How Am I Still Alive?!
141 episodes - English - Latest episode: about 3 years ago - ★★★★★ - 4 ratingsHow Am I Still Alive?! is a True Crime and Comedy podcast hosted by Marci and Jess, two cynical cat moms with an inappropriate thirst for murder and all things crime. In each episode, the girls deep dive into some of the most grisly of murders and most ghastly of crimes. Their sense of humor is the only thing keeping them from crumbling to the overwhelming dread and horror of these cases. The reality of these crimes and the possiblity that it can happen to any one at any time leaves us constantly asking ourselves, HOW AM I STILL ALIVE?!Tune in every Saturday to satisfy your sick urge for heinous crimes and fluffy kitties.
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Episodes
Ending It All, Not With a Bang, But With a Murdergasm [Drunk Dive Andrei Chikatilo - Part 4]
June 06, 2021 02:00 - 1 hour - 54.3 MBThis week is the week to end all weeks, as it is the final, formally-posted episode of this podcast. We have had such a wild run with you guys over the last 2 years and cannot thank you enough for your support. We cannot think of a better note to end it on than with the final conclusion of the drunk dive on Andrei Chika-dildo. All that being said, sit back, pour a glass, and for FUCKS SAKE, just stay alive out there because some days, that's just good enough.
A Slug Vomiting [Drunk Dive Andrei Chikatilo - Part 3]
May 29, 2021 04:00 - 1 hour - 45.9 MBThis week, Marci is tired so it's gonna get to a weird place in the continuation of our drunk dive into the infamous Russian serial-killer, Andrei Chikatilo. We take a reverse walk of shame into his slug-vomiting flaccid dick and heinous murders that will end up being knowledge at lives with you for the rest of your life. Sit back, pour a glass, and protect your holes on public transport because it is almost always a penis!
Is this Mastitis Milk?! [Drunk Dive Andrei Chikatilo - Part 2]
May 22, 2021 01:00 - 47 minutes - 32.8 MBThis week, gird your loins and eye your children's teachers suspiciously because we continue on with part 2 of our drunk dive with the Soviet Union Tommy Boy, Andrei Chikatilo. This serial killer's spree is riddled with pan-pedophilia, but there are no Daddy-issues here, just Commie-issues. Sit back, pour a glass, and salt-bae that semen into your vajay because you're just mastitis milk.
Deep in the Impotence [Andrei Chikatilo Drunk Dive - Part 1]
May 15, 2021 17:00 - 50 minutes - 34.5 MBThis week, pop the bubbly! Jess and Marci are ending this podcast on a limp-dick note by doing one final drunk dive into the most infamous, impotent serial killer in true crime, Andrei Chikatilo. Try not to think of Robert Pattinson's splooge-face as we start off with Ukraine's version of Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Sit back, pour a glass, you might be the smartest idiot in the village, but you are still just cult-candy.
Pray the Cray Away
May 09, 2021 00:00 - 50 minutes - 35 MBThis week, the meds are gone and the bitches are out in the horrific case of Dena Schlosser. All this case proves is that husbands are dumb and Jesus may be a wine witch but he ain't any doctor. Sit back, pour a glass, and yeah... You're in a cult, call your doctor. It's important to call your doctor as soon as possible if the signs and symptoms of depression have any of these features: Don't fade after two weeks Are getting worse Make it hard for you to care for your baby Make it hard...
To Hobo, It's a Verb [Son of Sam Drunk Dive - Part 2]
May 01, 2021 04:00 - 59 minutes - 40.6 MBThis week, we continue on our drunk dive into the Son of Sam killings and his doughy hip school girl burn books. Jess shifts back to her "good shit" wine and Marci stresses the importance of knowing your self-worth. Sit back, pour a glass, and just know that Jesus was a wine witch and doesn't love you.
Son of S&*% [Son of Sam Drunk Dive - Part 1]
April 24, 2021 04:00 - 48 minutes - 33.7 MBThis week, it's always a Richard as Marci kicks off this 2-part drunk dive on the Son of Sam! We be bringing up some serious abandonment issues coupled with triple daddy issues that will sure fill out your serial killer bingo card. Sit back, pour a glass, and don't cry into your cheese, just go and "polish the tub".
A Gay Chameleon that was Too Extra... Even for the 80s
April 14, 2021 21:00 - 1 hour - 45.9 MBThis week, we are keeping it suspicious and delicious with the infamous murders of spree killer, Andrew Cunanan. Marci is still hung up on murder while Jess circles this killing spree all the way to, you guessed it, FLORIDA. Sit back, pour a glass, and get a kitty cat uterus transplant because this is as about as extra as it gets.
There are Sober Children in China Who Would Love That Watermelon Wine
April 10, 2021 01:00 - 44 minutes - 30.5 MBThis week, we take a short drunk dive into the failed rehabilitation attempts by the correctional system for inmate, Thomas Silverstein, a murderer who didn't start his killing spree until post conviction. Marci stews over what could have been a 16-and-pregnant fortune while Jess channels Marci's 16-year-old emo eyeshadow vibes. Sit back, pour a glass, and even though we hate the watermelon wine there are sober children in China so sig it down!
Fanny Packs and Fear Flailing
April 01, 2021 02:00 - 52 minutes - 35.9 MBThis week, there are no wrong turns when you have no clear destination in this wild case of twists and turns in the murder of Blair Adams. Jesus is fucking Jess for Lent and Marci has concerns involving dragon dick. Sit back, pour a glass, and a fanny pack full of gold is how you know you made it in life.
A Protocol-less Time
March 19, 2021 22:00 - 47 minutes - 32.6 MBThis week, there is plenty of Royal gossip and rumors are spreading like Hellfire as Jess covers the infamous cold case of the Tallahassee Triple Murders. This is the case where Tallahassee lost it's blistful ingnorance and Marci loses her confidence in police investigators of the protocol-less, lawless 60s. Sit back, pour a glass, and for fricks sake, LOCK YO DAMN DOORS!
Why Is It Always Syphilis?
March 13, 2021 05:00 - 44 minutes - 30.9 MBThis week the girls discuss witchcraft, cults and a serial killer with gigantic ass ears, Cayetano Santos Godino aka El Petiso Orejudo (the big -eared midget). Godino started his murder and masturbation reign of terror early in life and the girls are left with enduring question, why is it always syphilis?
Upbeat Bitchy [The Investor - [Part 2]
March 06, 2021 05:00 - 1 hour - 42.2 MBThis week, Marci forgets her tolerance level and Jess continues the case on the infamous Investor Murders of Craig, Alaska. We call bullshit on the most tainted of court cases and if we don't like you, we for sure will not be getting you a wedding present. Sit back, pour a glass, and just remember that your memory is shit but you will forever be haunted by awkward moments that occurred 20+ years ago.
Don't Get Crunk AF in Craig [The Investor - Part 1]
February 27, 2021 05:00 - 59 minutes - 41.1 MBThis week, Marci can't handle names and Jess brings us back to Alaska with the Investor Murders in Craig. It is a whole new hole, kicking it off like a saucy, gay-pirate romance novel that tragically ends with a crematorium on water. Sit back, pour a glass, and gets your fill of food, fucking, and murder because people give murderers WAY too much credit.
Reverse Birth and Such Stuff
February 20, 2021 05:00 - 43 minutes - 29.6 MBThis week, the girls are up to some chicken-vagina fuckery as Marci covers the murderous con-case of Mary Bateman. Jess cringes thinking about reverse-birth and Marci sadly cannot claim anal on her taxes. Sit back, pour a glass, and hold that antidote for life because now I want a flesh charm.
Canada SVU
February 11, 2021 05:00 - 1 hour - 50.4 MBThis week, the girls take a ride in the struggle bus as Marci covers the infamous "Ken and Barbie murders" commited by Killer-couple, Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka. Marci goes into detail of these digusting crimes like a Canadian version of SVU while Jess drinks her wine and cools down from being a hot, little potato. Sit back, pour a glass, and Happy Valentine's Day! This isn't a tale of love at first sight, it was a "let's bone" at first sight.
If You Don't Show Up, You Died on the Toilet
February 06, 2021 05:00 - 1 hour - 47.7 MBThis week, IT'S EARLY. Marci struggles with basic geography while Jess covers the mysterious disappearance of Ray Gricar. Seriously, gay men make better dick-wolves and anytime before 2000 was a lawless time. Sit back, pour a glass, and try to shit on that spot a mile away because Sabine shits like a drunk man in a gas station restroom.
This Case Is Enough to Make Me Rage Pee on a Tree
January 30, 2021 05:00 - 1 hour - 62 MBThis week, Marci and Sabine quietly fart in the background as Jess covers the infamous Preppy Murder of Jenny Levin. Our murderer in this case might have been "80s hot" but failed to yeet his way out of this senseless crime. It is so infuriating that it is enough to get Marci to stop scrolling through etsy on her phone. Sit back, pour a glass, and please don't ask why Jess knows she can hold her breath comfortably for 49 seconds.
The Uncut Cut (Drunk Dive into Lorena Gallo/John Wayne Bobbitt)
January 23, 2021 22:00 - 1 hour - 66 MBThis week, we celebrate the 101 episode (we can't count so we forgot about 100) with the Uncut, but somehow still cut, case of John Wayne Bobbitt. Spoiler alert, we side with Lorena, and we definitely think she should've tossed that dirty D down the garbage disposal. Sit back, pour a glass, and gird your loins because this is a rough cut.
Seeking a Cum-panion
January 16, 2021 05:00 - 51 minutes - 35.1 MBThis week, it is our 100th episode and these bitches are at the same ole' shit with a casa that has been rotting away in Jess' filing cabinet. Jess has a sleepy baby in her lap as she she covers the case of the wannabe serial-killer, Miranda Barbour, and her Junior High Dumpster Babies. Marci has no interest in your Nega-dick and we porn genre jump real quick in this episode. Sit back, pour a glass, and there are a lot of dicks involved so prepare for a kink-twist!
This Episode is Brought to You By Distractions
January 09, 2021 05:00 - 40 minutes - 27.8 MBOops, this week, Jess did it again and adopted a convenient store parkimg lot drug deal kitten and Marci fumes over the unsolved murder of Jeannette Depalma. This case looks like Satan stuff and someone picked up some bad acid. Sit back, pour a glass, and get a witch but we do not condone underage drinking for kittens.
We're Gonna Get Sued... Allegedly [JonBenet Ramsey Drunk Dive - Part 2]
January 02, 2021 05:00 - 1 hour - 51.1 MBHappy New Year, Everyone!!! It is about FREAKING time 2020 was over and we are closing out this shit-show of a year with Part-2 of a even more atrociously handled cold case of JonBenet Ramsey's murder. Jess will blow you to be in your cat cult while Marci takes it to the floor. Sit back, pour a glass, and accept this empty white zinfandel bottle as compensation because we are too poor to get sued.
This Isn't the Christmas We Wanted, But It is the One We Deserve [JonBenet Ramsey Drunk Dive - Part 1]
December 26, 2020 05:00 - 59 minutes - 40.6 MBMerry Christmas you spooky Bitches! This week, we complete our season of the "John"s with a different disasterous take on the name, JonBenet Ramsey's Murder. Get drunk with us as we kick off this 2-part drunk dive in a sea of pedophilic dicks and albino raccoons. Sit back, pour a glass, and don't question what I do in my free time.
It's Girthy...
December 19, 2020 05:00 - 1 hour - 46.2 MBThis week, Marci the strange and spooky child unravels the case of John George Haigh. We have our priorities as we tackle a 1.5 Liter bottle of wine made from the blood of basic white bitches and live in sin. Sit back, pour a glass, and get me a large one, ole' boy, because we need a new place to melt people.
Marci Took It to the Floor and John Took It to the Crawlspace [John Wayne Gacy Drunk Dive- Part 3]
December 12, 2020 05:00 - 1 hour - 45.2 MBIn our final installment of the John Wayne Gacy Case, Marci continues on with the trial and execution of John Wayne Gacy while Jess just keep drinking because, to be honest, we are a couple of messy bitches. Sit back, pour a glass, and pay no attention to the dead man behind the curtain because we demand Lazer Titties!!!
Marci Took It to the Floor and John Took It to the Crawlspace [John Wayne Gacy - Part3]
December 12, 2020 05:00 - 1 hour - 45.2 MBIn our final installment of the John Wayne Gacy Case, Marci continues on with the trial and execution of John Wayne Gacy while Jess just keep drinking because, to be honest, we are a couple of messy bitches. Sit back, pour a glass, and pay no attention to the dead man behind the curtain because we demand Lazer Titties!!!
Daddy Never Loved Me [John Wayne Gacy Drunk Dive- Part 2]
December 05, 2020 05:00 - 55 minutes - 38.4 MBThis week, I dunno words and the girls cover part 2 of the John Wayne Gacy Drunk Dive. Drunk Marci blows through Gacy's creepy clown act while Jess is a C#$%-a-puss. Sit back, pour a glass, and for the love of god, YOU'RE NOT BISEXUAL, YOU ARE JUST FULL BLOWN GAY, SON!!!!
Daddy Issues [John Wayne Gacy Drunk Dive - Part 1]
November 28, 2020 05:00 - 1 hour - 45.2 MBThis week, this episode is brought to you by day drinking and heavy duty antidepressants because the girls are in another drunk dive into the notorious serial killer, John Wayne Gacy. Armed with a breakfast of champions and plenty of wine, the girls work through part 1 of this series, dealing with some serious daddy issues. Sit back, pour a glass, and just live your life and fill the wine glass!
JUST LEGALIZE SEX WORK ALREADY! [LISK - Part 2]
November 21, 2020 05:00 - 1 hour - 50 MBThis week, Ghost Marci suffers from an anal charley horse and Jess actually goes on a rant as they close out the case on the Long Island Serial Killer (LISK). The girls debate whether a single serial killer is adopting Pinterest trends over time or if it is a white zinfandel pissing match between 2 active serial killers. Sit back, pour a glass, and just decriminalize sex work because lonely, ugly people need to get some too.
Just Saying... Correlations. (LISK - Part 1]
November 13, 2020 03:00 - 58 minutes - 40.1 MBThis, week, the girls munch on "brookies" and lose their audience while they open part 1 of the Long Island Serial Killer investigation. This case starts out of nowhere with an arguably unrelated murder yet, Marci is convinced she knows he did it and has sat on the hill she will die on. Either way, we got 2 liters of wine and are good to go. So sit back, pour a glass, and no offense....but some offense.
Nice to "MOLE" You
November 07, 2020 05:00 - 1 hour - 48.4 MBThis week, Marci got something wierd for us as she covers the Pied Piper of Tucson, Arizona. It always starts off illegitimate as we reach peak FUGLY with a face only a mother could love. Sit back, pour a glass, and proceed with caution, ya bastard, because it is the charming ones that always get away with murder... LITERALLY!
Box of Shame - Drunk Crucible Watch Along
November 01, 2020 04:00 - 2 hours - 85.5 MBHey guys! This month we decided to try something completely different and shame ourselves by having a drunk viewing of "The Crucible" (1996) and drooling over "Daddy" Day Lewis. Feel free to go to our website where we will post a video to watch along or feel free to watch your own version of the movie with us playing along with you. Thank you all for joining us for the Spooky Season and we hope you will let us know if you would like more drunk movie nights in the future!
Salem Witch Trial Drunk Dive
October 31, 2020 04:00 - 1 hour - 55.1 MBHappy Halloween Everyone!! We end our spooky-season on covering one fo the most ridiculous slew of court cases of America with the notorious Salem Witch Trials. Jess and Marci read off names for over an hour and rant how the ergot poisoning theory was BS. Sit back, pour a glas, and join us for our Puritan picnic at the hanging tree.
Drink Whenever You Feel Disturbed... [Albert Fish - Part 2]
October 24, 2020 04:00 - 56 minutes - 38.5 MBThis week, Jess needs a drink and Marci needs a light Dahmer-style bleach cleanse as they dive into all the kinks and "-isms" of Albert Fish in Part 2 of this case. Jess has to venture down the rabbit hole again which leaves Marci taking it down to the floor. Sit back, pour a glass, and we're gonna need a bigger bottle because you need to take a drink every time we cover disturbing content.
Just the Tip [Albert Fish- Part 1]
October 17, 2020 04:00 - 48 minutes - 33.6 MBThis week, Jess starts off a 2 part series on the original "Boogeyman", child-serial killer Albert Fish, as part of our Spooky Season. It's getting spicy in here as Jess fantasizes about dirty handymen and Marci endorses the piss-nipple for pedophiles. Sit back, pour a glass, grab a bucket and a mop because when there is nothing better to do, just do butt stuff.
The O.G. Furries
October 10, 2020 04:00 - 1 hour - 51.6 MBThis week, Jess, the Were-bitch, covers the lesser known mass hysteria trials of the Werewolf Trials throughout Europe from the 1500s-1800s. Jess makes the horrific realization that murder is more palatable than dick cheese and Marci has to poop. Sit back, pour a glass, and fucking France is always drunk because this is what fuels our fire.
Blame It On the Gypsies
October 03, 2020 04:00 - 1 hour - 51.2 MBThis week, Marci, the wench that bakes bread, tells us the tale of the infamous Red Barn Murder. This tale is full of pig thievery (but no fuckery) and ends in Ole' Timey murder woodstock. Sit back, pour a glass, and dont' trust your gut, trust your uterus.
Box of Shame October 2020
October 01, 2020 04:00 - 40 minutes - 27.9 MBThis month, Marci drags Jess and us down the rabbit hole of Haunted Etsy dolls and items as part of a Spooky, Halloween-themed Box of Shame. It takes a lot of Jazz hands to get through this list of spiritual adoption and, mind you, we are dealing with the Bud-Light of mediums. Sit back, pour a glass, and settle in for the demon rave because this house is busting at the seams with creepy dolls! Check the links to follow along shopping with us! · https://www.etsy.com/shop/MySpiritDoll...
An Extraordinarily Conspicuous Dendrophile
September 26, 2020 04:00 - 53 minutes - 36.7 MBThis week, Jess launches a foot pornography side business and describes the case of Matthew Hoffman which is basically a Pinterest fail in home fall decorating. Marci draws the line between cute and concerning because, at some point, we need to draw the line with tree-rape. Sit back, pour a glass, and grab a squirrel-sicle because I thought the tree was named Kevin.
My Weapon of Choice is a Wheel of Cheese
September 19, 2020 04:00 - 47 minutes - 32.9 MBThis week, Marci starts off our Spooky Season grungey and gruesome with the case of the Hammersmith Ghost. Jess patrols the street with her weapon of choice (a wheel of cheese) and Marci introduces us to an Ole' Timey Gay Batman. Sit back, grab a glass of wine through the glory-hole, and, for the love of all that is ghastly, LISTEN TO YOUR WIVES!!!
20-Year-Long Moment of Insanity (Katherine Knight - Part 2)
September 12, 2020 04:00 - 47 minutes - 32.7 MBThis week, Jess continues on with Part 2 of comically fucked up case of Katherine Knight. Marci is prepared to clockwork-orange all the psychopathic murderers while Jess ponders how a "wizard-pus" could compel these men to such fatal mistake. Sit back, pour a glass, and we can handle more mental trauma so just show us the pictures.
Incest Is Not What Is Best (Katherine Knight - Part 1)
September 05, 2020 04:00 - 49 minutes - 34.2 MBThis week, Marci's Coot-Coot clenches in fear as Jess begins the first half of the case of Katherine Knight. Looking through the childhood memories of Knight, the girls can conclude incest is not always best and endure what would be an optimum Freudian Field Day. Sit back, pour a glass, and male-seahorse-it because knives do NOT belong in the bedroom!
Putting A Damper on My Death Day
August 22, 2020 04:00 - 58 minutes - 40.1 MBThis week, Marci takes a twist and goes PRE-Victorian on her poisonous rampage with teh case of Elizabeth Fenning. Jess gets Polish-chick-from-Chicago vibes as this case delivers one of the most controversal trials of the early 1800s that is enough to rile up Charles Dickens. Marci confirms that diarrhea can come from many sources, not just your household arsenic stash. Sit back, pour a glass, and be all the extra you want because no one can put a damper on your Death-Day!
Crockpot of Corpses (Daniel Lewis Lee and Chevie Kehoe - Part 2)
August 15, 2020 04:00 - 49 minutes - 34.2 MBThis week, Jess continues on to part 2 of a white supremacist family renunion in federal court with the cases of Daniel Lewis Lee and Chevie Kehoe. Marci acts as advisor to murder while Chevie threw it to the Levy with murder and racketeering. Sit back, pour a glass, and don your BS SWAT gear because your brain goes to dark places when you're drunk.
In Normal Cases, You Do You, But Here, DON'T DO YOU (Lee and Kehoe - Part 1)
August 08, 2020 04:00 - 45 minutes - 31 MBThis week, Marci puts way too much thought into innappropirate things as Jess covers criminal acts commited by Daniel Lewis Lee and Chevie Kehoe. Are you bored? You may just need some white supremacy and this episode is a loaded dumpster fire fueled by it. Sit back, pour a glass, and speculate wildly what would you eat in an independent white supremacist nation?!
Box of Shame August 2020
August 01, 2020 04:00 - 41 minutes - 28.8 MBThis month, Box of Shame is teeming with shame as we cover various stories with questionable decision making. From the potential release of Van Houten, to discrimination in Columbia, to the sentencing of STEM school shooting, and Florida Man doing what Florida Man does, it leaves the girls shaking their heads in disgrace. Sit back, pour a glass, and buckle up because the rage is real #truecrime #comedy #podcast - ‘Criminals Do Not Retire’: Sharon Tate’s Sister Urges Governor To Reject Parol...
The Horse-Snuggie
August 01, 2020 04:00 - 1 hour - 54.2 MBThis week, Marci goes medieval on yo' ass and we get familiar with the case of Elizabeth Bathory, AKA the Countess of Blood. Jess is digusted by the incest-y lineage while Marci much rather die by "horse". Sit back, pour a glass, and put your peen in a place of honor because we are bringing in the medieval murder squad.
Be Suspicous of Men in Overalls
July 25, 2020 04:00 - 48 minutes - 33.5 MBThis week, Jess brings us back to the lawless 90s with some good ole' Unsolved Mysteries cases (pre-Netflix). Segways galore with Marci blowing out her B-hole as Jess describing her own terrifying train ride all while trying to channel Peter Thomas. Sit back, pour a glass, and be a hostile bitch because this could be any of us.
HUMAN PINATA!!!! (Drunk Dive- Richard Ramirez Part 2)
July 18, 2020 04:00 - 1 hour - 41.5 MBThis week, the girls finish off their drunk dive with the ULTIMATE HUMAN PINATA!!!! Childhood PTSD makes it's presence known and it is not just a little, but ALOTTA racist as Ramirez finishes his satanic, drug-driven killing spree. Sit back, pour a glass, strap in and put on a diaper because we will see you in Disneyland.
Serial Killing Childhood Cocktail (Drunk Dive- Richard Ramirez Part 1)
July 11, 2020 04:00 - 58 minutes - 40.2 MBThis week, we are double popping because the girls are back recording in the SAME ROOM!!! Marci celebrates with bringing us one of her drunk dives in the infamous serial killing spree of Richard Ramirez. His childhood is just a recipe for serial killer tendencies enough to make you tipsy with terror. Sit back, get a glass, and grab yourself a cool rifle from the fridge.