E07 - Living the Dream with Merrilee Boyack

Commit to your marriage as the #1 most important intimate relationship in your life.

That’s right - your relationship with your spouse is even more important than your relationship with your kids! In the end, your kids will leave the nest, choose their own eternal partners, and be committed to creating their own eternal marriages (hopefully). Act in a way that demonstrates the importance of this relationship to you.

Of the many roles that Merrilee has had in her life - author, mother, lawyer, motivational speaker, life coach - the most important one to her will always be that of “wife.”

Date night is sacred time.

Think of the person that you were 10 years ago. Do you have the same interests? Do you believe the same things? Have you learned new hobbies? Don’t stop getting to know your spouse. They are not going to be the same person that you married forever.

Heavenly Father asks us for at least three hours a week to worship him. Do the same thing for your marriage. Commit to date night like you commit to going to church every Sunday!

Leave the kids with a babysitter and don’t allow more than 50% of the conversation to revolve around the family. Mix it up, get creative and have fun with each other. Keep getting to know each other. This will protect you from waking up one morning and thinking, “Who is this person that I’m married to?”

Remember, an outing with kids is a family gathering, not a date. Talking about the kids the whole time is a family planning meeting, not a date.

Don’t take your spouse’s name in vain.

How often do you complain about your spouse to your friends or family? This has sadly become a cultural norm. We often don’t think twice when we hear someone poke a jab at their husband in relief society, or jokingly complain about their wife during guys night.  

You must protect your spouse’s name. Do not speak poorly of them to others, especially to family and friends. Create a safe space for them to be deeply vulnerable with you without the fear that their weaknesses, mistakes or shortcomings will be spread to others. Give your spouse the gift of knowing they can trust you with their whole self.

Quit trying to “fix” your spouse by demanding they be like you.

“Perfect” in a gospel sense simply means, “whole.”

You are truly one with your spouse when you both bring your strengths and weaknesses to the table. Often times, your strengths will align with their weaknesses and vice versa. Celebrate what you both bring separately to the table and support each other as you help one another learn and grow.

Neither of you are perfect. Acknowledge your differences. Allow the beautiful power of the Atonement to make up for the rest. That is when you become truly whole.

The “Treat as if…” principle.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “fake it til you make it?” There is power in committing to an outcome and than doing everything in your power to make that outcome a reality. If you want to be confident, act confident! Eventually it will become who you are.

It is the same with your spouse. If you treat your spouse like they are lazy, stupid, or inconsiderate, that is what they will become. If you want them to be more patient, treat them like they are already patient. If you want them to be more loving and caring, treat them as such! Treat your spouse according to their potential. You will get what you are looking for.

These are just a few simple things that can help your marriage become truly Celestial.

A heavenly marriage doesn’t happen by accident! It is intentionally created.