Overnight Underground News May 12th 2020

The Overnight Underground Podcast, here’s the headlines:

The White House dons masks. Pence distances from Trump.  Elon Musk reopens his Tesla factory. Cheese is a patriotic duty. Bryan Adams does not apologize and strip clubs can get pandemic business loans.

These stories & more coming up on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford.  

The White House is making it mandatory that everyone wear a mask that works in the West Wing, everyone except the President and Vice President that is. They’re exempt. The mask move comes following the infection of two White House staffers, including Trump’s personal valet who brought the President Diet Cokes to the Oval Office. Maybe Trump  just likes saying, get me some coke.

Pence distances from Trump

CNN is reporting that Vice President Pence is, quote, “maintaining distance' from Trump 'for the immediate future”. No it’s not because the President isn’t his bestie or cause he smells too much like borscht, he’s keeping his distance due to coronavirus fears in the White House, well, at least that’s what they’re telling us. CNN further notes that It is not completely clear exactly how long Pence will stay away from The President.

Trump battles with reporters

Monday saw the return of the coronavirus press conference to the rose garden, and President Trump took time to answer some questions from the press and of course, fling a few zingers at his press corps nemesis. First, this question and answer carefully and precisely explaining the Obamagate scandal. Later in the press conference, one reporter asked why Trump sees testing as a global competition when people are losing their lives every day, the President said. At that point the President left the podium, took his ball and went back home to the White House.

No school this fall says Fauchi

If you’ve been hoping to get rid of your little bastards and get them back into the classroom, you may be shit out of luck. Doctor Fauchi said on Tuesday in a Senate committee hearing that having a vaccine before the opening of the school year would be, quote:  "a bit of a bridge too far”  Doctor Fauchi responding to Senator Lamar Alexander on the reopening of schools in the fall. So it looks like homeschooling for the foreseeable future for you bunky. I wonder if homeowners will get tax refunds on their property taxes if schools won’t be open. Fauchi also warned the nation against 'prematurely' opening U.S. states and that doing so could lead to additional outbreaks of the deadly coronavirus.

Tesla reopens factory

Tesla’s Elon Musk has reopened his factory in California defying authorities in Alameda County. This follows a couple of days of insults, slings and arrows flying on Twitter between himself and California government officials. Assembly woman Lorena Gonzalez, a Democrat from San Diego, Tweeted on Saturday, “F*ck Elon Musk.”  Musk then threatened to move his Tesla factory out of the state to Texas or New Mexico. The restarting of the Factory is his latest tantrum,  defying California authorities, which he has compared to fascists. Musk Tweeted referring to the opening of the factory, : "I will be on the line with everyone else. If anyone is arrested, I ask that it only be me."

Grocery prices jumping

It’s not just you, prices for groceries have seen their largest one month increase in nearly half a century. CNBC is reporting that the Labor Department notes that prices for groceries jumped two point six percent last month, that is the largest one-month jump since 1974. The cost of meats, poultry, fish and eggs rose over four percent, fruits and veggies rose one and a half percent, cereals and bakery products advanced just under three percent. On the other hand, prices for nearly everything else dropped sharply in April. Total consumer prices slid almost a full percent in April from the previous month, led by massive declines in energy prices. So driving to the grocery store is much cheaper, but once you get there you won’t be able to afford anything.

Robots are coming to steal our jobs

Well you knew this was coming. A new paper from economists at the Federal Reserve Bank of San Francisco claims the pandemic will hasten the move to automate more jobs. Bloomberg reports that the researchers write in their paper “Can Pandemic-Induced Job Uncertainty Stimulate Automation?”, that automation of some of the jobs formerly held by humans could fuel an increase in labor productivity. The researchers argue that “Absent the automation channel, an uncertainty shock would lead to a much deeper recession, with a sharper increase in unemployment.” Sounds logical, we need to get rid of jobs and replace them with automation so we don’t have more job losses. Brilliant. 

The French patriotic duty

In France, the French dairy industry is asking its citizens to do their patriotic duty and eat more cheese. Sales of certain kinds of cheese have fallen over sixty percent, and well, that just won’t do in France. According to that bastion of journalistic integrity, the New York Post, the dairy industry is calling on citizens “to eat cheese in solidarity with our producers.” I don’t know about you, but I’m with the French on this one, I’m totally bound up in total solidarity with cheese. 

Bryan Adams blows top

Canadian pop-rocker Brian Adams isn’t holding back on how he feels about the Chinese and their role in the coronavirus pandemic. According to The Guardian, Adams launched into an expletive laced rant on his Instagram post. Adams said, quote: “but thanks to some fucking bat eating, wet market animal selling, virus making greedy bastards, the whole world is now on hold, not to mention the thousands that have suffered or died from this virus. My message to them other than “thanks a fucking lot” is go vegan.” Adams was scheduled to start a concert residency at the Royal Albert Hall in London before the Covid outbreak.

Strippers need loans too

A US judge has ruled that strip clubs and other so-called  'disfavored' businesses are indeed  entitled to emergency loans during the pandemic.  Reuters reports that U.S. District Judge Matthew Leitman in Flint, Michigan, ruled that the U.S. Small Business Administration can’t exclude businesses that present live performances or sell products of a "prurient sexual nature" from loans under the Paycheck Protection Program. What’s next, hookers? Needless to say, the decision may be appealed.

Meanwhile, The Sun reports that the Minx Gentlemen's Club in Virginia Beach is now offering drive through pole dancing. The strippers are not completely stripped, but clad in skimpy bikinis while customers drive-through the outdoor striper, ah strip. Customers either throw dollars out their window and one cunning dancer uses a trash picker to grab money from inside the customers cars. And here you thought your parents were nuts for putting on those clear plastic seat covers on their cars bench seats.