Ep. #106: At a Turtle's Pace

It's happened to all of us. We're right on track for bedtime, or the morning routine is lined up just right to get to school on time, and then... they get stuck. They're dancing in the bathroom and watching themselves in the mirror. They're picking at scabs instead of putting on shoes. They are pulling out the markers to start a drawing instead of grabbing their backpack. Or maybe you've agreed to lie down with them at bedtime but they just won't stop talking and go to sleep...

There are a number of reasons why this might be happening, but we're not going to go there today. Whether it's developmental or a stalling technique, I want to talk a little bit about how this is landing for us as parents, and what we can do about that.

This has been happening a lot around our house lately, so I'm speaking from my own experience, but it happens with my client's and their kids, too. And I know that for many of us, when our child is moving at a turtle's pace and we think they should be moving faster, it sparks frustration. We get irritated, and it becomes very difficult to stay calm.

I'm going to give you a few questions to ask yourself when you find yourself in this situation, but first, I want to posit that whatever your child is doing, whatever the reason, it's exactly what they should be doing at this particular moment in time. Take a moment to consider that and consider what it would mean if it were true. I can imagine there might be some resistance to allowing this as a possibility, especially if you already believe that your child knows what they should be doing, they just aren't. I want you to consider this and allow for the possibility that it might be true, and consider what that might mean for you. Could it be true, then, that this is a part of their progression towards independence? Could it be true that this behavior, while annoying, is communicating something other than defiance or resistance? Could it be true that this behavior is a sign post directing you towards skills that are still under construction, that they need more support with in order to be truly independent and efficient in this area?

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