Enduring, Processing, and Overcoming Grief with Miki Speer

At age 13, Miki Speer lost her mother to cancer. Miki pushed this trauma down, claiming “I’m fine” out of fear of standing out when all she wanted to do was fit in. This unprocessed grief lasted a decade until finally, in college, she started experiencing its impact. She began crying at the drop of a hat and her relationships with friends, school, and sports faced negative repercussions. Miki went to a doctor, simply thinking she had a tear duct problem! Instead, she learned her “mystery crying” was years of pent up grief and trauma that hadn't had anywhere to go. She went to counseling and began working through her grief, which inspired the brand she has created today. Through her music, books, and shows, Miki Speer’s mission is to create impactful content that helps people process their grief and teach others how to help grievers.

In this episode, Miki explains what you can do to help yourself + others with their loss, explains the phases of grief, discusses “loss-privilege”, resilience, comparison, and more. Grief looks so different for everyone and it is important to remember these three things:

Don’t bring it up in public. While sympathy is greatly appreciated, no-one wants to be the one to stand out. This is especially true for kids, as they work so hard to fit in and be normal.Remind the grieving person that their loss matters. Their life is going to change, even when the world spins on as normal. Let them know that it is okay to take a step back and process things and it is okay to be sad. Remember that grief is vulnerable. Opening up is hard; it is emotional, raw, and not something people will be comfortable talking about with everyone. Don’t expect someone to open up right away--just be a safe spot and be there in other aspects of their life. 

We all have unprocessed grief, whether that is a family death, the loss of significant experiences due to COVID-19, or a friend moving away. It is important to take pressure off of yourself because any loss deserves respect, time, and sympathy. Avoid comparison and don't dismiss grief just because it isn't as extreme as something else. Let yourself heal, no matter how large or small its impact was. 

Grief is hard. We aren’t taught how to be resilient, it is something you train and strengthen as you go through life. Being a support for yourself and others through tough times is key... Miki is a force in teaching us how! 

We also talk about…

Types of losses: cancer, suicide, non-death relatedThe grief pitPrivilege Comparison TrustResilienceVulnerabilityHow to process grief

Miki’s Resources:

Website: www.mikispeer.com

It's Hard Resources:

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