060 - My Daughter Lost in the Darkness

"Mom handles the kids."

"Mom handles their emotional outbursts"

"Mom deals with them when they're being little sh!ts"

"Go talk to your mother if you're upset."

"Go sit in your room until you calm the f#$% down."

"I can't handle you right now - leave me alone."

"I can't stand how you're acting right now."

"I don't deal with the kids - that's her job."

"I'm going to lose my f@$%ing mind right now!"

"You're so emotional - why are you so emotional all the time??"

All of these things I've said at one point in my journey as a father. This is not an exhaustive list. This is not a badge of honor either, night after night of feeling guilty that I'm not creating the relationship I want with my children. With my sons, or my daughters.

And while it might feel good to throw a pity party for yourself in your own head, continuing the way it's always been done, just because, is a path for consistent failure.

You might ignore this post - shrug it off - say "you're a good dad" - say "you're good enough" - say "I don't need someone to tell me how to be a good dad" - say - I know you will, I've done it too.

PRIDE - holds you back from facing the dark secret you harbor in your thoughts late at night…

The TRUTH.

“I’ve failed as a father.”

“I’m a fucking terrible Dad.”

“I hate seeing the pain in her eyes when I scream at her and I know I shouldn’t be.” 

“I’ve created this monster, she sits in her room and doesn’t ever come out.”

“This is NOT WHAT I WANT.” 

“I’m the BIGGEST F@#$ING FRAUD on the planet.”

“I put on this show like I’m a great dad, because inside I know I’m not.” 

I’ve said all these things to myself in my own mind  also on my journey as a father. Hell, even when I still continue to f@#% it all up I find myself saying it to myself. 

But the TRUTH listed above about the things we say to ourselves alone, is not the TRUTH. 

It is the LIE the DARKNESS wants us to believe. 

Because as LONG AS WE BELIEVE we’re not a good father…

(listen to the episode for the rest)

_REV.

https://linktr.ee/storminreverendnorman