I used to be with it.

I used to be with it, but then they changed what *it* was. Now what I'm with isn't *it*, and what's *it* seems weird and scary to me - Abraham Simpson 

Maybe I don’t have enough insight nor perspective on what it means to be getting “old”, yet. 
As my therapist would say, I am judging the experience before going through it. 
Part of getting old is terrifying and shitty. It’s akin to jumping off a cliff - it's inevitable that you will splatter on the ground.  Might as well enjoy the fall, squeeze life for all its worth. 

Albert Camus said : “But in the end one needs more courage to live than to kill himself.”

courage to be a failure 
courage to humble myself to the creative process
courage to cringe at myself and laugh

It’s all ego really.  What does my death mean in the grand scheme of things? Not much. 
This very thought used to frighten me, but less so, it’s starting to give me courage to live. 

Au final, il faut plus de courage pour vivre que pour se tuer