Love Unlimited: 10 reasons why you should not get married EP 20

1.      If you are just trying it out: It will never work. Marriage requires commitment and the discipline to stick to it to the end. You are in it for the long run or not at all.

2.      If you are living in with your mate and you think you owe them for letting you stay. Even if you are broke and need to co-habit with someone for a while, let the issue of marriage not be on the table. Marriage is not an exchange commodity. It is far more complicated than returning the favour. A time will come when you will want out – and the idea of living in with your mate will no longer be enticing? What will you do then? Dissolve the marriage?

3.      If great sex is all you have: If you have already indulged in sex before marriage, and it felt like you were in cloud nine – great! But other than sex, you cannot it down and talk, cannot keep your promises to each other, cannot plan your finances, are not disciplined on issues of fidelity among others.  In marriage, a time will come when sex loses its spark due to life pressures. So what will happen to your marriage?

4.      If you are only attracted to your mate’s looks. There is a saying in my vernacular that says, I will paraphrase; as long as you are living you are still undergoing creation.  Accidents happen that disfigure a previously beautiful body, illness comes and eat away the tight muscles. Beauty fades, eventually and curvy bodies go flabby.   Will that be the end of your marriage or will you be looking for ‘refills’, or younger blood?

5.      If you are lonely and need company: Absolutely !! A lonely soul can never find a company in marriage.  It is a sign of insecurity from within the person and no amount of loving or company will heal this wound.

6.      Under pressure to marry: No peer pressure, family pressure, relatives pressure etc should push to make a decision that will permanently affect your life’s trajectory.  The ugliest human is the one who blames those around him/her for the ills in one’s life.

7.      Just because you are pregnant. If you find out that you are expecting a child and you think that marrying someone is the next important thing, you are mistaken. That child will need a home, not a lodging place; that child will need love, not abuse.  therefore, if you do not love the father to the child, it is safer to be alone with your child than to marry a person you do not love or want to be with for the rest of your life.

8.      If both of you are already having fights and conflicts: Periodic disagreements and differences of opinion are normal between any two people. However, rampant seriously conflicts that threaten your relationship, are a clear warning sign that you are not meant for each other.

9.      To get even with your ex: I have seen a number f my relatives and friends get married soon after a break-up – just to prove a point to their exes, that they are still in demand. Unfortunately, these relationships never last for the simple reason that the motives were all wrong.

10.  If you have seriously conflicting principles:  Any serious deviations in principle which are not reconcilable, are a major red light. These differences include faith matters, drug-taking, fidelity and polygamy or polyandry, having or not having children, issues bout extended family interference etc.

For those that are already married and the reasons above apply, I believe you can now self-diagnose and seek any necessary remedial measures. You can seek therapy, counselling or coaching to help you surmount the challenges of bad decisions.

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