#627: How to Deal With Jerks, Bullies, Tyrants, and Trolls

Podcast Notes Key Takeaways People who constantly act like jerks are generally under constant time-pressure, are competitive in a zero-sum sense, sleep-deprived, and hang around other jerksKeep people in your life who love you and won’t hesitate to tell you when you’re acting like a jerkThere’s a difference between people who are harsh on you because they want to hurt your feelings and people who are harsh on you because they want you to be your best selfSome of the effects of being around jerks:Your physical and mental health is impairedQuality of your other relationships are damagedIncreased disposition to commit crimesDecreased productivityDecreased Life satisfactionWhile acting like and being around jerks has far more negative effects in the long-term, being disrespectful and/or harsh can provide benefits in certain situationsDealing With Jerks:Create as much physical distance as possibleIf you have to talk to them, like at work, limit your interactionsReframe how you think about your interactions with them in your mindAttempt to honestly ask them to stop any disrespectful behavior without attacking their character

Read the full notes @ podcastnotes.org

There are some people in life who are more than unpleasant, more than annoying. They're real, genuine a**holes.

My guest today has written the preeminent field guides to identifying, dealing with, and avoiding all of life's jerks, bullies, tyrants, and trolls: The No Asshole Rule and The Asshole Survival Guide. His name is Bob Sutton, he's a Stanford professor of organization and management, and we begin our conversation together with how Bob defines what makes an a-hole an a-hole, what causes their jerkiness, and the costs of having such disagreeable people as part of an organization. We then get into the circumstances of when being a jerk yourself can actually be advantageous. We then turn to how to deal with the jerks in your own life, including distancing yourself from them, deciding you're going to be better than them, and imagining you're a jerk collector encountering a new species of jerk. Bob explains smart ways to fight back against jerks, and gets into the wisdom of documenting their jerkiness, why it's occasionally helpful to take an aggressive stand, and how even Steve Jobs learned how to be less of an a-hole. We end our conversation with how to build a jerk-free workplace. 

Get the show notes at aom.is/jerks.