Parenting Your Sensitive Child

Ep. #115: A Life Update

February 19, 2024 19:11 - 11 minutes - 10.9 MB

This isn’t a typical podcast, but then, this hasn’t been a typical month for us. I took an unplanned break from recording new episodes, and I want to take the time today to share a little bit about what’s been going on for us and why a break was necessary. Going forward, I will publish occasional podcast episodes, but they definitely won’t be weekly. Make sure you are subscribed to the podcast and receiving notifications for new episodes so you don’t miss out when I do release one. You ca...

Ep. #115: Lessons Learned from Year 9

January 03, 2024 16:39 - 14 minutes - 13.2 MB

In the spirit of reflection, I want to offer you my own reflections, my own lessons learned over the past year of life with my almost nine year old daughter. We’ve had a lot of ups and downs this year. Our biggest challenges, in retrospect, have been breaking through negativity bias and navigating evolving friendships. Both of these things have created a lot of stress in our lives and have led to a lot of resistance and a big attachment to personal time. So, without diving too deep into any...

Ep. #114: When they struggle to calm down...

December 13, 2023 09:00 - 8 minutes - 9.26 MB

I want to close out 2023 with a question for you to think about. This is especially pertinent if you were sent to your room a lot as a child or you’ve been immersed in time-out culture as a parent. The question is this: When your child is upset and pushing you away, or attacking you, or running away from you, what if what they (and probably you) think they need isn’t what they actually need? In other words, many parents believe that their kids need space to calm down. Many kids “show us”...

Ep. #113: Four Surprise Lessons I Learned From Teaching Kids Yoga

December 06, 2023 18:43 - 9 minutes - 11.2 MB

I'm publishing this episode a little bit later than I usually do because LIFE, but it's a fun one so here we are. I shared this as an Instagram post a few days ago, but as I'm sure you know, posts fade away much more quickly than podcasts, and I want these reflections to live on in a semi-permanent way. I don't know if you know this, but I used to teach kids yoga. I taught for several years before my daughter was born, and it's something that I think had a bigger impact on my own journey an...

Ep. #112: Those Angry Kids, Part 2

November 29, 2023 09:00 - 12 minutes - 11.3 MB

In the last episode, I shared some ideas for how you can regulate yourself when your child is feeling angry. If you’re regulated, you can respond calmly and help them through it rather than getting tangled up in their anger and prolonging their experience. But this just helps them manage. This week, we’re talking about how you can help them with whatever is causing their anger. More specifically, we’re talking about how you can figure out what that root cause is. This is detective work. Yo...

Ep. # 111: Those Angry Kids - Part 1

November 15, 2023 09:34 - 11 minutes - 10.6 MB

As we know, highly sensitive kids feel things deeply. When they’re excited, everyone around them knows it. They bubble over with excitement! Their joy is contagious. But when they are sad, they’re overcome with sorrow. If something is stressful for them, it’s completely overwhelming. Anger, like any other emotion, is also felt in a big way. So if you have a kid who you think is highly sensitive and they get angry in a big way, this episode is for you. We’re going to talk about a couple of t...

Ep. #110: Holiday Traditions

November 08, 2023 09:00 - 9 minutes - 10.7 MB

I recently saw a Kids Eat in Color post that talked about the Switch Witch. Do you know that tradition? Essentially, the Switch Witch allows kids to set out their extra candy and trade it in for a new toy. In the video, Jennifer says that the Switch Witch worked great for her oldest child - they loved getting a new toy and had no problem trading in their candy. But for her youngest, the whole idea was creating a lot of anxiety and damaging their relationship with food/candy. So, as we wrap...

Ep. #109: When they think the solution is changing their circumstances

October 31, 2023 20:04 - 11 minutes - 10.6 MB

I think one of most of our goals as parents is to raise kids who are problem-solvers. We hear over and over again that this is a real-world skill that this generation needs, and that their creativity and problem-solving abilities will be essential as the job market continues to evolve. This is one of the reasons an approach like collaborative problem-solving sounds so appealing. We want them to be problem-solvers. And while I am a fan of this approach, I know it can be tricky to implement i...

Episode #108: Mental Health Days

October 29, 2023 15:36 - 12 minutes - 11.3 MB

In honor of World Mental Health Day, we're talking about giving kids the option of mental health days to use as needed, as well as practicing connecting to our bodies together to help support our own mental health. * Schedule your 1:1 coaching consultation: Prospective Client Consultation - Partnered Path Portal (coachaccountable.com) Get full access to The Blackbird Chronicles at juliamcgarey.substack.com/subscribe This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other...

Ep. #107: When one parent isn't on board

October 27, 2023 18:23 - 7 minutes - 8.84 MB

A couple weeks ago, I saw an Instagram post from Kristy Forbes. Kristy is an autistic advocate and educator with a wealth of knowledge about PDA profile. Anyway, Kristy's post was talking about this idea that we need to get our partner, our co-parent, on our team. This is something that many parents of neurodiverse kids struggle with. On the one hand, you have your relationship with your child, and you have all the strategies that you've tried and that have not worked. On the other hand, you...

Ep. # 109: When they think the solution is changing their circumstances

October 18, 2023 08:00 - 11 minutes - 9.25 MB

I think one of most of our goals as parents is to raise kids who are problem-solvers. We hear over and over again that this is a real-world skill that this generation needs, and that their creativity and problem-solving abilities will be essential as the job market continues to evolve. This is one of the reasons an approach like collaborative problem-solving sounds so appealing. We want them to be problem-solvers. And while I am a fan of this approach, I know it can be tricky to implement i...

Ep. #108: Mental Health Days

October 11, 2023 08:00 - 12 minutes - 9.73 MB

In honor of World Mental Health Day, we're talking about giving kids the option of mental health days to use as needed, as well as practicing connecting to our bodies together to help support our own mental health. * Schedule your 1:1 coaching consultation: Prospective Client Consultation - Partnered Path Portal (coachaccountable.com) --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/julia-mcgarey/support

Ep. # 107: When One Parent Isn't On Board

October 04, 2023 08:00 - 7 minutes - 6.5 MB

A couple weeks ago, I saw an Instagram post from Kristy Forbes. Kristy is an autistic advocate and educator with a wealth of knowledge about PDA profile. Anyway, Kristy's post was talking about this idea that we need to get our partner, our co-parent, on our team. This is something that many parents of neurodiverse kids struggle with. On the one hand, you have your relationship with your child, and you have all the strategies that you've tried and that have not worked. On the other hand, you...

Ep. #106: At a Turtle's Pace

September 27, 2023 08:00 - 14 minutes - 13.2 MB

It's happened to all of us. We're right on track for bedtime, or the morning routine is lined up just right to get to school on time, and then... they get stuck. They're dancing in the bathroom and watching themselves in the mirror. They're picking at scabs instead of putting on shoes. They are pulling out the markers to start a drawing instead of grabbing their backpack. Or maybe you've agreed to lie down with them at bedtime but they just won't stop talking and go to sleep... There are a ...

Ep. #105: Gifted Kids - Neurobiology and Neuroplasticity

September 20, 2023 08:00 - 15 minutes - 14.4 MB

We're going to talk a little bit more today about brains: specifically what being gifted means about a child's actual, physical brain. I'm going to be talking about two concepts, neurobiology and neuroplasticity, and I want to define them for you here at the beginning so that it's clear what I'm referring to when I use them. Neurobiology, at its most basic, is the biology of the nervous system, and that is essentially what I'm referring to. I'm not talking about Neurobiology with a capital N...

Ep. #104: Filling Buckets

September 13, 2023 08:00 - 13 minutes - 12.1 MB

School is back in session for our family, and that means it's podcast season again. I hope you've had a restful, restorative summer (or winter, as the case may be). We had a lot of family time and some great adventures, and I had the space to do some more personal writing, which has been wonderful. I'm sharing it on my Substack, The Blackbird Chronicles. And actually, I've set a little goal for myself to create five new paid subscribers by my birthday this weekend. If you'd like to be one of...

Ep. #103: Helping Our Kids Do Hard Things (and school refusal)

July 19, 2023 08:00 - 13 minutes - 12.7 MB

My daughter is at Girl Scout Camp this week, and it's been a challenge for both of us. She's on day two, and it feels very timely to talk about helping our kids do things that are hard for them, and knowing when to give them a little nudge and when to pull back. I'm sharing a reflection of our journey this week, including the clues that I picked up on along the way that led me to encourage her to keep trying. I'm also talking about signs that you might see that could help you decide not to ...

Ep. # 102: Safe Space or Out of Spoons?

June 28, 2023 08:00 - 9 minutes - 11.1 MB

I'm tired of hearing well-intentioned people telling parents that the reason their children do so well at school and are so challenging at home is because they feel safe. Their parents are their safe space. Sure, there's truth in that. But is it actually helpful? For many parents, knowing that they are their child's safe space quickly gets translated to "They're saving it all up for me." In this episode, I'm offering a reframe through the lens of "spoon theory." Sure, your child feels sa...

Ep. #101: PDA Profile

June 14, 2023 08:00 - 15 minutes - 14.2 MB

This week we're talking about PDA profile autism. I hope this episode serves as a doorway or a starting point. I'm sharing my understanding of PDA profile and encouraging you - if it sounds at all like your child - to dive deeper and pay particular attention to autistic adults who are speaking up about their experience with PDA. You might check out PDA Our Way FB), Unschooling Stanley (IG), Steph's Two Girls (blog), and Paige Layle (youtube). PDA Profile Autism is an anxiety-based form of ...

Ep. #100: Transparency

June 07, 2023 08:00 - 13 minutes - 14.9 MB

I value transparency. I created this episode to share some of the things that I often assume people know about me that are actually really important aspects of who I am and how I show up as a coach. If you've been following the podcast for a while, these things probably won't be new to you, but I wanted to create an episode where they all could "live," so to speak. I wanted to create an episode that would let anyone who is new to the podcast or my work can get a sense of who I am and where...

Ep. #99: Who's Driving the Car?

May 31, 2023 08:00 - 4 minutes - 5.52 MB

I want to share a metaphor with you today that is helpful for adults and school-aged kids alike. To be clear, I didn't come up with this metaphor. You may have heard it before. But it can be such a helpful tool, I just had to give it an episode, a place to live on this podcast. This one is all about allowing your emotions, and honoring your emotions, but not being dominated by them. So if your child - or you for that matter - tends to blow up when they get angry or tries to be tough and ...

Ep. #98: Introversion, Extroversion and High Sensitivity

May 24, 2023 08:00 - 10 minutes - 9.62 MB

I'm sure most of you know what it means to be an introvert or an extrovert, right? Introverts are often more quiet and reserved and they recharge by turning inward, while extroverts are more social and recharge their batteries through social interactions. Super brief summary, but it's a stepping stone to what I really want you to know, and that's that being an introvert and being highly sensitive are two separate traits. Highly sensitive is not just another word for being introverted. It ...

Ep. #97: What can you learn from their actions?

May 17, 2023 08:00 - 8 minutes - 10.1 MB

I want to share a couple of questions with you today that are going to help you reframe your thinking when your child is being aggressive, rude, disrespectful, destructive, or willfully defiant. Because the minute you peg their behavior as negative, you start looking for ways to shut it down and two things can happen: they either escalate and the situation gets worse before it gets better, or they shut down and close off a part of themselves. Either way, it is actively disconnecting you fr...

Ep. #96: What's stopping you from saying no?

May 10, 2023 08:00 - 13 minutes - 15.9 MB

You may have noticed that I didn't share a podcast last week. I was all set to create an episode about identifying your forced yeses - the situations where you are saying yes, adding things to your to-do list, holding yourself to your word because you feel like you're supposed to, when it actually isn't an ESSENTIAL TASK, you've just built it up to be, and practicing saying no instead, and my body sent me a loud and clear message to listen to my own advice. I literally had my computer open...

Ep. #95: Removing the Jellyfish

April 26, 2023 08:00 - 8 minutes - 9.73 MB

I recently saw a NeuroWild comic about screen time as a regulation tool. It shows a cat skimming across a body of water in a rowboat, and a mouse treading water and being surrounded by jellyfish. I'll put a link in the show notes, but the gist of it was this: everyone experiences the world differently. For some people, the outside world is overwhelming and exhausting, and screens offer an opportunity to stop treading water and disengage from the jellyfish. They also offer some examples of h...

Ep. #94: Lessons from Yoga

April 19, 2023 18:15 - 9 minutes - 11.2 MB

This episode focuses on some of the long-term lessons I've taken from my yoga practice and been able to apply to my life as a parent and just life in general.I'm going to focus on four key take-aways, and just know that these are the ones that came to me quickly and easily. Yoga has had a huge impact on my life, it definitely extends beyond these four points. But these really are life lessons, not just yoga lessons, and you don't need to have a yoga practice to benefit from hearing them. --...

Ep. #93: Overexcitabilities and Gifted Children

April 12, 2023 08:00 - 22 minutes - 20.5 MB

If you've been listening to the podcast for a while, you might have heard me talk a little bit about gifted kids and the relationship between being gifted and being highly sensitive. I like to acknowledge as I enter into any conversation about giftedness that, yes, the term can be off-putting. But I stick with it because most people understand what it means, and because I believe it's important to recognize giftedness as a form of neurodiversity. Despite the fact that historically many gift...

Ep. #92: With Instead of For

April 05, 2023 08:00 - 11 minutes - 10.4 MB

In this episode we're talking about one of the things that can happen when you start to invite your child into the decision-making process, when you start to build a more collaborative relationship with them. There is so much potential for connection when you make this leap to collaborating with your child. There's also huge potential for things to get way, way easier for your family. It's possible. But even when you can see that possibility, it's not always easy. We are so conditioned b...

Ep. #91: Puppies and Hedgehogs

March 29, 2023 08:00 - 8 minutes - 9.87 MB

I have a simple but powerful metaphor I want to share with you this week. It's particularly relevant if you've ever felt like your child was manipulating you, picking on you, or even bullying you. In other words, if your child knows how to push your most painful buttons and it seems like they use that to try to get their own way. How we view triggering behavior in children, especially when it seems like they are being deliberately hurtful, makes a huge difference in how we react to that beh...

Ep. #90: What does a maxed-out nervous system look like for your child?

March 22, 2023 08:00 - 8 minutes - 9.84 MB

We had quite a weekend of cookie booths and birthday parties, and I want to share a little bit about our experience in this episode and lead into the question in the episode title, and that's what does a maxed-out nervous system look like for your child? What are your child's tell-tale signs? How do you know if they are feeling something big under the surface? How do you know if their nervous system is maxed-out? I've found it to be so helpful to know what it looks like from the outside wh...

Ep. #89: Treat it like it's broken

March 15, 2023 08:00 - 8 minutes - 9.77 MB

It is so easy, as parents, to rush our kids. And when they're resistant? Most often, our first impulse is to stand firm. Push them along. They're fighting you on leaving the house? You've got to insist. You've got to make them. Right? This episode offers an alternate take on how we can handle our children's resistance when it seems like they're making a big deal out of nothing. It's powerful because when you adopt this approach, it validates your child's reality. Even if it seems like it'...

Ep. #88: The Silly Putty Story

March 08, 2023 09:00 - 15 minutes - 14.6 MB

This is a story about an emotional weekend, some silly putty, and what personal growth as a parent can look like. This is a story about staying present, grounded, and calm, even when they are overwhelmed by emotion. This is the result I hope to create in my life, over and over again, and it is the result I help my clients create, too. I am a better parent because of this work, 100%. And if you feel overwhelmed by their emotions or like you're always walking on eggshells... if your initia...

Ep. #87: Riding the Waves

March 01, 2023 09:00 - 11 minutes - 13.5 MB

This week we're going to talk about riding the waves instead of fighting them. Life is wavy. It's part of the human experience. We all have highs and lows, good days and bad days, positive and negative emotions. This is normal and we don't need to change it. But I want to share something that I observe over and over again - in myself, my clients, the people around me - and that's that when we feel challenged, when life feels hard, or we feel anxious a lot of the time, those feelings can b...

Ep. #86: Sometimes You're Not Overreacting

February 22, 2023 18:05 - 11 minutes - 10.7 MB

This week on the podcast, I want to recognize there are certain situations in which it is absolutely normal to have an elevated reaction to what you're child is doing. If they are running towards a busy street, for example, or riding their bike and seem oblivious to the stop sign that's right in front of them. Their bodily safety is at risk, and as a parent, that's scary. It is totally normal to "overreact" in those situations. The key is in how you recover and how you repair with your child...

Ep #85: Obstacles to Seeking Help

February 15, 2023 09:00 - 16 minutes - 14.7 MB

Asking for help is a skill that, for many of us, has to be developed. Especially if you are someone who did well in school, was able to fly under the radar and complete the assignments adequately without needing to ask questions or get help from the teacher. For many of us, there is an internalized belief that we should be able to figure it out on our own, especially when it's something as seemingly natural as being a parent. At the same time, there's a pervasive cultural belief that parenti...

Ep. #84: Parenting Rules

February 08, 2023 09:00 - 18 minutes - 17.3 MB

There's something so alluring about having rules to guide you. If you know the rules, all you have to do is follow them. So when things feel chaotic, it might seem like you just haven't found the right rules yet. This might be true. BUT The rules are much simpler than we've been led to believe, and they probably aren't what you think they are. They aren't actually about screen time or rewards or finding the right system. They aren't locked up behind a fancy course. In this episode, we ...

Ep. #83: How Your Marriage and Kids Can Thrive When Sensitive, with Hannah Brooks

February 01, 2023 09:00 - 51 minutes - 47.6 MB

This week I'm sharing an interview I did with Hannah Brooks for her podcast, Highly Sensitive, Happily Married. Hannah interviewed me two years ago, and we were both excited to circle back to it and share it with you here! In this episode, we talk about how we sensitive parents can raise healthy happy kids AND have great marriages at the same time. Although it can often feel like a great marriage and happy children are mutually exclusive, they actually can go hand in hand. Tune in to learn ...

Ep. #82: Working With Your Sensitivity

January 25, 2023 09:00 - 17 minutes - 15.7 MB

It is not uncommon for parents that I work with to realize that their child might be highly sensitive, look into it a little bit more, and then realize that they might be highly sensitive, too. This might mean that you are easily overwhelmed by the amount of activity and noise in your house, especially when you are trying to do something like cook dinner. It might mean that when your child has a hard day or is experiencing big emotions, you feel it deeply, too. It might mean that you find...

Ep. #81: The Value of a Safe Space

January 18, 2023 09:00 - 9 minutes - 10.5 MB

I want to talk to you today about the value of a safe space. Now, it may seem obvious - of course children need a safe space that they can go to! But I've had a few conversations lately and some experiences of my own that have reminded me of the importance o fcreating safe spaces for your child to turn to. I'm going to start by sharing my own story, then talk a little about what constitutes a safe space and why they are important, and then we'll look at a few examples where safe spaces might...

Ep #80: Problem Solving Conversations

January 11, 2023 09:00 - 9 minutes - 11 MB

I mentioned last week that I wanted to share a story with you about bedtime and problem-solving. One of the biggest things I work on with my clients is including their children in the problem-solving process. We talk about having conversations outside of the moment, when everyone has calmed down. One of the challenges that often arises, though, is time. If you are a working parent, it can feel like there's no time to have these conversations. And then you just feel stuck. The pattern persis...

Ep. #79: The Evaluation Process

January 04, 2023 09:00 - 17 minutes - 15.6 MB

Reflection is something that's strongly encouraged this time of year. We are encouraged to look back on all that we did or didn't do and decide what we'd like to do next. It can stir up a lot of emotions: pride, joy, regret, determination... And it's usually from those emotions that we set our intentions for the next year. I want to offer you a slightly different approach, one that you can carry with you throughout the year. I want to encourage you to go from reflection to evaluation. Th...

Ep. #78: The Circumstance Trap

December 21, 2022 09:00 - 8 minutes - 9.17 MB

Since last week did not go as I had planned, it got me thinking about how much power we give to our circumstances. For example, we tend to attribute our emotions to our circumstances. Whether you are feeling down because you're sick, or feeling on edge because your child has been having more meltdowns lately, there is a very common tendency to link how you're feeling to what's happening in the world around you. When you do this, you place yourself at the mercy of your circumstances, and it'...

Quick Update

December 14, 2022 17:54 - 48 seconds - 629 KB

No episode this week - my whole family has had covid, and while our symptoms have been mild, it has required me to step back, slow down, and rearrange. I hope you're able to take some time to slow down, too. Without the extra help I had, of course! I will be back with a fresh episode next week, and then will be taking one week off to close out the year. Talk to you soon.

Ep. #77: What if it's just luck?

December 07, 2022 09:00 - 8 minutes - 9.4 MB

I want to spend our time together today talking about a pattern that emerges when we start doing the deeper work of creating change within ourselves and our families. It's a pattern that shows up when we are making changes within ourselves in all areas of our life, when we start to change our thinking and how we feel in certain contexts. And generally speaking, this pattern shows up as a form of confusion or denial. We see that things outside of ourselves are beginning to change, and we qu...

Ep. #76: Five Things You Should Know About Me

November 30, 2022 09:00 - 12 minutes - 11.5 MB

One of my coaches recently challenged her audience to come up with a list of three things that their audiences probably don't know about them that seem really obvious to them and are relevant to their coaching practice. I loved this idea, and I came up with a list of five things because I don't always follow the rules and I didn't want to narrow it down. I'm weaving these tidbits into my social media, but I thought I'd create a podcast episode about them so the information is all in one pla...

Ep. #75: What's the Intention Behind Your Words?

November 23, 2022 09:00 - 8 minutes - 10.2 MB

This week I want to talk to you about how your intentions can shape the way your actions land, and I want to talk about this specifically in relation to "First/then" communication. This is something I coach my clients on from time to time, and it's something I do myself. Instead of saying, "You need to do your homework in order to have screen time," for example, I might say, "You really want to spend some time on your iPad. Let's take a look at your homework first, so we can make sure you d...

Ep. #74: Balanced Scheduling

November 16, 2022 09:00 - 13 minutes - 12.7 MB

We are approaching our fall break here in the United States, and it felt appropriate to talk a little bit about balanced scheduling. It is so tempting, especially if school has been taxing for your child and you've been dealing with after-school meltdowns on a frequent basis to envision the holidays as a lovely, relaxed time without schedules. A time to reset. Or maybe you fall into the opposite camp. Your holidays are busy and you are looking forward to time spent with extended family, en...

Ep. #73: Uncommon Advice

November 09, 2022 09:00 - 16 minutes - 19.4 MB

There's so much advice for parents out there. There's the old-school, obedience-focused advice, which often doesn't work so well for sensitive kids, and then there's the new-wave which encompasses everything that deviates from the old norm. Some of it is great, some of it is less-so, but it all represents a shift away from using physical means to control kids. But there's still a strong current of control. There's still a strong current of "don't let them get away with that." There's still ...

Ep. #72: Congruence

November 02, 2022 08:00 - 5 minutes - 6.32 MB

This week we're talking about congruence. The official definition of congruence is "agreement or harmony, compatibility," and I want to talk to you today about congruence between your thoughts and your words. Basically, making sure that what you're saying to your kids isn't in conflict with what you're thinking. Listen on for examples. *** Are you on my email list? Claim any one of my free resources here and join the party! http://partneredpath.com/resources/ --- Support this podcast...

Ep. #71: Rethinking Bedtime Challenge

October 26, 2022 16:25 - 8 minutes - 10 MB

One of the most challenging times of day for many parents I work with is bedtime. It's the end of the day, our kids have been through a lot and are not at their most receptive - they might be feeling silly or even irritable - and we're tired, too. By the time bedtime routines roll around, most of us are just ready to be done. Then you layer on the worries that have space to surface when the lights go out, and you find yourself in your child's room, trying to reassure them, when you're jus...

Parenting Your Sensitive Child

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