One Free Family - A new take on peaceful parenting
57 episodes - English - Latest episode: almost 5 years ago - ★★★★★ - 13 ratingsA new take on peaceful parenting brought to you by former professional educators who underwent a paradigm shift in 2010 that led them more in the direction of self-directed education. James and Taylor Davis have been peaceful parenting for years and will share their unique experience with you.
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Episodes
OFF055- Going deeper on self directed learning: Offering support without creating dependency
May 20, 2019 04:30 - 44 minutes - 20.5 MBTaylor and James return to go deeper on their favorite topic: self directed learning! In this episode they discuss some of the finer nuances of helping a child to become more self-directed. They talk about how to support your kids without making them totally dependent on you, encouraging them in their pursuits without taking over, and making space for a path to learning that might not be exactly what we envision. This is a great episode for parents of all approaches who hope to instill a lov...
OFF054- A mailbag! Explaining our choices to our kids without seeming judgmental, and supporting kids that don't conform to gender stereotypes
May 13, 2019 04:30 - 41 minutes - 19.3 MBJames and Taylor are back, this time to answer your questions! Today we have two excellent questions from our One Free Family Facebook group. First, Taylor and James discuss how they go about explaining their life choices to their kids without seeming judgmental of everyone else's choices. How do they discuss their decision to homeschool with their kids? Then they go on to answer a listener question about what to do when other family members won't support their daughter's "non-girly" prefere...
OFF053- How much should we praise our kids, and what should we praise them about?
April 29, 2019 04:30 - 40 minutes - 45.9 MBPraise is quietly one of the more hotly debated topics when it comes to child development theory. It seems as though smart people have argued for praising in all manner of ways, from praising to encourage good behavior, to praising in order to raise self-esteem, to praising in order to build trust. But is it really that easy? In this episode James and Taylor break down how their attitudes about praise have shifted over the years, and the rather surprising conclusion they've come to. They b...
OFF052- Helping Our Kids Deal With Toxic Relationships And Bullying
April 15, 2019 04:30 - 44 minutes - 30.9 MBEvery once in a while our kids will come across a person who just doesn't treat them kindly. If we're lucky, they'll come and talk to us about it. Helping our kids to work through these toxic relationships can be a big learning experience for everyone involved, and can equip our kids with the tools they'll need when they inevitably encounter people who will mistreat them in the future. In this episode, Taylor and James discuss how they work through situations like this with their own kids, s...
OFF051- Worry Smarter
April 08, 2019 04:30 - 45 minutes - 31.1 MBTaylor and James are back in the studio together to discuss a topic that every parent can relate to: worrying. It seems like some amount of worry is present from the moment our children are born. It starts with kids eating solid food and sleeping through the night, and ends... well, never. But what does all this worry get us? In this episode, One Free Family talks about how they approach this very natural instinct that's ingrained in all of us. They talk about measures they've taken to get a...
Navigating Difficult Relationships through an Unschooling Lens with Kelly Halldorson- OFF050
March 11, 2019 04:30 - 51 minutes - 35.5 MBThis week Taylor has a conversation with Kelly Halldorson. Kelly is a mental health coach and mom to 3 grown unschoolers. She shares the story behind her family's move to unschooling and her family's adventure around the country in The Unschool Bus when her kids were teenagers. Kelly talks about navigating relationships with people in our lives who are skeptical of our alternative education and parenting choices and dives into suggestions for when our partners don't understand our desire...
What we can learn from working with kids with autism with Sylvia van Meerten- OFF049
March 04, 2019 05:30 - 39 minutes - 45.3 MBJames is joined by Sylvia van Meerten, an incredible woman who is widely respected for her work with and thoughts about working with people with an autism diagnosis. In this episode she shares some mind-blowing observations about ways we can better understand and connected with people with autism, and both she and James talk about how, really, most of these principles can carry over into our work with all sorts of kids. Working with people with autism diagnosis often comes down to better und...
Finding Truth While Losing The Labels- OFF048
February 25, 2019 05:30 - 40 minutes - 14.1 MBWhen people are looking for answers, it's very tempting to try and find one overarching philosophy that has them all. Whether it's trying to find a religion, or a political philosophy, or a parenting approach finding a one-sized-fits-all solution feels extremely urgent. Unfortunately, life tends to be a lot messier than that. In this episode, James and Taylor talk about how they take a more piecemeal approach to interacting with different ideas. They talk about how they worked to establish...
Helping Our Kids Try New Things Without Pressuring Them- OFF047
February 18, 2019 05:30 - 40 minutes - 14.2 MBSome kids love it when their parents come around and offer new ideas for activities. They love to go out spontaneously, are happy to drop everything for an impromptu art project, and feel a sense of thrill at trying new things. And then there's everyone else. In this episode, James and Taylor talk about the strategies they use to expose their kids to new things without causing them to feel pressured. They talk about how to offer up ideas without making a child feel like they must accept, how...
Living By Our Values When The Going Gets Tough- OFF046
January 28, 2019 05:30 - 46 minutes - 16.1 MBJames and Taylor are back, discussing how they are in a time of transition with their business and career endeavors, and are working through how they are going to restructure their lives as a result. They discuss how they navigate difficult transitions and times in their families' life, and they share some ideas for moving through challenging times intentionally. They also get into working through turbulent times in parenting as well, talking in depth about how to address the inevitable prob...
Raising Autonomous Kids with Touring Families- OFF045
January 14, 2019 05:30 - 1 hour - 28.8 MBTaylor and James were honored to be guests on Touring Families with Dave Stelmacki. As a parent of one young son, Dave asked lots of questions about raising autonomous kids. If you're considering finding ways for your kids to be more autonomous, this conversation will give you some concrete ideas. And if you're skeptical, Dave asks great questions about some of the tougher topics!
Being more intentional about gift giving and holidays- OFF044
January 07, 2019 05:30 - 48 minutes - 16.7 MBTaylor and James are back after some holiday travel and ready to reflect on their experiences, and there take on gift giving culture in the United States in general. Does the holiday season HAVE to be stressful? Is it possible to navigate the holidays without the feelings of intense pressure and obligation that so many parents face? And what about working with grandparents and other relatives who might approach the holidays differently from them? James and Taylor talk about all of the little...
Crafting your Ideal Family Life with Sabrina Norrie- OFF043
December 24, 2018 05:30 - 48 minutes - 16.6 MBSabrina is an unschooling mom to 2 girls. She shares the moment of clarity she had during her maternity leave 7 years ago about the life she wanted for her family. She talks about how her and her husband, Doug, have worked towards making that dream a reality. Today their life involves unschooling, traveling, building community both home and away, and prioritizing time together as a family.
Natural Consequences, the "I turned out okay" fallacy, and what our kids can teach us- OFF042
December 10, 2018 05:30 - 37 minutes - 12.9 MBTaylor and James are back with another grab-bag episode! There have been a lot of great discussions in the One Free Family FaceBook group recently, but not all of them lend themselves to a full episode. In this episode, they break down how the idea of "natural consequences" is often misused. They also talk about how a given person "turning out okay" is not a great justification for a given parenting decisions. Finally, they reflect on a few really cool instances where their kids (and kids fr...
How self-directed learning looks in our home- OFF041
December 03, 2018 05:30 - 48 minutes - 16.9 MBJames and Taylor are back to discuss how self-directed learning looks in their home. While many people like the idea of self-directed learning in principle, the way it looks on a day to day basis can wind up feeling a little scary. Self-directed learners tend to not follow the linear learning plans that their schooled peers do, and that can be unsettling. They can wind up going really deep in some areas while seemingly neglecting others. A lot of the learning that takes place happens under t...
Helping our kids through their big emotions, and the life-changing Train Analogy - OFF040
November 26, 2018 05:30 - 44 minutes - 15.3 MBA crying child can be one of the most upsetting and terrifying things for a parent to see. While our instincts tell us to try and make it stop as quickly as possible, trying to make the crying stop rarely has positive results. In this episode, James and Taylor return to discuss helping their kids work through their big emotions, and how their mindset and approach has changed over the years. They talk about the "train analogy" that suggests that big emotions are like a train heading through...
Understanding and supporting the natural rhythms of the whole family - OFF039
November 19, 2018 05:30 - 46 minutes - 16.1 MBOne of the hardest parts about living in community with one another is the fact that we are all individuals with unique needs and rhythms. Some of us are night owls, and others are early birds. Sometimes the kids are bouncing off the walls hoping for a wrestling partner at the very moment that the parents are ready to shut it down and go to bed. What if Mom is an extrovert, Dad is an introvert, and the kiddos are everything in-between? In this episode James and Taylor talk about how they w...
Talking unschooling with licensed mental health professional Fiona Griffin- OFF038
November 12, 2018 05:30 - 1 hour - 20.8 MBTaylor and James are joined by their longtime friend and licensed mental health professional Fiona Griffin to talk about how her profession has informed her approach to parenting. They discuss working through their own psychological wounds in an effort to parent more intentionally, authentically communicating their needs to their kids, and helping their kids to feel seen and heard. They also answer questions like, "How can we create healthy family systems?", "How can we live a life where e...
Helping our kids accomplish their goals and grow, even when it's hard- OFF037
November 05, 2018 05:30 - 49 minutes - 17.3 MBHelping our kids accomplish their goals is fundamental to creating a self-directed learning environment, but it's a more nuanced topic than it first appears. It's all well and good to plan for helping our kids along their learning process, but what about when they hit those inevitable road blocks? To what degree should a parent in a self-directed learning environment push when our kids seem to be losing interest? Is it our job to help kids realize their full potential in any given area? And ...
Should we force our kids to adopt our values and preferences?- OFF036
October 22, 2018 04:30 - 52 minutes - 18.3 MBWhether it's minimalism, or healthy eating, or religious views, or just learning the difference between right and wrong, it can be hard to figure out just how far we should go to try and pass along our values to our kids. What if we're minimalists, but our kids want to gather tons of toys? What if we're vegetarians, but our kids want to try hot dogs? How do parents who value autonomy and consent try and pass along things that are very important to them to their children? In this week's ...
A Mile in Our Shoes - Zooming In On a Hard Day of Parenting- OFF035
October 15, 2018 04:30 - 42 minutes - 17.2 MBJames and Taylor zoom in on a single day in their life, taking you through a challenging day in their parenting journey and how that looked for them. They talk about moments they failed to be the parents they wanted to be, times where they were in tense and heated discussions about their parenting, and how days like these can help us keep working on our parenting. They also discuss strategies for recognizing when little stressors are piling up and fraying our nerves, and how they bounced bac...
Santa, shy kids, and bad online influences! It's a mailbag! – OFF034
October 08, 2018 04:30 - 47 minutes - 16.6 MBTaylor and James take an episode to answer a few listener questions! How do they approach Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and other cultural myths, and why? How should we work with kids who are more introverted in situations where others are uncomfortable with their "shyness?" And finally, what do we do about "bad influences" that our kids can encounter online? James and Taylor talk about how we can have open discussions with our kids about the types of media they are interacting with, and how it mi...
Maintaining a Healthy Relationship After Having Kids - OFF033
October 01, 2018 04:30 - 41 minutes - 14.4 MBJames and Taylor started by doing a mailbag, but ultimately spent the whole episode talking about a timeless parenting question: how do we make time for our relationship with our partner when kids are demanding so much of our attention? They discuss how we need to change our expectations as to what our time together might look like, how we can get in the right mindset for the changing seasons of our lives, and how we can practically and lovingly carve out time to build connection with our pa...
Let's Talk About Sex – OFF032
September 24, 2018 04:30 - 47 minutes - 16.4 MBTalking about sex with our kids can feel uncomfortable, awkward, and even down-right scary. The alternative - one where our kids are "educated" about sex by their peers, media of all forms, and their own guesses - is almost certainly scarier. In this episode, James and Taylor talk about their approach to talking about sex with their own kids, and recommend some resources that they have found very helpful in approaching these discussions. Talking about sex with our kids is like anything e...
When Your Toddler Hits Your Baby- OFF031
September 10, 2018 04:30 - 42 minutes - 14.7 MBIt's something no parent really anticipates when they start adding more children to their family, but it happens way more frequently than most people like to acknowledge. Gaining a sibling can bring our kids a lot of joy, but it also brings out a number of complicated emotions that they might not be quite ready to process. Why is mommy spending so much time with this new kid when she used to spend more time with me? Why is that baby crying when we are in the middle of a game? And a number of...
Boredom – OFF030
September 03, 2018 04:30 - 38 minutes - 13.5 MBHumans have evolved over many millions of years to feel bored sometimes. Whether we're on a long plane ride, or just sitting around the house with "nothing to do," our minds are clearly hard-wired to occasionally send us the signal that we are bored. So why are conversations around boredom so painful between parents and kids? In this episode James and Taylor discuss how they approach these different types of "boring" situations with their kids. They talk about how to validate children's feel...
Ollie- OFF029
August 28, 2018 02:43 - 36 minutes - 12.7 MBJames and Taylor welcome their first guest ever onto One Free Family - their fist son, the 8 year old Ollie! They ask Ollie what it's like to be unschooled, how he learns without formal instruction, what's hard about being self directed all the time, and what we could do better as parents. Ollie then turns the tables and interviews us for a bit! Enjoy!
Having Healthier Disagreements- OFF028
August 20, 2018 16:30 - 50 minutes - 17.5 MBThe idealized family that never disagrees about anything simply doesn't exist. Given that disagreements at home WILL happen, how can we help them to be as productive and healthy as possible? In this episode, Taylor and James share their ideas for how we can have fewer unproductive and recurring disagreements while working through the healthier disagreements more effectively. Disagreements are a great time to help everyone in the family feel seen and heard, and they don't always have to be ...
Seeing Child Freedom in Action at Camp Stomping Ground - OFF027
August 13, 2018 04:30 - 50 minutes - 17.5 MBLast week James and Taylor took their kids to the sleepaway summer camp they co-founded - Camp Stomping Ground - and now they are back and full of thoughts. They talk about what it's like to be in community with 100+ kids who are all free to do basically whatever they want, what they learned about their own kids, and a lot of the child-development issues that are present themselves when you get so many kids of all different ages together in community. Are kids "lazy" when left to choose what...
Combating Ageism - OFF026
July 30, 2018 04:30 - 48 minutes - 16.7 MBOver time, we've seen various marginalized groups gain more freedom over time, but one marginalized group that is almost never discussed as marginalized is children. In this episode, James and Taylor share examples of where ageism is directed against children, and how we can try to be less ageist in our own interactions. They also talk about how we can empower our children to be confident and self-reliant even in a world that tells them that they shouldn't be.
Navigating Relationships When Parenting Styles Differ - OFF025
July 23, 2018 04:30 - 46 minutes - 16.1 MBHave you ever been in a situation where you felt pressured to parent your kids differently than your instincts tell you to, or than how you have planned? Maybe you don't have restrictions on screen time, but your friends and their kids do. Perhaps you're hanging out with friends and they discipline their kids in ways that you don't agree with. How can we navigate these situations and keep our relationships in tact? James and Taylor share how they've come to handle situations where they are s...
Supporting Our Kids' Learning Process Without Taking Over - OFF024
July 16, 2018 04:30 - 46 minutes - 16.2 MBOne of the most common concerns we hear from parents considering helping their children to become more self directed in their learning is that they wouldn't know where to begin. In this episode, Taylor and James talk about their approach to helping their children pursue their passions and learn about the things that interest them while being mindful to not take over the learning process.
BONUS with Jake Desyllas - OFFBonus1
July 11, 2018 17:36 - 1 hour - 35.6 MBAn interview with Jake Desyllas from The Voluntary Life podcast. James and Taylor explain their approach to peaceful parenting and unschooling. We had a great discussion about questioning the concept of self-directed learning, and many other interesting topics.
The Difference Between Consequences and Punishment - OFF023
July 09, 2018 04:30 - 39 minutes - 13.6 MBAs peaceful parents, we hope to avoid punishing our kids in order to "teach them a lesson." But what about times where we simply have to intervene in order to keep our kids and others safe? Will our kids learn to respect others if we try to help them learn without punishments? What are some ways we can help our kids see how their behavior is affecting others? Join Taylor and James as they talk about their experiences helping kids through these challenging times. Resources: The Whole Bra...
What do you want to be when you grow up? - OFF022
June 27, 2018 00:48 - 39 minutes - 13.7 MBWe spend so much time asking kids what they want to be when they grow up, but what do we do to help them think more clearly about it? In this episode, James and Taylor talk about helping kids to think in an entrepreneurial way, to pursue their passions, and develop their own playbooks for improving at things they care about. They also talk about the importance of making our kids' interests more about them and less about our expectations. https://fee.org/articles/why-unschoolers-grow-...
Food Freedom?- OFF021
June 18, 2018 04:30 - 43 minutes - 15.1 MBWhat we put into our bodies is one of the most personal decisions we make each and every day. It can be tricky to figure out how to approach food with our kids when we're trying to honor their autonomy and also help support them to be healthy in the short and long term. Taylor and James talk about their own uncertainty around this and share their experiences and how they currently approach food with their family.
Is consistency in parenting overrated? - OFF020
June 11, 2018 04:30 - 36 minutes - 12.8 MB“Kids need consistency!” But must parents really have to be consistent for better parenting?
Kids and Money - OFF019
June 05, 2018 04:30 - 43 minutes - 15 MBTeaching kids about money is one of the most important things you can do for your child, as a responsible parent. In this episode, James and Taylor talks about why it is so important to give your children a firm financial education.
Making Sense of Sleep Struggles - OFF018
May 28, 2018 04:30 - 52 minutes - 18.1 MBSleep deprivation is not a joke for new parents and kids. James and Taylor give out tips and other strategies to cope with this common problem.
What we learned about traveling with kids from 8 days in England- OFF017
May 16, 2018 23:22 - 45 minutes - 15.7 MBTraveling with your kids can be extremely challenging. In this episode, James and Taylor share their story and tips during their recent trip to England.
Comparison Trap - OFF016
May 07, 2018 04:30 - 47 minutes - 16.3 MBComparison is a common approach to ascertain the performance of your child. But did you know that comparing children fuels unnecessary worry and unhealthy competitiveness in both parents and children?
The First Hour of The Day- OFF015
April 30, 2018 04:30 - 43 minutes - 15.2 MBThis episode is about steps you can take to give each day the best chance at being a success. Things you can do the night before, ongoing mindset work, and things you can do as you wake up to make each day with your kids a good one.
Toddler Troubles - OFF014
April 23, 2018 04:30 - 53 minutes - 18.7 MBDo you know what's going on inside your toddler's head? In this episode, James and Taylor discuss how they think, what triggers their behavior, and how you can help with your toddler's development. CALMS from Carrie Contey
Strategies for Changing Things when Change is Hard - OFF013
April 16, 2018 04:30 - 47 minutes - 16.5 MBParenting is rewarding, but requires hard work, especially when things change. James and Taylor talk about dealing with changes in your everyday routine and sleepless nights, as parenting can take lots of energy, emotional commitment, and patience. Links: http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/13-reasons-making-changes-1/ http://www.parenting-with-love.com/soothing-your-baby-the-calms-way/
The Screens are Alright - OFF012
April 09, 2018 04:30 - 51 minutes - 20.7 MBIs "screen time" hazardous for your child? In this episode, James and Taylor discuss how parents can make sure their children's use of computers and mobile devices can be beneficial to their growth. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freedom-learn/201803/sense-and-nonsense-about-video-game-addiction https://www.ted.com/talks/jane_mcgonigal_gaming_can_make_a_better_world https://www.ted.com/talks/jane_mcgonigal_the_game_that_can_give_you_10_extra_years_of_life https://nypost.com...
Deschooling - OFF011
April 02, 2018 04:30 - 44 minutes - 15.6 MBWhat is deschooling? It is basically the stage of self-directed learning where you're working through and trying to eradicate mainstream schooling thoughts. People refer to it as a period of time where you're working on confronting the ideas of what learning is and to let go of some ideas. Links referenced in this episode: Living Joyfully - Deschooling
Helping Siblings Coexist - OFF010
March 26, 2018 04:30 - 45 minutes - 52.5 MBWhat is it like to manage the situation with multiple children, all of whom we hope to care for and love equally, and who sometimes appear to have needs that are in conflict with one another, or who are sometimes the source of each other's distress? It is possible to help siblings coexist as peacefully as possible. Pam Laricchia's speech, "A Family of Individuals" Siblings Without Rivalry
How Do We Raise Good People - OFF009
March 19, 2018 04:30 - 47 minutes - 16.3 MBAnother question from our listeners this week! It revolves around how we use our positions as parents to help our children be better people Can we influence this, and if we can, what are the best ways to do that? Do our kids already come into this world good? Theresa Graham Brett's website Article from the Guardian on Why people donate Alfie Kohn's Punished by Rewards Nancy Willard's bullying website
Kids Learn Through Making Decisions - OFF008
March 12, 2018 04:30 - 55 minutes - 19.3 MBHow do we balance letting children guide their own habits and activities versus intervening in their diet, activities, and habits in an effort to mitigate developing unhealthy habits? This is a question we received from Bobby H. in the Pax Libertas Productions Fan Group and we loved this question, so here we go! This is a struggle for all parents, of course. Trust is a major key in this, and that is tough for people first moving into peaceful parenting. It's a cultural norm to not trust ch...
Creating Better Connections - OFF007
March 05, 2018 05:30 - 53 minutes - 30.9 MBWhat are our real goals in all of our connections with our kids? We dive into what we really focus on with each interaction with our kids. How can we build a stronger connection to our kids? Will this next decision deepen our connection with our child or will it chip away at that connection? This is a lens we try to look through during our interactions.