Overnight Underground News May 13th 2020

The Overnight Underground Podcast, first the headlines:

Howard Stern says Trump should quit. Hey I know, let’s shove lightbulbs up our noses. The DOD needs more needles. The hooded shopper is not guilty and cheap movies may make a comeback.

These stories & more coming up on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford.  

White House adviser and Trump crotch fruit main squeeze Jared Kushner hinted the other day that there may not be an election in November. The Washington Post and other sources report that Kushner suggested, there was uncertainty about whether the presidential election would happen in November because of this whole global pandemic thing. The presidential aide later clarified his comments a bit in a Time Magazine interview. Just to clarify 

Stern calls for Trump to quit

The one time king of all media has called on President Trump to step down. That’s Howard Stern on his satellite radio show. The previously relevant radio star went on to say that it would be "extremely patriotic" for Mister Trump to step down. Wait, wasn’t Howard Stern one of the celebrities who went out of his way to popularize and normalize Trump? Now he’s trying to “cleanse” himself from the smoldering runaway train-wreck that has become the Trump Presidency? Besides, who ever looked to Stern as a voice of reason? Lesbian dial a date and butt bongo fiesta maybe, but logic and reason? 

Shove lights up your nose

I know, let’s treat coronavirus but shoving lightbulbs up you nose. Wait, isn’t this the same idea Trump got called on the carpet for by the press?  NBC Chicago reports the Canadian-company behind the technology, says their steriwave technology could stop the spread of the coronavirus by eliminating the viral load in your nose. According to them, the coronavirus tends to colonize in the nose, so the process involves swabbing the nose with a chemical compound. A technician then inserts fiber optic probes into the nose and turns on a red light. Wait, you don’t have to turn on the red light. Here’s Dr. Merrill Biel from the University of Minnesota. 

DOD needs more injectors

There’s no vaccine for Covid-19, but that won’t stop the government from spending millions on injection devices. A press release on the Department of Defense website announced a one hundred and thirty eight million dollar contract to fund production of five hundred million pre filled COVID-19 vaccine “injection devices.” The contract went to ApiJect Systems America for two projects known as “Project Jumpstart” and “RAPID USA”.  The apparent goal of these two  projects is to have vast amounts of “injection devices” ready to go, if and when a COVID-19 vaccine becomes available. (

The blue plate big brother special

Well this is kinda’ creepy. The Seattle Times is reporting that when restaurants open in Washington state, they will have to keep a log of customers for coronavirus contact tracing. Nothing like going out to dinner and being asked for your papers. The governor’s office released a set of requirements that restaurants will have to comply with if they want a blessing from big brother to reopen for dine-in service. The restaurants will have to, quote:  “Create a daily log of customers and maintain that daily log for 30 days, including telephone/email contact information, and time in.” 

Wearing a hood to shop is not a crime

Last week a man in a KKK hood sent shockwaves of offense through the Southern California community of Santee calling for the full extent of the law to be leveled at the hooded shopper. The San Diego County Sheriff's Department earlier this week issued a press release saying they had no legal grounds to charge the man.The man was interrogated and later detectives conferred with both the U.S. Attorney's Office and the San Diego County District Attorney's Office and came to the obvious conclusion that no law was broken.  The press release basically points out what was already blatantly obvious to legal half-wits everywhere, that the U.S. Supreme Court and the Constitution spell out the fact that freedom of speech means hateful speech is still protected speech. Gee I wonder how much money they spent investigating what they already knew wasn’t a crime to begin with in the first place.

Cheap movies may return

This makes sense. The Wall Street Journal is reporting that movie theaters are considering offering two dollar moves when they reopen. Due to the pandemic, there’s not a lot of new movies coming out that can get folks back in the theaters, so some cinemas plan to reopen with classic films at classic prices. The films will include “Jaws” and “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone”, how the hell is that classic, anyway the move is to tempt cautious audiences back into cinemas. I’ll pay two bucks to see a classic Hitchcock movie in a theatre any day of the week. Anything is better than Batman twelve, revenge of the stinky cave.

Valerie Bertanelli almost ready for Social Security

Wholy shit, you want to really feel old? Valerie Bertanelli turned sixty this month. If you don’t know who Valerie Bertanelli is,