is basically that you feeling not "enough" about your looks is not personal, it is not about you and your looks but instead it is inevitable if you have grown up in a culture with such toxic messaging and an obsession with beauty. To buy the book, go to nicolemathieson.com/thebeauty...
056: What NOT to do with trauma and big emotions
March 14, 2022 02:09 - 17 minutes - 19.8 MBThere is a lot going on in the world at the moment that can leave us feeling a bit or a lot traumatised. I am inspired to share this "what not to do" episode, because of what I see happening around me, and that is people who have been through a lot, not allowing themselves the space and nurture they need, because there are others struggling more than them. We compare and we think "I should not be worried!" but this just keeps us stuck. nicolemathieson.com @nicole.mathieson Hosted on Ac...
055: How to recover from body image shame
February 25, 2022 03:53 - 12 minutes - 14.1 MBIf there is one thing the Beauty Load pressure leaves us women with, it is a sense of shame. We are shamed on so many fronts on all aspects of our body and appearance. In this episode I explore the shame, grandiosity loop and how we can get out of it to create a new culture, at least for ourselves. The Beauty Load book out April 2022 Instagram: @nicole.mathieson Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
054: A few reasons why I wrote another beaty book
January 16, 2022 07:40 - 15 minutes - 17.4 MBThere are a lot of books out there about loving our body and the issues that come with it, so why have I written another book about it? In this episode I share with you my motivations for writing this book: -from my own struggles with feeling enough -to the impact the Beauty Load has on my clients and friends -seeing women in Cuba who didn't seem to be struggling in the same way -my fear for my own children -and our need to unpack this patriarchal, consumerist craziness For more ni...
054: A few reasons why I wrote another beauty book
January 16, 2022 07:40 - 15 minutes - 17.4 MBThere are a lot of books out there about loving our body and the issues that come with it, so why have I written another book about it? In this episode I share with you my motivations for writing this book: -from my own struggles with feeling enough -to the impact the Beauty Load has on my clients and friends -seeing women in Cuba who didn't seem to be struggling in the same way -my fear for my own children -and our need to unpack this patriarchal, consumerist craziness For more nicolemat...
053: Managing stress in your relationship
October 11, 2021 05:16 - 18 minutes - 21.7 MBHow do you manage stress in your relationship? How does it feel when your partner is stressed? How do you respond? How do they respond to you? Stress can be a really disconnecting force in a relationship if it goes unmanaged. In this episode I share with you, how I dealt with my husband's stress really badly and how I repaired on that occassion. I also share with you why dealing with stress is so important and I go through the Gottman "stress reducing conversation" pointers. Hosted on...
52: Cards to help couples reconnect
July 01, 2021 04:10 - 47 minutes - 54.4 MBIn this episode, I speak to Emily, who with her partner Sean, created Yum cards for couples. We talk about how these cards help couples reconnect and why reconnecting feels so darn yum! You can check out the cards here playyum.com For more go to nicolemathieson.com @nicole_mathieson_coach Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
051: You are not going to get rid of your suffering
June 21, 2021 03:49 - 11 minutes - 13.6 MBYou are not going to get rid of your suffering and that's okay. We do not need to be wrapped in cotton wool and protected from all the harshness to be okay, which is great, because it would probably be pretty isolating there. We are going to suffer, the trick is to not panic about it. Not to panic about the fear, the anxiety, the sadness, the pain, but to recognise all of these feelings as understandable responses to what is going on for you in the world. For more about Nicole go to: ww...
050: Your libido needs you to find you a bit sexier
May 10, 2021 04:20 - 16 minutes - 18.8 MBHow does the way you look or feel in your body influence your desire? Research shows that us women, in general, need to feel ourselves sexy in order to feel desire. We need to feel sexy in our bodies, our minds, our energies and our imaginations first before we can share ourselves. Does that resonate with you? Come with me on this podcast journey while I explore this a little. Find out more about my coaching / counselling and resources at nicolemathieson.com or follow me @nicole_mat...
049: Stop cementing your relationship in
March 12, 2021 02:21 - 11 minutes - 13.5 MBWe want certainty in our relationships. We say..."I'll be happy when there is a ring on my finger or we buy that house or we have kids or whatever" Which makes sense, we are human and certainty feels secure. But the cementing in (the grasping for certainty) is also the very thing creating the stuckness that leads us to resentment and eventually a desire to possibly even leave. We deserve relationship that feel fluid and free and like we choose to be there. In this episode I explore wi...
048: Navigating break ups with Mackenzie Eason
December 11, 2020 01:05 - 52 minutes - 59.8 MBBreak ups can be devastating. They are without a doubt big events in our lives. Which is why we need Mackenzie, a break-up specialist. Mackenzie and I chat about the sometimes rough and tumultuous phase break-ups. She herself has navigated 2 very different break-ups; one toxic and one conscious and shares her wisdom with us. We chat about: -her break-up stories and how she navigated them -how to recognise a narcissist -the places people get stuck in the break-up process -the anchor point...
047: Relationships and sex after babies
October 12, 2020 01:28 - 53 minutes - 47.1 MBSo much happens to your relationship and your sex life after you have kids. Everything changes. Your roles, your sex life, how you spend your time, how you see each other and that's not to mention your expectations of each other. It is big! How do you as a couple, cope with all this change and stress? It can be super hard. Catherine Topham Sly from Insight and Connection in the UK chat about this major relationship challenge in this episode. You can find Catherine on Insta & FB @ins...
046: Gathering your toolkit
September 11, 2020 01:59 - 27 minutes - 31.8 MBThis episode comes back to the basics of how to get grounded and centred and calm ourselves down, because you know.....life. It is super important, especially in our relationships. What is in your calm-down toolkit? Connect with me via Instagram - www.instagram.com/nicole_mathieson_coach/ or drop me an email - [email protected] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
045: Self regulation is sexy part 2
July 24, 2020 07:14 - 8 minutes - 15.5 MBFollowing on from Self regulation part 1, this episode explores the "how" of self regulation. How do you calm and soothe yourself so that you can be more of a rocking partner in your intimate relationships? Listen in to find out. Drop me an email [email protected] or find out more at www.nicolemathieson.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
044: Self regulation is sexy part 1
July 23, 2020 06:10 - 17 minutes - 32.7 MBSelf regulation is sexy. Learning to calm and soothe yourself in your relationship is a skill that will help bring all the things to your relationship life that you want more of. In this episode I talk about the consequences of not having the capacity to self regulate. Then in the next episode, part 2, I share the "how". To get in touch, drop me an email [email protected] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
043: How to manage relationships under lockdown
April 21, 2020 05:34 - 26 minutes - 15.5 MBIn this episode my colleague Ebony from Little Window counselling comes and interviews me. Ebony asks me lots of questions about how to manage our relationships in these strange times of Covid19 and lockdown. We talk about: -The types of problems that people are having in their relationships -How to get time to connect -What to do if you don't feel safe -How to navigate this time if you are dating -My top 3 tips for your relationship in lockdown, For more info go to www.nicolemathieson.com...
042: Managing anxiety part 2 - connecting deeper within
March 27, 2020 01:30 - 24 minutes - 14.1 MBManaging anxiety part 2 - Connecting deeper within How do we stay calm and centred and resilient when there is so much craziness going on? There is so much exposure to stress, there are crazy things happening to all the things we usually lean on, there is a communal sense of anxiety. It has become more important than ever to skill-up and find ways to soothe our own anxiety. Let's grab this time as an opportunity to get the skills we need to manage our anxiety. In part one we look at mindfulne...
041: Managing anxiety part 1 - Mindfulness
March 27, 2020 01:19 - 17 minutes - 9.99 MBManaging anxiety part 1 - Mindfulness. How do we stay calm and centred and resilient when there is so much craziness going on? There is so much exposure to stress, there are crazy things happening to all the things we usually lean on, there is a communal sense of anxiety. It has become more important than ever to skill upand find ways to soothe our own anxiety. Let's grab this time as an opportunity to get the skills we need to manage our anxiety. In part one we look at mindfulness and in pa...
040: Coping with the mental load
February 11, 2020 00:56 - 23 minutes - 15.1 MBThe mental load is a thing and it can cause disconnection in your most important and intimate relationships. Just this last week, I have personally been struggling with the mental load; feeling resentful, tired and cranky. I wanted to share how I dealt with the load and what strategies I have put in place to minimise the future build up of resentment. For more help with the load, check out my online workshop "Release resentment" www.nicolemathieson.com/shop Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/pr...
039: Communicate better in your relationship
November 29, 2019 05:42 - 10 minutes - 6.51 MBCommunication with my husband about anything that mattered used to make me want to run in the other direction. I would try to say stuff, but I would always say it in all the wrong ways and we would just end up: getting defensive and critical of each other feeling hurt & misunderstood saying things we wish we hadn't and needing some space to calm down The good news is, that you can learn skills and concepts that will help your communication and I will teach it all at my online woksh...
038: Permission to be messy with Katie Dean
October 25, 2019 02:58 - 1 hour - 37.6 MBKatie Dean is a woman who gives us permission to be ourselves; human. imperfect and messy. Listen as we chat about; The pressure we put on ourselves Katie's journey with breast implants How to embrace life's messiness You can find out more about Katie and grab her new book Messy over at www.ktdean.com.au or on her favourite platform, Instagram @ktdean.com.au Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
037: Aging gracefully with Sirgun Lindsay German
September 30, 2019 07:26 - 56 minutes - 32.6 MBI am back talking to my dear friend and kundalini yoga teacher Sirgun Lindsay German. Today we are talking about aging gracefully. What happens to us as women when we are no longer pretty young things? What is our value as an older woman? How do we handle aging, menopause and growing older with grace? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
036: Why we are not having much sex - A letter to your husband
September 20, 2019 03:11 - 8 minutes - 7.18 MBA letter to your husband with the reason we are not being intimate aka: having (much) sex. Hello honey, I just wanted to write and let you know a few things that I have been pondering about our sex life. Firstly, I just wanted to acknowledge you. I know that our sex life is a frustrating area of our relationship for you. I acknowledge that for you, in an ideal world, we would be having sex lots more often. You try really hard to get it right for me, for us and I appreciate it...
035: He pulls away when I want more
August 26, 2019 06:45 - 17 minutes - 11.4 MBDoes he even care about me? When I ask for more, then he pulls away from me. As far as the dance of intimacy goes, this is a common relational pattern. It goes something like this; You feel like you need more from your partner. More reassurance, care, love & affection and you need this to be okay. In fact, your need has become a kind of anxiety. You want him to scoop you up in your arms and reassure you of his love. But when you ask for this, he just pulls further away f...
034: I need you to be different with Sandi Phillips-Meyler
July 26, 2019 04:44 - 45 minutes - 25.9 MBWhenever I am feeling stuck or like I am neck deep in the struggle, there is one thing that always helps - listening to some Abraham Hicks. There is something about the way they continually bring the message back to the simple laws of what you focus on you attract - that reminds me of my power and makes it feel that little bit better. Which is why I jumped at the chance of interviewing my next guest. Sandi Phillips-Melyer spent nearly a decade travelling with Abraham Hicks's - Esther and J...
033: How numb are your lady parts? with Tamra Mercieca
July 15, 2019 16:00 - 49 minutes - 28.6 MBAre your lady parts numb? How much feeling is down there? Tamra Mercieca is all about self-love, and she means on every level. Which means that Tamra really encourages us to love, and care for our vaginas. Tamra is the founder of Getting Naked, and Yoga for the Vagina. She is a Relationship and Self-Love Therapist, and an author. If the idea of getting back into a state of love with your vagina makes you uncomfortable, then this episode is for you. Tamra talks us trhough some of the ...
032: Get off the orgasm train to revive your sex life
July 08, 2019 05:13 - 10 minutes - 7.54 MBI had a revelation recently, it was that the western culture of sexuality really didn’t suit me. In fact, I am pretty sure it doesn’t suit a lot of us. What I am talking about is our sexual narrative that sex always has to have the aim of orgasm. I see it like a train on the tracks. Once we get on the sex train – which could be in the form of touching, petting and kissing – it feels like there is only one destination; orgasm station. http://nicolemathieson.com/revive-get-off-org...
031: Sex is like food with Jacqueline Hellyer
July 05, 2019 16:00 - 53 minutes - 30.8 MBAre you ready for my first interview in 2 years?! Yes? Good! If your partner were to feed you eggplant for dinner every night, and you didn't like eggplant, you would say something. Sadly, we don't feel as expressive in the realms of sex and intimacy. We put up with offerings we don't like, year in, year out, and then wonder why we have "lost" our libido. In my conversation with inter-personal sex therapist Jacqueline Hellyer, we come back often to the food metaphor, particularly e...
030: The chasm between us
June 24, 2019 03:23 - 4 minutes - 5.36 MBBabe, I want to talk to you, but I can’t find the words, so I am writing to you instead. I want you to know that I am thinking of you and us. I know that you may not know this, because there is a chasm between us. It worries me. We haven’t exactly been very connected lately, have we? This letter to your husband is generic. It is not a personal letter from me to my husband, but more from every woman to her partner. www.nicolemathieson.com/chasm-between-us/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com...
029: My partner won't go to counselling, what should I do?
June 14, 2019 03:27 - 20 minutes - 13.4 MBHe won’t go to counselling, what should I do? This is a common tale in the realms of hetero-sexual relationships. The wife wants to go to couple counselling, but the husband does not. Can it be the other way around? Absolutely it can, but the man not wanting to go, is so common it is worth exploring. If this is you, I feel for you. This is a horrible situation to be in. You, no doubt, see that your relationship is in trouble and you want to save it by doing the most obvious thing ...
028: Clear relationship negativity
June 03, 2019 05:50 - 13 minutes - 11.1 MBClear out your relationship negativity When we talk about clearing your relationship negativity, what we are really talking about is clearing your resentment. So I am going to share with you; The 3 places where resentment really comes from The 3 destructive effects of resentment build up on your relationship 3 ways for you to release resentment Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
027: How to find YOU in your relationship
May 29, 2019 03:13 - 15 minutes - 10.7 MB"I feel lost in my marriage. I don't even know who I am anymore!" This is a common cry from women in my relationship coaching office. Do you feel like YOU in your relationship? Like, really who you are? It can be easy to lose yourself when you are in a long-term relationship. It can be hard to tell where you start and they begin. It can be hard to tell what is changing due to age and maturity and constraints of the family. It can be hard to know what you really want after so many yea...
026: Stop the anger. 3 ways to feel more love in your relationship now.
April 01, 2019 01:08 - 12 minutes - 9.88 MBSeveral years ago, I was stuck in a dark place in my marriage. This darkness seeped out as anger – I would storm and bang around the house in a passive aggressive fury, without saying anything to my husband. It seeped out in my avoidance of intimacy – my libido was non-existent. It seeped out in my energetic output – he could feel my anger and would respond by being more cautious and standoffish . This made me angrier (and around we would go). Our marriage was startin...
025: Why do I get so angry at my husband
March 24, 2019 16:00 - 13 minutes - 9.31 MBIt is easy to make sense of this when we are stressed out by life, work, kids and pressure from every direction. Of course, we are going to have moments when we blow our tops. Is it such a problem? Well no, from time to time this is not a huge problem, especially if you are practicing the art of repair. The problem is when we get stuck in angry, bitch mode as it corrodes the good feeling of the relationship, creating a lack of safety and trust between you and your partner that can be ...
024: Why am I such a bitch to the one I love?
March 18, 2019 05:59 - 12 minutes - 7.55 MBYou thought you were the only one who was mean to their beloved. Sadly, or perhaps, reassuringly, that is not the case. You are in good company. Being a bitch to the ones we love is common amongst us women. It is strange isn’t it, that the ones we love the most, get our most bitchy behaviour. On some level it makes sense, and we can justify it all, I mean, of course we are going to have moments when we get cranky and let loose. But the problem is that we can get stuck in bitch mode...
023: 10 ways you could be damaging your marriage
March 14, 2019 04:43 - 17 minutes - 11.6 MBAre you worried that you are damaging your marriage? You find yourself being mean and bitchy to the one you love. You feel stuck in negative thoughts about your partner. And you know it is not working for you. In fact it doesn't even feel like you. You partner may not be perfect, but the last thing you want is to damage the good feeling, love and connection that you have between you. This post is not focussed on your partner’s behaviour. We are not here to blame, but to do wha...
022: Feel sexier without changing a thing
February 26, 2019 00:23 - 9 minutes - 6.07 MBDo you feel sexy? In the past I never felt that sexy. But now something has changed. In fact, at this point in my life I am sexier than I have ever been and it has nothing to do with how I look. Listen in to find out what changed for me. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
022: How joy transforms your relationship
February 13, 2019 05:02 - 8 minutes - 7.95 MBWhat happens to your relationship when you are tired and depleted. When you feel like all you have done all day, all week, all year is look after other people at the expense of your own needs? Well, you feel resentful and cranky, don’t you? In this episode I discuss how to bring more joy into your relationship. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
021: Attachment style - Understand your attachment style, understand your relationship
January 29, 2019 03:04 - 16 minutes - 11.2 MBUnderstand your attachment style Relationships can be baffling. But there is a way to understand why we react the way we do. In my client sessions, one of the first things we explore are attachment styles. These are learned reactions, behaviours and tendencies that we exhibit in our intimate relationships. When you understand your and your partner’s attachment style, it becomes a whole lot easier to navigate the relationship. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
020: Repair after an argument
January 29, 2019 00:54 - 9 minutes - 9.76 MBLearn to repair. If you’re feeling worried about the fights, arguments or tense moments between you and your partner. If they seem to sit there, looming like a big unspoken white elephant in the room, causing even more tension, don’t stress. All couples argue. Instead of focussing on avoiding it, focus on repair; the most important skill you can learn in your relationship. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
019: Attracting a more loving love with Marianne Buchanan
May 28, 2017 23:54 - 48 minutes - 28.2 MBMy guest this week is my friend and client Marianne Buchanan. Over the past 3 years. I have watched Marianne move from attracting relationships that were manipulative and at times violent to a mutual attraction that is beautiful and nurturing. Her relationship attractor field has up-levelled so efficiently and effectively that I couldn’t wait to pick her brains and find out how she did it, and so gracefully. We talk about: + Moving from a religious, traditional marriage – to dating women +...
018: All emotions are welcome with Bryan Reeves
May 15, 2017 00:13 - 1 hour - 39.8 MBBryan Reeves refers to himself as the relationship insight ninja and after our chat – I would have to agree with him. Bryan was raised predominantly by strong women, who infused his world with vision and service and left him with a deep reverence for the capacity of women and what they bring to the world. Yet this, for most of Bryan’s adult life did not translate into relationship success. His last 6 years have been committed to exploring his ignorance and searching for the answer to “Why do ...