Is Perfectionism Stopping You?

In this episode I am talking about perfectionism and how it is a 20-ton block that we hold onto to keep ourselves “safe, protected and we believe unaffected by the potential opinions and judgements of others.”  As Brene Brown says, “If I look perfect, live perfect, work perfect, I can avoid or minimize criticism or blame.” Perfectionism is a learned behaviour that typically comes from childhood and a lot of times it is a block that we use to keep ourselves from being hurt, yet all it is doing is keeping us from being seen. 

In this episode we discuss:

1) I am a recovering perfectionist and perfectionism/fighter is one of the 4 blocks I refer to when it comes to owning our stories.  The others are victim, hider and people pleaser. If you want to take the free Blocks to Owning Your Story Quiz, https://www.marshavanw.com/story-blocks

2) I used to wear perfectionism as a badge of honour, thinking it was because I was a striver, I worked hard, I had a level of excellence that I expected of myself.  When actually healthy striving is self-focused in “how can I improve”, whereas perfectionism is other focused, “what will they think”?  I wanted others to see that I could do x,y,z, and it also allowed me to fly under the radar from a young age, and not be the source of issues, problems, or growing up long before I needed to.  I thought this pressure was helping me and it did for many reasons, until it didn’t

3) This became a very self-destructive pattern of behaviour that literally blew up once we started dealing with teen substance abuse and I was living the complete opposite of a perfect life.  “When perfectionism is driving us, then shame is riding shotgun and fear is that annoying backseat driver.” Brene Brown. I was living in shame, feeling not good enough, feeling that I didn't want to be seen, yet all I deeply craved was connection and being seen

4) This pattern went on repeat until I couldn’t do it any longer.  It no longer worked and I was blocking myself from being seen, from receiving support, from connection, from the people who have since impacted my life, and from setting up for the work I am doing now.  I learned how to shift this through the writing process.  There are no authors published who are perfectionists, it’s not doable. As soon as I set down my shield, I was able to live my life, truly live it. I am not sure where I would be if I didn't because the research shows that perfectionism is the path to depression, anxiety, addiction and life paralysis.

Join the HOW Method
https://www.marshavanw.com/thehowmethod

Join the Rising Leaders Collective

https://www.marshavanw.com/rlcm

Marsha Vanwynsberghe — Author, Speaker and Life Coach

Marsha is the 6-time Bestselling Author of “When She Stopped Asking Why”.  She shares her lessons as a parent who dealt with teen substance abuse far past the level of normal experimentation.

Through her programs, coaching and live events for women, Marsha is on a mission to teach you how to “Own Your Choices” in your own life.  She teaches women how to own their stories, lead themselves and pay it forward to others by creating businesses that serve, support and impact others

In this episode I am talking about perfectionism and how it is a 20-ton block that we hold onto to keep ourselves “safe, protected and we believe unaffected by the potential opinions and judgements of others.”  As Brene Brown says, “If I look perfect, live perfect, work perfect, I can avoid or minimize criticism or blame.” Perfectionism is a learned behaviour that typically comes from childhood and a lot of times it is a block that we use to keep ourselves from being hurt, yet all it is doing is keeping us from being seen. 

In this episode we discuss:

1) I am a recovering perfectionist and perfectionism/fighter is one of the 4 blocks I refer to when it comes to owning our stories.  The others are victim, hider and people pleaser. If you want to take the free Blocks to Owning Your Story Quiz, https://www.marshavanw.com/story-blocks

2) I used to wear perfectionism as a badge of honour, thinking it was because I was a striver, I worked hard, I had a level of excellence that I expected of myself.  When actually healthy striving is self-focused in “how can I improve”, whereas perfectionism is other focused, “what will they think”?  I wanted others to see that I could do x,y,z, and it also allowed me to fly under the radar from a young age, and not be the source of issues, problems, or growing up long before I needed to.  I thought this pressure was helping me and it did for many reasons, until it didn’t

3) This became a very self-destructive pattern of behaviour that literally blew up once we started dealing with teen substance abuse and I was living the complete opposite of a perfect life.  “When perfectionism is driving us, then shame is riding shotgun and fear is that annoying backseat driver.” Brene Brown. I was living in shame, feeling not good enough, feeling that I didn't want to be seen, yet all I deeply craved was connection and being seen

4) This pattern went on repeat until I couldn’t do it any longer.  It no longer worked and I was blocking myself from being seen, from receiving support, from connection, from the people who have since impacted my life, and from setting up for the work I am doing now.  I learned how to shift this through the writing process.  There are no authors published who are perfectionists, it’s not doable. As soon as I set down my shield, I was able to live my life, truly live it. I am not sure where I would be if I didn't because the research shows that perfectionism is the path to depression, anxiety, addiction and life paralysis.

Join the HOW Method
https://www.marshavanw.com/thehowmethod

Join the Rising Leaders Collective

https://www.marshavanw.com/rlcm

Marsha Vanwynsberghe — Author, Speaker and Life Coach

Marsha is the 6-time Bestselling Author of “When She Stopped Asking Why”.  She shares her lessons as a parent who dealt with teen substance abuse far past the level of normal experimentation.

Through her programs, coaching and live events for women, Marsha is on a mission to teach you how to “Own Your Choices” in your own life.  She teaches women how to own their stories, lead themselves and pay it forward to others by creating businesses that serve, support and impact others