This week on the show we welcome Tracy Poizner, parenting strategist who specializes in helping divorced moms and dads navigate new parenting duties and help them raise well-adjusted, fully-parented humans. She teaches us how to move through shallow expectations and work toward forging relationships of trust within a new family, challenging preconceived notions of perfection in favor of respect.

What don't people understand about becoming a step-parent? A lot, according to Poizner. Overcoming expectations and stereotypes is central to avoiding parent alienation. "Your maternal instinct needs to be unplugged," she says. "The best way to build trust is to stay out of the way."

Tracy Poizner is the host of The Essential Stepmom podcast and the Undeletable Dad coaching program. She can be found at Essential Stepmom: The Womanly Art of Raising Someone Else's Kids.


(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster
(00:26) - Meet Tracy Poizner
(01:21) - A Voice in Step-Parenting
(05:33) - Having a Gendered Conversation
(12:46) - Boundaries
(17:31) - Things to Try
(22:44) - Introducing the New Partner
(26:57) - Dealing With Dislike
(29:43) - Age of Kids
(31:16) - Minimizing Conflict
(33:33) - Step-Adjacent Issues in Court
(36:10) - Last Advice