MM226 - Accepting Thanks vs Asking for Handouts

There is a big difference between allowing someone to say “thank you” and asking or expecting handouts. We should be gracious when people want to say thanks but guard against the arrogance of demanding or expecting thanks.

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*Alex*

Welcome to Morning Mindset. A daily dose of practical wit and wisdom with a professional educator & trainer, Amazon best selling author, United States Marine, Television, and Radio host, Paul G. Markel. Each episode will focus on positive and productive ways to strengthen your mindset and help you improve your relationships, career goals, and overall well-being. Please welcome your host; Paul G. Markel.

*Professor Paul*

Hello and welcome back to another Morning Mindset podcast. I am still your host Paul Markel, and I truly appreciate you taking the time out of your day to spend just a little bit of time with me, maybe 10 minutes or so and think about well productivity and positivity and motivation and so on and so forth It's the morning mindset show. If you've been with us for a while, you may remember an episode that I did about letting people thank you.

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A long time ago, when I was a very new police officer, I hadn't even finished the police academy yet. I was doing my ride-along time with the chief of police and one of the things one of the pieces of advice that he gave me is he said. Let people thank you we're talking about and if you remember the episode was talking about a cup of coffee how the chief would go into the Kwik-E-Mart or whatever. The place was called the Stop-and-Go or whatever and he would pour a cup of coffee and he'd walk up to the counter and he'd set it on there and he'd set a dollar down on the counter and the lady would say "Sorry, register's broken. Can't take your money. Catch me later" or what have you.

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Or something similar to that and he with a dollar back in his pocket and he said, "You know people will tell you, as you become a police officer, the academy they talk about morals and gifts and so forth and whether or not you know, they'll tell you never allow take anything for free or never take a discount because if you do it's a violation of the code and so forth." He said "That's nice on paper, but the fact the matter is you will encounter people like the woman who runs the Kwik-E-Mart that want to thank you. They want to say thanks to you somehow, and they want to thank you in their own way." Now you wouldn't want them buying you presents, right?

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You don't want them to give you gifts, that would be silly. But how can they thank you? He said "That cup of coffee is a thank you. That is a way of them telling me 'thank you'." He says "Now I could follow the letter of the law or I could be, you know, a hard-ass and I could say 'Oh no, you will take my money. I will not accept anything free', you know or whatever." He said "I could do that, but what did I just do? I just heard that person's feelings. I just told them that their thanks weren't good enough, and whether you put it in those words or not, what you do if you hurt their feelings and you would alienate them."

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You just made them, if not an enemy, at least somebody that doesn't care or is going to stop caring. The way the chief put it to me, he said "How do you think we find out what's going on? We're a very tiny, small Police Department. We can't be everywhere all the time. Just how do you think we find out who it is that's been hanging out behind the alleys who all of a sudden is flush with cash because they stole stuff and pawned it? You know, just how do we find that out? You should we find it out because the locals, the citizens, the business owners, they tell us 'Hey, you know, I know you guys are having a string of car burglaries or break-ins and these four teenagers have been hanging out in the Municipal parking lot" or what have you.

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He said "That's how you find things out. You've got enough enemies on your job, you don't need to create enemies by hurting people's feelings on purpose." So that was the 'Let people thank you' part of the story. Here is the problem that we run into, or at least that I see with people who are either veterans or police officers or public servants or this or that or what have you when it comes to be expected. For instance my chief, he never walked into the Quickie Mart with no money, just assuming that he was going to get the coffee for free.

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Later on, in my career, I was in a similar situation where I would go into a local restaurant where you know, I worked and the owner of being like, "Oh it's on the house today" or whatever. I say "Look I can't just take free meals all the time, it's going to look bad." She's like "Well, I'm the owner and I can charge whatever I want" and I said, "Alright, well charge me whatever you want." She said it's a dollar, or two dollars or whatever, but I didn't go in there expecting a handout. I didn't go in there expecting something for free. There is a difference between allowing people to express their thanks to you, and expecting a handout, expecting a discount.

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Part of the problem or part of the impetus for this in the United States of America at least as far as public servants and Veterans and all that goes back to 9/11, you know after the terrorist attacks of 9/11 all of a sudden police officers and firefighters and emergency responders and military personnel, all of a sudden they were good people, all of a sudden we cared about them. As a nation up to that point most people were pretty much, you know, lukewarm to police officers or firefighters or first responders or whatever, and so what did we as a nation do businesses big and small car dealerships and restaurants and Disney World and all these other businesses, started doing Special bonuses and discounts for firefighters and emergency personnel and Veterans and active duty military.

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All this because they wanted to say thank you, that was their way of saying thank you. Of course, it's a marketing tool too, don't get me wrong. I understand that but then we developed a generation who believed a generation of first responders, firemen, veterans and so forth that believe that because of their status then they were owed. They get discounts and free stuff and so forth, and rather than waiting and I see this all the time, and it really irks me, rather than waiting for someone to offer a discount or what have you they go in they go into the situation expecting it asking for it almost demanding it.

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Actually, I've heard people demand it. A good friend of mine used to work at casinos, and he worked in nightclubs and so forth and he would tell me stories about these early twenty-somethings, fresh out of basic training. Sailors and Airmen and so forth, showing up at the club demanding their servicemen's discount to get in, not asking if there was one, but expecting it. Because they grew up or they've been educated to believe that because now they do a certain job. Then things should be cheap or free for them.

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Ladies and gentlemen, on one hand, you need to whatever profession you're in, whatever you do. You need to allow people to thank you when people want to thank you. You need to learn to be gracious and you need to accept it, and it's just as good or just as important to be able to be a gracious person and receive thanks or to appreciate things as it is to give thanks, I believe but there's also, you know, another side of that coin and that is when people go out expecting or demanding discounts and freebies and handouts.

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There's a big difference between Thanks & Handouts, and we need to understand that and you know, maybe you're listening. You're like "Paul I get it, I totally get it, I understand that." Yeah, but I bet you there's somebody in your life and some of that your encounter you're going to encounter maybe this week or next week or next month who doesn't quite get that and it makes it makes it look. Looks bad on all of us, whether you're a police officer or fireman, veteran, you know a current military member, whatever.

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It makes you look bad when people that are in the same boat or on the same team as you go out demanding free stuff for demanding discounts from businesses because they believe that they're owed that it's a slippery slope and I thought I would address it because I see it all the time and I've been there done that and gotten the T-shirt. Alright, ladies and gentlemen, that's all I've got for you today, and I thank you for being a part of the morning mindset audience. If you'd like to pick up a copy of the book a signed copy Morning Mindset: a 30 Day Plan for a More Positive and Productive Life, go to our website that is MorningMindsetPodcast.com pretty simple, or you can just go over to Amazon.com and you can get a paperback or a Kindle edition. I am your host Paul Markel and I will talk to you again real soon.

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*Alex*

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