Fear-Based Motivation

This episode talks about fear-based parenting and the specific neurobiology of fear. 

Some parents talk about how their kids have "healthy fear" of them, which makes them behave themselves. But really, the only healthy fear is the fear that helps keep us alive.

Brain science teaches us what happens in our brains when we're faced with threat - Can I outrun this? Can I beat this? Then you would fight or flight. If you can't do either of those things to stay alive, then you have to come up with a different plan, which often means simple compliance.

When our brain is triggered by fear, our thinking brain goes offline and regualtion can only happen when it comes back online and can help manage our emotions and behaviors.  

You cannot create fear in a child without initiating their stress response. 

In the beginning of fear-based parenting, your child may try fight or flight first, as their body's stress response has prompted them to try to stay safe through fighting or running away. This often leads parents to dig in and increase fear, punishment, shame, etc. to teach their system that they cannot win the fight or run away. This causes them to shift into a different stress response, which then starts to look like compliance. Parents often think this means the technique is "working," but it's actually a different stress response that they have learned is the best way for them to keep themselves safe.

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