123 The Insomnia Paradox and How to Get Out of It

The Case:  Kristy is exhausted because she can’t sleep and it’s stressing her out. She has meticulous sleep hygiene and takes every supplement to support her sleep. She tried everything she read or heard about but still couldn’t get enough sleep. The Investigation

When I met Kristy and got to know her a bit, I knew that while biochemistry was part of it, there was something else going on additionally and we needed to figure out which came first and what was driving things to her health mystery.

Navigating all of the Sleep Advice

When it comes to sleep, there is so much information out there. The internet is packed with tips and ideas because so many people struggle with sleep (and it’s so essential to good health). That’s why I wanted to speak to a true sleep expert while investigating Kristy’s case. 

Devin Burke is an international and TEDx speaker, the bestselling author of “The Sleep Advantage,” the founder of Sleep Science Academy, and one of the top health and sleep coaches in the world. His books, keynotes, programs and videos have inspired thousands of people to improve their sleep, energy, and life. I was thrilled to have him on this episode of Healthy Mysteries Solved. 

The #1 Cause of Sleep Issues

Devin didn’t hesitate to respond when I asked him why most people have issues with their sleep. The answer is stress. However, stress can present itself in many different ways. He points to mental stress, emotional stress, physical stress, environmental stress, and even the stress caused by using our digital devices like tablets, computers, smart phones – anything with a screen can be a form of stress.

Common Sleep Solutions and Why they May Not Work for Insomnia

Devin says there’s plenty of good advice on the internet about good sleep hygiene (like making the room cool and dark and avoiding screen time before (or in) bed) as well as supplements like magnesium and melatonin that can help with sleep quality but they are not necessarily going to help with insomnia.

There are two types of insomnia - onset (trouble falling asleep) and maintenance (trouble staying asleep). Devin says that these are generally caused by mental, emotional or psychological issues so these other solutions don’t get to the root cause of the problem. 

Identifying Your Sleep Story

Devin says that the first place to start in conquering the root cause of insomnia is to look at the story you tell yourself about your sleep. This can also lead to a common response which is to try to force or control your sleep. The problem with this is that it creates an underlying tension which shifts the body into a stress response (into a sympathetic state). Devin explains that it can be very subtle and that many of his patients are unaware that they are doing this. 

 

He looks for the three P’s which are:

Perfectionism - you strive to be a perfect sleeper Pedestal - you put sleep on a pedestal Problem - sleep is a problem you have to solve

 

People who identify with one of these are likely to be making up stories about sleep or their abilities to sleep which can lead to limiting beliefs. 

The Fear of Insomnia Paradox

One of the challenges Devin finds with people who have created meaning or a story around their sleep abilities is that they slip into fear. The fear is usually around what will happen if they don’t get enough sleep. They might worry about the next day and how it will impact their performance, or they might concern themselves with long-term health issues that a chronic lack of sleep will cause. These fears drive the stress response up and make it harder to get to sleep or to get back to sleep. 

Creating elaborate routines or rituals around getting to sleep or falling back asleep can also backfire because the person may have expectations that their efforts are going to work and if they don’t then they slip back into that stressed state again that keeps them awake. It can also backfire if they are unable to perform these rituals (because life gets in the way) because they may have a belief that they can’t sleep without their routine. 

What are the Triggers for Poor Sleep or Insomnia?

Devin says that most sleep issues have a trigger. This might be stress in a relationship, a health scare, or some kind of stressful event. The problem is that many people turn to medication as a quick fix for this acute problem. That can lead to a psychological attachment to the drug where the person believes they need the medication to fall asleep. If this stops working, then they try new things and it becomes a mission to solve their sleep problem. The whole time, they are becoming more and more stressed about sleep which is keeping them from sleeping. 

One potential trigger for sleeplessness is trauma. This could be big T trauma or little t trauma but it could continue to cause sleep issues if it is not dealt with. So, if that is a possible cause, then it’s important to get some psychological support. 

How to Deal with Your Sleep Stories

Devin says that they will often help people let go of the stories they are telling themselves about their sleep situation. Here is the process he takes people through:

Inquiry 

Ask yourself what are the things that you're telling yourself right now? What beliefs do you hold true? It might be something like, ‘I've tried everything,’ ‘I’m never going to be a good sleeper,’ or ‘not getting enough sleep is going to make me sick.’

Acknowledge Lack of Usefulness 

Recognize that these thoughts are not useful to you. 

Let it Go 

This could be rejecting these thoughts or beliefs. It could also be accepting them. Devin explains this process as embodied acceptance where you let go of the control and you may even forgive your body for being awake when you want to be asleep. Don’t judge it. Don’t resist it. Just let it be. This removes the stress. 

Repeat 

Sometimes people go through this process and see their insomnia improve and then they have a trigger event and they are back in the loop of thinking the problems are back. This is when it’s important to repeat this process. 

What to Do When You Wake Up in the Middle of the Night Waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to get back to sleep is a common problem and can happen even after you’ve done some of the work letting go of your sleep stories and limiting beliefs about sleeping. While tackling your sleep stories and getting out of the insomnia paradox are important, you also need tools for when you wake during the night. The first thing is to not slip back into creating a story about the current circumstance - don’t judge your wakefulness or give it any more meaning than if you just happen to be awake. 

To get back to sleep, Devin says to make sure to have “a plan and a place”. If you are lying awake in bed for more than 15 minutes, get up. You should not stay awake in the place where sleep happens. Go somewhere else and have a plan to do something relaxing or boring (not to think of them as things you do specifically to get back to sleep because that places too much expectation on them). 

Good Sleep Habits & Tips Without placing too much expectation on these techniques, Devin says it is still important to do what you can to set yourself up for a good night’s sleep. One of the things we chat about in this episode is the connection between gut health and sleep so I encourage you to give it a listen and consider getting some testing done if you suspect there might be something going on with your gut health. It could be the root cause of your sleep issues. 

Devin also suggests:

Get exercise. Moving your body is so important. Get some sunlight. This will help your circadian rhythm.