Ep 63 Comedian Zahra Noorbakhsh

“I want to perform for 10,000 people”: Feminist Muslim Iranian-American comedian and podcaster Zahra Noorbakhsh on how aging has changed the way she approaches her comedy, the insidiousness of confirmation bias, and an endorsement for mental math.

The post Ep 63 Comedian Zahra Noorbakhsh appeared first on Midlife Mixtape .

“I want to perform for 10,000 people”: Feminist Muslim Iranian-American comedian and podcaster Zahra Noorbakhsh on how aging has changed the way she approaches her comedy, the insidiousness of confirmation bias, and an endorsement for mental math.

Zahra’s website
GoodMuslimBadMuslim podcast
6 Things All Immigrant Kids Experience – video

Zahra on figuring out at age 11 how to guarantee her passage to Heaven…

Thanks as always to M. The Heir Apparent, who provides the music behind the podcast – check him out here! him out here! ***This is a rough transcription of Episode 63 of the Midlife Mixtape Podcast. It originally aired on September 24, 2019. Transcripts are created using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and there may be errors in this transcription, but we hope that it provides helpful insight into the conversation. If you have any questions or need clarification, please email [email protected] ***

Zahra Noorbakhsh 00:00

Stand-up comedy, when you write a joke, it really relies on you understanding who is the underdog, you know. And when you don’t understand that? That’s when it turns into bullying.

00:10

Welcome to Midlife Mixtape, The Podcast. I’m Nancy Davis Kho and we’re here to talk about the years between being hip and breaking one.

 [THEME MUSIC – “Be Free” by M. The Heir Apparent]

Nancy 00:35

This week’s episode is sponsored by Punkpost. Punkpost: that’s punk like punk music, post like post office. Punkpost sends beautifully handwritten cards mailed by artists for you. Customers from anywhere in the world can place orders via the Punkpost iOS app or website. In the amount of time it takes to send a text, you pick a card, you type your message, you can add fun extras like confetti, and then you tell them where to send it. Then one of Punkpost’s 100+ US based handwriting artists get to work turning a typed message into a custom handwritten design on the card of your choosing and has it in the mail within 24 hours.

Punkpost has more than 300 card designs, from funny birthday cards to encouragement cards. I have some friends on the East Coast who are going through some stuff this year. And I’ve been sending them cards through Punkpost. And I just love seeing what the final result is… they send you, the sender, a picture of what they’re sending out to your friends and family. And it’s so awesome. So, check Punkpost to see how easy and fun sending mail from your phone or computer can be. And when you download the app for your iPhone, the first card is free. After that they start at $7. I figure a nice card is $5.50 and then you throw a stamp on top of it…you’re barely spending a penny more for the Punkpost option. Visit www.punkpost.com today, or search for Punkpost in the App Store to get started.

 [MUSIC]

Nancy Davis Kho 02:02

Hey you guys. It’s me, Nancy. And I want to thank you so much for joining me on today’s episode of The Midlife Mixtape Podcast as we stand here on the cusp of pumpkin everything season. I am recording this the day before we drive to drop our youngest daughter off at her freshman year of college. So, know that while you are listening to this, I am now either walking mournfully through my house or gleefully, not driving carpool or planning a dinner menu. I’m expecting it to be up and down. I don’t know how it’s going to go to have an empty nest. I actually wrote a piece over on www.midlifemixtape.com  last week about what my husband of 27 years and I are expected to do now that we’ve been left to our own devices for the first time since becoming parents 21 years ago. If you’re curious to see pictures of mid 90s era Nancy and Andrew, back when I rocked an Ode to Winona pixie cut and carried a Filofax, head on over to midlifemixtape.com and look for a post called, “Has Anyone Seen These Kids?”

I also wanted to let you know that my schedule of events and appearances in support of my book, The Thank-You Project: Cultivating Happiness One Letter of Gratitude at a Time is now up at www.daviskho.com. Check it out. And hopefully I’ll see you at some of those…the list of events is filling up but I’m actively looking for conferences or organizations or groups that might want to have me come in and talk about gratitude letters and gratitude in 2020 and beyond. So, if you have any ideas for that please get in touch and let me know at [email protected].

Today’s guest is Zahra Noorbakhsh. Zahra is a feminist Muslim, Iranian American comedian, and co-host of the award-winning podcast #GoodMuslimBadMuslim. The podcast was listed as a “must listen” by Oprah Magazine, and Zahra and her co-host Taz Ahmed were invited by the Obama White House to record an episode there. Zahra is a senior fellow on Comedy for Social Change with the Pop Culture Collaborative. In addition to her two sold out performances of her stand-up comedy special, On Behalf of All Muslims at the Golden Thread Theatre in San Francisco, her solo performance of All Atheists Are Muslim, a romantic comedy, was originally directed by CNNs W. Kamau Bell. Zahra’s writing has been featured in the New York Times and she’s appeared on NPR’s Fresh Air with Terry Gross. So, let’s head into the green room with Zahra.

[MUSIC]

 Welcome to the Midlife Mixtape Podcast, Zahra Noorbakhsh. Thank you so much for being here today.

Zahra Noorbakhsh 04:20

Thank you for having me.

Nancy 04:21

You know the first question we always ask on this podcast. What was your first concert and what were the circumstances?

Zahra 04:27

My first concert was when I was 22. It was the Pixies at the Greek in Berkeley.

Nancy 04:34

That’s a nice place to see a show. What did you think? A lot of us have seen shows earlier than that. So, did you have a preconceived notion of how it was going to go? Did it live up to what you were envisioning?

Zahra 04:49

It was so beautiful because I mean, it’s the Greek so it’s just…

Nancy 04:53

Well, you’ve got to describe it to people who have never been there.

Zahra 04:56

The Greek Theatre is this outdoor arena and it’s built like a Greek theater so that the acoustics are made so it just sounds gorgeous. It has like Hollywood Bowl Acoustics, like, it’s beautiful. And there’s grass and concrete benches.

Nancy 05:12

Both kinds of grass.

Zahra 05:13

Yeah.

Nancy 05:14

For pretty much every show you’re going to see there. It is in Berkeley after all.

Zahra 05:18

Totally. And it was the classic, like, people were passing blunts and I was there with a date. It was also my second date in my life. Basically, what happened was I didn’t have any concerts or boyfriends growing up and then I went to college and moved out of the house. And you know, second date, I’m at a concert, smoking weed, chilling.

Nancy 05:46

It was all happening there.

Zahra 05:48

Took a while but I got it. 22.

Nancy 05:52

Checking all the boxes on one night.

Zahra 05:54

Yeah, I haven’t been to that many concerts because of that. Like, I’ve been to like five concerts in my life.

Nancy 06:01

That was probably not something your parents were super psyched to let you do.

Zahra 06:05

No, I mean, for one thing, when we like were growing up they were super strict because they thought that they were going to move back to Iran. And I didn’t know this. But the reason why they raised us so strict is because they didn’t want it to be a culture shock.

Nancy 06:20

Oh, interesting. When did you find out that that was their motivation?

Zahra 06:23

Oh, when I was an adult. I was asking them about it for the development of the show. And they were like, yeah, that was the reason why. I was like, what? Because then when I was 14, is when we actually went to Iran to visit and my parents decided that we were going to stay in the United States. And my dad, I remember, just coming to my room being like, “So we’re gonna stay. Watch VH1 and catch up.”

Nancy 06:54

He did not.

Zahra 06:55

Yeah, it was like, wait, what? And then he was like, “Why aren’t you assimilating faster?” Hold on, man.

Nancy 07:05

I saw a clip of you with some other comedians… I don’t know if they were all comedians, but it was on the AJ+ channel on YouTube about things that all children of immigrants have heard. In fact, I’ll link to it from the show notes. But there’s the one guy who says it’s, “Don’t date, don’t date, don’t date,” and then “Why aren’t you married?”

Zahra 07:23

A lot of it was them wanting me to fit in and excel in whatever adult life I would end up having.

Nancy 07:34

But they weren’t sure what that was going to be till you were 14.

Zahra 07:37

And it’s so funny. Because you know, you don’t know.

Nancy 07:41

Right.

Zahra 07:42

It cracks me up to think about them a lot, them raising me when I was a little kid. Because now, of course, I’m older than they were when they had me. And I’m just like, “Man, you guys were just kids. You had no idea what you were doing.”

Nancy 07:56

You know, that’s the dirty secret of parenthood. You never know. Every single day is the first time you have parented a child that age. That’s the truth of it.

So, I have to say that you and I met under the funniest circumstances because we were both at a fundraiser for LitCamp, which is this great juried writing conference here in the Bay Area. And you were the emcee of an event. It was like a live auction, right? You were the emcee that night. And you had to auction me off. Do you remember that?

Zahra 08:24

Yeah.

Nancy 08:25

It was a very weird kind of, “I’ll stand up here while people make bids of money for me” and the prize was that they were going to be able to go to a concert with me and I would feature them on the blog. Because I often write concert reviews on Midlifemixtape.com, and it’s kind of concert reviews aimed at older concert goers. And do you know that the winner never contacted me to go to a show? And I was like, ha, did you not want to go?

Zahra 08:51

What?

Nancy 08:52

What do you think that means? They were like, let’s put Zahra and Nancy out of their misery. Somebody bids Somebody. So, this can end.

Zahra 09:01

Man, I would have gone.

Nancy 09:02

I’ll take you. You know what? I still feel pretty bad that I never taken anyone to a concert. I’m gonna take you to a concert. Put it on your calendar.

Zahra 09:09

Take me. It’ll be my sixth one.

Nancy 09:11

Oh, my God. Okay. Gauntlet is thrown. We are doing that.

Zahra 09:17

I gotta do this.

Nancy 09:18

But first we have to make time because this goes straight into my first question.

You are a very busy woman. You do a live tour with your comedy act. You have a podcast, which we’re going to get deep into a little bit later, that’s #GoodMuslimBadMuslim Podcast. You’re writing. And of course, you’re answering all the questions that might arise for someone who identifies as a bisexual Muslim married to a hetero cisgender white atheist man. And I would guess that even answering just your parents’ questions would be a full-time job. Am I right?

Zahra 09:49

Pretty much. Yeah.

Nancy 09:50

So, you are doing all the things. But one of the things that I’ve been so lucky to witness is your live comedy act and I have a question. But I have to give us just a little bit of a setup if you if you bear with me for a second. So, I started this podcast in May 2017. One of my very first guests was Karinda Dobbins. Do you know Karinda Dobbins? She’s an Oakland comedian.

Zahra 10:13

Yes.

Nancy 10:14

So Karinda, who is Black and she’s a lesbian, and we talked in that interview about the fact that comedy was an important tool of resistance. It is a way to open people’s minds in a way that is a little bit sneaky. You know, you kind of use comedy to find the commonality. And this is May 2017. And we were like, yeah, a comedy might hold us together.

And this far into 2019, I’m not sure if we were right. And so I came across an op-ed you wrote for the New York Times and you wrote, “The idea that jokes will stop the tide of fear, hate and misunderstanding about people who practice Islam is seductive. As a comedian now, I’m not convinced. We’ve tried this before.”

So, the question is, now that I’ve given that long and ambling precursor, is you tried it in your show, All Atheists Are Muslim and you said it didn’t work. How? Tell me what was the motivation behind putting that show together and what you were trying to do and what you learned from doing it?

Zahra 11:12

It’s a little thing called confirmation bias. People come in with preconceived notions. They come in with things that they want to see proven or disproven. And really, truthfully, comedy, the reason why we love it so much, is that it reminds us of the things that we already know to be true. When we have a punch line, it’s delivering for you a surprise that brings you a relief from tension. And the reason why we love comedy so much is that relief, right? And it’s like, oh, there’s so much in the world I don’t understand. Oh, no, wait, I actually do understand.

So what would happen is I would perform my show, All Atheists Are Muslim, which is a romantic comedy about me moving in with my atheist infidel whitey white barista English major boyfriend, and telling my Iranian Muslim parents about it. You know, while I sort of wrestle with the fact that I don’t know how Muslim I am. It’s this thing that I’m struggling with in college in the show and what would end up happening is folks would watch it.

And then the people who believe that there are bad Muslims in the world that we need to fight against would come up to me and say, “well, you’re one of the good ones.” And I would just get relegated to a category of Muslim that they’re not concerned with, but it didn’t change their prejudices.

Nancy 12:31

Right.

Zahra 12:32

And that’s part of why we started the podcast, #GoodMuslimBadMuslim, because what we saw was that there’s really no winning that, like, everyone has a sort of clip art in their mind of what a Muslim looks like. And if you fit that stereotype, then of course, you know, like my mother did in the 1980s, wearing hijab, you’re up against all kinds of violent questions and hatred, and sometimes hate crimes. And if you don’t, you pass, and it doesn’t come up until it comes up. And then you have to answer a million questions on behalf of all of your people.

Nancy 13:07

Which is, of course, the title of the show you’ve done most recently called On Behalf of all Muslims. And first of all, it was a fantastic show. I took my 21-year-old daughter with me in June. We got to see this live. And I believe there are clips coming out from this, that’ll be available on the internet. And hopefully, we’ll get to see the full show somewhere soon. But if the clips are available by the time the episode airs, I’m going to link to those. But it was a really hilarious, sold out crowd, great night kind of a show. So obviously, On Behalf of All Muslims, as a title is meant tongue in cheek. Was that the goal with this?

Zahra 13:44

Yeah, I mean, the goal was that no one would ever use it again.

You know, I really struggled with this way that within Planet Islam, you know, whoever gets bunched up into this community of Muslims that supposedly exists because I mean, when you have 1.8 billion people, it’s no longer a community.

You know, when I think of community, it’s like, you know, maybe hundreds, thousands, not billions, that’s just populations. I struggle with this blanketing statement that the plural noun “Muslims” makes. You know, to me, it’s almost as arbitrary as if somebody was like, “all skateboarders”, you know, which is still not 1.8 billion people. The goal was to kind of shed a light on how ludicrous it is to identify folks by their faith, because our engagement with that is so private and so subjective and it’s influenced by your environment, your family, your political environment, your internal politics. Why would you identify people and categorize them by their faith? It’s so personal that if I’m going to be categorized there’s all these other ways to identify me.

Nancy 15:05

Pundits on the airwaves are all, well, as the person who’s had a tiny slice of experience, let me explain the rest of the planet to you.

Zahra 15:13

Yeah, and I think now we’re kind of seeing some white male comics take that on for the first time in a long time, I think maybe ever. You know, guys are on stage commenting about #MeToo or about being a white guy and how that feels right now. You know, you have comedians like Nate Bargatze, doing this great work, bringing that in, which I love. And otherwise, for the most part, no, they get to just blather on as an authority on behalf of everyone.

Nancy 15:43

Well, first of all, I have to say you are very early on the funnel end of midlife, I don’t want you to get any kind of a complex. I mean, I’m almost grandfathering you to this thing.

But I also do say like, hey, if we live to be 100, then 33 to 66, that’s midlife. So that’s how I catch. When somebody who’s young, and I want them on the show, I’m like, well, they’re over 33, it’s fine. You’re just barely.

But I’m wondering if you think that being a little bit more seasoned changes the way you approach writing your shows or writing your pieces or the podcast…Live comedy as a medium relies so much on audience reaction. And yet, a lot of the people I talked to on this show feel that as they’re getting older, they have a thicker skin. So I wonder how that changes the way you decide what to write, what to keep in, what to edit out, you know, sort of the instinctive way that we take in other people’s reactions to our work? As you get older, you tend not to care so much. So how does that change the way you approach writing comedy?

Zahra 16:45

Oh, yeah, definitely different.

Nancy 16:48

In what way?

Zahra 16:49

For example, my show, All Atheists Are Muslim, I wrote when I was still in my late 20s. And I really struggled with my relationship with my mom at that time. I didn’t think she was very smart, I thought that I was much stronger than her and much smarter than her. And it wasn’t until I was like, 34 years old when we traveled together, that I was like, oh, I don’t know shit. In the show, I went back through my life to see, what are all these other points in my life where my mom showed me up, but I didn’t see it. And I had this perception of her as being weak. And it wasn’t because of any way that she was treated at home. It was because when we were out in the world, racism never stopped. And sexism never stopped. And I blamed her for that. Because I thought, well, if you’re strong enough, and if you’re smart enough, then you should be able to answer these questions and not keep getting them.

And for me, as a kid, growing up, I always identified with my dad. I thought he was stronger because he didn’t get treated the same way. And it really wasn’t until my early 30s, that I understood the difference between intersectional feminism and second wave feminism. And that really shifted my joke writing.

Nancy 18:10

Was that a conversation you ever had with her? I don’t mean to delve into your psyche quite so deeply. But because I think all of us our relationships with our mothers continues to evolve.

Zahra 18:22

Stand-up comedy, when you write a joke, it really relies on you understanding who is the underdog, and when you don’t understand that, that’s when it turns into bullying. So, then we get jokes that are about our parent’s accents, right? Which is like a lot of the kind of material that I did when I was younger and when I was newer in comedy, because it’s an easy laugh. It’s a quick laugh. A lot of people think an accent sounds funny because that’s how we’re primed.

And it wasn’t until later in life, when I realized the amount of work that my mom is doing, that my dad is doing in relationship to the world in their attempt to raise me, that I realize just how deep their underdogness goes. And the amount of resistance up against them.

Nancy 19:08

Yeah, and that changes the stories you tell.

Zahra 19:10

Completely. The adversarial relationship up against them as they’re just trying to raise their kid is so much and then it’s so much funnier. And it’s so much more fun. And that’s how so many of the unique stories came out of the show. And a lot of that happened because I took the comedy special out of the bar scene and workshopped it in theater spaces and also at an Islamic Center for one year and in theater spaces for two years with curated audiences, just trying to get at, you know, how to depict the underdog nature of my parents and their upbringing of me.

Nancy 19:48

The show was produced by a theatre company that seeks to elevate voices of Muslim performers, right?

Zahra 19:56

Golden Thread Productions seeks to uplift the voices of Middle Eastern, North African, and also Muslim performers and artists.

Nancy 20:04

Which makes a very different feedback loop than drunk guy at the bar yelling stuff out.

Zahra 20:09

Yeah, even they’re working with Golden Thread, we did a lot of community outreach because I didn’t want any singular demographic to dominate the audience. I really wanted an audience that disagreed with each other, that lived different lived experiences, that was demographically diverse by income bracket, by age, and not just by background.

Nancy 20:29

And to find the universal humor that goes across an audience that diverse, that’s really challenging. And you nailed it. I mean, what was the feedback you got from the show? You did two back-to-back nights in June in San Francisco, what did you hear from people?

Zahra 20:42

Oh, it was extraordinary. It was just life changing. So transformative. I mean, I got such gorgeous feedback from my family members. My whole family came to see it. I called my diaspora cousins, you know, the aunties and uncles I grew up with in Irvine came to come see it. My in laws came and saw it.

Nancy 21:03

How did they like the story about waxing your husband? The whole family got into it. I asked my daughter what was the most memorable and she’s like, oh, yeah, the family waxing tale. That was good.

Zahra 21:17

That was so fun.

Nancy 21:18

Oh, my God.

Zahra 21:19

I got so many responses from folks about the siblings bit.

There were a lot of people that connected with the relationship of being the oldest in the family versus being the middle kid versus being the youngest. And then of course, there were single kid families who were like, “sharing what’s that like?”

Nancy 21:37

Yeah, that’s what the cousins are for. I think you can still emulate that really awful requirement to share with your siblings if your parents throw you at your cousins enough times.

Zahra 21:47

It’s so funny too because like when you have the very symmetrical families, right? The two kid, two parent household. It’s like then that’s the other time where folks were like, I don’t understand what the big deal is, is like your turn then my turn then my turn then your turn then your turn then my turn then your turn. It’s like, No. It’s really not that, when you throw in one more kid.

Nancy 22:08

See how easy it is. So, one of the ways that I’ve gotten to know your thoughts, not to be creepy, that came off as much more stalker than I meant. What I was going to say is I love your podcast, #GoodMuslimBadMuslim. So, this is a monthly podcast about the good and bad of the American Muslim female experience. And just let me give a recent title of one of the episodes which killed me, “Intermittent Fasting is Just Off-Season Ramadan.” You and your co-host Taz Ahmed riff on stuff. But you’ve done it from some amazing places. You’ve broadcast from the freaking White House when the Obamas still lived there. What was that like?

Zahra 22:46

Yeah, the Good White House. That was amazing. Everything you think about what it’s like to be in the presence of Obama is true. He just melts you. He’s just so charismatic.

Nancy 23:00

Were you raptured? And then you had to come back down, come back down to …

Zahra 23:03

Oh my God. Just even walking outside it’s just like, wait, there was a warm blanket in there.

Nancy 23:09

Oh, it was my president.

Zahra 23:12

Yeah, my co-host Taz, she won a White House Champion of Change award.

Nancy 23:17

Awesome. And then you guys got invited to stick around and just do a little podcast episode before he left 1600 Pennsylvania.

Zahra 23:26

That’s right.

Nancy 23:27

That’s awesome. Who are you thinking of when you’re recording that? Who are you hoping is listening?

Zahra 23:32

I think we both do it kind of for ourselves. Like, I know, for me, when I’m in there, I’m really thinking about Taz as my audience and talking to her. And that’s when a lot of the fun happens is because, you know, I’ll say something and then she’ll just agree with me before I even finished the sentence. But in my head, I can feel that there’s this other audience out there listening, that’s like, I don’t know what you’re talking about. And I like any kind of engagement, as you probably have guessed by now, where the audience becomes visualized. I don’t like a faceless crowd. I like highlighting my crowd based off of how I’m experiencing them, what they think and what I’m worried that they think or am wondering, you know.

So, for me, it’s really fun when I say something and then she immediately agrees. And then I all of a sudden realize, well, there’s this whole other group of folks that I’m trying to talk to here that I don’t think agree with me. You know, and then I get to talk about that. And, of course, you know, myself when I was younger, [singing] I wish I knew what I know now.

Nancy 24:40

I’m snapping. But I mean, back to that point you make about On Behalf of All Muslims, you and Taz have different lived experiences and even just between the two of you talking about whatever the issue is, I’ve gained a lot just hearing her say, “Well, that was different for me growing up” and you say, “Well, here’s how it was for me” and I think it’s a really helpful conversation for people to tune into.

Zahra 25:04

Thank you. We have a good time.

Nancy 25:06

How do you guys decide what you’re going to talk about?

Zahra 25:08

So, we used to try to agenda way in advance because we’re a monthly podcast. And actually, we’re looking for a network home if you are out there listening and interested.

Nancy 25:19

Oh, network homes, come on…

Zahra 25:20

We’re interested in going weekly, bimonthly. Right now, we’re a DIY Podcast, you know, independent podcast, we’re with a Potluck Collective and it’s a collection of independent podcasts. We used to agenda way in advance and then the news would happen. Because, you know, news with Muslimness has a pretty high turnover. Day by day it’s different. So now we really just put the hashtag out there, we say, what should we talk about on our Twitter feeds and on our social media.

And then three hours before we record, we gather the results and look at what folks are thinking about. But ultimately, we think about what we’re thinking about. What’s really on our minds? We have to wait for as long as we can before recording because so much of the news changes.

Nancy 26:10

Well, I really encourage you guys to check it out. I think it’s a valuable and very entertaining way to share a viewpoint that you may not be super familiar with. So, I recommend it.

Zahra 26:21

Thank you.

Nancy 26:22

You’re welcome. So I mentioned that you are in the very early days of your midlife phase, I’m wondering if there’s any part of getting into your 30s and 40s -you’re not quite 40 yet – but getting to this phase of life that you consider a relief? Because sometimes it’s nice to let stuff go from your 20s. So, are there any parts of being in the middle phase that you’re like, yes, I’ve been waiting to get here?

Zahra 26:44

You know I’m much stronger than when I was younger?

Nancy 26:46

Physically?

Zahra 26:47

Physically.

Nancy 26:48

What’s your secret?

Zahra 26:49

Pilates.

Nancy 26:50

Alright.

Zahra 26:53

Pilates. You know, what I did that I wish I had done when I was younger? I feel like I’m gonna get so many people coming at me on this. I took all the money that I had spent on therapy. And I said then before I ever get a therapist again, I’m going to get a personal trainer, I’m going to take a class, I’m going to take a writing class, I’m going to get a writing coach, whatever it is that I’m too depressed to accomplish, I’m going to get a coach in that before I get a therapist.

Nancy 27:23

I don’t think people should come at Zahra for that by the way. I think you got to try all the modalities, whatever works, works. Don’t come after her, please.

Zahra 27:30

I mean, you can because my opinions are facts and I know I’m right. But one thing that I am also without now as a 39-year-old woman is half my thyroid.

Nancy 27:45

Oh, that’s right.

Zahra 27:46

Half of my thyroid is gone. I had a precancerous nodule in my thyroid that I got taken out and I’m okay now. But it was giving me so many like internal, you know, warring monologues that I really struggled with. And I didn’t realize that it was just all in my head. You know what I mean? I was just constantly looking for something to assign my anxiety to. And when I realized it was just my thyroid, it was like, oh, there doesn’t have to be a story to it. It’s just jitters.

Nancy 28:13

There’s a physical…

Zahra 28:14

And when I would go into therapy, then it was like, well, what’s the story? What’s the narrative? And then it was a lot of spending time on that narrative that I could have actually done without and like, gotten stuff done and felt really good.

Nancy 28:28

Okay. I’ll grant you all of that. But I would also say you probably have learned some deep stuff about yourself that maybe has helped you in different ways.

So, I don’t want anybody to ever feel regret. Because we do the best we can with the information we have at the time.

Zahra 28:44

I totally agree.

Nancy 28:45

And the whole world is so hard on us. Why pick on ourselves?

Zahra 28:48

Why the second arrow? Life gives us arrows. Why the second arrow? We don’t need to shoot ourselves.

Nancy 28:52

I think the message is Zahra’s abs are rock hard. When you see her do a live show, just know she’s got a six-pack happening there.

 Zahra 29:00

It’s pretty awesome.

Nancy 29:01

We’ll wrap it up with one last question. What one piece of advice do you have for people younger than you? Or do you wish you could go back and tell yourself?

Zahra 29:11

Don’t go to therapy?

Nancy 29:13

Yeah, well, we just talked about that.

Zahra 29:17

I have so many pieces of advice. Oh my God, what can I say?

Nancy 29:22

Keep going. What else you got? Please. Lay them on us.

Zahra 29:24

If you’re getting into comedy, take as many classes as you can that are skill building outside of stand-up comedy and stand-up comedy spaces. Take improv classes, music classes, singing lessons, do them even if you don’t plan to sing because it is so good for your voice especially when you’re on stage and you want to have mic control.

Anything you can take a class in that is around performance, do it, take it. Writing classes, take it. Do it. Now I sound like, what’s that Daft Punk song? [singing] “Harder, better, stronger, faster.” You know what else no one ever talks about that you should never stop doing?

Nancy 30:00

What?

 Zahra 30:01

Never stop doing mental math.

Nancy 30:04

True.

Zahra 30:05

It is so important.

Nancy 30:07

How do you do it? You just sit on the bus, do math in your head, and do sums? How do you make that happen for yourself?

Zahra 30:14

Well, after you asked me this question and I wrote that down and I realized that it’s a value to me, I will be doing that.

Nancy 30:25

So, when you say advice to your younger self, you mean the you of 22 seconds ago?

Zahra 30:29

Pretty much. I haven’t really been introspective since I left therapy. I’ve just been focusing on my abs trying to get them as hard as possible.

Nancy 30:04

Oh my God, that’s pretty funny. Well, you know it all works out. Call Zahra in if you need you know, math done, anybody to do a plank, but not therapy.

Zahra 30:51

I have a goal to share for something I want to do in my lifetime.

Nancy 30:55

Please.

Zahra 30:56

I have two. One is I want to go to Antarctica.

Nancy 30:59

Okay.

Zahra 31:00

However I can get there, I want to get there before it’s all melted.

Nancy 31:03

Yeah, you better go soon.

Zahra 31:05

And the second is one day I want to perform for 10,000 people live.

Nancy 31:10

Alright. Let’s visualize that. Let’s put that intention out in the universe. Zahra is going over 10,000-person crowd. And then when that happens, will you let me know/ I’ll know because I follow you. But still, tell me.

Zahra 31:23

I mean, it’s 10,000 people and it’s in Berkeley, like…

Nancy 31:26

Okay. I’ll be one of them. That’ll be easy.

Zahra 31:28

The Zellerbach Theater holds 10,000 people.

Nancy 31:30

No way.

Zahra 31:32

Should I look it up right now? How many people fit in the Zellerbach Theater?

Nancy 31:34

That does not seem that big.

Zahra 31:36

Oh, you’re right. I’m high. It’s only 1900. First, I need to find a place.

Nancy 31:44

Nineteen hundred? You’ve got to work on your mental math, Zahra. Come on, man.

Zahra 31:49

I’ve been on 22 seconds of mental math.

Nancy 31:54

Give me a little time. I love those goals and Antarctica and 10,000-person crowd and let us know how we can make either of those things happen. I can’t prevent the melting of the polar ice caps, but I’ll recycle extra today. So, you’ll have a longer window to get there, okay?

Zahra 32:11

You know, let’s go to a concert in Antarctica.

Nancy 32:13

No, let’s go to one in Berkeley and Zellerbach. Did you know it hosts 10,000 people? It doesn’t.

Zahra 32:21

Shut up.

How’d you figure that out?

Nancy 32:26

I did mental math. I’ve been working on it for 44 seconds. So, I’m all good.

Alright. Well, Zahra Noorbakhsh, thank you so much for making the time to talk with me today. You guys check out her special when you can find it. Check out the clips I’m gonna include in the in the show notes so you can see her work on stage. Go look at www.zahracomedian.com, for information on where you may be able to see her perform live and I will include a link to that as well. And Zahra, thank you so much for being on the show.

 Zahra 32:55

Thank you so much for having me. Bye everyone.

[MUSIC]

Nancy 33:01

Okay. I could not stop laughing about Zahra’s mental math advice. I married a banker, in part… I mean, I do love him a lot, but in part I married him so I would never have to calculate a tip again. One time, I was eating at a place that doubled as a bookstore. And not only did I tip 200% on my bill, but the bill included the price of the Grace Jones memoir that I bought while I was sitting there. So, I tipped them for the purchase of the book and yes when I say it’s a place, it’s a bar. It’s called the North Light. It’s a bar with books so maybe cocktails figured into my, you know, generosity and my inability to do math skills. Mental math everybody, mental math.

Let me know what you think of today’s episode. You can email me at [email protected], or find me on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram @midlifemixtape.

Join me next time when I talk with urban farmer and blogger Natasha Nicholes about why she and her husband decided to set up a farm in an empty lot in their South Side Chicago neighborhood and how the silver lining of terrible loss can turn into an unexpectedly helpful sense of urgency. Natasha is so great, you guys, I hope you will tune in for that conversation. And until then be cool. Do your mental math. Talk to you later guys.

[THEME MUSIC – “Be Free” by M. The Heir Apparent]

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

 

The post Ep 63 Comedian Zahra Noorbakhsh appeared first on Midlife Mixtape .