LM1168 Dear God Tell Me You Have an Act

LM1168 Dear God Tell Me You Have an Act

LM, Episode 1168, 2/28/23, Dear God Tell Me You Have an Act

Years ago the old Stanford’s Comedy Club in Kansas City decided they could sell tickets by booking celebrities to perform.  The problem is most celebrities have never done stand up.

I was to feature for an actor named Owen Benjamin who is headlining the show.  Normally the feature does 30 minutes and the headliner does 45 minutes. The first night, Owen and the owner tell me Owen has only about 25 minutes of material, so they need me to do 50 minutes in front of him.  Owen’s act consists of 15 minutes of weak material, then he does ten minutes of filthy songs he sings while playing an electric piano.

Thursday night’s show, two shows Friday and two shows Saturday night, I do my 50 minutes.

Sunday night I walk in and Owen asks if I can do an hour.  It seems that every time he does a club, he buys a piano at Target and returns it at the end of the week before flying home.  Since he had an early Monday morning flight home, he had to return the piano before the show and was down to just 15 minutes of material. 

I ask him how much he’s making and determine he’s making $100 more than me.  I tell him can do it, but will need a hundred dollars.  He claims he doesn’t have $100 and I tell him he better go get paid before I get off stage.

Walking off stage he hands me a hundred dollar bill.

From that day on, whenever Stanfords had a celebrity that they knew didn’t have an act, they’d call me to do 45 minutes to an hour in front of them. 

A few years ago I’m headlining at the Comedy Caravan in Louisville.  Early Friday morning I go to a radio station to do an interview.  Sitting in the lobby is Tom Wilson, the guy who played Biff in the Back to The Future movies.  After I say hello, the person sitting with Tom introduces me and says Tom is headlining at the other comedy club in town.  I go, “Dear, God, please tell me you have an act.”

Tom laughs out loud. Ends up, Tom is a seasoned comedian and has a wonderful act.  Do yourself a favor and watch Tom’s video called Biff’s Question Song.  It ends up, Tom is recognized for being Biff and gets asked the same questions over and over about the Back to Future movies,so he wrote a song you can see on YouTube called Biff’s Questions Song.  It’s wonderful, but I’ll admit, I was a little bit hurt he didn’t include my question, “Dear, God, tell me you have an act,” in it..  

If you’re in Louisville this weekend, I will be headlining at the Caravan Comedy Club.  Tickets are available at thecaravan2017.com.  Thank you for listening and always remember laughter matters.