Episode 434. Validation and Apology: How to Build Trust and Safety in a Relationship with Matthew Fray

A successful relationship needs both partners to build trust and validate the other. So if one partner doesn’t feel respected or loved, the relationship will inevitably fall apart.
One way couples unintentionally ignore the feelings of their significant other is through invalidation.

By belittling the emotions of our loved ones, we are indirectly saying that we don’t value them. How can we avoid falling into this pitfall? Unfortunately, there’s no precise answer to this. But we can always start with the basics—build trust and offer genuine apologies and heartfelt consideration to our loved ones.

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In this episode, Matthew Fray joins us to share the lessons he learned about failed relationships and divorce. He explains why invalidation destroys trust and security in a relationship and how genuine apologies help build trust toward a healthy marriage. Finally, he imparts how couples could respond better to feelings of invalidation expressed by their partners.
If you're searching for how to build trust, create emotional safety, and be a better partner, this episode is for you!
Here are three reasons why you should listen to the full episode:
1.Understand why relationships fail.
2.Discover the importance of a genuine apology.
3.Learn why a strong relationship needs you to build trust and validation.
Resources
●Grab a copy of This Is How Your Marriage Ends https://www.amazon.com/This-Your-Marriage-Ends-Relationships-ebook/dp/B097RPC1SD by Matthew Fray
●Contact Matthew
○Facebook https://www.facebook.com/matthewfrayMBTTTR/
○Twitter https://twitter.com/mbtttr?lang=en
○Instagram https://www.instagram.com/mbtttr/?hl=en
●Visit Must Be This Tall To Ride https://mustbethistalltoride.com/
●Verywell Fit website https://www.verywellfit.com/
●FREE workbook! Apply the lessons you learn from this episode as you listen! Enter your email below, and I’ll send it right away!
Episode Highlights
Matthew Ten Years Ago
●Matthew believed he was a decent person and a good partner.
●When we are unaware of hurting others, it diminishes our responsibility to the consequences of our actions.
●Today, Matthew understands the gravity of his actions to his loved ones.
●A person’s happiness sometimes depends on the awareness and validation of their significant other to their experiences.
Why Relationships Fail
●Failure to do simple and small tasks for your partner shows indifference to their feelings.
●Relationships end when someone’s feelings are hurt or ignored.
●Someone might not feel safe in their relationship.
●Someone with a healthy set of boundaries will voluntarily leave a harmful relationship.
●Paying attention to the small things creates a lasting relationship.
On Keeping a Relationship
●Couples break up because of the absence of trust and safety in their relationship.
●Deep wounds are carved into someone’s heart when they’re unloved and disrespected by their significant other.
On Saving Relationships
●There is a limit to how much betrayal and pain someone can take.
●Promising to care and love someone is irrelevant when you inflict pain on them.
●Demonstrating love through actions is just lip service. Couples need to learn how to build trust, safety, and respect.
Habits to a Healthier Relationship
●Validation and consideration are two habits needed to maintain a happy relationship.
●Validate your partner’s feelings. When we disregard our loved one’s emotions, their trust slowly slips away.
●Be mindful of the person with whom you share space.
The Invalidation Triple Threat
●There are three distinct ways to invalidate our partners: gaslighting, understatement, and defensiveness.
●Gaslighting happens when we discredit and correct the emotions felt by our significant other.
●Understatement means considering our partner's feelings as an overreaction.
●Defensiveness is defending your harmful actions and implies you would do them again.
●Invalidation breeds mistrust. Listen to the full episode to hear how Matthew’s marriage ended because of discrediting this wife’s feelings.
Towards a Better Response
●Acknowledge your fault when you unintentionally hurt others.
●Understand how a seemingly trivial accident resulted in pain.
●Learn to accept the emotional needs and wants of your better half.
The Importance of Apology
●Take responsibility for your offending behavior and be genuinely sorry for hurting the person you love.
●There are four steps to an effective apology. Listen to the whole episode to know more about it!
●The cornerstone habits of a successful relationship are communication, validation, love, support, and care.